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Friday, again [21 May 2004|08:16am] [ mood | blah ] I don't feel like posting anything today. But it has been over a week since I posted anything so... Charlie is doing ok. We have to give him IV fluids once a week for now, and try to change his food. He is supposed to be on a low protein diet but he won't have anything to do with it. So for now we are tying to keep him eating something, later we will try to coax him into eating the special cat food. I am very glad he is alive. He seems to be feeling better, acting more like his old self all the time. Probably means he is getting ready to drop over dead (for all I know, and what I fear). I am really thinking about staying home when the family goes to NY. Many reasons. The only draw back is being alone for a week. I don't think I will handle that very well. I don't care to go visiting. No one I want to see that bad, or even at all. Not even my mother. She is on my shit list right now. I don't want to be stuck visiting with a couple of assholes all day while my wife gallivants around town. I really think everyone would be better off if I just stayed home and was lonely for a week. I ain't been feeling real friendly lately, and I don't have anything to say to anyone. Why go and make people feel miserable? Of course there is nothing new to report... My Medicare is active now, sure you wanted to know that. Really, nothing else is going on. I got my glasses. Everyone aged 10 years, I can see their wrinkles now. I haven't gotten back to reading yet, fell out of the habit. I need to start again, best way to waste time constructively. I have been sleeping all day lately, blame it on medications. It isn't a restful sleep, more of a drug induced type of sleep that leaves me exhausted and sore. I wake up feeling like I have been worked over, and tireder than before. I sleep about two hours a night in bed, maybe another two or three a night in my chair. Then I doze off and on all day in my chair. I am pumped full of coffee this morning in an attempt to stay awake. Why I want to stay awake I am still unsure. But I do. Sorry this is so boring. Probably a good thing that it is. Excitement is usually bad around here. Today is my daughter's last day of high school. Exams next week. After next Friday, graduation, both of my kids will be out of high school. God that makes me feel old. From the looks of it both kids will be in college next year, but my daughter may be staying at home and going, at least for two years. She wants to do her core courses close to home in a community college. It will be nice to have her around for two more years, I am not in a real hurry for her to move out. Now my son, different story. Although we have been getting along pretty good so far this summer break. Knock on wood. He has been home for about two weeks and I am just starting to get fed up with his self centeredness. If things don't change we should be yelling at each other in about two more weeks. There will come a mess he doesn't clean up behind himself that will break the Camel's back. And I will lose my control and yell at him about it. That will start it. I hate to think of it. I hate to know it is coming. But he hasn't changed and I can stand only so much of self centered slobs no matter who they are. Not bad for not wanting to post anything is it? Wish I had more to report. Some good stuff, juicy stuff, different stuff. But I don't, the world turns and I hang on for the ride. I'll report in again soon I promise. I could just copy this and post it again in a week or so ;) Love you, Steve 6 comments|post comment

Big deal, another Tuesday [04 May 2004|10:15am] [ mood | nervous ] Waiting for a phone call. Is my cat going to live? He has spent the last four days at the Vet's. He came home yesterday. Acting better. But until the blood work comes in today we won't really know for sure. Do I keep waiting or do I call? I don't want to know bad news, but I would love to hear some good news. I don't know what to do, so I wait for now. Charlie's kidneys had shut down. He lost about five pounds, the only reason I knew there was something wrong with him was the weight loss. So goodness knows how long he was sick. I feel like such an asshole. I'll blame myself if anything is wrong with him. My son is home for the summer. Yippie! I am so thrilled. Now I have to start the you will find a job fight. He is too lazy to find one of his own volition. He needs encouragement, in the form of my foot up his ass. Other wise he would spend the summer staying up late and sleeping all day. Occasionally playing dungeons and dragons with his friends. He is too old to be doing both. Momma would let him sleep the summer away. Not daddy. Speaking of momma, her trip out of town with her Bi friend seems to have been a success. They both were in very good moods Saturday night and Sunday. Friend left Sunday evening, flying back to New York. My wife didn't go with her so I must be safe. I hope so! -Grin- For now anyhow. I am glad they had a good time. God knows my wife needed one. Her job is really riding her ass these days. She has a real asshole for an immediate manager. A female of the bitch persuasion. I get an earful every night of that day's transgressions. I am tired of it so I know she is. I hope the benefit of a long weekend vacation lasts a while. She is taking a week in June to go home to New York, to have my daughter's High School Graduation party. All the extended family lives in NY. She gave my son a big party last year so now it is my daughter's turn. She will get to see her mom and dad, plus her Bi friend, who is having a fiftieth birthday party that very week. We are of course invited. I haven't decided if I am going home with her and the kids yet. Too many pros and cons to consider. Biggest pro is I don't want to be alone for a week. I hate it. Biggest con is being around my father, can't stand him more than an hour at a time. With a good year in between hours. I probably will end up going, but don't tell anyone that yet in case I change my mind. I just called the vet, he is still in surgery, have to wait for him to get done before he can call me. DAMN. I hate waiting for news like this. I got to find something to do, to waste time. I just wanted to check in here and say hi, took care of that. Love you all. Steve 3 comments|post comment

Another Tuesday is upon us [27 Apr 2004|07:51am] [ mood | good ] Hello everyone, and how are you today? Me? Well I seem to be in good spirits, though I don't know why. I didn't sleep much, and I have a few heavy things on my mind. Yet through the miracles of modern medication I feel okay. Lets hear it for modern medication, hip hip hooray! One of the heavy things I am carrying around right now is my cat Charlie. He has a vet appointment tomorrow morning. He has lost a lot of weight and it is scaring me. He is elevenish (not really sure how old he is). Which isn't ancient for a cat, but still up there. I don't know what I would do with out him, he has been my best friend for a long time. I hope there is nothing wrong with him. He has quit eating his special dry cat food. I can get him to eat a little canned food. But hardly enough to build up some extra weight. He eats just enough to stay alive. I am so worried. I hope that there is something the vet can do to him to make him want to eat more. And I hope the vet doesn't find something really wrong with him. I am scared, I said that already didn't I. Well I am. I went to the doctor yesterday. Got an increase in my pain medication. Doctor wants me to try walking and swimming in the pool. Watch the weight bearing exercises which cause pain. Guess I am going to have to do that. My blood sugar is behaving itself. My prostrate is still acting up. Got some medication for that. Talked about my wanting to quit smoking, but not being ready to. Thats about it. Oh my kidneys look okay too, what ever they test for in the blood came back normal. Ever since they shut down I have been worried about them, so has the doctor. Oh, and I can finally go and get my eyes checked and get new glasses so I can read again. This is very important. Supposedly my blood sugar is low enough now that it shouldn't affect my prescription. Being able to read again will shorten some of these long days. Plus it will make Blurty land a lot more fun. It is such a struggle now to read what is on the screen. My wife's best friend is coming down this week, Thursday through Sunday. The two of them are going to Charleston, S.C. for either two or three nights on a mini vacation. I want them to go for only two, they want to go for three. I don't want to be alone at all, but I can survive two nights if I have to. These two are inseparable. Oh, my wife's friend just told her husband like a week ago, that she is "Bi". Hoo boy. If my wife leaves me for a woman... What a thing to tell your husband just before you go on a vacation with your best female friend in the world. What the hell are we, the men, supposed to think? I know they plan on spending most of their time in Charleston getting wasted. My wife has already packed in the booze she plans on taking. I told my wife if she cheats on me with her friend, I want pictures. Am I crazy for letting her go on this trip? I feel a little crazy. I am trusting my wife. I would never let her go overnight with a male best friend. Now I find out this chick is Bi, and I know she loves my wife. Why should I let her go with her? Tell me what you think about this whole situation. AM I crazy for being worried? According to my wife she is strictly heterosexual. Is anyone really strictly heterosexual? I know alcohol can do some strange things to people, I been around long enough to know that. Heavy shit. As the weather gets better my desire to go back to work gets stronger and stronger. I wish like hell that I was able to. I am so tired of being disabled. I am done. It is someone else's turn now. How the hell do you become dis-disabled? I'd have to get off the medication I am taking for pain, and mental health. I could live with out the pain medication if I had to. I doubt I would do well with out my bipolar medication, or my depression medication. I'd also have to learn to stand all day, and walk all day. You can't teach sitting behind a desk, not well anyhow. And I can hardly do either. I want to go to work! I want the money, and I want the distraction. I have too damn much time on my hands. It is to close to the end of the school year now to think about getting a job this year. I could substitute (I did that for about three years, I HATE IT). Will I be ready to work next year? I'd have to start getting ready for that now. A lot of schools are having job fairs and what not. I doubt that I will be ready by August, which would basically mean I am screwed for at least another year if I want to teach. Of course I could pick up a non teaching job any time of the year. I would mind being a trainer or something like that. Might get paid more even. At least I am getting social security, that is something. I just wish it were more money. This is all a pipe dream anyhow. I don't even have the energy to take care of my yard like I want to. There is no way I could go to work. I'd end up falling asleep either at work or on the ride in or home. Kill my fool self. Or I'd go off my medication and end up getting in trouble somehow. Pipe dream. Still, I am in a good mood at the moment. That can change in a moment. Let us hope it doesn't. I am going to go read your blurty now. I hope you have a great day. I love you! Steve 7 comments|post comment

