Blurty for Turpentine Chaser.

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Thursday, January 22nd, 2004

(seven hours till sunrise)

Time:4:58 pm.
Mood: blank.
Music:"The Movement of a Hand" -Bright Eyes.
Hey....I broke down to peer pressure and got myself an lj. so basically...my new journal is www.livejournal.com/users/tasteslikewater
Yeah...bye. Ya'll should get one...its much easier and better to use than blurty.

Monday, January 5th, 2004

(1 would rather drive than sleep | seven hours till sunrise)

Time:4:38 pm.
Mood: discontent.
Music:Sunny Day Real Estate.
HASH(0x88476bc)
Your soul is bound to the Rose Petals: The
Wronged.

"'I've come undone and all hopes of mending
me are gone because the pain took my soul.
Can't you see? The only one who can put me
back together again is me."


The Rose Petals are associated with sorrow,
reflection, and wisdom. They are governed by
the goddess Persephone and their sign is The
Teardrop, or Broken Love.

As a Rose Petal, you are always self-reflective and
may be hard on yourself. You probably have
been hurt in the past by other people and can
sometimes distance yourself, as a result. You
don't usually let other get too close to you,
but you are very good at mending your spirits
back together by yourself.


What Rose Is Your Soul Bound To?
brought to you by Quizilla


I didnt go to school today. Luckily my mom caught me last night before i got to my room, so nothing drastic happened but I did have a nervous breakdown. Yeah.....mom is gonna find me a different psychiatrist, and look into finding me some meds...
I had a sonogram today.....yeah....there might be complications for me....well....I'm gonna go now cause I'm not allowed online.

Sunday, January 4th, 2004

(1 would rather drive than sleep | seven hours till sunrise)

Time:10:46 pm.
Mood: depressed.
Music:none.
I hate myself. I dont care about anything anymore. And I dont want anyone to care about me, or maybe I do want them to? Oh well, who fucking gives a shit. I'm gonna find a razor and maybe if I do enough damage my mom will send me somewhere, so I can get some time away from life. If i could just fast forward my life.....I would. Then I would be older and not have to go to school and deal with people always watching me and judging me. Maybe when I'm older I wont be depressed anymore, I might actually be happy. 5 years is too long, I want to be normal and be able to be happy and yah.....bye.

Saturday, January 3rd, 2004

(seven hours till sunrise)

Time:4:12 pm.
Mood: bored.
Music:"The Switch" -From Autumn to Ashes.
Look out the window today. You can practically see the depression floating in the air like a fog. Everything has a slight blue-ish tint, and there are no shadows. The lack of shadows is what really gets to me. Without seeing the contrast that shadows cause....whats to say that this particular day isnt a shadow? Just one big shadow. And then all the rooms in the house are dark....because there is no light coming in through the windows. No one turns on lights during the day, so your just sitting in the dark untill the sun sets and it is safe to turn on the light. Well....the room I'm in has been invaded by family so I'll go now. bye.

(seven hours till sunrise)

Time:2:21 pm.
Mood: depressed.
Music:"Donna & Butzon" -Badly Drawn Boy.
Hmm...i like this song....
hmm.....


Nothing




thats whats up. I ranted to David earlier today and pissed him off, so i dont want to bitch anymore and make anyone else mad.

Monday, December 22nd, 2003

(1 would rather drive than sleep | seven hours till sunrise)

Subject:VOCABULARY IS FUN!
Time:2:22 pm.
Mood: accomplished.
Music:CD Skipping.
Hmm, I feel kind of dumb when I am reading a book that contaisn words that I do not know, or do not fully understand. So, to fix this problem, I will attempt to write down and look up every word I do not know that I come across. Here is all I have for now, I think I'll record all of my findings at the end of each of my entries in here. Won't that be fun...a nice little vocab lesson for everyone (1 or 2 people) that reads my journal. Yay. Well, I just recieved a letter from Elmira college so I am going to go open it now. Bye.

Pollarded-
Main Entry: 2pollard
Function: transitive verb
Date: 1670
: to make a pollard of (a tree)
Main Entry: 1pol·lard
Pronunciation: 'pä-l&rd
Function: noun
Etymology: 2poll
Date: 1611
: a tree cut back to the trunk to promote the growth of a dense head of foliage

Benevolently-
Main Entry: be·nev·o·lent
Pronunciation: -l&nt
Function: adjective
Etymology: Middle English, from Latin benevolent-, benevolens, from bene + volent-, volens, present participle of velle to wish -- more at WILL
Date: 15th century
1 a : marked by or disposed to doing good b : organized for the purpose of doing good
2 : marked by or suggestive of goodwill
- be·nev·o·lent·ly adverb
- be·nev·o·lent·ness noun

carillons-
Main Entry: car·il·lon
Pronunciation: 'kar-&-"län, -l&n; 'kar-E-"än, -"On; k&-'ril-y&n
Function: noun
Etymology: French, alteration of Old French quarregnon, modification of Late Latin quaternion-, quaternio set of four -- more at QUATERNION
Date: 1775
1 a : a set of fixed chromatically tuned bells sounded by hammers controlled from a keyboard b : an electronic instrument imitating a carillon
2 : a composition for the carillon

