Blurty for the killah.
|Monday, October 11th, 2004|
|stick me into The Smiths song and call me fabulous.|
|Sunday, October 10th, 2004|
i think i'm about to lose my head.
my stomach is doing flip flops.
my feet are clammy.
the phone line goes straight to voice mail.
this balancing act isn't working without you.
where art thou?
i'm really tired of leaving messages.
does everyone have me all figured out?
i suppose if you're the select few that i say "i love you" to then you do. (whoa. dr. suess.)
but am i completely exposed through a couple of chit chats.
god i hope i'm more complicated than that.
still too far.
|Thursday, September 30th, 2004|
my legs are really smooth and it makes me happy. i bought new undies today and body souffle from ae. i love that.
i kind of want to see someone right now. it's not who you think. or is it. i suppose it depends on who you are.
i hate politics. but it's a necessary evil. or annoyance.
not too much homework this weekend which is awesome. going to have a lot of fun. i like incomplete sentences. they're fun. you're fun. i love you. marry me. be in my crazy family. with your awesome body marks. party with me on new years and sip sparkling apple cider under the christmas tree waiting for midnight so we could open presents.
check it because i'm the real thing. none of the fake stuff.
<3 heart <3 ana
that's all you need....
|Saturday, September 18th, 2004|
Mistakes are scary as hell. And the scarest notion is when i don't know that i'm making or that i'm in the process of making a mistake, a huge bloody mistake. Mistake is a word that misleads me to believe that I still have another chance, that this time was just a "mis" and the next with be right on target. But what if the next "take" is just as mislead, what if there is no chance for another "take."
I just want to find myself in loving arms with fruitful career waiting for me on Monday morning. However, right now I'm doubting everything.
|Wednesday, September 15th, 2004|
Anyhow. So I was sitting in Washington Square today reading good ol'Homer and this kid from my Russian Grammar class comes up to me and sits down next to me. So I'm like awesome.... a friend. We start talking about school and dorms. He mentioned that he was moving into a three bedroom apartment in Brooklyn soon. I was like "that's cool." Then he told me that he'll live in one room and his "loaded" friend in another and a bunch of potted shrooms in the third. So he's a drug dealer. Awesome. Then he continues the conversation by trying to convince me to start doing recreational drugs... "it doesn't kill any brain cells" he mentioned casually. I was like "hmm... well thanks but I'm straightedge." He goes "oohhh" and continues to talk about how shrooms are awesome and how he's getting a hook up for a pound of weed for $2000 from the marijuana reform club. I thought that was funny.
So I've come to the conclusion that Russian kids are fucking weirdos. I have another Russian kid in my Linear Algebra class. He's a total dork.
Oh yeah and Ilya (the kid from the park) said that he was going to have like shroom parties because he's growing soooo much and that he just wants to have like parties and share the wealth with his friends. So he wants to have a retro shroom party inspired by the 60s/70s acid shingdigs. Hmm....
Innnnnn other news. I like all my classes. Most of my professors are sweet. I'm totally in love with guitar. It's so sexy and powerful. I can't wait till I can play crazy awesome songs about everything that goes on in my heads. Fran and I are starting a mini-business making bags, pillows, shirts, etc. pretty much anything that takes our fancy. I can't wait till we start making and selling stuff. The only thing I'm worried about is getting too attached to what we make. I don't understand how artists can sell their artwork. It's like selling your kids or something. It's so personal. So time consuming. In no time your kids are stolen and all that is left is a couple of green pieces of paper. More on that later.
Only worry right now is what direction my heart is pointed, so far it's pointed an hour east.
|Wednesday, September 8th, 2004|
|Beauty marks are pretty.|
Everything is under evaluation right now.