Good ol' Friday [23 Apr 2004|09:01am] [ mood | good ] Heres hoping for a good weekend, sort of like last weekend. I'd take it. Looks like it might rain a bit, we need it, so no complaints. Otherwise the temp will be in the 80s and the sun will be out. Looks like a good Saturday morning to take the top off the jeep, and go see what people are offering at garage/yard sales. I am in a fairly good mood today, despite all the shit going on. One lump of shit is my right leg, it keeps getting worse. I can barely lift it off the floor now, a real pain when it is time to get dressed. Can't walk much without a lot of discomfort. If this keeps up it won't be long before I am bound to my wheel chair. That scares me. I feel like such an old man not being able to move as fast as normal people do. Using a cane. Getting tired, and sore. I want so badly to walk everyday but I can't unless I get some sort of help from the doctor. Turned on my air conditioning yesterday. It doesn't run all the time, but it is needed in the later part of the day. Plus I like to be cold when I sleep so I can use my blankets. My natural gas bill will go way down, but my electric bill will go way up. They switch places depending upon the season. Right now gas costs a hell of a lot more than electricity, so I am glad to see winter go. Plus the furry ones like the air, I don't know how they live with those heavy coats in the summer. Especially Teddy Bear (the dog). I keep getting nasty phone calls from a credit card that I have disability insurance on. They want this huge payment TODAY, I try to tell them I don't owe them shit. I am so glad I took the insurance. Saving me a bunch of money a month. Of course they had to screw it up somehow. Wouldn't be business if they didn't fu*k it up. What else is going on... My lawn has become a haven for dandy lions (spelling). Weeds, weeds, weeds, who needs grass anyhow. If I was a good handyman I'd spread some of that weed killer crap around. But I don't have a spreader, and I really don't care if my lawn is pure grass or not. Not the way some guys get. Weeds are green too. Besides, the whole lawn will die in July due to the heat and lack of water. I'll be damned if I water my lawn. Not at the price I pay for water. And if it doesn't start raining soon we won't be allowed to water our lawns anyhow. So there. Gee, I don't have much else to talk about this morning. I am glad it is Friday of course. Grocery shopping night. My wife will be home all weekend. Wish it was a long weekend. I would love to spend more time with her. She should be done traveling for awhile. YIPPIE!!! Knock on wood. The project that required her to do all the training all over the country is coming to an end. Hopefully things will get back to normal for awhile. I hope I hope I hope. I am having some sort of weird side effect from one of my medications, nothing I care to talk about, it is gross. Just thought I'd mention it. I am either stopped up or running freely, never in between. I remember what it was like to take a normal shit. That was years ago. Before the invention of pain medication. Any how I said I didn't want to talk about it. I know you where just dying to know about that right? Time to move on. Let me copy this, post it, and then go read your stuff. Love you. Steve post comment

[19 Apr 2004|02:04pm] My Inner Hero - Wizard! There are many types of magic, but all require a sharp mind and a cool head. There is no puzzle I can't solve, no problem I can't think my way out of. When you feel confused or uncertain, you can always rely on me to untangle the knots and put everything back in order for you. How about you? Click here to find your own inner hero. post comment

Another Monday [19 Apr 2004|01:28pm] [ mood | okay ] Another trip out of town. The wife is back in Detroit. Comes home Wednesday. Bad bad bad. I hate it so much when she goes away. I truly hate being away from her. When I first moved to NC I lived down here for about four months on my own. Had to find a house to live in, tie up lose ends, that sort of thing. It was one of the worst periods of my life. I damn sure figured out I never want to be single again. I'd drive home for a weekend now and then. Leave right after work on Friday, have all day at home on Saturday, drive back on Sunday. A lot of driving, but worth it. I was never meant to be alone. I don't do to well. Should my wife ever divorce me I'd go nuts until I found another partner. I had a good weekend. First the weather was just fantastic. Highs in the 80s. No rain. We spent Saturday shopping, and Sunday just putting around the house. Sign me up for more weekends like this. Very restful and relaxing. I did blow a wad of money on a new recliner. My old one blew out. I gotta have a recliner, it is where I live! I haven't been very good about going for my walks lately. Biggest reason is I have just been too tired to. Plus they hurt. The doctor and I are going to have a serious discussion about upping my pain medication next week. If he won't I'll have to go back to the pain clinic and have them do it. I can't exercise if it hurts too damn much. I just won't do it, and I know that. I have to exercise or I am going to die. So up my damn pain medication already. Please. Put me on something new, do something! At least acknowledge the fact that it hurts me to walk! I found out today that my college student who has a phobia about working, has been applying for, and getting credit cards. Is he a dumb ass or what? I hope the stupid fart doesn't use them. He can't make payments, why are they giving him the cards! He is going to ruin his credit before he even begins his life. Think I can make him understand that? No, because he won't listen to me. We will have to wait to see what his mother thinks about all of this. I, ahem, mistakenly opened a piece of his mail this afternoon. Hey, honest mistake. I saw my last name and just assumed it was mine. Easy to understand right? Could happen to anyone. Found out they gave him a $500 cash advance limit and a pin number. And the fart doesn't have a job... Kiss my ass. If I find out we have been sending him money to pay on credit cards heads will roll. Starting with my wife's. They delivered my chair this morning. I need to get back to it. Leather, over stuffed. It is like sitting in a pillow. I love it. I may sleep in it tonight. No reason to go to bed. We will just have to wait and see. I hear it calling my name now. So I am going to close this, and read through your entries. Then go sit in my new chair. Love you, Steve 5 comments|post comment

Friday [16 Apr 2004|08:33am] [ mood | okay ] Hey I been away for a week or so. Been feelin mighty low. I feel a bit better today, thought I would drop in and say, hello. Thank god for coffee. I have been tired all this past week, sleeping a lot more than normal. Don't know why. Could be any of a thousand reasons. Today I am on a coffee IV so I feel a little more human. Due to the way I have been feeling I don't have a hell of a lot to report on. Nothing has been going on. I made the bed this morning as I always do, my work is done. Had a good Easter, the whole family was floating around someplace. Only about three weeks and the college boy will be home for the summer. We can start our find a job fight. His idea of a good summer break is to play advanced D&D games with his other dork friends. Sleep all day, and avoid work at all costs. Of course daddy will have none of this no work shit. But daddy never wins a fight around here. The boy worked like two days last summer. For some reason he is never hurting for money, guess between his mommy and his Grand Mother he doesn't have to work. This summer I will have a daughter to put to work also. My view is once you graduate high school, you start looking for a job. Especially if you want to live at my house and eat my food. I owe you nothing once you hit 18. Ignore everything I just said, my kids will. Mom will take care of them. Hell I worked from the time I was 8 or 9, starting out mowing lawns and shoveling snow, working my way up. I was a janitor for a community college in junior high school. I made big bucks, saved most of it, always had the best sneakers and newest albums. Still got the albums, but no record player, needle broke. I am just afraid that neither of them are going to work this summer. They don't even have their drivers license yet. Too lazy to work for it. Hell I wanted mine the first opportunity I had to get it. My kids are so weird it scares me at times. Up until this current bout of disability I always worked. Some where. I have had some shitty jobs in depressed times. But I worked. Didn't always make a lot of bucks either. So I don't know where the kids get it. Their mom has always worked. More than me. She finds steady work and sticks with it. I found temporary jobs and bounced around. In a way it was interesting. I learned a lot. I can run a lot of machines. I know a little about a lot of things. It was an education. Now I are a school teacher. I may not go back to that line of work but I will go back to work someplace as soon as I can function as a human being again. I hope that happens this year. I really do. I am so sick of being alone at home. I would really rather work at almost any job than sit at home on my ass. The days last so long! Maybe it sounds nice, to be out of work on disability, not having to go in to work. Staying home all the time. Sleep in, lounge around. Right. One, your disabled somehow, that sucks. Two, it gets real boring, real fast. You don't sleep in, you wake up early. You sit in front of the TV and watch time crawl by, waiting for anyone, someone, to come home so you don't feel all alone. You want to talk to someone, do something, but you can't. Give me a classroom with thirty kids in it any ol' time. It sucks even more once the weather starts turning nice like it is. You want to be outside. I'd burn like a ham in no time with all the sun sensitive medication I am on. I did last year. Gotta be careful. We had to pay federal taxes this year. Our first time sending in a check. Wasn't a big one, but it still bothers me. For the first time no refund for us. My fault. I got a lot of lump sum disability pay last year, with no taxes taken out of it. It could have been worse. If my wife and son hadn't been full time students, we'd have been hit really hard. Thank god for deductions. The house saved us too. Thank god for mortgage payments. State owes us a few dollars... I was so afraid we'd have to pay both big time. I am greatly relieved. We even went out to dinner last night to sort of celebrate our good fortune. What was really nice, is even if we had to pay through the ass, we probably could have written the check. It is nice to have a few dollars in the bank. That will dwindle though. It always does. Well I have a weeks worth of reading to do, to catch up with your lives. So I guess I will get started. I hope everyone is okay, enjoying life, and just feeling fine. I love all of you! Steve 3 comments|post comment

Good Friday [09 Apr 2004|09:45am] [ mood | exhausted ] I suppose something is good about it. Haven't found it so far today. Got a hole in my sock, my toilet is backed up, again, and my wife didn't want me to go with her to get my son. 'We talk on the way home'. So here I am. I don't have much to say today, not much at all. I gotta waste a few hours until the wife comes home with college boy. Gotta go get him so he can sleep all weekend in his own bed instead of the dorm. Very important. Speaking of sleep I didn't last night. I woke up with my feet on fire. Man they were so HOT! That was about two. Been up ever since. So my ass is dragging. I foresee a nap in the not to distant future. Besides it will help pass the time. Been watching the news lately? All I ever watch in the day time. Too much of it. So much going on, all of it negative. Even the Rice hearing yesterday. The democrats showed their ass. So much for bi-partisanship. I just don't get it sometimes. You would think that some things are more important, like not having another 9-11. Guess not. Well I said I didn't have much to say, should have said I don't have anything to share. Too tired. I should go lay down. Buh bye. Steve 1 comment|post comment