zeal-
Main Entry: zeal
Pronunciation: 'zE(&)l
Function: noun
Etymology: Middle English zele, from Late Latin zelus, from Greek zElos
Date: 15th century
: eagerness and ardent interest in pursuit of something : FERVOR
synonym see PASSION

ardent-
Main Entry: ar·dent
Pronunciation: 'är-d&nt
Function: adjective
Etymology: Middle English, from Middle French, from Latin ardent-, ardens, present participle of ardEre to burn, from ardor
Date: 14th century
1 : characterized by warmth of feeling typically expressed in eager zealous support or activity
2 : FIERY, HOT
3 : SHINING, GLOWING
synonym see IMPASSIONED
- ar·dent·ly adverb

rector-
Main Entry: rec·tor
Pronunciation: 'rek-t&r
Function: noun
Etymology: Middle English, from Latin, from regere to direct -- more at RIGHT
Date: 14th century
1 : one that directs : LEADER
2 a : a clergyman (as of the Protestant Episcopal Church) in charge of a parish b : an incumbent of a Church of England benefice in full possession of its rights c : a Roman Catholic priest directing a church with no pastor or one whose pastor has other duties
3 : the head of a university or school
- rec·tor·ate /-t(&-)r&t/ noun
- rec·to·ri·al /rek-'tOr-E-&l, -'tor-/ adjective
- rec·tor·ship /'rek-t&r-"ship/ noun

Benign-
Main Entry: be·nign
Pronunciation: bi-'nIn
Function: adjective
Etymology: Middle English benigne, from Middle French, from Latin benignus, from bene + gignere to beget -- more at KIN
Date: 14th century
1 : of a gentle disposition : GRACIOUS

2 a : showing kindness and gentleness b : FAVORABLE, WHOLESOME

3 a : of a mild type or character that does not threaten health or life
b : having no significant effect : HARMLESS
- be·nig·ni·ty /-'nig-n&-tE/ noun
- be·nign·ly /-'nIn-lE/ adverb

Dwindling-
Main Entry: dwin·dle
Pronunciation: 'dwin-d&l
Function: verb
Inflected Form(s): dwin·dled; dwin·dling /-(d)li[ng], -d&l-i[ng]/
Etymology: probably frequentative of dwine to waste away, from Middle English, from Old English dwInan; akin to Old Norse dvIna to pine away, deyja to die -- more at DIE
Date: 1596
intransitive senses : to become steadily less : SHRINK
transitive senses : to make steadily less
synonym see DECREASE

Evangelical-
Main Entry: evan·gel·i·cal
Pronunciation: "E-"van-'je-li-k&l, "e-v&n-
Variant(s): also evan·gel·ic /-ik/
Function: adjective
Date: 1531
1 : of, relating to, or being in agreement with the Christian gospel especially as it is presented in the four Gospels
2 : PROTESTANT
3 : emphasizing salvation by faith in the atoning death of Jesus Christ through personal conversion, the authority of Scripture, and the importance of preaching as contrasted with ritual
4 a capitalized : of or relating to the Evangelical Church in Germany b often capitalized : of, adhering to, or marked by fundamentalism : FUNDAMENTALIST c often capitalized : LOW CHURCH
5 : marked by militant or crusading zeal : EVANGELISTIC
- Evan·gel·i·cal·ism /-li-k&-"li-z&m/ noun
- evan·gel·i·cal·ly /-li-k(&-)lE/ adverb

Basting-
Main Entry: 1bast·ing
Pronunciation: 'bA-sti[ng]
Function: noun
Date: 15th century
1 : the action of a sewer who bastes
2 a : the thread used in basting b : the stitching made by basting

(seven hours till sunrise)

Time:11:21 am.
Mood: sore.
Music:none.
I think I have a hernia. My stomach really really hurts in this one spot. Ouchies. I'm gonna go try to feel better now. Bye.

Sunday, December 21st, 2003

(seven hours till sunrise)

Subject:Movies
Time:2:32 pm.
Mood: blah.
Music:none.
Last night I saw LOTR: The Return of The King with Josh. It was really good, considering that I haven't read the books. There are 2 other movies that I really want to see; Mona Lisa Smile & Peter Pan. My life goal is to see those movies. Well, I have to get ready to go to Medieval Times now....bye.

Saturday, December 20th, 2003

(seven hours till sunrise)

