Wednesday, July 13th, 2005

Time	Event
9:55a	Wow, I'm so tired. I went to see Dinosaur Jr. last night in Massachusetts. I live in NY. I got back at 2am, but it was worth it, even if they didn't play any of the songs I wanted to hear...lol... I got paid today! Wahoo! The money's already gone! CRAP! lol... In other news, I wrote a long letter to my parents about the wedding, basically asking them to spread the money they're willing to spend further so we can pay what we can afford. We didnt' ask for more money or try to get out of it, and I made sure the letter was very nonagressive, nice, thankful, and appreciative of their gesture of helping and their generosity. I even had Dan read it. I sent it. About fifteen minutes later they called my house about three times, my cell...I didn't answer it. I want them to be calm, cool, and collected, and I didn't want to hear their initial outbursts of how I'm the worst person in the world for saying I want a cheaper wedding or for daring to say what I want when it doesn't coincide with what they want. Whatever. I'm gonna try to talk to just my Dad first. I feel like he can at least pretend to listen, whereas ...I think my Mom is deaf. It's my new theory because she never seems to hear what I say. She waits, or sometimes not, for my lips to stop moving and then repeats what she said before like I didn't say anything. I'm so fucking tired. I need coffee. This entire post probably makes no sense to anyone. My group for this class I'm taking wants to get our project done two weeks before it's due. I want them to go away. I need coffee. Current Mood: tired (6 thoughts | share your thoughts)
5:02p	I hate this. I hate fighting about STUPID things that could be so much simpler. I hate strife. I hate people who deal ONLY in absolutes. I hate people who just...don't...listen. The letter didn't work. I don't know why I even bother with any of this. Is this how it's going to be for my entire life? Dan and my mother, both refusing to bend out of principle? I bend because I'm surrounded by people who won't, but even rubber bands only stretch so far, and then...they break. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. Yes, my mom wants to financially screw us so she can throw a wedding so nice she can't afford it, and she won't make it spread out the money to cover some of the costs she's thrown on me because she can't stand the idea that she might be spoiling me or something. What mom is afraid of helping their kid too much???? I'm only child. My parents have been dead set against spoiling me my entire life, and they've done an admirable job. I've never had a car. I've never had a tv until I had my own apt. I never had a phone in my room. I went to a state school on scholarship, and even though they could afford it, they made me work weekends so that I could pay $1,000 a year that I barely had so that I could "have a stake in my education." Now that they own their own house and have gone to Europe three years in a row while I watched their house and ran their office they want to saddle me with 8-10k of debt so I'll be financially fucked forever so that my relatives can talk about what a nice wedding I had while I'm stuck charging my living expenses and paying high rent and losing equity and living off of one income while we're both in school, and they can't see why this is a fucking problem. I've never asked them for anything, and now I'm begging for their help and they want to fuck me for a principle...I can't even breathe... Dan refuses to bend to my mother and her bizarro demands, and with good reason. Just to not fight, I would probably swallow it, just so I wouldn't be so god damned miserable because there are very few things that I care that much about. I hate fighting. My heart is beating a zillion times a minute. I can't breathe. I don't even know anymore. Current Mood: utterly devastated Current Music: as always, none. (2 thoughts | share your thoughts)

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