I'm reluctant to change but I'm starting to realize that if I don't let go of somethings nothing will change and I'll always have the same hollow longing in my chest. It's been there for far too long.
|Wednesday, June 2nd, 2004|
|Wednesday, May 26th, 2004|
|I'm angry! And I'm not telling you why.|
|i need to stop with the myspace|
|Tuesday, May 25th, 2004|
Another day reduced to nothing. Doing nothing was far more accomplishing last summer. I need to figure out how to do nothing better. Maybe I should wake up earlier to do nothing. Perhaps add a little jog into nothing and a couple of phone calls. Maybe a melancholy walk on the beach.
I need more girls in my life. Thank god for Catena and Lauren or I wouldn't know what to do with myself. I want to think about pretty make-up and clothes and talk about how boys are silly. Well for the most part those are the last things we talk about (minus boys). Speaking of boys, mine seems especially silly this past week. Partly my fault I'm sure. Moody, hungry and tired all add up to some horrible words and excuses. I wonder if he'll read this well if he does. I'M SORRY! I love you. I bet I'm over reacting too. But Kevin Shields does that to me.
I think I shall devote a whole paragraph on the awesomeness of Catena. She is seriously the funniest girl ever. She never ceases to make me laugh and she makes the best gauca around. There's a whole lot of personality packed into that little body. And she's cute too! She's an A+. And she even has awesome nickname.
I like the word awesome a lot. It's my new cool. I think cool is out.
And I just figured out that there's spell check on this thing so that would help make me not look stupid.
xTHExROCKYx has been online for a couple of hours now but the true Rocky isn't there. The screen name has been leading me on.
Life on Mars would be awesome. I wish I could move to Mars and build a little Utopia for myself that oddly resembles a combination of the tropics, Williamsburg, and the Russian countryside. That would rule. Little strawberries to pick in the woods and then have to eat with milk and sugar. NONE OF YOU CAN EVER UNDERSTAND because you're not in my brain and you don't understand what that means to me. And dips into the cool lake, dives so far that you touch the muddy bottom and you pick it up with your little hand and you squeeze it until it oozes between your white fingers. I need a twin. Or a cat. Maybe a cat would be better. I'm tired of being in the closet cat person. I'm a cat person, not a dog person, though I love dogs too. But cats more. So all you people that are allergic to cats and think there snobby... it's all in your mind. Cats rule. They secretly rule the world. And that's why we should all love them... because they control the world.
I really hope when I go abroad I don't have to deal with people telling me how much I suck because I live in America where the president's name is Bush. I mean Tree I can understand but Bush. That's not even an honorable plant. It just kind of sits there as an accent to the rest of the garden. I don't know. I don't particularly like Bush but I sincerely hope that he's not as stupid as I think he is. Or as politically incorrert. But I think if I ever had to have dinner with him and say we got on the topic of... oh I don't know... gay marriages... i would probably would rip his hair out because he's such an idiot. No one has the place to decide that... no the place to debate that. It should be equal for all people. Seperation of church and state. And the duty of state is to provide equal rights to everybody... gay, straight, purple, pink, Guns-N-Roses fan, Slayer fan, Mirah fan... doesn't matter... well maybe Kelly Clarkson fans should be instutionalized because that I just don't understand.
I wish xTHExROCKYx would talk back.
|Monday, May 24th, 2004|
it feels like this has been the worst day in a while though it really wasn't. but i feel like crap. and i wish i knew why. i feel like everything is going wrong though it's not. i just miss not having my best friend 5 minutes away and knowing that she will always be there. i don't even know how far montreal is from middle island but it's too far.
i need to stop going on myspace because it just reminds me how far away she is. i don't want to have to start over, i liked things the way they were. last summer was awesome... this summer not so much. i need to listen to some bright eyes and kill myself. i think i have my hormones are messed up or something. some prozac would help. or creme brulee and bubble tea.
i should start a diary because i want to say a lot of things that i can't say on here.
no one is going to read this though since i never update and no one will know that i did.
i'm so angry. just angry that not everything goes my way and that i'm confused.
poop. i'm going to go brush my teeth and go to bed.
|Tuesday, April 20th, 2004|
Not that anyone reads this because I'm random and don't update my blurty. So I don't know.