Toesday [06 Apr 2004|08:37am] [ mood | restless ] Waiting for the repairman, again. Phones this time. My daughter's phone is out. Big deal! Actually daddy is tired of answering the phone for her. So get the guy in her to fix it. I hate waiting for someone to show up. At least they gave me a two hour window within which he is to show up. That is still two hours away. So I am waiting to wait. Does that make sense? I don't feel too bad this morning. Coulda used more sleep, didn't get it. Means I will be passing out later in the day. Momma comes home about ten tonight! I don't have to sleep alone again. Thank god. That bed gets so much bigger when I am in it alone all night. Of course it is never big enough for the cats, they have to sleep right on top of me (until I kick them off). Other than waiting for the repair person I have no plans for today. I was going to go to the store and buy the Matrix DVD that comes out today. But that can wait. I'd rather get the phone fixed. Which reminds me, I should go look for that other phone I put away someplace safe and can't remember where that safe place is... That is one problem of having a big attic, not knowing where I put crap. Since my little episode in November I have forgotten where I put everything before then. I have forgotten most of it, don't even remember I own it until I run across it. Still waiting for my dogwood to bloom, less than a week now is my guess. Gonna be so pretty. Well this isn't working out to well. I wanted to waste more time than this. Maybe you guys left me some great stuff to read. That would be nice. I will go and find out. Love you all. Steve 2 comments|post comment

Moonday [05 Apr 2004|08:50am] [ mood | thoughtful ] Hiddey hoe friends oh mine. Welcome to a brand new Monday. The wife is in Nashville, again, so I am home alone, again. Daughter is at school. It is a sunny but chilly morning. I have already taken Teddy Bear out for our walk around the park. Man the old legs were killing me this morning. Feel fine now. I think it was the temperature. I can't wait for summer, hope we have a long streak of days in the hundreds this year. Been a few years since that happened. I love to sweat, I love the heat and how it makes my body feel. All my muscles loosen up. Everything moves so much easier. Won't be long before the warmer spring days kick in and it can begin. I keep forgetting that I pay monthly to have inside the house phone repair. My daughter's phone jack has been out for months. I just got around to calling them this morning. They will come fix it tomorrow. Make her happy. Me too, now she can answer the phone. 99% of the calls are for her anyhow. What is it about girls and phones? I guess my son does his share of calling too, lets not be sexist to start the week off here. My wife comes home tomorrow, so this trip won't kill me. She has one more trip on this project. She will be done by the end of April. Then she starts her next project, which deals with Asia. So I hope she doesn't have to travel for it. There are a lot of places over there I would just as soon not see her go to right now. Given the state of the world and all. Not much to talk about. Blood sugar was down this morning, but I didn't sleep well last night so I am tired anyhow. I managed to stay awake most of Sunday. I did fall asleep for about two hours. Unplanned, and unaware. What if I was driving when that happened. I hate to think. I have no warning, I just wake up and notice time has passed. I can drink all the caffeine in the world and still have one of these spells. Is it medication related? Or what? I have no clue. I just want it to stop before I do something to cause harm. In the past I have fallen asleep while smoking. Bad bad bad. I fall asleep on the toilet, in a chair, on the bed (duh). It doesn't matter. I am sucking down a diet Coke as we speak. Just for the caffeine and aspartame rush. It helps, but doesn't cure. What would you like to talk about today? My mood you say? Well I am not in a 'bad' mood this morning. I ain't in a good mood either. Some where in between. Good enough that I don't feel like bitching about everything. Bad enough that I don't think I will accomplish much today. I did all I wanted to do, take that damn walk I hate so much. If it just didn't hurt! I like being outside, I like being with Teddy Bear. But I don't like walking. I need the exercise though. I don't want to up and die because of a little pain. I'll live with the pain. Besides, there will come a day when I can no longer walk. I know that. So do it while I can. How do you feel today? Good I hope. I hope all your problems make themselves scarce today. Enjoy the day. Guess I will go read what you have to say, to see how you feel. Love ya, friend oh mine. Steve 7 comments|post comment

[03 Apr 2004|07:23am] 1. A kindergarten pupil told his teacher he'd found a cat, but it was dead. "How do you know that the cat was dead?" she asked her pupil. "Because I pissed in its ear and it didn't move," answered the child innocently. You did WHAT ? ! ?" the teacher exclaimed in surprise. "You know,"explained the boy, "I leaned over and went 'Pssst!' and it didn't move." 2. A small boy is sent to bed by his father. Five minutes later....."Da-ad...." "What?" "I'm thirsty. Can you bring drink of water?" "No, You had your chance. Lights out." Five minutes later: "Da-aaaad....." "WHAT?" "I'm THIRSTY. Can I have a drink of water??" I told you NO! If you ask again, I'll have to spank you!!" Five minutes later......"Daaaa-aaaad....." "WHAT!" "When you come in to spank me, can you bring a drink of water?" 3. An exasperated mother, whose son was always getting into mischief, finally asked him "How do you expect to get into Heaven?" The boy thought it over and said, "Well, I'll run in and out and in and out and keep slamming the door until St. Peter says, 'For Heaven's sake, Dylan, come in or stay out!'" 4. One summer evening during a violent thunderstorm a mother was tucking her son into bed. She was about to turn off the light when he asked with a tremor in his voice, "Mommy, will you sleep with me tonight?" The mother smiled and gave him a reassuring hug. "I can't dear," she said. "I have to sleep in Daddy's room." A long silence was broken at last by his shaky little voice, ".....The big sissy." 5. It was that time, during the Sunday morning service, for the children's sermon. All the children were invited to come forward. One little girl was wearing a particularly pretty dress and, as she sat down, the pastor leaned over and said, "That is a very pretty dress. Is it your Easter Dress?" The little girl replied, directly into the pastor's clip-on microphone, "Yes, and my Mommy says it's 'a b***h to iron'." 6 When I was six months pregnant with my third child, my three year old came into the room when I was just getting ready to get into the shower. She said, "Mommy, you are getting fat!" I replied, "Yes, honey, remember Mommy has a baby growing in her tummy." "I know," she asked puzzledly, "....but what's growing in your butt?" 7 A little boy was doing his math homework. He said to himself, "Two plus five, that son of a b**** is seven. Three plus six, that son of a b**** is nine...." His mother heard what he was saying and gasped, "What are you doing?" The little boy answered, "I'm doing my math homework, Mom." "And this is how your teacher taught you to do it?" the mother asked. "Yes," he answered. Infuriated, the mother called the teacher the next day, "What are you teaching my son in math?" The teacher replied, "Right now, we are learning addition." The mother asked, "And are you teaching them to say two plus two, that son of a b***h is four?" After the teacher stopped laughing, she answered, "What I taught them was, two plus two, THE SUM OF WHICH, is four." 8. One day the first grade teacher was reading the story of Chicken Little to her class. She came to the part of the story where Chicken Little tried to warn the farmer. She read, ".... and so Chicken Little went up to the farmer and said, "The sky is falling, the sky is falling!" The teacher paused then asked the class, "And what do you think that farmer said?" One little girl raised her hand and said, "He probably said: 'Holy S***! A talking chicken!'" 9. A certain little girl, when asked her name, would reply, "I'm Mr. Sugarbrown's daughter." Her mother told her this was wrong, she must say, "I'm Jane Sugarbrown." The Vicar spoke to her in Sunday School, and said, "Aren't you Mr. Sugarbrown's daughter?" She replied, "I always thought I was, but mommy says I'm not." 10 A little girl asked her mother, "Can I go outside and play with the boys?" Her mother replied, "No, you can't play with the boys, they're too rough." The little girl thought about it for a few moments and asked, "If I can find a smooth one, can I play with him?" 2 comments|post comment