Subject:grr
Time:1:23 am.
Mood: frustrated.
Music:None.
Amazon.com is awsome, kind of. While researching authors I like and topics that interest me, I will find literally 20 other books that I really want to read while on this site. And the sad part is that I most likely wont even be able to read half of the books. Some of the books are on topics that my mother would get suspicious of if she knew about them. I wish I could just immerse myself in some books forever. Become part of the story, and live in the world that is played out in the words of the author. When I think of it tho, maybe the only reason I wish I lived in one of those books is that when the story is over....there is nothing after that. No more adventures to go on, no more pain to go through, and when it ends; no feeling of guilt. Hopefully I'll be able to get one more person to add to my application as a reference (I have a feeling that I used the wrong word right there). Maybe if I had a job at the library I would be able to read any book there that I wanted, and I wouldnt have to worry about my mom finding out and thinking that I have a problem. I have always been into books on mental disorders and depression, but lately I have really been into books on EDs...the idea of that right now fascinates me. Maybe thats because my best friend has one, or maybe because I want to learn more about it so that I can find out if I fit the profile of someone with one. I mean, now that I'm under watch so that I can't cut myself anymore (as well as not wanting to do that anymore either), the idea of punishing myself that way is very appealing. I'm very insecure about the way I look, and I have done what some may see as minor changes in the way I present myself. I don't wear ridiculously baggy shirts nor pants anymore, I wear clothes that fit me and I actually wear jeans now. Some may think that I have sold myself out by conforming to society's views on how a girl should dress, but the only way I dressed the way I did before was to not attract attention to myself. But by being different than other people I was attracting attention, so I figure that I will sacrifice my comfort and safeness for more acceptable attire. But with this comes of the pressures of tight clothes. My current goal is to have all of the, "tight" as I refer to them, clothes that I own be too big for me. I want to get a lower pant size by at least 2 sizes. But I'm not sure if i'll be able to do that without compromising my athletic performance, or lately, lackthereof. Wow, enough rambling for me. I just needed to get a few things out, there is more I could say, especially about a very disturbing dream I had, but I'll save that for some other time. Also, the light I have on in this room and the sound of me typing could wake my mom up and have her in here to yell at me at any time. So, time for bed/watching Real World: Las Vegas on TV. I love watching other people's dramas, it gives me a break form my own. Bye.

Monday, December 15th, 2003

(2 would rather drive than sleep | seven hours till sunrise)

Subject:BDD??
Time:11:38 pm.
Mood: groggy.
Music:"Donna & Butzon" -Badly Drawn Boy.
What Is BDD?
Those who have BDD are abnormally preoccupied with a real or imagined defect in their physical appearance. For example, they may worry endlessly that their skin is pale, their hair is too curly, their nose is too long, or something else is wrong with the way they look. When others tell them they look fine or that the flaw isn't noticeable, people with this disorder don't hear or believe it. The person with BDD may also experience periods of depression, anxiety, and even suicidal thoughts because of their preoccupation with their perceived flaw.

"Body dysmorphic disorder is a type of anxiety disorder. The disorder is different from eating disorders because it involves other factors besides one's weight or body size. Physical features or attributes are what provokes the person's anxiety and negative beliefs. Those with BDD have several 'cognitive distortions' about how they look. Cognitive distortions are distorted beliefs about a perceived flaw," explains Steven Pittman, PhD, a licensed clinical psychologist.




Ok....I want to say I have this but....it cant be true if you seriously ARE the ugly thing you see in the mirror...

Sunday, December 14th, 2003

(1 would rather drive than sleep | seven hours till sunrise)

Subject:blargy
Time:8:02 pm.
Mood: annoyed.
Music:"Freakish" -Saves the Day.
SURVEY 1111111111

What time is it: 6:55pm

THE FRUITS OF YOUR LABOR( things you can't live without)

Something important on your desk:my computer?

When you sleep you wear: lax Jerseys & flannel/sweatpants

If you could afford it at the moment, you would buy: gamecube

Something you don't have a lot of: money

If your house was burning and you could only save 3 items what would they be: My gameboy box (has all my games/gameboys in it), My dresser (it contains my clothes, dont wanna be nude post fire), and my backpack (dont want to be behind in school)

MORALS

If there were no side effects, you would enjoy being addicted to: alchohol?

A time when you purposly hurt someone emotionally: When I got mad at David for being suicidal

A time you accidentally hurt someone emotionally: My sister during her whole life?

One person you have killed in your thoughts: Genetta

FRIENDS:

Three traits you look for in a friend: are interested in me, funny, and trustworthy

Who makes you laugh most often: Jeremy, Amanda, and Whitney

A friend who you can tell anything: Sabrina

A friend you can go to for advice: Any of them

The best piece of advice you had been given: Dont kill [myself]

Two closest friends: Amanda &.....I dunno

The friend who uses most of your energy: Sabrina

EGO

Your 3 best qualities: I'm semi-smart, I really like lacrosse, when I'm motivated to do something; it gets done.

Your 3 worst qualities: personality, physical appearance, and lazyness

Describe your Ideal self: Taller, skinnier, stronger, faster, more motivated, better skin, better sense of humor, smarter, black hair, more confidence, prettier, better fashion sense, more articulate...I can prolly think of more if I tried

A comliment that makes you blush: any

You are embarassed when: Anytime being singled out

The greatest physical pain you ever endured: Getting the tip of my left index finger chopped off prolly, even tho I cant remember it.

The greatest emotional pain you ever endured: this depression I'm going through, and realizing that Xxxx will never like me

Moment you are most ashamed of: Trying out for the talent show in 3rd-ish grade

Your best physical feature: I like my triceps?

Who/What makes you happy: Jeremy, Lacrosse, Videogames, friends, books

Who/what makes you sad: Austin, friends, grades, people, myself

EMOTIONS

Emotion you hide most: Right now, I've been trying to hide my depressed-ness, but it comes out in bursts

The emotion you tend to experience most: depression

The emotion you are feeling most lately: lack of motivation

You have a huge amount of guilt regarding: my lazyness and how much I eat

When you are angry you need: my gameboy

When you are sentimental you need: my gameboy

When you are in love you need: my gameboy

MEMORIES

One of your most peaceful memories: Almost anytime hanging out with Josh

One of your most tragic memories: Being a MAJOR bitch to Josh on Halloween...

