Egberto Zayas' Blurty|
[Most Recent Entries]
Below are the 11 most recent journal entries recorded in
Egberto Zayas' Blurty:
|Saturday, April 12th, 2003|
|Last night....and i still feel connected
The title is about two different things to start things off. Well, last night was awkward. I had to deny a friend because of his status with pretty much everybody. Well, he had asked me if i wanted to do anything and i said sure. But when i go out, i go with a bunch of people, i'm not the person to have a 1 v 1 friday night. Or saturday either. So i was plannin to bring Gabe out with me. But plans changed.
I called Clay and he told me he was goin' over to Choo's house. So i went there. I took me longer than usual cause i forgot exactly where he lives and Pebble Creek is a labyrinth. I found his house and everyone was outside. Just a few of them. It was 2 of the TT (temple terrace) boys, Hunter and Adam, Kelly Bronlawee, Anjie, Looney, and of course Choo. Billy and Taylor showed up later, 2 more TT boys, and after that B Diddy showed up with a friend from King named Jonathan. B Diddy is the man. I only met him last weekend and we clicked. He's a tight.
I went inside with Choo to look for his lost wallet and he showed me something his mom bought him. A WHOLE carton of cigarrettes. Lol, Parliments. He just pulled a pack out and brought it outside. While we were out there, they smoked some cigarrettes, played with some hot ring tones, messed around, and Taylor and Billy did a little bit of their flowing and freestyling. They're pretty good. Taylor was on a roll when Ms. Sherry interrupted him. Oh yea, Taylor had a Panama Jack hat on. Lol, it was tight. I guess Adam and Looney are goin out. She was all over him, and later they kissed. Slut. She treats me like shit, but that's how she treats all her friends. Me and her have this weird friendship where we always rag on each other. And she asked me what Karyn was doin tonight. She also asked if Karyn liked me. That's personal info and that pissed me off. I asked her where she heard it from, and she said Choo. And trying to hold in a smile and a laugh, he denied it. I don't care, i just don't want shit getting out. You know.
We went from the front of the house to the back porch and they smoked some more, trying to figure out what to do. Clay showed up, and then shortly after, Jason showed up wearing the same shirt Clay was. Haha, that was the second time it had happenned. With the same shirt. Jason was wearing it gay though, all the buttons were fastened except for the top one. He looked like a school boy or someone who was about to go to midnight mass, but whatever.
We headed up to Bennigans/Dunkin Donuts. We played music from the cars and Choo, and some of the TT boys like B Diddy danced. Choo has the weirdest dance, he looks like a chicken when he does it. Someone else had another name for it, but that was a while ago and i can't remember. Taylor kept freestyling. All the party guys showed up. Clint, Tenacs, Kyle, Taylor, Max, Jazzy, Webs, Lil ' Joey. Even Keaton, Ben, and Jake were there. And of course, wherever Kyle is, so are the 8th graders. They were flocking the place. There were about 20 if them. Alright, more like 10, but it might have been more. Ben, Jake, Max, and Keaton bought and oreo ice cream cake and were eating it on my car. They left it there so i had to take it home. It was so tempting, but i couldn't. I can't kill my diet now, after doin so good on it. Besides, i'm gonna be eating almost entirely healthy from now on. Treats will come in moderation.
Well, since i left my house, and got to Choo's, i called Gabe and told him i had to wait for plans. I was feeling bad cause i knew i couldn't bring him to where Choo lives. The people there don't even know him. And they would get mad at me as well. Well, i thought maybe if i was with Ben, Jake, Keaton, Lil' Joey, and the party guys, they wouldn't mind. Well, that's was different too.
We got to Dunkin Donuts, and they were, and Lil' Joey didn't want him there and some other people. I wanted him to be with all of us, but that would be putting him in a harmful situation, and i would be getting shit too, but mostly, it wouldn't be good for Gabe. I couldn't break the news to him. After makin semi plans and all. I felt like the biggest dick. So i called him, and had Max break the news. I just couldn't do it. I felt so bad.
Well, after a while, we went back to Choo's. Everyone was outside for about 10 minutes, then we decided to dip and go home. I'm out nigga PEEEEEEEEACE (some joke Clay and Billy were doin, it sounded so funny). So on home we went. I was still somber from the previous hours. When i saw Karyn with Rangel. That just made me unbelievably somber that night.
Just in general i felt, confused, apathetic, blank, bored, confused, contemplative, pensive, crushed, gloomey, melancholy, morose, lethargic, and stressed. Prett much all the same feelings from earlier that day. But i also felt like a dick for doin that do Gabe. Also, on the way home, i felt indescribable, almost as if i don't know wehre to stand with my emotions, here's why.
On the way back home, just as i had left Choo's development, and got on Pebble Creek's main road, i felt weird. I was driving really slow, and had no music on, and something hit me. I was still pondering on what had happenned earlier today, but a feeling like something's still there came to me. Like i'm still connected to her, like this Rangel thing isn't a big deal. A feeling that despite what i saw, she still cares for me. And i wasn't thinking of all the hints and things she's done in the past. It just came to me. Maybe subliminally i was being nostalgic, and that might have caused that feeling. But when you're down, its hard for you to accept the good things, even if its unrefutable. So i don't know what it was, but it made me feel a little better. I don't know, i'm taking Gabe's advice and will continue to wait. Continue to give this thing time. I feel its for the better, and in the end, it'll all turn out good..........until then........peace........... Current Mood: indescribableCurrent Music: HIM
|Friday, April 11th, 2003|
|I'm left waiting....
Today ended like a lot of fridays have recently. I'll explain in a little bit. 1st, i came in late again. As usual. Nothin in first. I was sore as hell today from working out. Especially my left shoulder and arm.
HR, nothin there. Callie told me some more of the drama she seems to attract. I feel bad for her cause she doesn't cause it, she's more mature than it, yet it all comes to her. Haha. I do feel bad for her. She's cool as hell too. She's the other one of my best girl friends.
Sarah was lookin pretty hot today. I saw her after HR. I think that's the only time i saw her today besides out at the parking lot. Oh, and after 4th. 3rd came. Nothin. Ms. Tomassi came in and talked to our teacher, or gossipped, for the whole class period. An hour and a half. Damn. We watched some documentary on some dumb ass guys who went on a crime spree through 6 states.
4th, nothin there. Waking up so early to do sprints has worn me out gradually this week. It reached its pinnacle today. I was dead tired in 4th. I started napping, but i couldn't fall asleep cause i had to at least listen to the lesson(i can nap and listen, its a wonderful thing). So i started napping and i started feeling like i was driving drunk, and since i was half asleep, i could see myself in a car for a split second. But because i was also half-awake, i wasn't opening my eyes and i couldn't really envision the thoughts. So i was driving drunk with my eyes closed, and i told myself i had to open them, but i was too tired to do so. So i was goin of the road and sleeping. Then i got and just shook it of. Weird
Lunch, nothin special. Skinner went out late to get some chicken tenders from the ghetto line. He almost got ripped apart. Some black girl punched him in the face and some guy was goin to beat his ass if he wouldn't accept the money to buy him some cookies. He came back lookin like he had gone through hell, in the words of Brain Pautler. I love that man. Then we started talkin about we should go out there one day wearing KKK masks. And i mentioned we should wear a shirt with a jacket over it, and when we get to the front of the line, say something like its getting hot out here. Take off our jackets and on the back in big red letters it should say something like "KKK Kill NIGGERS." Something to that affect. Its suicide, but it would all be done in the sake of comedy.
5th, nothin there. I fell off a rolling chair. I went to side kick some girl at an angle, and the twisting i was doin plus the angle i was at....left me falling off my chair spinning in midair. It was tight. Ms. Tomassi was cracking up at me. And most of the class laughed.*sigh* Oh well. That Venezualan girl is pretty hot. Sh'e's like one of the spanish girls you see on tv, the hot ones, not the nasty ghetto ones. She kind of looks brazilian too.
Well, on the Karyn issue. I feel deprived today. Like i'm left waiting. I saw her after HR, we kind of met eyes, but i was doin and sayin something so i couldn't say hi. After 3rd, she was walking with Shae, and she looked kind of sad, or tired, or both. She kept lookin at the ground. She finally looked up and gave me a small forced smile. I don't what happened, but she was either mad or tired. I looked at Shae after i said hi to Karyn and her eyes were all big, like if she was mad at what i had just done or couldn't believe what i just had done. Fuck her... Shae doesn't like the fact that i like Karyn. Probably for several reasons, but one i think is cause i'm putting Karyn in an odd situation by liking her (considering that Karyn likes me in return). She was also behind me walking up the stairs, right behind me and didn't say one word. I found that awkward. That troubled me. I also was pretty close to her when we walked out to the parking lot. And i passed by her car and when she was putting stuff in her trunk and when we were almost parallel she looked at me and said hey. Like she couldn't let the weekend come with out saying something. Maybe i'm over analyzing. She looked pretty somber the whole day. As she has for a while now.