Fritag [02 Apr 2004|08:50am] To start I haven't slept well in ages, last two nights no exception. Up at two a.m., why, I don't know. I end up sleeping in the day time, want to or not. I fall asleep sitting up in a chair watching TV. I don't do that on purpose, just happens. Then I can't sleep at night. No matter if I drink coffee or caffeinated beverages, I fall asleep. This just starts my day off wrong. My wife is going away again Sunday for three or four days, she isn't sure yet. That puts me in a worse mood. I don't want to be alone. I hate it. My anxiety level goes way up, my depression down. I feel good when she comes home but it doesn't make up for how I feel before she leaves, or during her trip. My son is coming home for the weekend. Stress. He needs to shave and cut his hair, he knows it burns my ass, thus no shave no haircut. Anything to piss dad off. He'll have to be driven here and back, so Sunday my wife will spend all morning taking him back to school, then come home, pack, and leave on her business trip. My wife and my son formed an alliance against me years and years ago. Daddy is the bad man. Everything daddy does is wrong. Don't trust daddy, don't tell him anything. Make daddy take care of the negative things, never share in the good things. Punish the kid if he is wrong, never learn about him being right. I blame my wife more than my son. She should know better. She ruined any relationship between the two of us, of course I get all the fucking blame. He is a lazy, back talking, asshole. I don't like him. I love him very much. But I don't like him. Never had the chance to. I am sick of my daughter's boy friend. Lets face it folks, the kid is a fucking moron. He can't fucking help it. God it grates on my nerves though. He can't understand simple things. Like park your car on the street, ALWAYS, not just some of the time. He has leaked oil all over my driveway, and ruined part of my yard where he used to park on the grass. How many times do I have to tell him the same thing? He is white trash. And I am afraid it is rubbing off on my daughter. She is becoming more and more lazy as time passes. Too lazy to shut a cupboard door she just opened. I am sorry but when I walk into the kitchen, all the cupboard doors are open, the loaf of bread is laying there open, and the dipshit is eating my food, it tends to piss me off a little bit. I'm lucky if they throw most of their trash away when they are done. I don't like buying food to feed the boy friend. Money isn't that loose around here that we can afford another mouth to feed. What else is pissing me off this morning? My health. I am so damn sick of being sick. I want something sweet to eat. I want cake, pie, a donut. Something! Whats next, cancer? I got just about everything else. I can't walk, I can't eat, I can't sleep, I'm crazy. I am tired, so tired of it all. The pills, the pain, the restrictions, not being able to work. I want to go back to work. I want something to help me pass the time of day. Each day is a burden that must be borne. I don't see any positive changes taking place. There are no cures for what ails me. Diabetes just doesn't go away. Sorry this is one big bitch session. I need to bitch though. No one else would listen to me, I'd 'bring them down'. This shit has to come off my chest from time to time. I am sorry. You don't have to read it. Just scroll on to the next message when you see my name and see how things start off. Good things in my life right now: Peter, the pain in the ass cat. Self centered. Very loving, and empathic. Charlie, the older cat, loves a warm lap, and a scratch behind the ear. Teddy Bear. Tries so hard to be good, hates being yelled at. So sweet and lovable. My wife. When she isn't under stress there is no one I'd rather be with. When she is under stress, she sucks. I hate it when she is. I can usually cheer her up but it takes energy. Sometimes I don't have enough for both of us. Luckily she isn't stressed out for long, or very often. My daughter. I love her despite her faults, she is daddies baby. My son. Even though he is a huge asshole, I love him. Coffee. Iced tea with fake sugar in it. Smoking. Keeps me from killing people. Why is it that so many crazy people smoke? I do think it helps us keep some control over things in times of stress. It might kill me, but it also helps keep me alive. Sugar free chocolate. Really isn't that bad. Not as good as the real thing, but very close. My friends here. Who listen. Who let me lean on them. Who support me when I need it bad. If you are reading this then I include you among the good things in my life. Thank you. My sister Shy. There is always one person I can count on no matter what. That 70's Show. I am glad it is in syndication and they are running old shows. South Park. Although this weeks new episode was lame. A great show. 30 minutes I don't think about shit. My mom. Who always loves me not matter how much I fuck up. I owe her some communication. Maybe I should write her an email or something. Spring Time. The color and rebirth. Summer. The heat eases my aches. And lots of other things. See Steve there are more good things in life than there are bad things, so why feel so damn negative all the time? Hell if I know why I do. I know the depression and bipolar parts of me help me see the negative. I need to build up some positive energy somehow. I used to use alcohol to do that, not anymore. I quit drinking when I started taking all these meds that interact with booze, and fuck with your liver. I don't want to kill myself. It was nice to learn that I am not addicted to alcohol. If only I could quit smoking as easily. Even though I listed it as a good thing I want to quit really badly. I do. I like Spongebob Squarepants too. Can't forget him. Its time to end this thing. I've had enough of it, how about you? Love ya, Steve 8 comments|post comment

Twos Day [30 Mar 2004|08:34am] [ mood | full ] So much for feeling good. It lasted until about noon yesterday, went downhill from there. I feel like shit this morning. Didn't sleep well, so I am tired. Blood sugar is back up, so I got all those symptoms... Damn. I guess I knew better than to get excited about the way I felt yesterday. I tried to leave a couple of comment replies on yesterday's entry. Kept getting a DNS error page. Sorry. Raindancer I haven't got an artistic bone in my body. I've tried to both paint and play an instrument, with near tragic results. No one died. Came close though. I can paint. Well, I can copy something pretty well if I can see it in my head. I can't read music despite trying like hell in high school. It is too closely related to math, and I can't do math. I can not visualize numbers. I have to do 2+2 on my fingers. Just a small learning disability I have always had. Shy, your right, I do think too much. Way too much. I read things into everything. Instead of just doing something, I think it to death first, and never do it. I worry about things that don't need worrying about. I know I do it. I try not to. But I still do. I just don't know how to stop doing it. I always opt out for staying safe, which means I miss out on a lot of life. There was a time when I took chances, was more care free. Once upon a time something really bad happened to me. I mean really bad. It changed me. I no longer want or make friends. I no longer take chances. I am afraid of strangers. Post traumatic stress is what the doctors tell me, guess I agree with them. This happened over twenty years ago, and still has a major impact on my life. It wasn't some minor event either. It was the kind of thing that stays with you. I guess forever, though I would hope not. I can't even bring myself to really discuss it with a therapist. It still brings me to tears and chokes me up when I try. It stole my life from me. Now I think too much. I only feel safe around my wife and my furrballs. I trust you to a certain extent, because I have known you for awhile and you haven't tried to hurt me. If we had physical contact I am sure I would trust you even more. When I call you my sister, I mean it. That means a lot coming from me. I wish to hell I could read. That is my favorite way to pass time. But everything is blurry, I find out it is due to my blood sugar (is there anything it doesn't fuck up?). Can't get new glasses because my eyes will change as it goes up and down. All I know is that I can't read for very long before I start to get a headache. Even big type is blurry. I admit that there is a small fear of going blind someday because of this. Of all my senses, sight is the one I value most. I am all ready more than half deaf, I can live with that. I could live without taste. I like touch a lot, but not as much as seeing. I need to get into an eye doctor for a check up, sort of belay that fear, I hope. I guess there is some sort of dilated test they are supposed to do for newly diagnosed diabetics. Thank god for WebMD. I gotta run. Before I piss myself! Too much coffee syndrome. Love everyone! Steve I am glad I copied this before posting, it poofed! Ha got you Blurty... 1 comment|post comment

[30 Mar 2004|08:06am] Have you ever spoken and wished that you could immediately take the-words back....or that you could crawl into a hole? Here are the testimonials of a few people who did.... *I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three kids in tow and asked loudly, "How much do you charge for a shampoo and a blow job?" I turned around and walked back out and never went back. My husband didn't say a word. He knew better. *I was at the golf store comparing different kinds of golf balls. I was unhappy with the women's type I had been using. After browsing for several minutes, I was approached by one of the good-looking gentlemen who works at the store. He asked if he could help me. Without thinking, I looked at him and said, "I think I like playing with men's balls." *My sister and I were at the mall and passed by a store that sold a variety of candy and nuts. As we were looking at the display case, the boy behind the counter asked if we needed any help. I replied, "No, I'm just looking at your nuts." My sister started to laugh hysterically, the boy grinned, and I turned beet-red and walked away. To this day, my sister has never let me forget. *While in line at the bank one afternoon, my toddler decided to release some pent-up energy and ran amok. I was finally able to grab hold of her after receiving looks of disgust and annoyance from other patrons. I told her that if she did not start behaving "right now" she would be punished. To my horror, she looked me in the eye and said in a voice just as threatening, "If you don't let me go right now, I will tell Grandma that I saw you kissing Daddy's pee-pee last night!" The silence was deafening after this enlightening exchange. Even the tellers stopped what they were doing. I mustered up the last of my dignity and walked out of the bank with my daughter in tow. The last thing I heard when the door closed behind me were screams of laughter. *Have you ever asked your child a question too many times? My three-year-old son had a lot of problems with potty training and I was on him constantly. One day we stopped at Taco Bell for a quick lunch in between errands. It was very busy, with a full dining room. While enjoying my taco, I smelled something funny, so of course I checked my seven-month-old daughter, and she was clean. Then I realized that Danny had not asked to go potty in a while, so I asked him if he needed to go, and he said, "No." I kept thinking, "Oh Lord, that child has had an accident, and I don't have any clothes with me." Then I said, "Danny, are you SURE you didn't have an accident?" "No," he replied. I just KNEW that he must have had an accident, because the smell was getting worse. Soooooo, I asked one more time, "Danny, did you have an accident?" This time he jumped up, yanked down his pants, bent over and spread his cheeks and yelled. "SEE MOM, IT'S JUST FARTS!!" While 30 people nearly choked to death on their tacos laughing, he calmly pulled up his pants and sat down. An old couple made me feel better by thanking me for the best laugh they'd ever had! *This had most of the state of Michigan laughing for 2 days and a very embarrassed female news anchor who will, in the future, likely think before she speaks. What happens when you predict snow but don't get any? A true story. We had a female news anchor who, the day after it was supposed to have snowed and didn't, turned to the weatherman and asked: "So Bob, where's that 8 inches you promised me last night?" Not only did HE have to leave the set, but half the crew did too! 1 comment|post comment