One of you angriest memories: When Genetta said those things to me and my friend in gym, and then my other friend repeating what was said as a joke

A memory that makes you laugh: lol, not being able to see the moon because of the "tree without leaves" at the mall with Jeremy and Josh

a memory that makes you happy: hanging out with Josh, hanging out with Amanda, what David used to say to me when we were first getting to know eachother

LOVE

Something someone can say or do that you find extremely attractive: Compliment me, get piercings, talk in a deep voice

Something someone can say or do that you find unattractive: let themselves go, give up on themselves, be controlled by addictions, smoke, any racist/sexist comments, be extremely close minded

Two things appealing about people: How everyone thinks and sees things differently, and their weaknesses

A personality trait you find appealing: Intelligent humor

Your secret passion: my gameboy, lol

What you enjoy most about having a committed relationship: Knowing that no matter what that person still cares for you

RELATING

DO you have a bf/gf if yes who? no

What do you find sexy about them: n/a

A place where you want to have sex: I dunno...another country might be nice

A strange place where you have had sex: n/a

What drives you crazy (in a good way) about this person: n/a

What music is on when you have sex, or is it the tv? n/a

Favorite song to have sex to : n/a

Describe your mate physicaly: n/a

Describle your mate's personality: n/a

You feel most attractive when: I'm hungry, and when complimented

Favorite thing you like to see your mate wear (clothing wise don't say naked): n/a

What would you like your mate to do more of: n/a

FINALLY>>>>>>

If you had more time alone you would: Read or play more gameboy

If you had more patience you would: Read my entire collection of Poe's writings, my guide to Buddhism, a clockwork orange, and some more of Shakespear's plays

If you could change one thing about your physical appearance what would it be: my face

If you had no committments what would you be doing: playing my gameboy

If you could have one super power what would it be: mind powers

If you could start all over.... I would

SURVEY 2222


Time: 7:25

About You
1. First Name:
2. Middle Name: Brown
3. Do you like your name?: No
4. Nicknames:
5. Age: 15
6. Birthday: March 2nd
7. Where do you live?: Maryland
8. Do you like it where you live?: I guess
9. Where were you born?: Holy Cross Hospital
10. Height: 5'3
11. Do you wish you were a different height?: Yes, 5'7

Favorites

12. Food: seafood; crab or shrimp
13. Number: 4
14. Date: 1987
15. Day of the Week: Saturday
16. Day of the Year: August 11-Vacation or March 1-1st day of lax try-outs
17. Candy: starbursts
18. Ice Cream: coffee
19. Place to shop: pacsun or best buy
20. Place to shop for clothes: pacsun
21. Song: "Sic Transit Gloria...Glory Fades" -Brand New
22. Movie: 10 Things I Hate About You
23. Band/Group: No Doubt
24. Sport: Lacrosse
25. Subject in School: World Civ.
26. Holiday: Labor Day
27. Color: Gray
28. Color of clothes to wear: gray or dark blue
29. Type of clothes to wear: sweatshirt & jeans
30. Shoes: vans....puma....airwalk
31. Fruit: Starfruit
32. Veggie: Carrots
33. Animal: Hedgehog!
34. Magazine: Teen People?
35. Game: uh....Zelda 64, Monopoly, Clue

Least Faveorites

36. Food: Snack Cakes
37. Number: 1
38. Date: 1988
39. Day of the Week: Thursday
40. Day of the Year: January 27th
41. Candy: Gozetes? & any with nuts
42. Ice Cream: any with nuts
43. Place to shop: any place that doesnt sell video games or lacrosse equipment
44. Place to shop for clothes: all
45. Song: anything by Justin Timberlake
46. Movie: The Hulk
47. Band/Group: I cant name them all
48. Sport: any type of hockey
49. Subject in school: Art
50. Holiday: all
51. Color: pink
52. Color of clothes to wear: any bright colors
53. Type of clothes to wear: anything tight, revealing, basically.....everything besides sweatshirts, jeans, and long sleaved blank shirts
54. Shoes: anything I dont already wear
55. Fruit: tomatoe
56. Veggie: anything cooked
57. Animal: bugs/insects
58. Magazine: all?
59. Game: tic tak toe, anything I suck at

More About You

60. Shoe size: 8 1/2
61. Hair color: Brown
62. Do you or have you ever dyed your hair?: no
63. Hair length: just below shoulder
64. Most embarrassing moment: already mentioned
65. Are you getting bored or annoyed yet?: no
66. What time is it?: 7:40
67. What do you want to be when you grow up?: I'd like to be a mom and a Physical Therapist

Have you Ever...

