jade's Blurty

threadbare.
This weekend was draining. I feel transparent.

First off, Dan and I helped my parents move ALL weekend, which wasn't fun for one because we were helping move stuff, because we haven't had a weekend to ourselves in weeks, months actually, plus it also meant that I was with my parents, which normally wouldn't be a problem, but my Mom has been CRAZY lately, and we seriously haven't been getting along.

The fourth kinda sucked. If I had a dollar for every time I wished to get run over by on-coming traffic, I'd be a very wealthy girl.

We moved my rents the fourth as well. Of course Dan and my Dad were conveniently gone, so the course was all clear for my mom to BE CRAZY and harass me for endless hours. It was all the normal stuff...I'm selfish, horrible, person, yada yada yada (all said while I was giving up my holiday to help her, yet somehow I think this irony was lost on her)...Anyhow, we were talking about the wedding, and I was saying that the fact that I'm coughing up like 8k that I don't have should entitle me to have some say about my reception. She said that 8k was a drop in the bucket compared to what she'd be spending...she started throwing out some ridiculous numbers, saying stuff like her portion would cost upwards of 20k, which is RIDICULOUS.

My mistake: I relayed this to Dan.

STUPID.

Basically, our problem is this. We want to buy a house. He wants to go to law school. We'd like the money that we make from our wedding to go to buying a house and living expenses while he's in school. We don't mind kicking in for the wedding if my parents can only afford to give an amount of money that cannot finance the entire wedding,(like 10k or something) but if they're willing to pay 20k, which can finance an entire wedding easily, then why are they screwing us by insisting that we pay for 8k worth of stuff?????

It's not even like I want a 28k wedding. It's ridiculous. The thing is, my mom won't let me make any decisions. She won't give us what she's willing to pay and let me allocate it. So basically, it's this or nothing.

Basically, my mom has two issues. She wants the wedding to be fabulous, but she can't afford a 30k wedding, so she's financing it on our backs. She's known for throwing fancy parties, and she loves doing it, and basically she wants to finance the part that makes HER look good. Throwing what she considers to be a "cheap" wedding woudl be an embarassment to her.Also, she doesn't like the idea of paying for something entirely or giving something away completely...even in college I had to pay $1,000 a year towards my tuition to a state school where I had a scholarship when they easily could have afforded to pay the 1k, and I really couldn't since I was only waiting tables two days a week. Furthermore, my parents can't see past their own experiences. They had to pay for most of their wedding, so I should have to pay for some as well. Plus, it's better than what they had, so I have no right to complain or ask for anything else. The thing is, I'm not asking for more money...GAHHHHH!!!!! Am I wrong??? Please tell me I'm not crazy.

It would be great if I could tell my parents this and there was a chance that they'd see my side, but they won't. They never back down. My mom won't listen to reason, and she'll never do anything that doesn't entirely suit her needs.

It would be great if I had enough money that 8k didn't matter.

It would be great if Dan didn't care about wasting really important money.

It would be great if eloping was an option, but it's not since we need the wedding money.

It would be great if you could get marriage presents in lieu of wedding presents.

Dan is really, really angry about my mom's vanity. Dan hates my mother.

I feel so powerless in all of this. I'm just a pawn in my own fucking wedding....My parents are driving me crazy.

While we were moving, I took a minute to look at some old photos in an album...old pictures...when my parents were young, younger than I am now, and I was about one, maybe two, and they looked so happy. They looked like people I could talk to, people who might actually listen, before the world happened to them, before they became stubborn and unyielding, and before they became so caught up in themselves and their own desires and self righteousness that they are unable hear anything that's not an echo of themselves and their needs...

but old photos never talk back.

We used to be very happy. If you had asked me in high school if my parents had my best interest at heart, I would have said yes. I don't know what's happend. This sucks because I still love my parents.

This is a stupid post. Very self involved. I suppose I don't have any right to complain, and it must sound very..whiny, but all the yelling and screaming, the accusations, the fights...

Current Mood: distressed