Monday, September 19th, 2005

Time	Event
11:34a	HAHAHA DEMOCRATIC You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. You feel guilty for being successful. Barbara Streisand sings for you. REPUBLICANISM You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. So? SOCIALIST You have two cows. The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor. You form a cooperative to tell him how to manage his cow. COMMUNIST You have two cows. The government seizes both and provides you with milk. You wait in line for hours to get it. It is expensive and sour. CAPITALISM, AMERICAN STYLE You have two cows. You sell one, buy a bull, and build a herd of cows. BUREAUCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE You have two cows. Under the new farm program the government pays you to shoot one, milk the other, and then pours the milk down the drain. AMERICAN CORPORATION You have two cows. You sell one, lease it back to yourself and do an IPO on the 2nd one. You force the two cows to produce the milk of four cows. You are surprised when one cow drops dead. You spin an announcement to the analysts stating you have downsized and are reducing expenses. Your stock goes up. FRENCH CORPORATION You have two cows. You go on strike because you want three cows. You go to lunch and drink wine. Life is good. JAPANESE CORPORATION You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. They learn to travel on unbelievably crowded trains. Most are at the top of their class at cow school. GERMAN CORPORATION You have two cows. You engineer them so they are all blond, drink lots of beer, give excellent quality milk, and run a hundred miles an hour. Unfortunately they also demand 13 weeks of vacation per year. ITALIAN CORPORATION You have two cows but you don't know where they are. While ambling around, you see a beautiful woman. You break for lunch. Life is good. RUSSIAN CORPORATION You have two cows. You have some vodka. You count them and learn you have five cows. You have some more vodka. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. The Mafia shows up and takes over however many cows you really have. TALIBAN CORPORATION You have all the cows in Afghanistan, which are two. You don't milk them because you cannot touch any creature's private parts. You get a $40 million grant from the US government to find alternatives to milk production but use the money to buy weapons. IRAQI CORPORATION You have two cows. They go into hiding. They send radio tapes of their mooing. POLISH CORPORATION You have two bulls. Employees are regularly maimed and killed attempting to milk them. BELGIAN CORPORATION You have one cow. The cow is schizophrenic. Sometimes the cow thinks he's French, other times he's Flemish. The Flemish cow won't share with the French cow. The French cow wants control of the Flemish cow's milk. The cow asks permission to be cut in half. The cow dies happy. FLORIDA CORPORATION You have a black cow and a brown cow. Everyone votes for the best looking one. Some of the people who actually like the brown one best accidentally vote for the black one. Some people vote for both. Some people vote for neither. Some people can't figure o ut how to vote at all. Finally, a bunch of guys from out-of-state tell you which one you think is the best-looking cow. CALIFORNIA CORPORATION You have millions of cows. They make real California cheese. Only five speak English. Most are illegals. Arnold likes the ones with the big udders. Current Mood: caffeinated Current Music: Hyacinth House, the Doors (share your thoughts)
12:09p	Monday-ness Today shall be a productive day. So far I've fixed my student loans so I'll finally get my much needed refund. I've activated me and D's joint credit card, and I've paid my insurance. I guess that's good so far. Next, I'll tidy up my desk, mail some things out, and do my homework, and then I think I should be good for the day. Today I feel FAT. I am thinking this is in large part due to the family party I had to attend yesterday and all the salty, fatty food I had to eat. BLEH. Today I will drink lots of water to compensate. Today's plan: Bfast: 1 NF yogurt=100 Lunch: diet bread and veggie burger=170 Snack: 1 LF string cheese=60 Dinner: homemade split pea soup and grilled chicken breast on diet bread=400 Total=730 After dinner, I can have either a NF yogurt, a LF string cheese, or a piece of fruit. I hate eating. I wish I could stop. It's burdensome. It's expensive. It's messy to prepare. It makes me fat if I eat it, but if I don't eat, my hair, skin, and nails go to hell in a hand basket. It's not fair! BOO TO FOOD! I hate being so busy. I seriously can't find the time to work out, and I feel like it's catching up with me. Yesterday I squeezed in some ab work on the exercise ball, and I did a bunch of upper body work w/ weights. Hopefully today I'll either go for a walk or do some lower body work today. I did manage to get to the gym on Saturday though, and hopefully I'll get to go on Wednesday too. I just want this semester to be over. Current Mood: Mondayed Current Music: Bjork, Hyperballad (2 thoughts | share your thoughts)
4:38p	Non-ed stuff, imagine! This weekend we went to Lark Fest, which was predictably unexciting, but pleasant nonetheless. The weather was nice, and of course I'll take any opportunity to get outside while the weather's nice. I got a shirt that says "Albany is eggcelent." It has a picture of a local landmark, named the Egg on it too, so it's totally dork-cool. They didn't have any youth sizes, so I was stuck getting an adult small, which is too big. No biggie; I'll shrink it : ) We also got Tibetan prayer flags. Their meaning is so beautiful...We put them out on our front porch, and every time I think of what they mean, I feel a little bit better.. This weekend we went to a family event, and it sucked. Most of the family members that I used to talk to at these things are now gone. They all basically moved out of NY within the last month or so, and it is ...so sad. It was lame enough that I'm thinking about boycotting alof of the upcoming family functions. Work is killing me. I have to organize and attend all these public hearings. Last year I had ONE hearing during off session (July-Dec). Now I have TEN, and I'm taking a full course load. I'm so screwed. I'm really going to have to become a little bit more time efficient.... Current Mood: stressed Current Music: Smashing Pumpkins, Blue Skies Bring Tears (3 thoughts | share your thoughts)

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