Well, i went grocery shoppin when i got home. And as i was gettin to Publix, i thought, how weird would it be for her to be here. Well, i parked, and i stepped out of the car, started heading torwards Publix and guess what. In the lane next to me, her, Rangel, and a friend of his was walking torwards Rangel's car. Coincidently enough. As soon as i looked over we caught eyes, but realizing who she was with, i looked dead on and ignored them. When we were parallel i looked over and Rangel turned his head straight. I know he was lookin at me. I imagined all of the possible things said at that moment. I was infuriated. Nothin i could do now. I guess that's why she didn't say anything to me when walkin up the stairs, despite the fact that we were literally a step away from each other. Any other situation and she would've said hey. Maybe i'm over analyzing again.
One more thing to add. Rangel's in a frat. So he doesn't come down to see her that often. Why would he bring a friend down. That means that there won't be much time for him and her. To me it seems like he really doesn't care that much anymore. To bring a friend when you go to see your girlfriend, which you visity every few weekends. Whatever, i don't know what to think anymore. I'm pissed beyond belief.
Like i mentioned in an earlier posts, i can't describe all my feelings with the current mood thing, so today i feel: crappy, crushed, depressed, enraged, frustrated, gloomy, irritated, melancholy, jealous, morose, pessimistic, restless, stressed, but mostly, just pissed at why they're still together. And sometimes it seems like all those hints she dropped, and all the things she's done, didn't mean shit. Life sucks.....peace Current Mood: infuriatedCurrent Music: Senses Fail - Bloody Romance
|Thursday, April 10th, 2003|
|Confirmation and advice. good
Today was good. Got late to 1st as usual. Nothin special there. Amber came in late as fuck. She was in a bad mood cause she had a big fight with her mom in the morning. I know how those are. They can bring you whole day down. And that class is not the best to have for 1st, so it just made it worse. I realized something was wrong cause she was earnestly at work, which i copied. When she's calmed down we can actually talk. She's tight, and not as annoying when tranquil. Obviously. I also helped her with her math homework. Algebra 2. She was strugglin on the f[g(x)] and g[h(x)] etc. No bomb threat again.
After 1st i saw her, we just caught eyes and i looked down. It was from a distance anyways. HR, nothin. 3rd, nothin there. I've been doin a good job of makin the teacher laugh in that class. She's pretty fine. But besides that, that's it. I walked out during class to get some water and George was outside. I said what's up. On the way back he told me he got kicked out for bein on the phone and saying somethin to that person, and the teacher thought it was to her. That's pretty gay. George is a good man. Crazy, and a compulsive liar, but a good man.
4th came, nothin. I could've got a 100 on that test. A 97.4 doesn't suffice anymore. Even if its better than Evie's grade. Speaking of which, i'm pretty sure she's got a crush on me. She's not my type. Sorry. I'm a picky person, for example, Kylie and Sarah are hot as hell, but i wouldn't go out with them. Well, maybe Kylie, but not Sarah. Ok, Kylie isn't the best example, but Sarah is a good one.
Lunch was kind of fun. Aleana was their and she was all giddy today for some reason. She was punchin me and junk and laughin. Of course i gave her the "business shake." Its purely business between us. It's just a joke a started a while ago and it stuck. She asked me if girls should be in war. I said no, and she started punching me. So i instantaneously changed my mind. Aleana is enough to convince someone, for those who know her at least. She said she had beat us all in arm wrestling, which is sadly true. But i never arm wrestled her so she can't say anything 'bout that. She had an energetic presence, and even though she was there for about 5 minutes, while we were in line, it still made lunch fun. Aleana's cool as hell and definitely one of my best girl friends, and possibly one of my closest too. Well, we were at least. Ever since she started goin out with Garrett, it's not so anymore. They're in their own world/worlds, and i think he's more into hers than she is into his. Aleana brought up the whole war thing cause Shelton had written an amazingly bias essay in AP English on how women shouldn't be in war. He said they're physically and mentally weaker, some can't be trained to kill, men can easily out-perform the female soldiers, and so on.
5th, nothin there. I apologized to that kid. Went better than expected. And he did realize that Danny was doin it more than me. Told ya. I updated T-Max on my current situation. She knew what the deal was before i dropped the card. I haven't really told her much since then until today. So i left out a lot. I just told her what happened this week and how last week was bad. 5th ended and i ventured out to the parking lot. Shelton caught up and we talked about his really bias essay in AP English. It didn't turn out well for him. The first line came out of his mouth and the whole class was against him. Well, not the whole class, but most. Lol, Shelton and his luck. At the end he couldn't keep on fighting, so he gave up and said "i picked that opinion cause it was really easy, now everyone leave me the hell alone." Npt exact quotes, but that sounds better.
Out in the parking lot, some guy rear-ended Kika, literally 100 feet from her parking spot. Haha. Finally, the accidents might be starting to head elsewhere and leave me the hell alone. But yea it sucks for her. And the guy, whoever it was. Remember the Josh Spivey look-alike i mentioned on Tuesday's post, who was rubbin up on Karyn's back. He was all over Shae today in the parking lot. Kind of like wrestling, but at least that eases my nerves from Tuesday. Although he was messin with Shae today, and he might have been trying to be sincere on Tuesday, it doesn't matter though.
We left and before we got to the Tampa Palms entrance by the Y, we had caught up to Karyn. As Chris (Shelton) veered off to the turn he had to slam on the brakes and left tire marks. We almost drifted into the grass. Good thing he has a Benz. The turning strip is seriously about 200 feet, and the prior one is about 1,500 feet. They need to do something about that. Not like they can, but they should. Then again, Shelton shouldn't have been on Karyn's ass, speeding when we came to the strip.
We dropped off Dre, and proceeded to my house. We do this daily, and after we leave me and Shelton talk seriously about our situations with girls. For me its the Karyn thing. We pulled up to my driveway and we talk for about 2 minutes. Then peace. Today, it was a good solid half hour. 30 minutes.
I mentioned to him a good deal of what i'm in right now. He made some good points and gave me some good advice. First, we started talking about why she's still goin out with Rangel. He's a freshman in college up in UF, she's a junior in highschool, they've been goin out for 2 years straight, and he's in a fraternity. Ok, he's in college, up in UF. Just look at that point. Second, she's a junior in highschool, she's still got one more year before she goes off to college. Third, he's in a frat. And we all know frats are about 2 things: parties and sex. And fourthly, they've been goin out for 2 straight years. She supposedly is leading him on cause its wrong to break up with him. She's like that. Next, we talked about all the hints she has dropped me, this semester and last. And for every hint i mentioned, Chris gave a good explanation of what she was feelin or thinking. He just brought a more accurate description of what i thought they meant. And some better ones too. For example.
The event that i posted about yesterday, after the football game. Where Aleana, me, and Karyn were there in the parking lot and Aleana said, "hey, i have to go, see you guys." Chris brought up the point that Aleana left on purpose, which i knew, but the fact that afterwords, when she passed by and raised her eyebrows twice and smiled, indicated something. He said that Aleana left us alone on purpose so if not anything happened, we had something to build on. And that Aleana wanted to leave us 2 alone, but Karyn felt the same way too. Which being blinded by my situation, did not allow me to think or even consider that point.
I said that when i first told Aleana about my feelings for Karyn she said "you could get involved with any girl at school, but not her. you're just gonna get your feelings hurt." I told her i knew, but i couldn't stop liking her. (Mind you this was at the very beginning of the year). Well, as the year progressed, those words of discouragement, changed. I told Aleana one time that i was jealous cause Karyn was lookin at Jason during a football they were cheerleading at. She was just lookin at him, i look at girls all the time, but jealousy can't be helped. It just comes. And i told Aleana this and instead of saying something like "don't worry about it," or "oh well," she said "well, maybe when you aren't looking she's looking at you." That indicated something. That the Aleana who said i was goin to get my feelings hurt now had different thoughts. Why? Possibly cause Karyn feels something for me. And they're really close friends and were on the cheerleading squad together.
Me and Chris mentioned a bunch of other stuff, and he's the guy to talk to about this cause he's at a neutral point with her and her friends, and he's known them since 6th grade. He gave me a lot of good insights at to what she might have been thinking when she did certain things or when certain things happened. I'll tell him a lot more tomorrow. I haven't told him nearly half of all the hints she's dropped, and he's more than convinced she likes me. It just uplifted me to have all this reitorated but with more meaning now than before. Now,....i just need to do something about it, or wait for something to happen.