Schedule for next year is as follows:
Yeah I have no idea what I'm majoring in. I'm too flaky for a major. I don't know what to do with me life. There are so many options. I just want to live an cute little apartment and have a cute little job where I can have a sleeve and wear my hair all funky. And have a little dog!!!!! I want a little dog that's all fluffy and furry and awesome. Hmm... what will I name him? Maybe Washington or Jacob. I like Jacob.
I love "J" names... James, Jacob, Johnathon, Joseph, Jonah, Jordan
or "D" names... Derek, Danny
I wish vitamins solved all my problems. My mommy is always like make sure to take your vitamin C. First of all my body pees most of it out because it's like TOO MUCH of the C!!!! Plus it makes calcium build up in the liver or something awful like that if you take too much of it.
But vitamins are a nice idea. Vitamin C supposed to keep from getting sick. It would be nice if one day I take the vitamin and POOF! I know what I want to do, my hair looks perfect, my shoes don't hurt my feet, and I have an IQ of 10000000 (and still capable of awesome social interactions). I think I have a problem with delayed gratification. I want everything right when I want it and I think that's why I'm having problems with school. Because I can't delay my reward until I've achieved my goals. My mind is like fuck goals I want cookies. I don't understand it. Why was I able to do well in high school and why do I suck at colllege? I wish I could just put my hands over my eyes and be like no no no bad Ana don't be stupid and do your homework and your projects and study extra hard for tests and write all the essays and get As.
But I am excited about next year. I hope our floor in Lafayatte is awesome. I'm tired of having an awful dorm floor. God awful. I just want awesomeness around me 24/7. I want to have baking parties (vegan) and movie parties and just make friends so I don't feel like suck.
And I need to get my ass and go to some hardcore shows. I'm in withdrawal, I need my HC!!! VITAMIN HC!!! Oh well.
Houston we have homework. Out.
|Sunday, April 18th, 2004|
|Monday, March 29th, 2004|
I went to the Northsix show with Rocky on Saturday. Outside of the fact it started way too late and one third of the bands sucked and that we got home at 4:30am it was fun.
Mahjongg: I liked them. They were danceable. I got the cd. They reminded me of the faint. And one of the singer's voice sounded like the guy from the Cure. Awesomeness. There was a girl in the band and she was really really hot. So yeah... stuff like that.
The Constantines: eh
Pretty Girls Make Graves: They were awesome. I totally enjoyed their set.
4/9 Death Cab in Providence with Rachel and Vanessa !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
4/11 5pm $10 @ CBGBs: Love is Red, Scraps, etc.
4/16 STEREOLAB @ Irving Plaza with Fran !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
4/19 Onelinedrawing @ Knitting Factory or 4/19 Snow Patrol @ Bowery Ballroom
4/24 Strike Anywhere @ Knitting Factory !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
4/26 - 27 Sleater Kinney @ Irving Plaza ..... Maybe
4/27 - 29 Cursive and Denali @ Bowery Ballroom !!!!!!!!!
5/10 The Cardigans @ Bowery Ballroom ..... Maybe
6/3 Hella @ Knitting Factory
PS. Catena I'm so sorry for not getting the tickets and them selling out. I truly suck.
i stole this from fran. it rules. everybody enjoy.
|Tuesday, March 23rd, 2004|
I don't really have a hump day since I only have four days of school. I guess Tuesday night to early Wendesday would by my hump day. Eh you know. I guess then I am almost over the hump and the week is almost over. Only two more huge assignments to complete; my French dossiers and finishing my F&F essay. Two more days, then I get to clean the bathroom, watch Donnie Darko with friends, and see Rocky on Friday and a show. Woo!
I'm getting a haircut on Saturday, hopefully it will turn out better than my last one. Euck. And then maybe I'll go to Toast with Catie and then go to the Brooklyn to see Pretty Girls Make Graves with Rocky. I'm really excited about that. Last time the tickets sold out. :( But now I have a ticket because I'm awesome.