68. Hiked a mountain?: I dont think so
69. Walked a mile?: lol, yes
70. Really walked a mile in someone elses shoes?: a mile's worth of sprinting, prolly
71. Ate a whole box of oreos?: yes...
72. Been in love?: no
73. Stayed up all night?: yes
74. Broken a bone?: not really...
75. Pulled a muscle?: no
76. Fractured something?: yes
77. Sprained something?: yes
78. Watched the show Happy Days?: yes
79. Cried because you've missed someone?: yes
80. Had a party?: birthday parties when I was younger
81. Been on a boat?: yes
82. Been on a plane?: yes
83. If you were on a plane, was it scary?: no
84. Done the chicken dance?: sadly yes....I ALWAYS HATED IT
85. Been on a train?: kinda, fake ones in theme parks
86. Ate so much chocolate and/or candy that you puked?: yeah
87. Had a food fight?: kinda, nothing major
88. Jumped on a trampoline?: yes
89. Played spin the bottle?: no
90. Been in a fist fight?: kinda
91. Been in a hospital?: yes...
92. Been in a hospital(not to visit someone but as a patient)?: yes...
93. Had a falling dream?: all the time
94. Been out of the country?: no
95. Played baseball with a bunch of friends?: yeah
96. Took a Bubble Bath?: when I was really young
97. Made a web page?: yes
98. Been in a car accident?: no
99. Driven a Car?: kinda
100. Woo hoo This is 100, how do you feel?: my forearm hurts
101. Tried smoking or drugs?: smoking when I was like...2
102. Laughed so Hard that you peed in your pants?: no
103. Lied? yes
104. Fallen asleep in class?: no
105. Played with Barbies?: yes

This or That

106. Campfire or fireplace?: campfire
107. MMs or Skittles?: skittles
108. MTV or VH1?: MTV
109. Movies or Music?: Music
110. Stay up late or sleep in?: sleep in
111. Sun or Moon?: moon
112. How sick are you of this survey?: not very...but its making my forearm sore
113. What Time is it now?: 7:46
114. 10 acquaintances or 1 bestfriend?: 1 bestfriend
115. Short or Tall?: tall
116. Vanilla or chocolate?: depends, mostly vanilla, but sometimes I get cravings
117. Cat or dog?: dog
118. Newspaper or Magazine?: magazine
119. Is the glass half empty or half full?: empty
120. McDonalds or Burger King?: bk
121. Fish or Mice?: both?
123. Happy or Sad?: sad
124. Serious or funny?: funny
125. Happy or sad ending?: I like variety
126. Scary movie or Funny movie?: either
127. Scary movie or sad movie?: either
128. Funny movie or a sad movie?: either
129. Brother or sister?: brother
130. Barbie or Skipper?: ???
131. Bikini or one piece?: one peice
132. Snow or rain?: snow
133. Candy or Fruit?: fruit
134. Plane or car?: car
135. Run or walk?: run
136. Swim or skate?: swim
137. Pepsi or Coke?: neither
138. A house in the woods or a house in the City?: depends...
139. The dark or light?: dark?
140. Rainy or Sunny?: sunny
141. Duct tape or scotch tape?: duct
142. sneakers or sandals?: sneakers
143. Lions or Tigers?: tigers
144. Mustard or ketchup?: ketchup
145. Rap or Rock?: depends on if it sucks or not
146. Party or stay home?: stay home
147. Skates or Bike?: bike

Other Random Stuff

148. How many siblings do you have?: 1
149. Do you like your siblings?: at times
150. Do you have any pets?: yes
151. Do you like your pets?: of course
152. Who is your favorite family member?: my mom or cousin trisha
153. How are you liking this survey?: kinda long, but good
154. What time is it?: 7:51
155. What's the last thing you ate?: bread
156. Are you hungry right now?: kinda
157. What would you like to eat right now?: more bread
158. Have you ever went on a diet?: not really
159. Do you believe in God?: no
160. What do you think about Diet Coke?: sodas suck
161. How are you feeling today?: lazy

When was the last time that you've...

162. Cried?: i dunno
163. Laughed?: yesterday
164. Danced?: never
165. Watched TV?: 2 hours ago?
166. Hugged someone?: my mommy hugged me earlier today
167. Stayed up past midnight?: last night
168. Jumped on a bed?: i dunno
169. Been happy?: yesterday
170. Been sad?: today
171. Drank bottled water?: i am drinking some as i type this...literally, ha ha, one handed typing
172. Went swimming in a lake?: i dunno
173. Been to the beach?: last summer
174. Hung out with some friends?: hung out with 1 friend yesterday/friday night, multiple friends....thursday
175. Took a shower?: lol....thursday...yucky me
176. Took a bath?: I forget
177. Went for a walk?: I dunno...halloween?
178. Went for a bike ride?: i dunno
179. Played a board game?: last time Josh came over
180. Been bored?: currently am
181. Eaten Birthday cake?: yuck

In your opinion

182. Do fish have feelings too?: no
183. What do you think of diet coke?: you already asked me
184. Should ants be kept in ant farms?: if thats where they wanna be
185. What time is it?: 7:56
186. What do you think of black nail polish?: its ok I guess
187. What do you think of pink nail polish?: yucky
188. What do you think of no nail polish?: its what I do
189. What do you think of shopping?: overrated, plus it makes me lose my money
190. Are people who talk to Animals crazy?: no....
191. Are you a good person?: no
192. Are you funny?: no
193. Are mice cute?: yes
194. Are snakes scary?: no
195. Does jelly taste good?: some
196. Is the color black beautiful?: it can be
197. Is black even a color? it is the comnination of all colors
198. Is pink pretty?: no
199. What do you feel about the color blue?: its cool
200. Woo hoo This is 200, how do you feel? bored
201. Are you getting sick of the color questions?: nope
202. How many chocolate chips should a cookie have?: 0
203. Is Nintendo better than Playstation?: It has ZELDA!!
204. Is bottled water really better than tap water?: yes
205. What pizza place has the best pizza?: I dunno