I went to work out with Fat Paul and Clay at the Y. We got there and Jason, D Dyer, Wartzy, Neil Allen, and some other people were there. We worked out for a while. We went intense on it too. When we were about 2/3rds of the way done, Clint, Kyle, Max, Taylor, Dj Jazzy, and Keaton show up. WHAT THE FUCK. Those are THE LAST guys i would expect to see at the Y. Eventually all the guys playin basketball came to work out. Kyle and Max did some ab routines i showed them. The rest just walked around wondering what the hell they were doin there. Good point. There was this pretty fine chick workin out there. Respectable. She was decent. We worked out for an hour and a half. I felt good. It felt good. I'm gonna start goin every other day once i sign up. Till then, i'm just sneakin inside. That's all for today....peace Current Mood: cheerfulCurrent Music: Finch - What It Is To Burn
|Wednesday, April 9th, 2003|
|Today was in opposition to yesterday, good
Today was a all in all good day. I got up again and did my 30 second sprints. 6 of them for a total of 3 minutes of sprinting. Its gruesome. Sprinting for 30 seconds forces me to push my body when it doesn't want to. Once i start i can't stop, i guess thats my motivation. By the end of my workout i was slighty disoriented. Just starting to feel it. Got to 1st on time for once. Jen was absent today. And we watched the rest of Ethan Frome. It seems that his "accident" was attemted suicide. Yes, into a tree with a sleigh. Oh well. At the end of the movie, we saw him, his wife, and the girl he loved when they were old, and it was fuckin disgusting. Good thing that movie and book is over with. So boring. Nothin exciting in 1st. No bomb threat either. WOW.
HR, nothin. Callie explained some problem that was troubling her. It also, or another problem involved Sarah, and Alex as well. Maybe some more people. That's why they were all dismal today and really didn't pay attention to anyone. I saw Karyn after HR. I'm pretty sure it was after HR. She said hey, kind of a shy hey.
3rd, not much. We ended seein this old black and white film called "12 Angry Men." It was about some guy who changes the rest of the jury's mind to change their vote from guilty to not guilty. It was interesting, but not too exciting. Better than Ethan Frome. At the end of the film, this old guy who was on the jury goes up to the guy with the original not guilty vote. He goes "by the way, what's your name?" The guy replies "Davis." The old guy goes "Alright. Mine's McDonald. Anyways, farewell." Peace. That ending was pretty random but it funny. But you have to see it to think so. Then we went out to the parking lot with these flexicuffs. The zip-cuffs that they're using on the iraqis and that they commonly use on protesters. I dawned a pair. The teacher put them on pretty tight. When school was over i still had marks on my wrists. A freshie in that class also put some on. He fell on the pavement at one point and couldn't get up. He was wriggling like a fish. It was the funniest thing i've seen all day.
Then we went Eastman's office. We wanted to see if they could be burnt off. First he gave us a fake lighter. One of those shocker things. I still had on the flexicuffs. Annoying shits. Out of our class (5 students), most of us tried it out. I had to try it behind my back. My hand freaked out as expected and i handed it back to Officer Eastman. Some people couldn't hand it back. They dropped it in shock as soon as they got the charge goin through their hands. It was tight to watch, like if something had bit their hands. But that is expected cause the whole schocker is trite. With a real lighter, we found out they do burn, but they smell and it takes a little bit of time, and also, you'd be burning yourself if you had a lighter to escape with. When we got back to class i finally got the cuffs off. As i left 3rd, i saw her walking to the 100 hallway as usual. I looked up, looked down so i didn't prematurely catch eyes with her. She was behind to people. As they passed she was looking down, and she looked up at the corner of her eyes and said hey. Another sincere hey, the second today. Sweet.
I also saw J-Heff for the first time in months right before 4th. Weird. And school is the last place i'd expect to see her. She's Collin's sister. She's fine, but not as fine as everyone makes it out to seem. She's just got a really good body. And some bombs. 4th, i figured out i got a 97.4% on the test. I knew i aced it. I had the best score out of everyone, without studying. But i never study anyways, so its normal for me. I even beat Evie's score. She always ends up getting 100 %'s. She got a 97% this time. Sweet. Take that Evie. And i finished my homework for once! YES....
5th was gay. The class idiot today pissed me off. First, while Ms. Tomassi was talkin (T-max 29), i noticed he has a pair of those "Heely's" shoes on. The ones you grind with and when you apply pressure to the heel, the wheel comes out allowing you to rollerskate. I showed Danny and he started crackin up. Of course i couldn't help myself when he was laughin as much as he was, so i laughed just as much. I thought only middle-schoolers wore those, so we poked fun at him, but it was mostly laughing. And Danny provoked me cause he was laughing a lot more than i was. It wasn't as funny as Danny was making it seem. We went in the darkroom, the humilation continued. When we got outside, the kid had seemed to known already and told me "Next time, if you're goin to make fun of me, be man enough and say it to my face." Alright, that did it for me. This little freshie, idiot, freak, who is seriously fuckin slow, has the balls, (wait he doesn't have balls), but he has the audacity to come say that shit to me, like if i'm not man enough. Fuck that, he's not man enough at all. He's the biggest pussy ever. And a freshie to say that to me. He's fat, and idiot, slow, and also a freak. I can't tell you all he does, but you'd have to see him in class. He's weird. And now he thinks the whole class hates him. Which in part, is seriously true.
Later, i was sitting at the same table as him, (one mistake by him, i wasn't the only one making fun him, it was mostly Danny actually), and i asked him if he was a freshie, just to be sure and reitorate myself. It was obvious so he he gives me this look like if i'm dumb and goes "uh, yea." I got up and said "by the way you fuckin act
its been obvious from day one faggot bitch. Dick." And he goes with a cynical smile "This class is gonna be fun isn't it?" I looked at him and go "and...." like so....get on with the point dumbass. And he says "Next time you have something to say, say it to my face." I just looked at him and said "I just made fun of you to your face you fuckin idiot bitch." and walked off. He was gonna say something and then this black guy started laughing at him and he just shut up cause i made him seem like the biggest idiot ever. Which he is, so i just made it obvious to everyone around. The rest of the class period he was pissed and angered. He hates the class now, and he's almost depressed. He brought that shit on to himself, that freak. I'll apologize to him tomorrow, unless he pulls some more shit. I'm only gonna apologize cause i don't want to end up beating his ass and getting suspended, and cause T-Max 29 repramanded me about making fun of him. Oh yea, i call Ms. Tomassi, T-Max 29 cause we're in photo and the film we use is T-Max 400, and she's 29 years old, plus her last name is Tomassi. That's last fact is the only reason it works. I cut my knuckle in there trying to rip apart a film canister. I did it, but i got that small battle wound in the process. She sprayed some hydrogen peroxide i guess. She called it something like antiseptic. I think she said anti-infectant, which would be accurate so i'm stickin with it. She also gave me band-aid. I was just plannin on bare-skinnin it, but whatever, be nice.
Well, this is where it got good. Daily instead of walking directly to the parking lot, i walk the other way. Because my classroom for 5th is the last one of the 200-300 hallway and i have no one to walk with if i was to just go to the parking lot. And i'd be early as hell too. So i do this daily. And while i was walkin back i walked to the bathroom, came out, met up with Fat Man (Paul Pakidas) and i saw Karyn walk into the girls restroom. I stalled Paul to wait for Karyn, but after a little bit i just left. I met up with Callie, Alex, and Ben and said what's up. Walked with them for about 10 seconds and said alright. I kind of went on my own agenda. I saw Karyn at the courner of my eye when i turned around. She caught up to Callie and them and started talkin for a little bit. I know her, so i thought to myself as i was ahead of all them, "let me keep walkin, she won't talk to them long, and then she'll catch up with me." As i walked across the practice field, i turned to my right and saw her in the corner of my eye again. And sure enough, in a little bit i hear "Hey Egg."
She came up and kind of slowed down like if she was expectin me to hug her. Yea, i kind of stopped that ever since i dropped that card. We started talkin, i haven't talked to her 1 v 1 in a long time. I'm glad this happened today. As we talked she mentioned that while in AP English, they read something, i don't know, some cliche. And it read something like "you can't unscramble your eggs." And she goes "And i went AWWW!! Egg!" Score. She put a good amount of emphasis and emotion behind that too. I'm suprised she thought of me. And to put a that much emotion behind it. I was happy to hear that. She's so sweet. Yea, i know that sounds gay. Oh well. As we departed, she kind of took a stutter step, like if we were gonna stop and hug. It was a subtle one though. She's made it seem more obvious than that before though.
For example, coming back from winter break, we passed each other, and she kind of stuck her arms out as to give a hug, but i wasn't expectin it so i really couldn't do anything. And when we used to walk out to the parking lot together all the time, she did things like that too. She made it seem obvious. I also found out that her car was in the shop for a week cause Cory Newsome had hit it while backing out of school one day. He was leaving early and nailed her bumber. $400 worth of damage. So whatever my thoughts were about where her car was that week were disapproved. I thought she had let Rangel borrow it cause she had been up in New York during spring break and might have lent it to him, and he just hadn't return it. Not so, thank God.
