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Tuesday, September 26th, 2006
| Time | Event |
| 12:43p | Being neurotic? So, I have this acquaintence, R, from school. She seems pretty cool, and she's been in a bunch of my classes for awhile. In an effort to branch out and meet and hang out with new people, I asked her to hang out a few times. Naturally, since we both work and go to school and are busy, it took a few times before our schedules worked out. She and her bf and D and I hung out twice, and we all had a great time; they said as much! Both times we hung out were at my invitation. Additionally, we both have gmail, which has a chat feature, and she neverinitiates conversations. I feel like I shouldn't ask her to hang out again because she's obviously not that into it, but then, I've been known to be neurotic about things like this...relationships that I perceive as unequal make me really uncomfortable and paranoid. What do you all think? Am I nuts? Should I give her another shot? Should I be in a friendship where I always have to be the one to chase her down? Discuss! <3 N |
| 3:16p | Give me a schnoodle! Class was alright yesterday, nothing too exciting. Work was blessedly uneventful as well. I stalked 2/3 job opportunities yesterday, and I resent my info to one of them because I know the secretary to be incredibly inept. I hate getting out of class so late; it makes me soooo tired because I can't just go to sleep asap. I get home a bit after nine, and then I eat dinner, so by then it's almost 9:45-10 when I'm done, and of course I can't just go to sleep after eating, so I almost always end up staying up until midnight...bah. The lengths I go to for my education... My friend Liz is pregnant. EVERYONE is pregnant. Here's a quick rundown of all the pregnancy that's surrounding my life at the moment. Liz, Cheryl, Jen just had baby #2, and Desiree (a fam member) is having a baby in like a month. The thing about Liz is that she's got a huge growth on her ovary (one of which has exploded) that she seriously needs to have removed. It's made her so incredibly ill that she had to quit work and go on disability. She's been sick since early July...Being pregnant means not having surgery and not taking any medication for her condition, which really worries me. She's put off biopsies...at this point she's not even sure that she doesn't have CANCER, and this really, really worries me. Plus, she's known this guy that she's now moving in with for like three months. I don't want to seem unsupportive, I just don't want my friend to die. I want a schnoodle.   My problem, as usual, is that apparently I have expensive taste! Gah! I wanted this breed of dog because it's adorable, small, smart, hypoallergenic,not too hyper, and because it's not a purebred. I figured that since it's a mix, it would be healthier (hopefully) and cheaper. Apparently not. These dogs are a zillion dollars each because they're calling these mixed breed dogs "designer breeds." Isn't that another word for a mutt (I don't mean that in any sort of bad way!)?? There are no papers...what are these evil people charging for? HMPH! |
| 6:28p | ruminating for no real reason On fragility: If I had a dollar for every time I've said or heard "I want to be fragile," I'd have enough money to get enough liposuction to permanently appear fragile. frag?ile /'fr?d??l; Brit. 'fr?d?a?l/ Pronunciation Key - Show Spelled Pronunciation[fraj-uhl; Brit. fraj-ahyl] Pronunciation Key - Show IPA Pronunciation ?adjective 1. easily broken, shattered, or damaged; delicate; brittle; frail: a fragile ceramic container; a very fragile alliance. 2. vulnerably delicate, as in appearance: She has a fragile beauty. 3. lacking in substance or force; flimsy: a fragile excuse. Typically, people with eating disorders are high achievers, often perfectionists, women and girls who can do anything. So why is it that all these great, powerful women want their physical bodies to be such a contrast to their incredible strength? Why do strong women want to appear and be physically weak? Why do unbreakable women want to appear breakable?( Oddly, the smaller you get the stronger and more determined you have to be..) Is it because they want to lower expectations? By lowering others' expectations, I suppose you lower the likelihood that others will be disappointed. Is it because they want their outward appearance to mirror their emotional vulnerability? Somehow, while that may be a reason, it seems a sad one since few but those who similarly suffer would ever make the connection and treat the sufferer with the gentleness that they desire. Is it because they want to disappear? If so, it's another misplaced reason: the smaller you get the more scrutiny you attract. Is it to inspire worry, to be taken care of? Perhaps..in the end though, ed's isolate their victims from those that would care for them. Is it because after a lifetime of achieving, their achievements became expected, so by appearing fragile, they lower expectations and receive accolades for their expectations once again? This too is misplaced: eventually, there is no achievement but the ed; it takes over everything and leaves no room or energy to achieve anything else except absence. ... ---------------------------------------- |
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