More About You

206. Okay, what's the time right now?: 7:58
207. How are you feeling right now?: annoyed
208. How many cookies do you think you could eat?: a million
209. How many pieces of pizza can you eat?: 4
210. How much chocolate can you eat?: 2 bars
211. What kind of shoes do you wear the most?: my pumas, vans or my nike sneakers
212. What kind of clothes do you wear the most?: PJs
213. What color are your nails painted right now?: they arent
214. What are you listening to?: Incubus on my radiostation on Launchcast
215. Do you like ironing your clothes?: yes
216. Do you like to read?: yes
217. Do you like school?: yeah
218. What grade are you in?: 10
219. What's the best part of the school day?: learning
220. Why?: cause that is the purpose of school

The Last Section

221. This is the last section of the survey, how do you feel?: yay
222. Did you like this survey?: yup
223. Was it the longest one that you have ever completed?: almost a 1000 question one
224. Do you like filling these surveys out?: yes
225. What do you want to do now that you are done with this?: play my agmeboy or shower
226. Any last words?: no
227. That's nice, but we're still not done: ok
228. How many people did you send this to?: 0
229. How many of those people do you think will send it back to you?: 0
230. Who is most likely to send it back?: n/a
231. Who is least likely to send it back?: n/a
232. Do you care if anyone sends it back?: nope
233. Do you like the person who sent this to you?: no one did
234. Okay, what's the time now?: 8:01
235. So, how long did it take you to finish this?: too lazy to check what time I started
236. Was it a waste of your time?: of course :)

Monday, December 8th, 2003

(1 would rather drive than sleep | seven hours till sunrise)

Time:11:23 pm.
Mood: distressed.
Music:"Runaway" -Linkin Park.
People kind of confuse me. I wish I could see what I looked like through other people's eyes. I feel like I'm falling into a depression again? I just....don't care about school much anymore. It just seems all too...out of reach and pointless.... I feel like I'm drowning right now...I wish everyone had their own personal life guard. Right now....I'd rather play video games then do anything. I havent picked up a lacrosse stick in over a month and I just want to cry. Everything just needs to get easier, but in life, it only gets harder.

Wednesday, December 3rd, 2003

(seven hours till sunrise)

Subject:Biography for English
Time:11:59 pm.
Mood: stressed.
Music:"Weak and Powerless" -A Perfect Circle.

Sylvia Plath




The life of Sylvia Plath is very closely related to her book, The Bell Jar. Once you have learned read this book and learned about Plath’s life, one might wonder if the book was in fact an autobiography. There are many instances where the book uses parts of Plath’s life.
Sylvia Plath was born on October 27, 1932 in Jamaica Plain, Massachusetts. Her father was sick most of her life, he thought that he had cancer so decided to leave it untreated because there was no cure at the time. It turned out that he didn’t have cancer, but instead, diabetes which after being left untreated for so long caused his death; 10 days after Sylvia’s 8th birthday. She attended Gamaliel Bradford Senior High School and was always at the top of her class. Sylvia was always striving to be perfect, and would sink into deep depressions.
Her academics scored her a scholarship to Smith College in 1950. In 1952 she wrote “Sunday at the Minton’s” which earned her a $500 prize from Mademoiselle magazine. In the following year she was a guest editor for Mademoiselle in their New York office. This is where the setting of The Bell Jar takes place, the whole experience of New York and the trip’s aftereffects on her self is written as the life of another person in the book. Over that same summer, Sylvia was planning on being accepted into a prestigious writing course held at Harvard by Frank O’Connor. When she was not accepted into the class she went into a state of withdrawal. On August 24, she attempted suicide. Surviving her previous suicide attempt, Plath was institutionalized at MacLean Hospital, where she was treated with insulin therapy and shock treatments. This is where The Bell Jar when compared to her life, ends.
After being released from MacLean, Sylvia attended Newnham College at Cambridge University on a Fulbright scholarship. In 1956 she met Ted Hughes at a party on February 25. Less than 4 months later, Plath and Hughes were married in London. Soon afterwards she was invited to teach an English class at Smith College. She did not feel satisfied with her teaching abilities, and quit teaching after a year. She then took a job as a receptionist in the psychiatric clinic of Massachusetts General Hospital in Boston. That year she began seeing her therapist from MacLean in private. Sylvia also started attending an evening poetry class taught by Robert Lowell, who influenced her poetry style.
In 1959 she and her husband, Ted, moved back to England. A year later she gave birth to her first child, Frieda Rebecca. In 1961 she was once again pregnant and due to give birth in the spring, but had a miscarriage. She was depressed for a long time following the loss of her second child. In 1962 she had another child, Nicholas Farrar. During her whole marriage Sylvia had been suspicious of her husband, suspecting that he was having an affair. Sylvia discovered Ted's affair with Assia Wevill, and in the month’s following her discovery she wrote at least 26 of the poems featured in Ariel, the book that she is most well known for writing.
In September of the same year, she separated from Ted Hughes. In January of 1963 she published The Bell Jar under the pseudonym of Victoria Lucas. A month later, she attempted suicide for her second, and final time. She died at the age of 31 from toxic gas inhalation.
During her life, Plath wrote many books including: Ariel, The Bed Book, The Bell Jar, The Colossus and Other Poems, Collected Poems, Crossing the Water, Johnny Panic and the Bible of Dreams, The Unabridged Journals of Sylvia Plath, and Winter Trees. Despite her obvious success in life, Sylvia went through many tragic experiences and sorrowful emotions in during her time. She was able to portray all of her grief very beautifully in her writing, which reflects greatly on The Bell Jar.