Is it Monday again? [29 Mar 2004|08:51am] [ mood | cheerful ] Start another week. Ready set go. I feel good again this morning. Better than I have in ages. My blood sugar was down to 95 this morning! Hasn't been near that low since I started to monitor it. The medication must finally be kicking in. Now if I can just force myself to eat three meals a day like a good boy. I have never eaten breakfast. Coffee and a cigarette have always been enough. I know, I know. Don't bother saying it. Been for my walk already. I went to fast first lap, hurt my leg a bit. But it felt so good to move right along, and have the energy to do so I couldn't resist. My legs just aren't in walking shape yet. Takes time. Gotta stretch out the muscles that aren't familiar with being used. In some ways feeling good is a curse. I feel like doing something besides sitting in this house all day. But there is nothing to do once I have taken my walk. Bounce off the walls maybe. I don't want to go anywhere because I don't know how long this feeling will last. I don't want to drive someplace, then be too tired to safely drive home. Now if it lasts all day for a few days in a row, then maybe I can trust myself to go someplace. But where? I do hate doing anything alone. I have to much social phobia to enjoy a trip out. Gotta have my wife with me or I freak out. We might go to the store tonight. That would be fine. But for me to go now, alone (!), no way. The only shopping I can do alone is gift shopping. Birthdays and Christmas. I can do that. I have a list. Know where I want to go, what I have to get. I can do it. To just go to a store for no real reason, can't do it. I have the window next to me open. Cool day comparatively. But still spring like. My Dogwood is getting readily to bloom. It is so pretty when it does. Can't wait for my Crepe Myrtles to bloom. Ever see one? I have five. All bright pink. Very nice. You get two blooms a year with those. They are a Southern tree. They have a weird bark, smooth and paper like. Beautiful. I feel good, I said that didn't I? God it feels good to feel good. I felt like dried up shit all weekend. Never left the house, hardly had my eyes open for more than half an hour at a time. Now today I feel great. I wish like hell I knew what my body was doing? How can I be bone deep tired one day, and ready to slay dragons the next? What will I feel like tomorrow. Hell what will I feel like this afternoon? Will I have to take a nap? I have every afternoon for months now. I slept in this morning. All the way to four o'clock. Good for me, two hours more than I usually get. Well my friends and buddies, time to go ready your posts on my friends page. Talk to you later. Steve 2 comments|post comment

Early Saturday morning. [27 Mar 2004|06:09am] [ mood | good ] Hi guys. Doctor Report, three new pills to take. Two antibiotics. And one diabetes medication (that sounds like it may kill me before it cures me). The itchy pee pee, remember that? Caused by high blood sugar, yeast infection. I didn't know diabetes could do that. My goodness. Gotta pill for it. Guess it is fairly common among men. I can understand why it isn't common knowledge. Who wants to talk about it? Except me that is. Prostrate problem, gotta pill for it. Diabetes, I am on the popular drug, starts with a 'G'. Lots of serious side effects. Have to eat three meals a day. Which is new for me, I never eat three meals a day. They want me to lose weight, but eat more. Yippie. It is so nice having the wife home. She leaves a week from tomorrow on her next trip. So I get her for a full week. She has a bad cold right now, poor baby. She is running her self to hard. Work, full time student, mother, wife. I tell her to slow down and relax but she won't listen to me. The new drug combination really seems to be working on my depression. I sleep all the time, but I am feeling better. The doctor doubled my bipolar meds. I actually feel half human today. I caught myself actually singing to Peter the cat yesterday. I haven't done that in ages. So I may take a zillion pills and suffer there side effects. But as of this very moment, I feel good. I haven't been able to say that in a year. I might feel like shit in an hour, but I had this moment! And I got to share it with you. I am being all fumble fingers here so I am going to cut and run. No fun typing when I hit so many wrong keys. Love ya! Steve 6 comments|post comment

Insert Subject Here ______________________. [25 Mar 2004|09:31am] [ mood | mellow ] My baby came home last night. God it seemed like she had been gone forever this time. It was so great to touch and smell her, sleep next to her (for a very short time), and drink coffee with her this morning. Things are back to the way they should be. I had a small burst of energy this morning. Did a few chores. Ran out. I still have a few things left to do, like change the cat litter. I don't think a walk is in the cards today, not enough sleep, comma splice. I hope no one (like Killer Muffin) is put off by my bad writing style. I am not trying to be college correct. I know I make a lot of mechanical errors. Guess what, I don't care. This isn't professional writing as far as I am concerned, just informal stuff. I know I am being lazy. Again, don't care. I had enough of that crap in Grad School. It is one of the big reasons I don't go back to school for my administrative certification (another Master's Degree). I don't like formal writing! Why am I telling you any of this any how? I go see the doctor tomorrow to see if I need to be on any diabetes medication. God I hope not. I take enough as it is. But my sugar is still running toward high even though I have cut it all out of my diet. At the moment I don't miss it. I do miss chocolate. I used to start my day with a cup of hot chocolate, then move on to coffee. God I miss it. A candy bar, some M&Ms... Maybe I do miss it more than I thought. My damn prostrate is still aching. I don't think the one round of antibiotics cleared it up. Not if this morning was any indication. It is spring out today, and will be for the foreseeable future. I love it. Maybe I will take that walk after all. I just don't know. I know what Teddy Bear wants to do with out asking him. I don't see a cloud in the sky. Got the window open next to me. Just a tad cool on the skin. This window is still in the shadow. My daughter is going to have to cut the grass this weekend. Unless she can talk her boyfriend into doing it. I don't care which one of them does it, as long as it gets done. I need to fertilize the lawn this year. Means spending money on dirt, I hate doing that. It needs it though. I wish I had more physical ability. There is so much I would love to do outside in the yard. I want to plant a hedge row along our driveway. But there is no way I could do all that digging and bending over. I don't get up and down, one of the reasons Uncle Sam considers me disabled. Ah I have spring fever! But can't do much about it. Except enjoy the changes. And the colors. And the allergies. I feel like I should spice up my entries. Isn't this boring? But there isn't much going on in my life to add to it, to spice things up. My sex drive is damn near zero thanks to the pills. I don't go any where really. I watch TV and sleep. My life sucks right now. I am really hoping I can get back to work next school year. I need to money wise, and I need to so I don't go crazy. I need to work on being able to stand all day, and stay awake all day. Two things I can't do at the moment. I need to be able to work without too much pain. I can take a little. But I don't want to have to take my wheel chair to work. I guess I could if I had to. And the way things are going, I have to. We would be so much better off if I had my paycheck again. Disability is about a third of what I was making. It would be nice to have extra money floating around. I'd have to get off my crazy medication. That is what makes me tired. And I think it is what fucks up my memory too. But I can't function as a human with out it. Being Bipolar sucks! I hate being crazy and knowing I am crazy while I am acting crazy, and not being able to control my emotions or actions. I would rather be nicely sedated and non-crazy. Well I am still slightly nuts even with the medication. But it is nothing like what it could be. I thought there a few weeks ago that I was going to have to be locked up things were getting so bad. I came real close to being a danger to myself. But doubling my bipolar meds seems to have helped a great deal. Except now I sleep during the day and not at night. What was the subject of this paragraph anyhow? I have no idea. I do think I got off it. I could sit here and babble all day. Don't see the point in it. Think I will go see what ya'll wrote in your Blurties. Love ya. Steve 2 comments|post comment

Wasting time again. [23 Mar 2004|08:44am] [ mood | anxious ] Waiting till eleven so I can call my honey and wake her up. All ready been for the walk, even took a shower afterward so I smell all manly and shit. Two and a quarter hours to waste. Slept like shit last night. I am going to do my damnedest to stay awake today. No telling what will happen when I sit down in front of the TV, I'll probably be out like a light. I don't have to lay down to sleep, just close my eyes for a long blink, and I am gone. Unless it is two o'clock in the morning, then I can't sleep to save my soul. I ordered my Bush/Cheney hat and yard sign yesterday. I have a funny feeling he is going to need my help this year. I don't know why people hate him so much but my god they do. Democrats are some funny type people I tell you what. Strange folk indeed. Outta round them all up before they hurt themselves. All jokes aside, it is funny how your politics change with age. The older I get the more republican I get. I used to be a full blown liberal democrat. Not no more. Very conservative in my older years. I think it happens to a lot of people. You get smarter with age, see things more realistically. I guess. http://www.ala.org/ala/oif/bannedbooksweek/bbwlinks/100mostfrequently.htm very interesting web site. Surprising what books DIDN'T make the list if you ask me. Anyone every read Firefly by shit I can't remember his name so that ends that discussion. Very interesting book though. I hate it when I forget names and things. So many of my things are missing because I can't remember where in the hell I put them. My memory is still fucked from when I was sick last November. I used to have a damn near photographic memory. Now I gots Swiss Cheese. Well I don't have much else to say today. So much for passing some time. I did manage fifteen minutes. I just want to talk to her to know she is okay. I hate the fact she is so far away. I can't just jump in the car and go save her if something goes wrong. I'd have to fly out. That fact worries me to death. I don't like her being out of 'touch' like that. Even when she was in Detroit I felt like I could get to her in an emergency. A long day's drive. But not all the way out there in Seattle. At least she comes home tomorrow. I can make it. Love ya. Steve 2 comments|post comment