Despite the limit of one mood i'm allowed to pick. Today i feel not only pleased, but happy, cheerful, sort of annoyed, satsisfied, and relaxed. Today made up for yesterday, definitely. I'm supposedly goin to work out with Clay and Fat Man tomorrow at the Y. Sounds good. In my future posts i will probably bring back constant memories of her that are seared into my mind. So i guess i'm always in a notsalgic mood too. Almost all those memories are good and show why i think she cares for me, despite what anyone says. That's all for today. Talking to her and seein her face to face like that once again made my day. That's all for today. Peace. Current Mood: pleasedCurrent Music: Senses Fail - Bloody Romance
|Tuesday, April 8th, 2003|
|Better than yesterday, but the end blowed
Well, today was better than yesterday. I got late to first, like yesterday, nothin new. We discussed the book Ethan Frome. I swear that book was made for devious purposes. Whether it be to lower students grades or bore them beyond what they thought was possible, it wasn't concieved in anything good. You'd have to get it assigned to you for you to know. I say assigned cause i didn't read, and more likely than not, you won't either. The intro alone is enough to convince. I had hours on my hand the day i started reading that book. I got to page 4 and put it down. And i haven't picked it back up yet. Nor am i goin to until it needs to be returned. I'll be more then happy to give it back early.
Well, we watched the movie on it. Sadly someone made a movie about it. They movie gets a little bit better near the end. Especially the scene were he mangles the left side of his body for the rest of his life in a sleigh accident. Yes, a sleigh accident. It was the 1800's you know. Those things pick up speed, and before you know it, some trees pop up and you're fucked. There was also one scene were he had poisoned a fox and the fox was dead in the snow. I'm not sure what kind of poison he used cause there was blood all over the snow. Not typical of poison. I won't get into any types of poison but the dead fox was tight. He just picked it up and nailed it by its tail on the side of the barn. Sweet.
Another bomb threat at the end of 1st. First, they said we couldn't leave cause of the weather. Alright, if there really was a bomb, keeping the whole school inside cause it was drizzling is the option to pick. Eventually, we went outside, for about 10 minutes, back in, routine, you know how it goes. You should by now, we've had one everyday now for about 5 days straight, and i've posted on each one. Well, on to HR.
Nothing there, I didn't see Karyn, i guessed her and some of her friends like Shae had gone on some field trip. As it turns out, i was semi-right. Shelton (my ride home for now) told me they went to some gossip thing cause Henderson thinks they're gossippers. Some of the junior girls went. She got back right before 5th. Nothin in 3rd period till the end. We went all the way down to the 400 hallway from our 100 hallway. To take a picture to help out CJ (criminal justice). The trick was to have both classes in one room so the class looks full and so they can get more kids into CJ. Cheap. Supposedly, the two teachers, hate each other. My friend in the other teachers class says she talks shit about my teacher all the time. But you could never tell when they're face to face. Hahaha. My teacher wouldn't know though. She's young and things like that float right over her. And she's not bad lookin either.
4th, algebra 2 test. I think i aced it. Everytime we have a test our class has 1st lunch. No exception today. Its alway packed in there. But a lot of my friends are in there. Jason, Clay, Leslie, Wartzy, Callie, Sarah, Worm, Brianna, Kelly, etc. Also some other girls i know, the party guys, and just some other people. Lots of my friends. And of course my good friend Gabe was in there. He had given me a piece of Orbit gum before 3rd. Good man, i didn't use it till about 5th though. No tenders today. Dammit. And since i didn't have second lunch, i didn't get to collect the Nature Valley granola bars i always get from my friends. Those are fuckin good.
Test came. Did it. Passing time from 4th to 5th is when i saw her. I was talkin to Leslie (to the left of me) and Sarah was right there on the right of me. As i was talkin to him i was lookin kind of straight/left. Then i looked over to my right to see her lookin at me ready to say hey. She said hey and i complied. I just said hey and smiled back. It was one of those sincere heys i was talkin about too. No bullshit today. I looked over and she was ready to say hey. That kind of cheered me up. The awkward thing too is that during lunch, Sarah picked up her binder, and the i looked and caught Karyn's face in the pic of the cheerleading squad a split second before Sarah covered it up with a paper. I also saw someone or something that reminded me of her after lunch. Oh yea, Courtney was lookin pretty fine today. Nothin special in 5th. Just a shitload of bookwork.
Something happened to Kylie's face. I think she put on too much tanning butter and got a BAD sun burn on her face. Literally a burn. I saw her before lunch, and we kind of did that thing were you look, then as you look away, she looks, so you look again, and it just ends up being a cycle. And i saw something on her face. I didn't realize what it was until we got out to the parking lot and she drove up right past me. I said hey and noticed what was on her face. I didn't make really realize it until the last moment cause i kind of saw it for just a little bit. But it did look like she got a burn on her face, literally a burn. Hopefully it heals up quickly and fully.
After 5th i met up with Shelton, and we walked out to the parking lot. She was ahead of us by a good bit. I saw her standing in the big circle of friends that always congregate there at that end of the parking lot. Some guy that looks like Josh Spivey (slightly, he hangs out with all those junior druggies, well he is one) hug her, and just kind of rub her back and grab her shoulder. And then when everyone was leaving, she was standing by her car and Shawn Padilla was talking to her. That pissed me off even more. I'm sure its nothing to worry about, but he does that sometimes. Just talks to her. And that kid fuckin pissed me off too. Its just that i haven't talked to her in a while, especially seriously. And i haven't hugged her forever or had a 1 v 1 in a LONG time. It just pissed me off. And Shawn standing there with her as everyone left reminds me of a time when that happened to me.
Me and her were standing in the parking lot after a football game. Everyone was leaving except her and Aleana and me. Aleana said she had to go and me and Karyn just kind of looked at each other straight in the eyes, the only people left in the parking lot. She smiled and said "so..." One of those. A good one. I can't remember what happened but we said bye to each other, we really didn't talk. She asked me if i need a ride, but i had driven there. Just seeing that today reminds me of that and makes me jealous cause it almost seems to me as if he's getting the same feelings i did. I really don't think it might be anything at all, actually, i'm 100% sure that if its anything, its all on Shawns behalf. But still, i was being cautious, but i can't do anything about it. And that pissed me off. And that kid did too. But i'm almost sure its nothing. Pretty close to 100%. As i was walkin to Shelton's car, she looked over and said hey, and i replied. I think i kind of deserve it though. Last week i went up to Sarah, and kind of gave her this tight, intimate hug while Karyn was right behind me. You know, a tight squeeze, with the follow through of your hand from her back to her hip. That deal. And today i was standing next to Sarah again when she saw me. So i guess i kind of deserve it. That's it for today. Peace. Current Mood: irritatedCurrent Music: The Used - Self Titled Album
|Monday, April 7th, 2003|
|Uh....nothing. Despite all i wrote.
Today was awkward, nothing happened. It was completly an apathetic day. I didn't wake up this morning to do my running because i fell asleep late last night. But because of that i know that they are goin to start airing episodes of Family Guy on Adult Swim starting April 20th (reruns of course). That show is by far my favorite ever and the funniest ever. The only i really watch more than that, or did when it was on, is the Discovery Channel (good stuff) and the MTV channels. Also, the Family Guy is coming out with a box set of their episodes, its mine. That's all i can say. Worth every dollar ($50 by the way).
I woke up, and thought i had time cause it was dark. But that damn hour change. Know everything's an hour ahead. Dammit. I didn't shave this morning, and i didn't take nearly the amount of time i usually do to do my hair. Instead, i put some gel into my hand, put it through my hair, and it worked (not as good as i thought). I was rugged today (in the aspects i just explained). Usually i'm well shaven and my hair is done. By the way, i have to wash my hair in the morning, dry it, and then do it. It takes 2-3 minutes, 5 max. Today, 30 seconds. Sweet, off to a good start for Monday.
I didn't read the novel due today for English, or the vocab that came with it. Didn't do my math HW. I never do my work, that's gonna be the end of me. I'm really smart, but my grades put up a bluff. They're low cause i could care less about my work. MISTAKE which i'm trying to improve on. Oh yea, another sweet start to the week, NO WRECKS on the way to and way back from school.
I got into 1st late, and everyone was in groups. Usually, i'm in the massive group. Me, Kyle Allen (the Kyle in sunday's post about saturday night...great man), Ola, Jen Williams, and Amber. Jen and Amber are pretty hot, not bad, but Amber is annoying as hell. I'll elaborate in a bit. Anyways, i got stuck in a group with a freak and a nerd/freak. The latter's name (the nerd/freak) is Jonathen Lowry. He thinks he's the smartest thing concieved. Well, its only cause he devotes his life to school and poems. So he's not smart, just knowledgable cause he has nothing better to do. He wasn't too happy to have me in his group because of 3 reasons. 1) I'm in the popular clique who despises his type 2) he probably thinks i have no respect for learning, only doing what i want and 3) because i don't have to try all my life to be smart, and i'm already smarter than him, even with such a big head start. Of course he'll never admit it, but its tru. I answered my section of question for the assignemnt and went right back to my friends. Later he kept looking at me. Probably pissed cause i answered the questions right off the bat like nothing and fled from his area. I could care less.
