7:42PM
I don't know what to say. It's been a long time since I updated here. I need to write, something fictional, but all of my current projects don't hold any interest for me any more. Of course. I'm worried about my math final tomorrow, because I just suck at it...But it's just one of those things that I'm ready to blow off now because day after tomorrow is the last day of school and there's nothing more important to me right now than getting out of school. of course, I'd stay in school for another three years straight without any breaks if it meant seeing Dan again, but I guess that's not likely to happen any time soon, so I've got to bitch about something because I have a lot of energy right now, but I'm too tired to actually get up and go running, or even walking. Walking would probably just end up with me thinking even more than I already am right now, and that's really no good at all. So yeah. Dan says I think too much. He's so fucking right. I need to get over the whole thinking thing, because it's killing me. All I can think about his him and what I should be doing right now, and seeing Steve and what everybody else has but I somehow have managed to miss out on. God...How much am I missing! And it only hurt worse when everybody was like, "OMG! Jeanne got some guy's number!" as if she hasn't gotten a thousand numbers before this. How many numbers have I gotten? It'll be a much easier number to count to than hers, I promise. See, ready, here we go... ...See? That wasn't so bad, was it? Yep, that's right. Friggin NONE...But am I surprised? No, of course not. Nobody's ever called me hot (except the gay guys, and thanks guys, but, well...I think you understand). Oh, and sure, I get the 'You're beautiful on the inside' thing all the time. That makes it even worse. Like, 'Well, on the outside, you suck, so I know you have to be at least a little bit better on the inside...I mean, ANYTHING would be better.' Yeah. Thanks a lot. That's really what I need to hear in the depths of my depression and negatively-numbered self-esteem. What I really need is for some guy to shove me up against a wall (in a none-rapist way) kiss the living hell out of me and growl "You are so fucking beautiful" and then make passionate love to me. ...but I don't see that happening any time soon, do you? besides, the only person I would ever trust to do that with me is Dan, and...Well, we all know how that is going. ...I really need to stop dwelling on him. But, well, "I guess I can't remember to forget you." YEAH Momento! It's taken a swift second place in my favorite movies list, right behind a tie with Black Hawk Down and Bloody Sunday. Saw it tonight...Yeah...Painfully beautiful and just plain fucking amazing. I went running today...Third day in a row...I'm just going to keep cranking it out. It was probably 90-degrees out, and I didn't bring water with me, and when I went to the pool, it looked like it was closed or something...They're putting up a new fence. So I couldn't go to the pool, or into that area, where there is a water fountain, so I came home really dehydrated...still am, somewhat...drinking orange juice and eating a bagel...I know I'm going to end up feeling fat...Maybe I'll go for a walk later. I probably should. or a bike ride. Or skating...Something to work it off. If I walk, I might be able to work something out to write, but skating will get the best exercise...It's a toss-up, I guess. ...I need to have some sex...lol...No...I need someone to make sweet love to me all night long. ...Yeah, ha...I'm seriouslly sexually repressed. But that's really only a tiny bit of it. Anyway...I need to think...I'm gonna go for a walk.
depressed