Monday again. [22 Mar 2004|09:05am] [ mood | anxious ] Sweetie is away again. Left yesterday. In Seattle, a long ways away. All the way across the country. The three hour thing is playing hell with staying in touch. I was up late last night making sure she got to her hotel okay. She comes home Wednesday afternoon. Then she should be home for a few weeks before it all starts over and she has to go train the sales staff. Right now she is training customer service reps. Why they all couldn't be done at once is a good question I think. Instead of getting used to her being gone, I am getting more and more upset by it. Not mad. Emotionally. It is tearing me up inside. I need to make a friend or two for times like this. People I can visit with, see, touch. I am so tired of being all alone. Hard to make friends when your house bound. I don't run into many people in my living room... My toilet is backed up again. My fault. I can never unplug it, only the wife has the magic touch. Now I have to use the kids bathroom. Yuck. I need to buy some rubber gloves and snake the shit (yep) out of the damn thing. No rubber gloves, no snake. I laid down yesterday because I was tired. Next thing I knew it was time for my wife to leave. Man I felt bad about that. It wasn't my intention at all. I wanted to spend the day with her. That upset me a good deal. I feel like I cheated myself. It isn't like we would have gone anyplace or done anything. I just wanted to be with her. I already did my walk today. I did it right after I got home from taking my daughter to school. It was freaking cold outside! We are having a few days of winter here, at least temperature wise. So much for the start of spring. I need to change the flag we fly. I have a big snowflake out right now. We looked for a spring one yesterday but didn't find one. I could always put my American flag back up but the wife wants a spring flag. Something to worry about. It isn't winter anymore, I can't fly my snowflake. Should just take it down, put nothing up... The animals are all pissed off that she is gone again. She was only home three and a half days. Only Pete will have anything to do with me, and he is making a real pest out of himself. He has become my wart. Talking up a storm. I have to remember to call the Vet and see if they have his food. Gotta buy another twenty five dollar bag. At least it is a big bag. Lasts about a month. Supposed to help keep his tubes clear of blockage so his kidneys don't backup and shut down. I am glad we can afford it. SO! So what... I have run out of shit to type. I have a whole day to waste. I can call my sweetie and wake her up in about a half an hour. Ten here, seven there. She doesn't have to work today, so she is going to site see. It was the only way her flights would work out. She could have left today but she wouldn't have gotten in until late late tonight. She has to train early tomorrow, so it would not have been a good idea. She is excited as all hell to be on the West Coast. I don't think she ever thought her life would turn out the way it has. She is from a small country town in Upstate New York. If she has not of met me, she probably would have spent her life around that same small town like her older sister and brother. Her younger sister moved a whole hundred some odd miles away. I'm the one that moved us far away. And I am itching to move again. Thats the military brat in me. If I live in one place too long it starts to bother me. I would love to move to one of two places, the coast, or the Rockies. I love mountains, and I love oceans. I should move out to Oregon where my grandfather lives. He has both, mountains and ocean. Both about 30 minutes away. I have only been out there once to visit him. Most of my mother's family lives out there now, moving from West Virginia. West Virginia, my home state, has mountains. And I miss them. But I want big mountains now. Like the Alps. I fell in love with them while skiing them. Okay folks that is about it, I am tapped out. I'll go read your posts, then find another web site to play on till it is time to call my wife. I love you! Steve 3 comments|post comment

Another 2 a.m. morning [19 Mar 2004|08:26am] [ mood | exhausted ] Why can't I sleep? I take so many knock out drugs at bed time that I can't help but FALL asleep. But I can't STAY asleep. And once I wake up, thats all she wrote. So I am exhausted this morning. Too tired to accomplish anything. I see a nap in my future, which will fuck up my night's sleep tonight. Bad cycle. My honey is home! She may not be leaving again until Monday, depends on when she can get a flight to Seattle. She has to be there on Tuesday. I'd love to have a whole weekend with her home. I am trying to learn to like Diet Coke. Yuck, I hate the after taste. Does anyone have a suggestion or comment on which diet drink is best? I don't know one from the other. But seeing as how I can't have any more sugar... What is left that I love that needs to be taken away? Everything else has been. I love sweets, especially when I can't have them. My medication has played hell with my sex life. I loved to walk, but now I can't painlessly. There isn't much left. Bitch bitch bitch. Moan and groan even. I gotta quit smoking too. I am saving that for another day. I have quit before. But some major event always brings me back to the tobacco. The last time it was the stalker going after my daughter on the net, and in snail mail. Something about your 14 year old daughter getting porno in the mail just makes you need a cigarette. I still want to kill that bastard. The coffee tastes like shit this morning. Drink some more, try to wake up. Why? So you can sleep tonight dumb ass. Try to stave off the nap. Not gonna work. Too tired. It is Friday! Things to do on Friday. So what. Too tired. What about your walk? Fuck that noise. I need to turn the thermostat down at bed time, I was too hot last night. Too many blankets on the bed, still in winter mode. Wife snores so loud... I miss it when she is away. What, can't think of anything to write? Yeah, I can't. Feel like a zombie. Dawn of the Dead... Starts today, whoop de fucking do. I gotta go. I can't think of anything important to say. You really don't want to read tripe. And that is all that is coming out this morning. Love you. Steve 7 comments|post comment

[19 Mar 2004|08:24am] You are a Pomegranate...unconventional, unique, and just a little bit tart...you know how to make a lasting impression and often do so with your zest for life... What Kind of Fruit Are You? brought to you by Quizilla post comment

[18 Mar 2004|08:05am] Which flock do you follow? this quiz was made by alanna 2 comments|post comment

I'm not really into this today [18 Mar 2004|08:05am] I am drinking my coffee but it isn't catching up with me. Been up since two a.m. couldn't get back to sleep. I am too excited. My honey comes home this morning. Can't wait to see her. I am so depressed that she has to fly out again this Sunday. I am still feeling like warmed up shit. I hope the doctor has something for this diabetes crap. Something that gets my sugar down and gives me some energy. I miss having the itch to do something. Right now it is a chore to turn on the TV. I don't feel like complaining for five paragraphs, so I am going to hang up now. Waiting for my sweetie! Me. post comment

This place is too damn SLOW! [17 Mar 2004|08:24am] [ mood | bitchy ] I pay all that money for Road Runner why? Time for a better server or something. I am getting tired of waiting five minutes for a screen to show up. I am tired of lost entries also. I have learned to copy them before posting. But when I forget to, guess what happens? Thats right. That is the time it decides to lose what I have written. Usually a Masterpiece. And if you wonder why I rarely leave comments, this is why. I hate waiting for the screens to change. Most of the time I get a "can't find the server error". I try to leave them, I really do. Maybe not as hard as I used to. Blame it on the site, not me. Still going it alone, until tomorrow. Tonight will really suck. Evenings are the worst, because she is supposed to come home then. She comes home everyday. I sit and watch out the window for her, listening to the TV news. It is such a habit for me and the dog that we do it even when she is on a trip. Talk about feeling sad... The ITCH is still going strong. It might be getting worse, I don't know. It would feel better if I was to run around naked, no cloth rubbing against it. I started a new antibiotic about the same time the itch stared. The antibiotic is for my prostrate infection. Same area of the body. I can't help but wonder if there is a connection between the two. It isn't the kind of itch one would ask a friendly neighbor to scratch. But it sure would feel good if someone did. Want to share with me? Damn it Shy, see what kind of influence your having on me! I watch too much news on TV. No wonder I am so depressed all the time. I really am concerned for our world right now. Terrorism... I have lived with that up close and personal. Most Americans haven't. I hope they never do. It really changes things when it starts to happen in your neck of the woods. Remember how you felt getting gas when the DC snipers where doing their thing? Imagine feeling that way all the time. 9/11 was bad enough. I am so afraid we are going to see smaller incidents start to pop up in the States. It is just too easy to get into our country from the north and south. We worry so much about them trying to fly in. Hell they can walk in if they want to. It isn't just terrorism that has me down about the world either. So much of the news is negative. National or international. It doesn't matter. People are so damn cruel. The world is a hard mother fucking place to live. What else can I bitch about? I am in a bitchy mood this morning. If I was a female I'd be thinking PMS. Do males go through a cycle too? I have heard it mentioned here and there that we (males) do have a monthly cycle, and a menopause. Is it true or just bull shit. I come down on the bull shit side of that argument. I could be wrong. Wouldn't be the first time. I hope I can find enough energy to go for my walk today. God yesterday I was a dish rag. I spent the day in bed. It was damn near impossible to get up to go to the bathroom I was so wiped out. Why I felt that way I don't know. I am taking a new morning pill that could cause it, or it could have been my diabetes, or maybe I just ran out of the small amount of energy I had saved up. I don't know. Right now I sure as hell don't feel like going. It is a matter of forcing myself to get up and get going. Sounds easy, but it isn't. I am so tired of being so tired. Talk to the doctors about it, and they have no advice or help to offer. Why can't there be a pill that would make you feel great, and energetic? There probably is, but the government won't let them prescribe it. Well I am about typed out for this morning. I can't think of anything exciting to write about. Or anything boring for that matter. Time to go to my 'friends' page. See what you wrote since Monday. Love ya. Steve 3 comments|post comment

[15 Mar 2004|08:44am] [ mood | lonely ] I just spent the last thirty minutes typing on my Blurty. And I lost it. I hit the wrong key combination, missed the shift key. And it is gone! SUCK. I am not going to do it over. I just want you all to know I tried to write an entry today. But it went poof. The wife is gone, left yesterday, got there okay. I miss her. It is raining out today. No walk for me, don't want to chance my already shaky health. My pee pee itches. What does that portend? I don't actually call it my pee pee, I just didn't want to offend anyone. That covers my previous Blurty pretty well. Of course the other entry was a little more fleshed out. Thanks for the diabetes info. I really know nothing about it or how to treat it. I am getting pretty good at poking my fingers. They hurt a little bit when I type now. Nothing big, just some discomfort I didn't have before. Add to the shit sandwich. Open wide! I need something to do with the rest of the day. It isn't even nine and I am already bored out of my mind. Shit even. I could go talk to my cats. That would burn some time. Charlie tries his best to answer, Pete really doesn't worry about it. Teddy Bear gets upset when I talk to him, unless I am petting him at the time. He thinks he is in trouble for something, and he can't figure out what. Drat. I am lonely. I really don't want to spend the day sitting in front of the TV scratching my itchy pee pee. Some picture to draw. I really wish my first attempt at this hadn't disappeared. Sorry about that. Love you all. Steve 10 comments|post comment