Yea, like i said Ambers pretty hot, and cool. But she can be annoying as hell. Her voice is almost enough. And she's an idiot. I won't write anything else on her. I'll leave it at that. Bomb threat got called in as expected and we all went outside and chilled. It was humid today. Unbelievably humid. Well, that's Florida for you. While we were out there me and Sarah Mangia (the fine sophomore) talked for most of the time. Gabe sat there and observed. Clay, Leslie, and Jason kept drifting but me and Sarah just sat there talking like no one else was around. Gabe needs to get in convos more often. YOU HEAR ME GABE. Not my convos with girls, like Sarah today. But go talk with Clay or someone. I don't want to see you just sit there all reticent. SPEAK. We all reported to HR as soon as we were allowed to populate the building again. I saw her (Karyn) walk by me, we caught eyes for a split second, but i looked away. I was RUGGED as fuck today. I didn't want her seeing me. A missed opportunity cause it looked as if she was goin to give one of those sincere "heys" i didn't recieve last week. Shit. We caught eyes after HR too, but it was from a distance. She looked gorgeous today (as always). But today i really like the outfit she was wearing. It looked good on her. She had a white shirt, and some black shorts on, and a tight head band that was black and white. Not one of those slip on head, one of those that are more like a bandana. You know, the better more expensive junk. That's the only way i can define them cause i can't give an accurate physical definition. Anyways, 3rd period came. My teacher made me run an errand. I grabbed some newspapers, took them to room #414, then on to the library to laminate some articles. We also read some article on Baker Act thing. Something that has to do with suicide rate of teens in Hillsborough and Pinellas county. It was alright. Next to that article was one on Honda's ASIMO! The humonoid robot they hope will be like a family maid in the future. That's interesting. But then again i'm into science and technology so you know.
4th came. Nothing special there. That new girl still comes pretty close to staring. Not as much, but still. Its kind of uncomfortable. I think Mark's trying to get in on that. Mark Parisi. LOL. If you knew him, you'd laugh at it. They had tenders today for lunch. Its like an on off deal. Some days they have it. Some days you fight all those niggers off the line, to find out that they don't have them or they're out and half of lunch is over. So now you have to wait in another line for a chicken sandwich. HOMOSEXUAL. Then, on the way to 5th, Fat Paul had gave me this paper of a drawing James Sleeper had done. I had to give it back to Jimmy, but he wasn't in his class and i arrived late at mine. I don't think the teacher really cared. She's young and she's basically my friend. I mess with her all the time. We make fun of each other and stuff like that. Its tight. Marlowe walked into our 5th period class while i was in the dark room. She's pretty hot. And thick. Sweet.
I talked to everyone out the parking lot (all of my friends that is). As i do daily. Talked to Sarah a little. The fine sophomore that i think is starting to gain some interest in me that she supposedly had at the beginning of the year. Well, that was all for today. Nothing special. Oh yea, that Vanessa chick is fine. She's short, but fine. Today was pretty apathetic. Current Mood: apatheticCurrent Music: Brand New - Jude Law and Semester Abroad
|Sunday, April 6th, 2003|
My discovery! the mind
Alright, this is big. I think i found a way to explain how a psychic mind works. In other words, i'm pretty sure i can tell you how a person is able to read thoughts. Also, in getting to that point i will explain psychic instances normal people feel and even a scientific explanation for "love" for those who are enveloped in finding a way to explain everything scientifically. Anyways, this is way their mind works and everyone's mind works, and this subject is somewhat intertwined with seeing the future, but i'm not goin to touch on that point until the very end. And i'm only goin to breifly touch on it. Anyways, since i'm only a junior and don't have a degree in science, its not my major, or my career. So i can't give you the exact facts you want to hear, which means no scientific words or in depth scientific info, but for most people, it'll be more than sufficient. My strong points are science and philosophy, so you can trust my information. When it comes to science and scientific logic, i hardly guess wrong. Also, i will actually do research on this because all i'm goin to tell you are my thoughts on it. I did no research on this but i assure you it is concise. I will continue to write more the more i learn. Well, all my info is based on what i scientifically know, and strong emotions that i have felt this year. Let me explain.
It all came to me this morning as i was walking out of church. Yesterday afternoon while i was sitting at the dinner table just listening to "Audioslave - Like A Stone," a strong sense of emotion hit me. As if someone i cared for was thinking about me or feeling the same. Awkward. I was thinking of Karyn at this moment, but these perceptions rarely ever come, as often as i think about her. And i think about her constantly. As it faded, i thought as i listened and sang along, and remembered what i know about brain waves, the limbic system, your brain, emotions, etc. Then this morning, i was goin to church, and i saw her car drive by, window open, and there she was. She was on the phone, and passing by the turn to her house. I don't know where she was goin, i could only imagine. And just kind of watched it go by, reclined in the seat, and just sighed. As i came to the enterance of our church area, i was once again listening to "Audioslave - Like A Stone". Emotion seemed to have been building up since i saw her, but when the chorus hit, i got another one of those perceptions. Strange. I believe music boosts these perceptions i'm goin to talk about. But i'll get into the music issue in my next posts.
Have you ever felt the presence of someone behind you, or around you without you seeing them? Or felt something harmful happened to a loved one, or even felt them caring and/or loving you? Usually these perceptions come as very strong feelings.
When i started getting closer to Karyn, i would occasionally feel strong emotion as if she was thinking about me, almost all the time it happened when i was thinking of her, but it happened without my thoughts about two times. These emotions didn't come often, but when they did, it made me feel good, as if she does care for me despite what's happening or anything else. No, my thoughts did not evoke these emotions. Instead, i believe these emotions came from a connection. I will explain in a moment. I know i didn't evoke these emotions because i thought about her constantly, yet these perceptions only came rarely or occasionally. Weeks could go by without one of these perceptions, yet my thoughts could've been focused on her the whole time.
Before i get into the connection i mentioned, i will elaborate on emotion and thought processes of the brain. Emotion comes from your cortex. The area of your brain that consists of your brainstem, thalamus, and hypothalamus; the parts that control your most basic life functions. From this area emerges the emotional brain. Emotions were used as a life saving technique. Since your first reaction to almost everything is usually an emotion(that explains why some people ask "what was i thinking" after they executed an action), ancient humans used emotions to survive. They used them whether to stay or hide, fight or flee. Emotions kept humans alive. On top of your basic emotions, more complex emotions grew and as your neo-cortex formed, emotions intertwined with thoughts to make even more complex emotions (this explains why you can't describe what you are feelings sometimes and also why you can't pinpoint your emotions sometimes). Smell and taste are also close linked to emotions. Ancient humans used them to tell if the food was prime or rotten, whether to bite or leave alone, and even if to spit or swallow.
Your neo-cortex is the center for human thought and intellect. It is the bulb of convoluted tissue which makes up the area of the brain we refer as the "brain". Thoughts usually come after emotion, and are not as quick. Emotions are instant and that's what helped ancient humans survived. As they evolved and became less opposed to danger, the neo-cortex and true thought and intellect emerged. The neo-cortex grew from the emotional brain, so that gives you an idea of how they are intertwined. Take note, the emotional brain CAME BEFORE the intellectual brain. This will dictate why we recieve these perceptions i mentioned as feelings, and why psychics can read thoughts.
Around the brain, grew key layers to the emotional brain. These cells formed a ring called the Limbic System. "Limbus" is latin for ring. When we are overwhelmed and/or caught up in emotion, it is the limbic system that has us. As this system evolved, it used two very useful tools. Learning and memory. This is how it is connected to the neo-cortex. Decisions were now being guided more and more by past experiences and the neo-cortex then emotions. Emotions still had dominance though. And to some extent, they still do. The neo-cortex also provided long-term planning, strategizing, art, civilization, and culture.
Now that you understand how both parts of your brain work, i can state a simple fact. The brain emits brain waves much like sound emits sound waves, and most energies that emit waves. Seeing as to how the limbic system is intertwined to both areas of your brain, emotional and intellectual, i belive your limbic system is the part that emits the waves. I believe that it acts as a satellite emitting brain waves, AND IN TURN, recieving them as well. See, you would'nt be very efficient if you could only send out info but never recieve it, correct? The synapses between brain cells allows for this info to be released from your brain and be recieved as well. I'm not sure exactly how it works, but the electrical currents that jump from brain cell to brain cell through the synapses (these electrical currents are your thoughts, emotions, what you visually percieve, what you feel, taste, smell, etc.) can somewhat be transmitted because the synapses is just empty space between the brain cells through which the currents pass. And with all the action your limbic system regulates, it must be the area where this releasing and recieving is being done.
