jade's Blurty

but i am le tired
Seriously. Really. I am.

It now takes me way too long to fall asleep. I wake up in the middle of the night to pee. I wake up for some unknown reason again way too early in the morning, and then I wake up completely exhausted. My back is starting to hurt, but it really only hurts when I lie on my side, which is how all pregnant women are supposed to lie at all times. I don't know what it's doing (belly pulling on lower back? heaviness causing pressure points?), but I've tried sleeping with that stupid pillow between my legs, and then I can't sleep because...hello...I have a pillow between my legs. Then when I do fall asleep, when I toss and turn (which I do a thousand times a night out of discomfort), I wake up because of the damn pillow.

Seriously, I'm so tired. I'm going in to work a little late today so I can clean up the house because D's dad is coming over for dinner tonight because he's in town because my in laws are moving here.... Yeah. Seriously. Anyhow, I don't know how I'm going to muster the energy to clean the house, let alone go to work. It's hard to go to work when I know I don't have to go...when I know there's nothing to do, when I know I'm allowed to take off, and when I don't know how long they're going to let me take maternity leave, which is what I'm saving all my time for.

In other news, one of D's friends, who I know I've mentioned before, has been saying she's going to hire me, which is pretty cool. I hope she does.. Work is lame. I'm thinking if they don't let me take all my time, I'll take what I can and then I'll quit and cash out the rest, so it'll basically be the same thing.

GAAAAAAH! I'm so tired.

I ordered some more maternity clothes from Gap, and they're so boring and uncute and ugly I don't even want to put them on.

D's friend Jen came to work yesterday to have lunch with D's boss, who she's known forever. Now the thing about Jen is that she looks homeless, and not in that edgy sort of hobo boho sort of way, more in that dirty, stained, I don't wear a bra, gross sort of way. She has three kids. She has stopped shaving. She's out of shape. Everything she wears is dirty and mismatched and threadbare. Now...she is by no means poor. Her husband makes like $200-300k a year, so this isn't poverty-related shabbiness here...I wouldn't joke about that. Anyhow, she saw D's interns there, and they were dressed cute and professional, and Jen was like....oooooh! I remember when I used to dress cute (now..I don't...she's always been sloppy and at least quasi homeless looking), but then I had kids, and I gave up because everything is either covered in vomit or will be covered in vomit, so I don't care!

AAHHHHHH!!!! Me becoming like that is my worst fear. What if I quit my job, never lose the weight, and start thinking it's okay to wear vomit-encrusted second-hand yoga pants to lunch dates with important people? What if I start to think it's okay to go to lunch with people with dirty hair, really long arm pit hair, no bra, and a stained, crusty tank top with my gut hanging out?

What if I turn in to that? What if I stop caring?

Ok, enough speculation. I must finish this and get going.

Yesterday I walked to and from work (30 mins total), and I walked in the concourse (another 30 minutes), and then instead of the gym, D and I walked Mugs for about 30 minutes in the park. It was very nice.

Food:
What actually happened:
Bfast: whole grain english muffin, peanut butter
Lunch: Amy's black bean soup
Snack: low fat string cheese
Snack: low sodium V8, a couple fork fulls of left over pasta
Snack: 3 veggie spinach bites
Dinner: turkey burger on diet bread, baked french fries, veggielicious salad
Dessert: 50 calorie skinny cow fudge bar, strawberries, blueberries and a bit of whipped cream

Not bad. I feel like it's too much though.

Monday:
We ended up seeing Liz, so we ended up meeting her and her fam for dinner at Bombers, which is this burrito bar...long story short. Everything else went as planned.

Today's plan:
So far:
Bfast: whole grain english muffin, pb
Planned:
Lunch: left over salad, veggie pattie
Snack: low fat string cheese, orange
Bvg: low sodium v8
Dinner: pot roast, potatoes, carrots

Because D's dad is coming over, we're clearly not going to the gym, and because I have some blisters on my feet, I'm definitely going to take it easy on the walking today. I'm hoping we can go to the gym tomorrow.

Ok...I need to shake it off and get stuff done....like now. Help?

Current Mood: exhausted