I <3 Jeremy?

Monday, December 1st, 2003

(seven hours till sunrise)

Time:9:02 pm.
Mood: optimistic.
Music:"My Immortal" -Evanescence.
DisorderRating
Paranoid:Very High
Schizoid:Moderate
Schizotypal:High
Antisocial:Low
Borderline:Very High
Histrionic:Moderate
Narcissistic:Low
Avoidant:Very High
Dependent:Very High
Obsessive-Compulsive:Moderate

-- Personality Disorder Test - Take It! --




Well, life seems to be going good. I can get my learner's permit today....but I'm not. I'll get it some other time. Over the weekend:
went to mall with amanda and she spent the night. We snuck some wine from the recycling bin in the garage, first time I've actually gotten a little drunk in my life.
went to the mall and saw elf with jeremy and josh. wow, I really like jeremy. And we were talking and he definately wants to do that again sometime. Yay, we already made plans to see the third lord of the rings together. I Am so excited.
Well, I'm gonna go cause I got loads of geometry, english and chemistry to do, with all of the geom & chem being due tomorrow.

Friday, November 28th, 2003

(seven hours till sunrise)

Time:2:06 pm.
Mood: annoyed.
I'm an Atheist!



Which Enemy of the Christian Church Are You?


Take More of Robert & Tim's Quizzes
Watch Robert & Tim's Cartoons






damn HW needs doing

(seven hours till sunrise)

Time:1:14 pm.
Mood: bitchy.
Music:"Pass That Dutch" -Missy Eliot.
Thanksgiving was akward.

Wednesday, November 26th, 2003

(1 would rather drive than sleep | seven hours till sunrise)

Time:12:16 am.
Mood: shocked.
Music:"Even after death" -Evanescence.
My family knows. I can't stand being in this house anymore.

Tuesday, November 25th, 2003

(seven hours till sunrise)

Subject:fuk
Time:4:36 pm.
Mood: annoyed.
Shit. So much stuff has happened. I dont want to go over it again. Fuck.

Friday, November 21st, 2003

(1 would rather drive than sleep | seven hours till sunrise)

