Blah. I just don't know what to say.
I hate getting on here and whining about how I continue to get bigger and how I continue to not like it. Paging Dr. Obvious. Ugh.
I hate it, but here I am doing it.
Things are...eh?
I can't decide if I'm big or not big enough? All I can cling to is the fact that I have gained, according to the Powers That Be, exactly as much weight as I should have gained, and the baby is growing appropriately, so in theory, I
should stop worrying about it. The tests all indicate that the baby is healthy, and overall, I feel pretty good.
All I can say is that this is hard. I've said it a thousand times, but I have to say it again. I will probably continue to say it. It is
so hard to get bigger and bigger and bigger and to have to not take any action to stop it It is even harder to have your weight gain and your changing body be the subject of constant discussion.
"Let me see your belly!"
"You're gaining weight!"
"You're not gaining enough weight."
"I could tell you were pregnant."
"You've got a belly."
"You can't even tell you're pregnant."
All these differing statements about my figure are driving me nuts, and they're just making everything worse. I know I can't just shut people down and say that I don't want to talk about it, because that would be crazy and because talking about it is normal, but when it comes to this sort of thing, it's all I can do to smile, say something polite and normal and pretend that this isn't driving me insane. I'm not happy when they say I'm too small, because then I feel like I'm not eating enough, and I'm starving the baby, and I don't like it when they say I'm showing or whatever because then I feel big. I can't win. I just want my physical body to not be the subject of endless debate and conversation.
It's weird. I'm like...never hungry. At all. Well, that's not entirely true. I'm hungry when I first wake up (and in my non pregnant state, I was totally indifferent to breakfast), but otherwise, I don't have this...ravenous, constant, insatiable hunger that apparently plagues so many pregnang women.
Anyhow..
I'm doing my best.
I eat, even when I'm not hungry.
I am eating extra.
I feel like I'm eating constantly.
I eat things that I normally wouldn't eat...(like non diet products and stuff)
I'm eating
so healthy it's unreal.
I don't know.
I don't know what I want.
I want to know I'm doing the right thing, that I'm gaining the right amount of weight, not too much,not too little, and that I'm doing right by the baby.
I want to know that the weight will come off.
I want to know that I'll get my figure back.
I also want to not be so bothered by all this weight discussion and attention and weirdness...it's just that with my issues, it's really hard.
Anyhow, here's the food rundown...
( Read more... )I feel like this is a repeat of everything I've said for the past few months.
Other things...
*I need a nap.
*My desk is a mess.
*Work is really, really, really, really busy right now, and it will be for the next few weeks.
*We seem to be moving forward on the house, even though it seems like everything is taking FOREVER.
*The good news is, I'm only a few weeks away from chilling time.
*We're really broke.
*I'm really excited that it's finally time for the weekend!
*I need to do my eyebrows.
And now, I'm going to finish these memos so I can go on my walk, because I don't trust that we'll make it to the gym today.
Yesterday, I got a pretty solid upper body workout in, and I feel good about that.