I believe that when you feel someone, or something bad happen to a loved one, or there love for you, you are receiving their brain waves(as i had mentioned happened to me with Karyn). The stronger the emotion, the more you are likely to feel it, no matter the distance. Also, i believe that the more similar the brain waves, the closer you are to that person. Both on a mental level and emotional. This could explain why seeing your "soul mate" leads you to feel and/or believe that they are the one. Also, remember how i stated that emotions came before thoughts? I think that's how your brain transmits them too. I think your brain sends out emotions and thoughts simultaneously, but the emotions might be a split second faster or just more overwhelming than the thoughts. So those people who get these perceptions recieve the as only strong emotions, because they need to be strong to be felt, and because they either come before thought or are just more overwhelming than thought. Like i said earlier, emotions can control us. That's why some people, after doin something, ask themselves "what was i thinking?"
I think that feeling someone's presence in the room or even ghostly presences (energies left behind by the deceased) might be sort of like an radar type deal. No one is around, except for someone you can't see, so it means that you're recieving only their brain waves, which makes it easier for you to tell that someone's there. Another explanation is similar but works more like an echo. Like bats and dolphins who send out echo waves recieve back pictures. Well, if there is someone you can't see, they're still emitting brain waves and so are you. So you might send them a brainwave (unintentionally obviously), and subliminally, that person might recieve and send one back. Of course neither of you would know its goin on but it happens. Also, one more explanation might be that you are just scared and apprehensive and just assume someone's there when there might not be anybody. But fear and apprehension could play a part in the first two explanations as well. They both are strong emotions, thus enhancing the limbic system, which would send out more and be more open to receive brain waves. Also, receive passing waves or energies might also confuse you to believe there is someone there.
My thoughts on how psychics read minds is this. Psychic powers may not necessarily be a step in evolution. It could just be a mutation or even difficiency in the limbic system. But then again, it might be evolution making the limbic system even more sensitive than it already is. For the first two explanations, someone might just have been born with a mutation in their limbic system, allowing them to overlook the emotions from the brainwaves they're recieving and actually be able to read the thoughts that come with the brain waves. Brain waves come as both thoughts and emotion because the limbic system is intertwined with both, as i had mentioned earlier. So the brains ability or disability to overlook the emotions being sent out and secondly read the thoughts or translate these recieved perceptions into thoughts is how i think the psychic mind works. Theoretically.
Also, as mentioned earlier, being able to see into the future, or seeing glimpses of the future, might very well incorporate the same exact functions that i just stated. The electrical currents running through your brain travels at blinding speed, and with so much travel at the same time, isn't it possible for one or some of them to go astray? Where i'm getting with this is that some of your brain waves might actually travel into the future and come back or allow for other brain waves from people seeing the event to enter your brain. This might very well explain how people predict the future or see glimpes of horrible events in the future. You know what horrible events? Because the evoke STRONG emotions. Strong emotions dictate why you can recieve these perceptions. A psychic mind may just be difficient or even just more sensitive. Another explanation for seeing the future might be that instead of your brain waves goin into the future, some might be traveling into the past (present for us) and you might just intercept them. Time traveling, even amongst energy waves is complicated though.
One last thing, incorporating brain waves time traveling, and having similar brain waves or brain wave patterns with someone might be a good explanation as to why people say that they had past lives. Their brain waves might be goin back in time (not a good possibility though) and recieving brain waves from someone or someone with similar brain wave patterns. Or they might just be recieving brain waves from ghosts that lived in whatever time they claim to have lived their past life.
That's all, hope you enjoyed this. Once again, all this was my own thought and knowledge. The only referance i had was one book, called "Emotional IQ" by Daniel Goleman. The only thing that it helped me with was how the brain evolved. The three paragraphs that touch on the emotional brain, intellctual brain (neo-cortex), and how the limbic system evolved, were referance from that book.
In my future posts i will elaborate on what i wrote. I will touch on how spirituality can, or does play a role in psychic ablilities, telepathy, why people may also see just normal events in the future (not necessarily horrible events), people who can see into the future on command or at will, how music can "pump" up your brain to these perceptions, and energies left by deceased people (brain waves that have formed energies of those people).
If interested or just liked the posts, leave a comment.
Current Mood: Intellectual
Current Music: The Used - Self Titled Album
|Last night, the next post is my discovery
Well, before i get to my discovery....i will just eloborate on last nights events. (and from the next post on, i will organize them into paragraphs instead of blobs). There's nothing to elaborate on basically, last night blowed, but a half hour at the end kind of saved it. I met up with Kyle at muvico, and he was chillin with losers even for him (Kyle's not a loser, but there are a lot of my friends who have a little bit more important people to hang out with than him and his friends, but they still really respect them, both sides mutually). So he was chillin with some losers and a few good guys, like Kyle Eaves, Indo, and Sleeping Dan. Then Dirty Ben and Jake showed up. The four of us decided to roll out so me and Kyle followed Ben and Jake up to Peabody's. Ben was there to talk to his "girl" about something, but i guess she wasn't there or some shit. I showed up a little later so i don't really know. Lil' Joey came by there we stayed there for about 20-30 minutes. We came back up to muvico cause no one was there anymore. Some faggots kept driving by trying to show off and be hard, typical. Mike Maineri was there, graduated 2 years ago, another Kyle's brother (i know a good amount of kyles). He's tight, he was waiting for his friends to show up, they did and we still had nothing to do. So now with Lil' Joey, the 5 of us sat there for a little bit. Dave Wartz rolled up with Brad, and guess who else, Kelly and Sarah Baron. LOL. I was talkin to Sarah, and she had said that they were so bored they ended up calling Dave and Brad. I don't blame her...when I tried calling everyone earlier, every single person was home. I even called Sarah (mangia) and she was at home. But she was goin out to the Martini Bar with Kylie. Kylie was gonna be working/dancing there. I wish i could've seen that. That Martini Bar place is gonna get busted though. A bunch of kids from my school go there and they serve them drinks and on top of the underage drinking, they now have Kylie working/dancing, and she's underaged. It won't be long before they're busted. Oh well, sorry, i digressed. Sarah Baron told me that a bunch of people were at Looney's so i called Clay up. He said that they just had left and they were all up at Dunkin Donuts, which is about a 10 second drive from muvico...literally. Its right across the street. So we met them up there. Ellen, Jessica Spivey, Jessica Looney, Noriko, Kelly Bronlawee, Vanessa (she's a new chick, but she's fine, and kind of short), Choo, Clay, Jason, Leslie, Carlos, and some TT boys were up there too. Even some of the losers from earlier were up there. But they always go there anyways, we always see them up there. We were there for half an hour, and then we all left. Those 30 minutes kind of closed the night at being alright instead of "i'd rather be at home" boredom. Most of them were drunk, but me and Kyle had no alcohol, and usually Kyle does. He was desperate for some the whole, but nope, he just ended up staying sober. Some idiot had parked in the middle of the lane in the parking lot, blocking other cars from leaving, and the came and towed his ride. REPO. It was a black '95-'96 civic with rims and some stuff done to it. Oh, some information came to me yesterday when i called Clay to find out what he was doin that night. It seems that Collin was using me for a ride to get the girls because i'm a generous guy. He had planned the whole getting Sarah Baron drunk and doin shit with her a long time ago. Well, nothing went down between them, but some other shit went down that night (the night before SAT's). I remember that when i told i had to go he told me he couldn't leave now cause i was there ride. He said "Huevo! Let me get head or something! Just wait." That's when he called Carlos and i left. After i had left, Collin didn't get any play, but he did get some unexpected action. Clay and Jason stopped by. Collin had been chillin with them at the pool earlier that day as i had mentioned. He had ditched them to enact the plan he had concaucted a while ago. And Clay knew he was using me to do this. He told me that Collin said "Oh, don't worry, Egg will pick me up." And Clay said "Man, don't use Egg, that's wrong." Collin: "Naw, naw, he'll take me." So when Clay showed up later that night at his house, he bitched him out for 1) ditchin them like he did 2) being with Leslie's sister and 3) using me to do this shit. He was yelling, and went out of control. Clay was also fuckin drunk of his ass and was getting belligerent. I heard that Collin was checkin his arm out almost the whole time cause he was peelin'. Just goes to show you how selfish and conceited that guy is. Clay puked on Sarah B and all inside Leslie's car. And he woke up the next morning with the biggest hangover and some puke by his bed. Ok, it does make it hard to believe that he had a rational argument with Collin cause he was this