Subject:Birth Month Thingy
Time:5:32 pm.
Mood: bouncy.
Music:"Away From Me" -Evanescense.
JANUARY:
Stubborn and hard-hearted. Ambitious and serious. Loves to teach and be taught. Always looking at people's flaws and weaknesses. Likes to criticize. Hardworking and productive. Smart, neat and organized. Sensitive and has deep thoughts. Knows how to make others happy. Quiet unless excited or tensed. Rather reserved. Highly attentive. Resistant to illnesses but prone to colds. Romantic but has difficulties expressing love. Loves children. Loyal. Has great social abilities yet easily jealous. Very Stubborn and money cautious.
_______________________________________________
FEBRUARY:
Abstract thoughts. Loves reality and abstract. Intelligent and clever. Changing personality. Attractive. Sexy. Temperamental. Quiet, shy and humble. Honest and loyal. Determined to reach goals. Loves freedom. Rebellious when restricted. Loves aggressiveness. Too sensitive and easily hurt. Gets angry really easily but those not show it. Dislike unnecessary things. Loves making friends but rarely shows it. Daring and stubborn. Ambitious. Realizing dreams and hopes. Sharp. Loves entertainment and leisure. Romantic on the inside not outside. Superstitious and ludicrous. Spendthrift. Tries to learn to show emotions.
_________________________________
MARCH:
Attractive personality.sexy. Affectionate.Shy and reserved. Secretive. Naturally honest, generous and sympathetic. Loves peace and serenity. Sensitive to others. Loves to serve others. Easily angered. Trustworthy. Appreciative and returns kindness. Observant and assesses others. Revengeful. Loves to dream and fantasize. Loves traveling. Loves attention. Hasty decisions in choosing partners. Loves home decors. Musically talented. Loves special things. Moody.
_________________________________
APRIL:
Active and dynamic. Decisive and haste but tends to regret. Attractive and affectionate to oneself. Strong mentality. Loves attention. Diplomatic. Consoling, friendly and solves people's problems. Brave and fearless. Adventurous. Loving and caring. Suave and generous. Emotional. Aggressive. Hasty. Good memory. Moving Motivates oneself and others. Sickness usually of the head and chest. Sexy in a way that only their luver can see.
_________________________________
MAY:
Stubborn and hard-hearted. Strong-willed and highly motivated. Sharp thoughts. Easily angered. Attracts others and loves attention. Deep feelings. Beautiful physically and mentally. Firm Standpoint. Needs no motivation. Easily consoled. Systematic (left brain). Loves to dream. Strong clairvoyance. Understanding. Sickness usually in the ear and neck. Good imagination. Good physical. Weak breathing. Loves literature and the arts. Loves traveling. Dislike being at home. Restless. Not having many children. Hardworking. High spirited. Spendthrift.
_________________________________
JUNE:
Thinks far with vision. Easily influenced by kindness. Polite and soft-spoken. Having lots of ideas. Sensitive. Active mind. Hesitating, tends to delay. Choosy and always wants the best. Temperamental. Funny and humorous. Loves to joke. Good debating skills. Talkative. Daydreamer. Friendly. Knows how to make friends. Abiding. Able to show character. Easily hurt. Prone to getting colds. Loves to dress up. Easily bored. Fussy. Seldom shows emotions. Takes time to recover when hurt. Brand conscious. Executive. Stubborn.
_________________________________
JULY:
Fun to be with. Secretive. Difficult to fathom and to be understood. Quiet unless excited or tensed. Takes pride in oneself. Has reputation. Easily consoled. Honest. Concerned about people's feelings. Tactful. Friendly. Approachable. Emotional temperamental and unpredictable. Moody and easily hurt. Witty and sparkly. Not revengeful. Forgiving but never forgets. Dislikes nonsensical and unnecessary things. Guides others physically and mentally. Sensitive and forms impressions carefully. Caring and loving. Treats others equally. Strong sense of sympathy. Wary and sharp. Judges people through observations. Hardworking. No difficulties in studying. Loves to be alone. Always broods about the past and the old friends. Likes to be quiet. Homely person. Waits for friends. Never looks for friends. Not aggressive unless provoked. Prone to having stomach and dieting problems. Loves to be loved. Easily hurt but takes long to recover.
_________________________________
AUGUST:
Loves to joke. Attractive. Suave and caring. Brave and fearless. Firm and has leadership qualities. Knows how to console others. Too generous and egoistic. Takes high pride of oneself. Thirsty for praises. Extraordinary spirit. Easily angered. Angry when provoked. Easily jealous. Observant. Careful and cautious. Thinks quickly. Independent thoughts. Loves to lead and to be led. Loves to dream. Talented in the arts, music and defense. Sensitive but not petty. Poor resistance against illnesses. Learns to relax. Hasty and trusty. Romantic. Loving and caring. Loves to make friends.
_________________________________
SEPTEMBER:
Suave and compromising. Careful, cautious and organized. Likes to point out people's mistakes. Likes to criticize. Stubborn. Quiet but able to talk well. Calm and cool. Kind and sympathetic. Concerned and detailed. Loyal but not always honest. Does work well. Very confident. Sensitive.Thinking generous. Good memory. Clever and knowledgeable. Loves to look for information. Must control oneself when criticizing. Able to motivate oneself. Understanding. Fun to be around. Secretive. Loves sports, leisure and traveling. Hardly shows emotions. Tends to bottle up feelings. Very choosy, especially in relationships. Systematic.
_________________________________
OCTOBER:
Loves to chat. Loves those who loves them. Loves to takes things at the center. Inner and physical beauty. Lies but doesn't pretend. Gets angry often. Treats friends importantly. Always making friends. Easily hurt but recovers easily. Daydreamer. Opinionated. Does not care of what others think. Emotional. Decisive. Strong clairvoyance. Loves to travel, the arts and literature. Touchy and easily jealous. Concerned. Loves outdoors. Just and fair. Spendthrift. Easily influenced. Easily loses confidence. Loves children.
_________________________________
NOVEMBER:
Has a lot of ideas. Difficult to fathom. Thinks forward. Unique and brilliant. Extraordinary ideas. Sharp thinking. Fine and strong clairvoyance. Can become good doctors. Dynamic in personality. Secretive. Inquisitive. Knows how to dig secrets. Always thinking. Less talkative but amiable. Brave and generous. Patient. Stubborn and hard-hearted. If there is a will, there is a way. Determined. Never give up. Hardly becomes angry unless provoked. Loves to be alone. Thinks differently from others. Sharp-minded. Motivates oneself. Does not appreciates praises. High-spirited. Well-built and tough. Deep love and emotions. Romantic. Uncertain in relationships. Homely. Hardworking. High abilities. Trustworthy. Honest and keeps secrets. Not able to control emotions. Unpredictable.
_________________________________
DECEMBER:
Loyal and generous. Sexy. Patriotic. Active in games and interactions. Impatient and hasty. Ambitious. Influential in organizations. Fun to be with. Loves to socialize. Loves praises. Loves attention. Loves to be loved. Honest and trustworthy. Not pretending. Short tempered. Changing personality. Not egoistic. Take high pride in oneself. Hates restrictions. Loves to joke. Good sense of humor. Logical.

Wednesday, November 19th, 2003

(seven hours till sunrise)

Subject:Can't sleep
Time:11:57 pm.
Mood: exhausted.
Music:none.
Yeah....today...track was canceled due to weather...which was non-existant, but whatever. I got to go shopping with my mom and she bought me a ton of stuff. I got: Blood Brothers CD (Burn Piano Island, Burn), new headphones, The Sims: Superstar, new pants, new D&D book, Go Ask Alice, and a book on personality types.
Report card today....only 3 Bs....which dissapoints me, I thought I was only getting 2. German, Geometry and Art are my Bs....how retarded is that? Normal people get As in german and art....not me. Buh. I'm gonna ask Degner about my German grade tho, cause I try....more than half the people in the class.
I need sleeping pills or something....grrr. !! Since track started (saturday) I have lost 4-5 pounds, I love it. Well....I'm gonna go try to sleep again, bye.

Blurty for Turpentine Chaser.

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