In other news, my alien cat Fudge has been going invisible on me. Yeah invisisble. I'm like yo Fudge don't be an idiot and make me accidently step on your fat tail. Come on! So yeah. He's been an heterosexual like that. What can you do? He's so weird all he eats is M&Ms and Vitamin Water, the dragonfruit one, none other. He likes colorful food. He's like a bird because birds decide what they eat by the color of it, unlike mammals, in particular, human that rely mostly on scent and taste. Color. So if like you're a tasty color to them, they'll eat you!! Which reminds me I HATE PIGEONS and I think there should be some hunting on them. They're like fat rats with wings that poop on you when you least expect it. And they fly towards you head like no tomorrow. And let me tell you... there is a tomorrow... and tomorrow you'll have a black and blue 'cause a freak'in winged rat flew into your face. How are you going to explain THAT to all your macho friends?! "Yeah man like these five guys jumped me and I was like yo NO... and like I beat them up and shit and like they're all in the hospital. Yeah all five man. Totally swear dude." FUCK THAT, YOU GOT YOUR ASS WHIPPED BY A BIRD. OF all birds A PIGEON. You suck at life.
PS In other news I shall get a bubble tea tomorrow.
PSS In other news I shall beat yo ass up 'cause I don't like the way you're looking at me. Yeah you!
PSSS I love you. And if you're name was Stewie I'd marry you.
|Monday, March 22nd, 2004|
So I had one class and I'm already swamped with work and totally ready to drop everything for the sake of summer. Oh god! Summer! Four months of sun and warm and no work. I hate school work, I hate essays that never end, I hate dossiers, and I hate exams.
|Sunday, March 21st, 2004|
1) using band names, spell out your name
Armor for Sleep
At the Drive In
Stretch Arm Storng
As Friends Rust
2) have you ever had a song written about you? I don't think so. That would be cool though.
3) what song makes you cry? "Rapture" by Pedro the Lion because it's just so beautiful
4) what song makes you happy? "Today is the Day" by Yo La Tengo
5) what do you like to listen to before bed? Incubus
height: 5 feet, going on 5 feet and one inch
hair color: light brown, blondish?
skin color: sourcream
eye color: gray/blue
piercings: just ears
tattoos: maybe in a year
r i g h t n o w
what color pants are you wearing?: light blue jeans
what song are you listening to?: "Today is the Day"
what taste is in your mouth?: starburst
what's the weather like?: sunny but partly cloudy, really windy just how i like it
how are you?: good except for the paper i'm avoiding
get motion sickness?: not really
have a bad habit?: yeah i'm sure... maybe that smacking sound that i make that rachel hates so much
get along with your parents?: yeah, they're awesome
like to drive?: sure
f a v o r i t e s
tv show: clone high
conditioner: john frieda i think
shampoo/conditioner : john frieda
non alcoholic drink: bubble tea
alcoholic drink: nonalcoholic sparkling apple cider
thing to do on the weekend: hang out with rocky and catena
h a v e y o u
broken the law: perhaps
ran away from home: no, escaped from home a couple of times
snuck out of the house: no
ever gone skinny dipping: when i was little
made a prank phone call: i don't think so
ever tipped over a porta potty: eww no, i don't even use them
used your parents' credit card before: many a times
skipped school before: hell yeah
fell asleep in the shower/bath: some would think that i did, but i didn't
been in a school play: in elementary school
l o v e
boyfriend: yes, rocky
children: not now
current crush: joanna in english class, she's so pretty
been in love: yes
had a hard time getting over someone: yeah definitly
been hurt: yes
your greatest regret: my first kiss, my first relationship
gone out with someone you only knew for three days: haha no
r a n d o m
do you have a job: haha umm... well i'm a student
your cd player has in it right now: incubus's new album
if you were a crayon what color would you be?: PINK PINK PINK
what makes you happy: food and good friends, bubble tea, my metro card working
who makes you happiest: rocky and rachel
w h e n / w h a t w a s t h e l a s t
time you cried: a while ago when i forgot to do my psych essay
you got a real letter?: yeah a couple of weeks ago from russia
you got e-mail: today
thing you purchased: sugar and candy
tv program you watched: something on mtv2 with n.e.r.d.