drunk, but i'm sure he made some good points that Collin couldn't come back with. Also i wasn't there so i don't know exactly what was said, or attempted to be said, interrupted by vomiting and whatever else. Personally, Collin using me doesn't matter that much to me cause it's not like we don't talk at school or hardly ever. I see him all the time, but because i sort of seperate myself from the group and everyone else for that matter, intimate friendships is not what i'm getting here. And i'd rather it be like that. I keep to myself a lot and i like it that way. Besides when my friends see me on the weekend nights, they end up being more glad to see me cause i haven't seen them all day or talked to them that much. So, it's not that big of a deal, he doesn't use me that bad, and i could care less. But last night i had to go thank Clay for telling me and sticking up for me. He's a really good guy and one of my best friends. He said he'll always have my back and i told him likewise. That concluded the night. I took Joey home and this dog ran out in the middle of the street in Hunter's Green. I had to swerve and end up in the other lane, with a median seperating me from the right side of the road. That was kind of exhilirating, a little scary too. Then on my way home, a possum started walkin in front of my car and i had to swerve to miss it. DAMMIT, what was up with the animals last night. I have no fuckin idea. Its like when i get in a car, bad energy just starts comin to me, and all my bad luck happens. Nothin happened, but it pissed me off. I'm getting sick of all these highlighted words like when i write "science" <------ see, it's highlighted. Some web browser toolbar software did this shit and now i can't get rid of it. I'll get someone to fix it. Also, and explanation as to why i write so much on my posts. I think alot, so i have a lot of thoughts to get out, also, i'm a very detailed story teller (i can't think of the word for when someone explains or repeats what just happened or what had happened that day, i'll think of it sometime). Anyways, i get very detailed and exact when i explain, i can't leave one thing out. Another reason (for those of you who don't know me), you might just think i have no life and nothing better to do with my time. You can believe that one if you want. Its more simple. Anyways, my next post will be organized and completely devoted to my discovery. Its not completely scientific cause i'm not a scientist or have complete scientific info to base it on, but i will explain it the best i can. If you decided to stop reading my posts, then at least read the next one, its gonna be interesting for any of those interested in scientific junk like that....one last thing, there's way too many moods to pick from on the journal thing. Variation is good though, it just takes me forever to finally pick one....anyways...peace Current Mood: relaxedCurrent Music: The Used - Pieces Mended
|Saturday, April 5th, 2003|
|SAT's are behind me!...until june...dammit
THE SAT!!! it's over and done with....until june at least...dammit. I'll be a lot more prepared for this one. I think i did pretty well on the test. It wasn't an onslaught like i had thought, but it wasn't the easiest test either. The test that can determine your life after high school taken in 3 hours on a saturday. What a weird feeling. Luckily Callie (Ms. Willaford) and Stephanie were both in there. They're both fine as hell so that was an incentive to finish my test sections quicker. No, not really, i'm not that desperate, but it was nice to have them in there. Callie's cool as hell too. She's funny and witty, so it was refreshing to have her in there amidst such an important test. Jeff z was in there, he's a good man. And randomly Bo showed up. Our striker and leading goal scorer, the hatian sensation, showed up as a stand-by. That was completely unexpected. Bo taking the SAT. He made the 1st team for county all-star. Congrats Bo. Well, there were a bunch of people i knew goin through the same 30 minute intervals of test taking i had to endure. We were all spread out in classrooms so it was good enough that i had a few people i knew in there with me. I got in at 8...left about 12. I missed a meal. That pissed me off. I eat 6 smaller meals a day. "Grazing" is healthier then stuffing your body with big meals 3 times a day. You're supposed to eat small meals until you're content, not stuffed, and each meal is seperated by around 3 hours. I had eaten my breakfast at around 7-7:15. So i was supposed to eat around 10-10:15. Right in the middle of testing. All i need was a protein bar, and i forgot it. Oh well. Last night was gay. I picked up Collin, and we went to pick up Kelly McGroardy and Sarah Baron. A freshie and an 8th grader, sadly. The freshie, Kelly, likes me. I'm not interested at all, no offense to her. And Collin, being a sophomore went for the 8th grader, which is also the sister of one our closer friends, Leslie. All this was Collin's idea let me say, i had no play in the plans he had made. Anyways, if Leslie were to find out, he'd have Collin's head. Smart thinkin Collin, that's the last time your head was of any good to you, now it's gonna be gone. Good luck talkin to LB! Chances are, Leslie won't find out, and Collin can keep on pimpin on whatever girl is attractive, get with them, then leave them in an emotional dumpster. Well, i made the dumping part sound bad. Its not as bad as it seems, he's a player, dates for about 2-3 weeks, and leaves. I guess the girls never really have enough time to like him that much, cause its over as soon as it started, and then they could care less. Back to the plan he had. We got to Club Tampa (a community club with a tight pool area). And there were a bunch of little kids running around the place, and little cheerleaders, and even kids in the hot tub. It would've been just plain wrong if we sat down there to drink. As we were leaving, Mark showed up in his $80,000 G-Wagon. spoiled little bitch. He was drunk as fuck, and so was Ben Wilcher, and Kate who he was with. They were all smokin cigs when this family pulled up next to us in a van. A kid stepped out right in the middle of Marks convo to hear "FUCK!' spew out of Mark's mouth. He didn't seem to realize kids were there and just kept cussing. At that point we left, we didn't want to be associated with the kid's traumatizing. Seeing Mark and hearing him talk as a little kid could have some major effects in his future. We went to Bristol Place apartments, about 2 minutes from where i live. It was tight. They got drunk there and from there we proceeded to Collin's house. All he wanted was to get with Sarah, and Collin, using that amazing brain i had mentioned earlier, seemed to brush away the fact that i had SAT's the next morning. Yup, i was there ride home, and when i left, they did. And they live in Hunter's Green, which is about 15 minutes from my house, and it was already 9:45. I had to go, so he had to call Carlos and get a ride for them from him. Later on of course so he can do his thing with Sarah. The thing about last night, i had to compromise The Used concert for the SAT's. That fuckin pissed me off. Sarah was supposed to go to that too, with me and Kyle and some other people. (Just to let you know, the Sarah in this post is an 8th grader. Its not the same Sarah i have in my previous post. That one is a lot finer and is a sophomore...anyways). I found the best tuna ever today. (i'm also kind of a healthy junky (nice oxymoron)). Its Tonna in Olive Oil. Not only does it have more grams of protein per serving, but its soaked in olive oil, which is healthy. Now, oil doesn't seem like it could be healthy, but it is. See, peanuts, nuts, peanut butter, and olive oil are some of the few things that contain HEALTHY fats. Fats that actually help burn off bad fats, like unsaturated fats. These HEALTHY fats are called EFA's (Essential Fatty Acids). (Hemp seed oil, fish, and some other things also have EFA's). Well, i found this tuna while i was doin some grocery shoppin for those meals i eat. Another good thing about this tuna is that the olive oil masks the smell, and it takes on the taste of the tuna, so i don't even have to get rid of all the oil when i consume the tuna. I eat it all. That was an amazing find today at Publix. Sorry i don't organize my posts and its one big blob. I'll start organizing them around my 5th post. Till then, these posts will continue to look somewhat unlegible and undecipherable, from a distance at least. That's all....till tomorrow...peace. Current Mood: accomplishedCurrent Music: Audioslave - Like A Stone
|Friday, April 4th, 2003|
|Not what i expected, hell, it turned out to be a bad day
ugh.....today wasn't what i expected. it was friday back from spring break, the Karyn situation was a little weak...i had expected to have an all around great day. nope. I passed by her before HR, and she kind of saw me at the last second, she seemed to be in a happy mood, once again though, it was a hey with no feeling...and, of course, being how i am, felt bad about it. I went into 3rd, ate my meal like i always do (protein bar and tuna, but today was salmon). I pulled a half asleep where you hear everything, but you might as well be napping. Nothing beats those. Walked out and into the bathroom. First mistake. It was detrimental to the rest of my day. Not saying that i'm vain or superficial, but my appearance matters to me, especially when a chick's on the line (even if she likes you no matter what, its always good to have a good presentation i say). And i wasn't looking too good...i don't know why, i just wasn't. I didn't think too much of it, i just woke up. It was worse than i thought. It was one of those days where you just look bad, and you need to look your best. 2 things that i wasn't too excited about so far. Near the end of 3rd, another 303. It was fuckin hot again and i just been napping. Same deal, get out there, wait, go back. After 5 they have to call one day off of school, so, whoever's dialin the school and giving them this false information.....keep doin it....you got my support 100%. Try pulling them in the morning though when its not 130 degrees outside. We went directly to 4th, which isn't good cause it compromised the path i walk everday after 3rd. I see her and i was hoping today to make up for the lousey hey before HR. Well, nope. That one wasn't a big deal, but now that's 3 things that kind of put me in a slump. Well not really a slump, just in a mood to make me be lethargic and apathetic. Lunch came, they had tenders for once, i hate that line though. I have to nearly fight niggers to keep my spot in line. I'm not racists for all those who don't know, their's a BIG difference between blacks and niggers. And i hate the latter (that being niggers). Aleana showed up as lunch, i haven't talked to her for a while since she got with Garrett, but she's cool as hell. She's one of my best girl friends. She had these bad-ass shoes on, ridiculous. Her shoppin limit is as much as the 10 credit cards her mom gives her can allow. She usually goes and spends $700. DAMN. This isn't California, $700 wasted at the mall would be typical. This is Flordia, not a lot of people go that big when they shop. Either way, i think that's tight though. 