Howdy.com [13 Mar 2004|11:57am] [ mood | groggy ] Good day to you all. Today is Saturday, which means nothing to the home bound, except another day is upon us. Went to the doctor yesterday. Glad I did. He doubled my Bipolar medication, see if that helps the depression or not. Got some antibiotics for a prostrate gland infection. Girls be glad you are missing that little sucker. I know you have parts that ache and pain that us guys don't have. But they don't have to poke around inside your ass to check it out. And I found out why I have been feeling so wiped out lately. If you read my last few posts you should see me complaining a great deal about feeling tired. Well I didn't know that was a symptom of high blood sugar. Did I ever mention that I am now Diabetic? I have known I was for sometime now, but I never knew what the symptoms were. Now I have to poke myself in the finger and keep track of my blood sugar so I can tell the Doc when I see him in two weeks. I can find out if the reason I feel like shit is due to high blood sugar. Cool. I wonder if there is some kinda medication to treat it, or do I just get to feel like crap? Any one know? I know shit about being Diabetic. All I know is that I can't eat my favorite foods, like donuts. Both my son and my wife leave tomorrow. Son goes back to college to play games with his friends, he is really into those War Hammer games. Wife is flying to Detroit to do training. She will come back Thursday, then leave right back out of here on Sunday to fly to Seattle. So I am going to be mighty lonely for a couple weeks. Sad. I rank being lonely right up there with being dead. Something I don't really want to be. God Shy, I wish we lived closer to each other. I really need a damn good friend to spend some time with. Your a damn good friend but you live in another fucking country. How dare you! We could sit up all night drinking coffee and bull shitting each other with our daring exploits in our younger days. I am doing my best to drop in here regular like. I want to keep a journal up to date. And I want to stay in touch with my friends. It does help me feel less lonely. I don't have any 'real' friends. Long story, I was burned big big big time by a very close friend once, never had one since. Over twenty some odd years, no friends. Can't bring myself to trust anyone enough I guess. I do think I could be friends with a lot of you here. I have a feeling I could trust a lot of you. And for me to say that means something. I ain't naming names, in case I forgot someone, and hurt some feelings. I can come here, be totally honest, and not worry about being betrayed or yelled at, or whatever. Good feelings. I wish I could get back into computer games. I haven't recovered that far yet. I used to waste many an hour at them. Really helped to pass the time. Like today. The wife had to go into work this morning to catch up. So Saturday morning, and I am alone (I think my daughter is in bed, don't know where my son is). I used to use this time, or use up this time, playing computer games. I think I need to get an X Box. All the good games now a days come out on consoles, not on the PC. Still I don't know if I have the speed and coordination to play video games yet. I am just getting my typing back up to speed. I can almost type as fast as I think again. Thats why I leave such long winded nonsense here. Sorry. I learned how to type fast going through six years of college. All those damn papers. And here I am thinking of getting another Master's or maybe a Doctorate. I got the time, but I don't think I have the patience yet. Maybe someday before I die. Maybe someday. Enough of this drool. I wanted to report on the doctor visit. I'll keep you advised of my state of mind I am sure. I hope the extra meds help me shake some of this damned depression. It sure would be nice if it did. I don't think I can continue indefinitely if something isn't done about it. Talk to you later. Please take care. Steve 6 comments|post comment

[11 Mar 2004|10:34am] The old ass is a dragging today. Coffee isn't helping. Felt the same way yesterday too. Didn't wake up yesterday mentally until well after noon. I am thinking strongly of heading back to bed for a nap before I try to accomplish anything today. Today is my son's nineteenth birthday. Talk about feeling old. And I didn't have kids right away, I waited a few years to get married and do the kid thing. Best years of my life in some ways. Nineteen and still immature as all hell. Pisses me off. Blame it all on the wife and the way she babies him. Can't do no wrong my son... I love the hell out of him, but damn he pisses me off a lot. Want to see his picture? Look up the word lazy in any dictionary, there it is. Thanks, felt good to get that off my chest. So far I have managed to walk everyday this week. I plan on doing it today. Just don't know when, before or after the nap. I hope to do it before, so I don't back out of it. It seems so huge right now my energy level is so low. Lack of sleep last night. I was up at what, two thirty? Went to bed around eleven thirty. This lack of sleep thing sucks don't it sis. Wish I knew what would fix it. I take two different meds to help me sleep. They do little or nothing. They do help me go to sleep, but not to stay asleep. Once I wake up, I am wide awake, for a few hours. I could stay in bed and wake my wife up tossing and turning, or get up. So I get up. Some times I sleep in my chair, some times I don't. Today was a don't. My comfy chair is broken, remember? I have improvised a footstool, but it isn't the same. The walking is strange in that it hurts like hell while I am doing it, but it doesn't hurt once I get home and sit down. There is no residual pain. Thank god for small favors. That one big muscle is the problem. I don't know what it is called. But it is the big one in front of your thigh that connects to the hip. I do mean a big one, it ain't no tendon or that sort of thing. I could point right to it if I had an anatomy chart. It is involved in all my leg movements so every time I move my right leg somehow, it hurts. Has for over two years, since I had the operation. Poor ol' Pete one of my two Toms, is getting to be so fat he can't reach his ass anymore when it is bath time. When he tries to he just sort of rolls over. He is huge to begin with. I mean he is just a plain old big cat. Add some belly fat and he is a monster. He is cute as all hell. To put him on a diet would mean putting Charlie, my other Tom, and Teddy Bear, my dog, on a diet. Pete eats dog food when he runs out of cat food. Plus we have to by the very expensive Vet cat food too. So his little ol' urinary tract doesn't block up. Costs a pretty penny to feed the cats. I am going to have to do something though, don't want him to shorten his life span due to over eating. I feel mean not having food out for them. But watching him roll over last night when he was trying to lick his ass was too damn funny, and not funny at the same time. Charlie and Teddy Bear are going to have to suffer. Teddy doesn't eat enough now. We have him on special food too. To ease his digestion. So he don't puke every time he eats. He hates his new food. I wish I was as ripped as Teddy Bear, he is one muscular dog. Looks great. Lucky bastard. Hey, I really doubt that his parents were married. I am a little upset this morning at what happened in Spain. Over a hundred innocent people dead... I don't fucking understand how killing innocent people is supposed to further your cause. If anything it does just the opposite. I would love to put every terrorist in the world on a god damned island, and nuke the shit out of it. Cowardly assholes. I hate the fucks in Iraq that run around killing innocent civilians too. I hate all cowards that kill non combatants. I just don't understand murder at all. How could anyone justify killing another human? Soldiers and war is different for me. That I can understand. I guess that doesn't make any sense. Maybe Killermuffin can understand my statement. Anyhow, all those people dead, for nothing. Brings back strong feelings of 9/11. Don't let me get started on that. I am rambling again. I don't really have much to say. Once I get done here, and at another web site, I gotta go for my walk. So I am stalling. Might as well get it over and done with. It will only hurt for a little while... I have got to go see what you left behind first. See ya later. Steve 2 comments|post comment

I actually did it! [09 Mar 2004|08:26am] [ mood | okay ] And I am going to do it again to day. Take the dog out I mean. I felt so much better the rest of the day. I accomplished something. And it made me feel better physically too. We don't go far, less than a mile right now. It hurt like a son of a bitch. It took me almost an hour. But it was worth it. The town park is only a block from our house. It is only a block big. Three times around the park is a mile, if you count the walk there and back. We manged twice around the block. No way I could have done three with out crawling. As I get stronger I will. This used to be my daily routine before I had both hips done. I did it with one fake hip. Again though, the doctor screwed up my right leg when it was done. I can actually feel the shorter muscles pulling and paining in the front of my leg. He didn't reattach them right. I suppose I could have sued him, but that isn't my style. I know he didn't do it on purpose, he fucked up. All humans fuck up, even doctors. I just wish they were not so smug. Besides if I made a big issue out of it, someone would want to do it again. And then I am sure things would really be fucked up. I can walk now. Who knows what I would be able to do after another operation. We just had a wonderful weekend weather wise. Spring time. Now today they are calling for a chance of snow. What happened to Global Warming? I made the mistake of putting my heavy coats away yesterday, so any snow today will be my fault. I am sorry North Carolina. My fault. Will one of you lovely ladies come over and change my cat litter box? Some how it ended up becoming my job years ago. I don't like doing it because I have to get down on my knees to do it right. We keep it under a desk in our bedroom. Where the chair would be. I can get down, but I can't get back up. And the pain is next to unbearable. I have to accomplish this task today or risk the smell tonight. I know if I asked one of you that you would do it. I am sure if I asked my wife she would do it. But I will... Pain be fucked. I am so tired of all the limitations set in my life. They are really dragging on me today. I guess because I am sort of dreading going for that walk again. I used to love walking my dog. Did it everyday, rain or shine. He loves it so much. I just gotta do it, for him. Can you tell I really don't have much to write about today? Oh, don't bake bread for someone on the Atkins's diet. For some reason that slipped my mind yesterday when I broke out the ol' Breadman. My wife used to love it when I did that. She even ate some last night. For some reason I just blanked out on the whole diet thing. Hey I wanted a few slices myself don't get me wrong. It sure was good. Nothing better if you ask me. Tell me if this is weird or not. Last night my wife and daughter went to a meeting, to see if they wanted to join Weight Watchers. Neither of them are really fat, but you know how women are, most of you being women... Any how. They went to this meeting. My son was at a friends house. So I am in the house alone, or so I thought. I went in to go to the bathroom, and there in my daughter's room sat her boyfriend, playing on her new computer. Scared the shit out of me! I really thought I was alone, and when I first saw this body in the house I liked to shit myself. Do you think it was a) wrong of them to leave him in the house, b) not tell me about it? I thought it was a fuck up and told my wife so. Her answer was she didn't know what to do with him. Send his ass home! How hard is that? My lounge chair broke last night. Sad news. I went to get up and it sprung a nail or something. I couldn't put the feet thing back down. Not easy for me to get out of it, being a clumsy disabled ass. I was able to put the foot rest back down and lock it in place once I got out of it. But now I can't put my feet back up. This is really bad news for someone who retains water and has CHF. Plus it is just damned uncomfortable. I go through these chairs about every three to four years. Big reason being I don't sit down in them like a normal person, I just sort of drop into them. Too much weight from too far a height I guess. I have yet to find a brand that can deal with me. So there goes another five hundred bucks someday. Unless my wife is right, and this one has a life time warranty. She says it does, and she says she filed away the paper work. We shall see. Sorry I am just rambling along here, I am going to do the walk thing when I am done here. Guess I am postponing the inevitable. Is it laziness, or an aversion to pain? I really don't know. Pick one. Time to go read my friends page. Then go for my walk. I promise I will sis. Steve 4 comments|post comment

