Tuesday, September 13th, 2005

Time	Event
10:14a	School is killing me. I can' t believe I signed up for three classes while working full time. I ...am...a moron. Work has been extremely obnoxious lately. It sucks D's in the city today. I'll miss him like crazy since I won't get to see him ALL day. I think (crosses fingers) our housemate may have finally gotten a job! Quick run down of recent weight related events: Saturday: 1 hr long walk Sunday: gym! Monday: nada Tuesday: going to take a long walk and do some abs and weights at home after class. Yesterday: Bfast: nf yogurt=100 Lunch:veggie burger on diet bread=170 Snack: LF string cheese=60 Dinner: 1 cup healthy mac & cheese (whole wheat pasta & LF cheese) and turkey burger on diet bread=450 Snack: 1 beer=120 Total: 800 Today's plan: Bfast: 1 nf yogurt=100 Lunch: salad= 250 Snack: LF string cheese=60 Dinner: veggie burger w/ diet bread=170 Total:580 (Gotta take advantage of D being out of town...) Current Mood: awake (share your thoughts)
10:23a	My job is annoying. I am crazy. That stuff that was driving me insane with guilt and angst is still guilting and angsting me to a degree, but it's a little better. The bandages are gone, but I'm thinking I'm going to have this scar on my arm forever...what a reminder. The irony is unbearable...every time I have to look at it....every time someone asks what happened and I have to tell them that stupid story that I made up, it makes me want to fucking die. I just keep thinking about all the possible consequences, and it's driving me...insane...at least one of my worries was unfounded though...and that is a serious relief... At least I've learned from it. I haven't hung out with He Who Shall Not Be Named since then, and I haven't been drunk since, which for me...is pretty impressive, but the real test will be whether I can restrain myself at the bar. I haven't been to the bar since, and as we all know, virtue untested is no virtue at all. Current Mood: anxious (1 thought | share your thoughts)
11:50a	Pandora was a fool. and the shroud of memory has never lifted through the times and days she's sifted to find nothing except the certainty that nothing ever, never happened because we believe what we must can't have love in absence of trust me god forgives those who forgive themselves the burden of what may have been is crushing heavier than heaven but closer to hell scars bear silent witness but only the dead don't tell Current Mood: blank (share your thoughts)
4:46p	le sigh So far so good. Today I FINALLY cleaned up my desk, which was such a disgusting mess even I couldn't stand it. Perhaps the clutter and bad feung sheui sp? were killing my productivity. That, or I suppose it could just be this lingering boredom that just won't quit. That was redundant. *sigh* Today I found a friend that I hadn't heard from in years...she's one of those mysterious luminaries that vanishes into the mist, leaving you wondering where they disappeared to. Hanging out with her was always a trip, literally and figuratively. People would just come up to her and start telling her their dreams...it was the strangest thing. Experiences like that used to remind me that in the world we live in, everything and everyone...is so closed off, so lonely, that they're just...waiting...for someone like that to make them feel special, important, interesting. I used to wear fishnest with boots and vintage shirts and black eyeliner. I used to be a very real insomniac. I used to read more weird stuff more often. I used to write all the time, and I wrote way better than the crap I'm occasionally spewing out now. I'm afraid if she ever actually responds to my comment in her live journal and ends up seeing me, she'll think I'm a boring, OLD, status quo loser who's lost their shine and died inside like all those people we derided when we were in undergrad and had nothing better to do than be cool... Now I sleep, and I wear jeans from the Gap. I own an iPod. I work for the government. I'm getting my MBA, and I'm getting married. WTF happened to me? I feel like I've lost something... Current Mood: lost Current Music: I am missing, Dashboard (5 thoughts | share your thoughts)

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