4th ended, and i walked by her (Karyn) group of friends as they sat their and talked. Usually i get with my friends for about 5 minutes, then head up the stairs when she does and if my timing is right, which it only was yesterday, then we talk. It seems that as i passed by them they (her and Shae) decided to go up the stairs. So they were about 5 feet behind me, or more, and Sarah came up (I mentioned her yesterday). She gave me an enthusiastic hug, hopefully Karyn saw it and something went through her head. I could only hope. I walked to where everyone was leaned up against the tree and watched her walk up the stairs. At this point i seem like i'm a stalker. No, i'm not and i would never do that. Only desperate, sadistic freaks, or one of those 2, would do that. I just have really deep feelings for her. Well, as she walked up the stairs, those feelings came again. Like there's something there, like if she had to go and was leaving me...now, these aren't my thoughts running wild, these are my emotions walking down a path. Somethings there....i know it. It CAN'T just be me or me with the feelings. When she reached the top i felt as if when she turned around the corner to get to her class she was gonna look down so i looked away. I looked back up as she was passing us and walked into her classroom. Yea, she's gorgeous. I don't care what anyone else thinks, if they think she's hot, or pretty decent. i know they definitely can't say she's alright or nothing special. I'm a very picky guy, if you're hot it just doesn't cut it with me, you have to either be amazing or special, and that doesn't mean i'm gonna hook up with you. That just shows you how picky i am. So she's hot to everyone else, but to me she's beautiful. 5th period went by pretty quickly. The teacher is young and she's basically like my friend. I mess around with her all the time and make fun of her, so the class is tight. I got out and expected to see Karyn, trying to make up for all the missed oppurtunites today, looking as bad as i was feeling. Or one was worse, which of the two, i can't tell. Well, she had gotten out extremely early. She's been riding with Courtney this week, i have no idea where her Beamer is. Its a black BMW 325c....its bad ass. Such a clean cut ride. I've ridden with her a few times, but that's the past. No reason to be nostalgic now, i'm focusing on the day at hand. Anyways, i could only imagine where her car is, and i'd rather not think about the answers i've come up with. So i'm not gonna jot them down, that would be for the worse. Well, i just caught a glimpse of her walking by. There went my 3rd oppurtunity on a friday. I walked out to my dad's car. I forgot to say that my mom had left for Puerto Rico this morning to go visit my grandpa. He's pretty sick so she decided to keep him company. Since my car's totalled (and i found a new prelude online), my dad took her car and i took his. Well, my luck with driving isn't that good. I've been in 4 wrecks. 3 driving (not my fault) and one as a passenger. 2 were fuckin ugly. 2 other ones were rear-enders, and one of those totalled my awesome 240sx. Well, i left, and surely enough, i got hit again. That makes it 5 times. SHIT. This one caused no damage though. She was on the phone and had let off the brake and hit my car. It was Kelly Bronlawee, in her BMW X5. She's tight though, we're friends and all, but the sophomore chicks have kind of seperated themselves from the rest of us this year (that group of about 6-7 sophomore girls). I hadn't talked to her in a while. She was really concerned, but i'm a pro at wrecks now, so i told her it was nothing to worry about and to go home. My luck. Nothing happened, but out of all people. I hadn't driven to school forever, i get back, and BAM. Just the fact that it happened pissed me off. But i quickly got over that. I gotta be careful though. I don't know how much more rear-enders that car can take. As i'm typing this Collin, Jason, and Clay are at club tampa taking a dip in the pool. I might go join 'em. We're goin back up there tonight to get fucked up, but i'm gonna have to skip on that last part. I got SAT's in the morning and i need to be fully prepared (even though this one's a practice one). So much people are goin to this one. I just hope i do good. That's it. Oh, and Brittany Zimmerman's party got cancelled. LOL. She was putting flyers ALL over peoples'windshields at the parking lot. It was gonna be a HUGE event. Well, the ROTC guys (the military looking guys who teach the ROTC class) got a hold of some of them. They saw her and told her that if she was having one then they were coming. SHUT DOWN. Well, that's about all. Yea, Kylie was looking fine as hell today, again. For her, that's a daily thing. She doesn't have bad days. All the better. Well, that's it for today. The test better go quick as FuCk tomorrow, which it's obviously not. Its a 3 hour test. I'm done for. That's all.......peace Current Mood: disappointedCurrent Music: HIM - Beautiful
|Thursday, April 3rd, 2003|
First day of my online journal. I've been wanting to start a journal cause i have too much thoughts and emotions to keep caged inside, not necessarily that they're that important, but just to get them out. Everyone needs to do that every once in a while. Today was weird....i just felt awkward. And today things just didn't work out that well with the whole Karyn situation, it wasn't even that bad. I'm not gonna update anyone on it cause the only people looking at it will know the situation. I saw her looking at me as i walked to 3rd, not a big deal, nothing to get excited over. But when i walk past her now, it seems to be like we're ignoring each other again, and it seems to be coming from her. I had expected this week to go a little smoother. Saturday before school started we had a pretty good convo online, but that means nothing. I have no idea how she thinks and if one little thing has an affect on her thoughts or not (which it proabably does). But it didn't go as planned. Smooth would be having a little convo with her. I came close to that today....you know how close. As we walked up the stairs it went something like this: K "hey!" me: "hey" K: "what's goin on?" me: "nothin much, you?" K: "same here" we proceeded to walk up the steps and she said "bye" relatively early. Just a few steps away from the top of the stairs...which is awkward cause she used to say bye when we got to the top and looked really sincere, this was more like "alright, I'M done talking, bye". Obviously not that mean, but that's how it struck me as. Usually she acts really sincere to me, like, i don't know how to explain, but its more than just saying hey, and i know it. But today, it was nothing more than hey. I felt pretty bad. I'm pretty good at sensing emotions, and today, it was just like "i see you"...nothing else, no feeling behind it....or possibly feeling behind a curtain. I think she doesn't want to get to close for specific reasons. She knows how i feel, and she never mentioned anything about it....so i guess she's stuck, and being here while her boy's off at UF, can make it easy for her mind to wander off him. And she has to keep correcting herself cause that's her....she's unbelievably sweet. So, if she likes me, she has morals she's gonna keep to her boyfriend. Every once in a while i'll feel something, but when it comes like this, apathy, or a forced apathy (if that's even what it is) i feel pretty bad. Well, you can't win them all, but its not necessarily over. I'm giving it time...no matter what. And now it seems that me and sarah have an oppurtunity to grow closer. That's just goin to get complicated with my situation. I'll write more about that next time. Gabe, he's a good guy. I feel bad he has to deal with so much animosity pointed his way. People just need to stop letting emotions control their thoughts. If they were to get to know him better, and not let their friends with an already established idea of who he is. I decided to mention this cause i know where he wants to be and what he doesn't want to have to deal with. Luckily for me, i can never say i was there, making friends with the right and popular clique has just been something i could always do, somehow. But it's not that easy for everyone, actually, for most people. I just hope things turn out better for him then they are now. That's about it....oh yea, Looney got fucked by Spivey. That's funny. My thoughts on that are not to be stated here, except that, its truly funny. We got this new chick in our Algebra 2 Hon. class 4th period. She's alright, she keeps staring or glancing at me though...that makes me uncomfortable. I'm gonna have to settle that. We had another 303 meeting during 3rd. What can i say, 303's are the shit....i just wish it wasn't so hot out there. FuCk
. The Used concert is tomorrow, April 4th, but we have SAT's saturday morning at 8. That's one concert i'm gonna have to sacrifice. They'll be back in orlando twice sometime this year. That'll be good. SAT's is gonna be a bitch. I'm taking another one in june, so this one is just a practice one...to see how well i guage on it. I think i'll do decent, probably not that close to my potential. I'm gonna dominate the one in june though, its mine. I'm gonna use this as a referance so when i bomb it, i can say i was a fuckin idiot for ever thinking otherwise. But for now, i'm skipping the pessimist attitude. That's about it. I just hope the Karyn situation gets better and the SAT's (even this practice one) goes well. Yea, i also need to keep up with working out and sprinting, i've been eating healthy for a while now, its gonna pay off...oh yea, one more thing. Kylie smiled at me from a distance as i was leaving school today. Its absolutely nothing, we're just friends...but GOD she's fine. I don't care how close or distanced we are, that smile made my day...for about 5 mintues...then it all came surging back to me....anyways, peace. Current Mood: confusedCurrent Music: The Used