jade's Blurty

upset
Today was bad. Very bad. Today was food day at work basically. Omlette bfast meeting..there was no avoiding that, but I didn't eat the homefries, croissants, bagels, muffins, or toast. Then my bf dragged me to ice cream day. I got to avoid the dairy day and deli day events, and I told him I'm not going to ANY of tonight's receptions.

Horrible. I worked out yesterday, and I did okay with food, but damnit!!! I felt so disgusted with myself that after Dan left to go drop his boss off, I tried to purge, which is something I haven't tried to do in forever. Obviously, since I used the phrase "tried to purge" instead of "purged," I was unsuccessful. I just couldn't get it. I tried swallowing my fingers, wiggling them around, I stuck em as far back as they could go, but to no avail. I gagged. I felt nauseous. Yet...nothing happened. I'm starting to think my life doesn't allow for restricting the way I'd like...I'm tempted. I probably should try my best to not go that route though...

Tonight I'm going to the gym, and I'm having one SLIVER of eggwhite quiche, no matter what he says.

I feel sick. Seriously. I feel nauseous. If we had private bathrooms, I think I'd feel compelled to try my luck again.

I feel really dejected about food lately. For the past few weekends, and for today obviously, I haven't been able to eat the way I want, and it's really been stressing me out and making me crazy.

Current Mood: sick