That feels better. [08 Mar 2004|09:41am] [ mood | Don't gotta piss any more ] I swear on my Sister Shy's name that I am going to at least take Teddy Bear for a walk around the park. It isn't much but damn it, it is something. I can't just sit in this house for the rest of my life! Love ya. 3 comments|post comment

I'll be damned, its Monday again! [08 Mar 2004|09:08am] [ mood | Gotta Piss! ] Seems like Monday comes by every third or forth day these days. Next Monday the wife will be in Detroit. She is only home one week between trips this time. Still has a lot of trips coming up. She is doing training on the software she created for her company, a data base. First she trains the customer service people then she has to go around and train the sales people. Yeah I am real happy about it. Been feeling a little low this week. I am sick and tired of my life style. I need more energy to change it. First I have to solve the no sleeping problem. I managed a whole hour last night in bed. Woke up and had to piss, felt like I had slept the whole night, I was wide awake by the time I was done. I was very upset when I finally flashed on the clock and saw what time it was. I dozed a little in my comfy chair. I have no idea how long, not long enough though. I have even gone back on the evil bean. Started drinking coffee again to see if it could jump start me in the mornings. I really want to go to the 'Y' in the morning. I have yet to make it. I keep telling myself I will do it. I am all prepared to do it. I just haven't had the energy to get my ass up and go. I blame it all on the depression. I see my doctor again this Friday. One more time I will try to see if he will change my medication. So far his answer has been that I am on a strong dose of one of the strongest anti-depressants. Well it isn't fucking working. Things continue to move downhill at a steady pace. There has to be a bottom out there. I have slid so far now I am afraid to find out what awaits me at the bottom. So I am sick of how things are going right now. No energy, no spark. My engine won't run. The body is in worse shape than the engine. It really needs some work, some exercise. I don't have the energy to change my mind some days. Ha ha, a joke he makes. Pretty lame one. See, I am outta shape. I need to go back to work, that is really what I need to do. I need to hate my job again, feel alive. Feel like I am doing something that makes a contribution to the world. I wonder how many other people there are like me out there. People on disability, never seen or heard from. Locked away in their house, afraid to come out. I am afraid to go out. That is one of the reasons I can't get to the Y. I am socially phobic right now. Strangers scare me. I swear lately that I have become a ghost. No one seems to hear me when I say things like, "excuse me", or "can you help me". People walk into me. I expect that when I am in a wheel chair, but not when I am up walking around. I get mad enough to want to kick some ass. But I don't, I came real close to making an ass out of myself Friday night. Luckily I didn't. My wife was wiping her brow with relief. We went grocery shopping. Our Friday night thing. Once a week. Friday night, boom, grocery shopping. My fault. I like a routine. Anyhow, as we wait in line I notice the kid doing the checking out is taking items out from underneath the cart of the lady in front of us. He isn't swiping the items to ring them up, but just walking them over to the cart her shit is being put into and shoving them under that cart. The lady had a lot of stuff under her cart, and paid for none of it. It pissed me off. I asked very loudly, "Are you going to do the same for us?" He didn't hear me, thank god my wife said. I don't know why, but it pushed my button just right and really pissed me off. One that he was so god damned incompetent, and two, we would have to pay for all of our shit, while this lady saved a good twenty bucks. I guess now I am glad he didn't hear me, I would have caused a big commotion, and upset a few people. But still. I hate people who can't do their job, or don't give a shit about their job, no matter what the job is. I'd make a nice asshole type boss. This coffee is doing one thing. It is making my bladder full. So I am going to end this. Empty it, and read my friends pages. So there. Talk at you later. Steve 2 comments|post comment

[05 Mar 2004|08:23am] [ mood | tired ] Why am I sending my kids to college when they could be plumbers? It cost me $544 yesterday for them to clear out my pipes. They work great now of course, but $544? Kill me now. And my sister Shy reminds me that bad things come in threes. Thanks sis. I wasn't joking about word getting out about me having a few extra bucks in the bank. Cars and houses can find those things out, and like clingy lovers they demand their share. Cars... Why did I say that? Guess which area the third bad thing will probably pop up in now. I have cursed myself. My wife came home. It was weird for awhile, I had to get used to someone being with me, looking at me. She will be home a week and then head back out. This is going to be going on till sometime in April. I am proud of her for creating the software, and doing the training on it. But all these trips away are going to really push me to the limit. I just can not stand being alone at this point in my life. But I have got to keep my mouth shut about it. I don't want her to feel guilty. I think I made her feel that way this last time, mighty selfish of me. Even if I couldn't help it. Wish I could go live with my sister while she is away. I need someone to talk to, be around. Someone safe. $544. To think of all the other things I could have spent that money on... I guess I should just be glad I had it. Other wise I'd have to use the kids toilet all the time, and wash my clothes at the laundry mat. Two things I do not want to do. Speaking of kids, college boy comes home for spring break today. He will be home for two weeks. Plenty of time for us to piss each other off. I hope he really did quit smoking. I hope he is passing his classes. I have my doubts about both. I think I am going to go take a shower, then nap for the rest of the day. I have a lot of sleep to catch up on. I sort of feel foggy this morning. I never made it to bed last night, slept in my comfy chair in the living room. At first I feel asleep in my wheel chair, I woke up and felt too awake to go to bed. So I moved to the living room. I sleep better with some noise, like the TV. Of course I can't run the TV in the bed room all night due to the wife. I did while she was away. Time to go see what ya'll wrote. Love you. Steve 4 comments|post comment

No luck at all... [04 Mar 2004|10:10am] [ mood | anxious ] My furnace man came! I can't tell if he fixed anything or not because it is too warm here right now. Cost $125 for the part. So I am off furnace dude watch. I am now on plumber dude watch. All my pipes are backing up and not draining right. Got one of two toilets flushing real slow, two sinks that hardly drain, and now my washing machine is puking water back into the house every time it tries to drain. Fuck. Some how word leaked out that we had a few extra dollars in the checking account, which one of you blabbed? Someone did. It never fails. Forget trying to save money and get ahead, it just never seems to work. MY WIFE COMES HOME TODAY! Thank god. I have been so lonely these past four days. I just don't get off on being alone any more. Once upon a time it wouldn't have bothered me too much. I had things to distract me. Now I don't. I still can't play computer games. Just can't seem to get into reading anything. TV sucks during the day time... I do way too much thinking. It isn't healthy when you are depressed. I woke up early this morning, around three. I came out, turned the TV on, and fell back asleep. Next thing I know my daughter is trying to wake me up so I can take her to school. Damn I was out of it. I have no idea how long it took her to wake me up. I didn't really wake up until I had taken her and returned home. What a weird feeling I had, I swear I could feel my brain. It was all numb feeling. I still haven't completely woken up. The lady said the plummer dude would try to be here between ten and twelve. It is after ten now, so I have to stay awake. That is why I am here. Otherwise I'd be back in bed. You know how your eyes ache when you are really tired? My ache like hell. I haven't slept well the whole time my wife has been away. Hell I never sleep well. I am always up early and to bed very late. I usually fall asleep in my chair first, before going to bed. That way I know I can lay down and stand a good chance of falling asleep. Otherwise I'd just lay there and listen to my thoughts race around. And that is with all the knock out stuff the doctor has me on. Okay, so what do you want to talk about now? Gotta pass the time and stay awake. The weather here has just been fantastic the last few days. Really spring like, highs in the 70s, Carolina blue skies. By the end of the month real spring will be here, and I may have had to run my air conditioner a few times. Can't wait. I love spring. I love to see the bushes and trees bloom, and the spring flowers. I like to see how high my holly is going to grow this year, the light green branches against the darker green of the old growth. The back of my yard is 'fenced off' in holly. No one is going to get through there whole. Plus I love putting my jacket away. I only wore my coat once this winter. Otherwise I wore a jacket. It was heavy enough, never got cold unless the wind was really blowing, and then it was my head and ears that got cold. I miss snow and winter, but then again I don't miss the cold, and the pain associated with it. I have had frost bite one too many times in my life. God it is going to be a long day. Waiting for the plumber, waiting for my wife. She should be home around six thirty. That is a long time from now! I gotta pee... Let me go freshen up my coffee and take care of that little problem, then I will come back here and finish this up. Much better. I want to go read my friends page now, so I'll say goodbye for the time being. Hope everyone is well. Steve 7 comments|post comment

[01 Mar 2004|10:14am] Heart of Glass What is Your Heart REALLY Made of? brought to you by Quizilla post comment

An email to friends [01 Mar 2004|09:52am] [ mood | lonely