| 11:26a |
*sigh*
I hate that they care so little that they can't see anything but themselves and their own self righteous ideals.
I hate that they care so little about me that they would rather remove me from their lives than be "wrong."
I hate that they can't love me unless I'm the same as them.
I hate that they think so little of me and my intelligence that when I disagree with them, they say that it's because I'm being brainwashed by D.
I hate that they equate disagreements and attacks.
I hate that you're with them or your against them.
I hate that they characterize compromise as mutual submission.
I hate that I can never make them happy unless I give up everything, which I'm not willing to do.
I hate that I will probably never be able to have a normal relationship with my parents because they are incapable of seeing past their own needs.
I hate that I am involved in anything so stupid and petty.
I hate being forced to argue with people whose minds will never be changed.
Sometimes, I'm pretty sure they'd be happier if I were dead, because then I wouldn't be around to disagree with them, and I wouldn't talk back, and I wouldn't upset them, and they wouldn't have to share me with anyone. Dead people are static; they're property, and to those who are left, they become what the living always wanted them to be, and they stay that way, like statues.
I would never do anything like that, I'm just saying...I think they'd prefer it that way.
Current Mood: upset
Current Music: When I grow up, Garbage |
| 12:28p |
Long, disjointed explanation of the week's proceedings...and other stuff.
I eat to please other people.
I go to social functions I don't want to attend to please other people.
I smile and say that everything is fine to please other people.
I put up with my parents' crap to make them happy, despite the fact that my actions NEVER make them happy.
I try to work things out between D and my parents that way everyone can be happy.
Despite all the crap that has been going on with my parents, I will probably go into the lion's den tonight to bake cookies, even though this means they will doubtless start a fight with me and make things even worse. I don't want to go, but I don't want to disappoint them, and I'm afraid if I don't go, things will get worse...
I guess I should finally expand on all this since I have nothing to do at work at the moment.
*sigh*
There are several weekends in January. January happens every year.
D's bday is 1/13. Every year on MLK weekend, without fail, his parents travel up from Long Island, which is about 4 hours away, to celebrate his birthday.
Every year (we've been dating for 4 years), my parents have been invited, and they have declined.
My great grandma has been in a nursing home for the past three years, and every year on that weekend, my parents have gone to visit her on that same weekend.
*This is all so stupid...*
So, we figured if we gave them enough notice, maybe this year, they'd come since there are so many weekends in January, and since the Rule is that whoever has plans first has to honor them. So we figured we'd nab that weekend first.
Negotiations started in November. D's mom and my mom spoke to each other.
DM says they had plans. MM says they didn't.
My mom cancelled.
D and I were disappointed and asked if there was any way anything could be moved around so everyone could be happy because maximizing happiness is good.
They became incandescent with rage that this would even be suggested. They feel that their plans should never be called into question, and they said that D has no right to feel insulted because they didn't intend to insult him. They say they have no obligation to see D, so he should just get over it.
Most of this transpired on Monday when my mom and I baked cookies.
My mom decided D must be upset because he didn't understand her point of view. Obviously, when he realized that he had no right to be upset, he would no longer be upset. So while I was driving home, she decided to call him on the phone to explain her reasons again why he shouldn't be upset by her actions, since she's always right and all.
*sigh*
This didn't go well.
Apparently, he was supposed to only thank her for her call and her generous gesture and say he understood and that she was right.
D said that since she isn't going on gmas bday, she could choose either the weekend before or after her bday, and that knowing which weekend his plans were on, she chose to go down on that one instead of choosing a different weekend and that he was upset and somewhat disappointed that she had made that choice, but that obviously she could do what she wanted and that it was important that she visit her grandma etc...
Now...my mom views everything except total agreemend as total war, so this didn't go over well with her.
My parents are upset that we even suggested they change their plans, and it's not even like they said that they have plans on these other weekends in January. They don't. And, they're only traveling about two hours away, so it's not even that far.
Anyway, then for the next few days my parents left me scathing voicemails and an email for D, because obviously he didn't understand their point of view, so obviously he didn't understand...
*sigh*
Preliminarily, D had been invited to Christmas dinner this year, which was a big deal. Despite the fact that D and I have been dating for four years, he had never been invited to Christmas dinner because they're so exclusionary, and because he's Jewish. Keep in mind that his family has invited me to everything..
Now my parents are so angry that...(we disagreed? That we tried to come up with a mutually beneficial solution? I don't even know...) they have disinvited D to Christmas, and they have demanded an apology, and they never want to see him again.
So in summary:
Them: We can't come.
Us: That sucks...Is there any way we could compromise so we can all hang out?
Then: NO! How dare you suggest that we change anything for you! We will never change, and we hate you! How could you think you matter enough to be taken into consideration?!
Us: Whoa....we weren't trying to really make a big deal of this, we just thought..
Them: You have no right to question us! We are beyond reproach! In fact, we're so angry that you're angry, that we are cancelling Christmas, and we demand an apology for being angry at us!
Us: WTF?!
I don't figure I can attend Christmas knowing that D isn't welcome in their house. I don't want to slight the person I'm marrying. I just don't think it's a good precedent, and it shows that I still have more allegiance to them than I do to him, and that kind of divisiveness isn't good.
I figure no Christmas=no wedding. No wedding=elopement or D's fam pays= A total family fall out.
Please advise.
Current Mood: unhappy
Current Music: milk it, nirvana |