movie you saw in the theater: starsky and hutch
y o u r t h o u g h t s o n
abortion: pro choice
teenage smoking: stupid
spice girls: ::giggle:: no comment
dreams: fun and i wish i had ones that made me ambitious
Last word you said: here
Last song you sang: oi that song by that country singer about being a woman
What's in your cd player? :we dicussed this already
What color socks are you wearing? : not wearing socks
What's under your bed? : carpet
What time did you wake up at today?: 12:30ish
Where do you want to go? : Hawaii, somewhere warm
What is your career going to be? : i wish i knew
Where are you going to live? : California
How many kids do you want? : 2, 3 at the most (two boys and then a girl)
Current mood: sad that vacation is over
Current music: Summer Sun by Yo La Tengo
Current taste: still starburst
Current hair: up in a little pony tail
Current clothes: jeans, pink sweater, black t
Current annoyance: my paper
Current smell: clean laundry
Current longing: summer and rocky
Current desktop picture: clouds and airplane wing
Current favorite artist: roy litchtenstein
Current crush: j.r.f.
Current hate: school
Current favorite article of clothing: my new slip on vans
Last cd that you bought: soulseek is evil, i don't even remember. oh! incubus.
Favorite place to be: in bed
Do you believe in an afterlife?: not really but i hope there's one
Current favorite word: ROBUST
Favorite magazine: Jane
Favorite season: summer, early fall
-- Your heritage: Russian
-- The shoes you wore today: Vans Jane Does
-- Your weakness: doing homework on time
-- Goal you'd like to achieve: know what i want to do with my life
-- Smoke: no
-- Curse: occasionaly
-- Sing: in the car and the shower
-- Have a crush(es): j.r.f.
-- Think you're attractive: at times yes
-- Do people think you’re attractive: i hope so
-- Play an instrument: yes my imaginary trumpet
In the past month...
-- Drank alcohol: no
-- Smoked: no
-- Done a drug: no
-- Gone on a date: yes
-- Gone to the mall: NO!
-- Eaten an entire box of Oreos: no
-- Eaten chineese: no
-- Been fat: hahaha all the time
-- Man your fat, aren’t you: on the inside
-- Been on stage: no
-- Been dumped: no
-- Made homemade cookies: haha yeah, they were horrible
-- Gone skinny dipping: no
-- Dyed your hair: no
-- Stolen anything: no
-- Played a game that required removal of clothing: .... perhaps.....
-- If so, was it mixed company: i don't remember....
-- Been called a tease: yes
-- Gotten beaten up: emotionally yeah
-- Shoplifted: no
-- Changed who you were to fit in: no
-- Are you hoping to be married: that would be really cute
-- How do you want to die: painlessly
-- Number of People i trust with my life: a few
-- Number of CDs that I own: a lot
-- Number of times my name has appeared in the newspaper?: i really don't know
-- Number of scars on my body: a big one on my head, one on my butt, i have quite a few
-- Number of things in my past that I regret: i'd rather not think about it
I want: rocky
I feel alone: eh
I listen: to yo la tengo
I pretend: to know what i'm doing
I drive: not very well
I sing: in secret
I cry: randomly when stuff gets me down
I destroy: food, i eat it and chew it
I dance: in secret
I write: bullshit
I wake: up late because that's just the way i am
I breathe: music
I play: checkers
I venture: to the beach when it's 30 degrees so swing on the swings
I find: that i have no idea what i want to do with my life
I pray: to the god of food for food
I miss: rachel and rocky
I kiss: ::giggle::
I succeed: in devouring large quantities of food
I search: for the starburst that just fell on the floor! and it was a good one too! red! ah there it is!
I learn: that i like to avoid stuff i don't like
I feel: like i ate too many starbursts
I joke: all the time
I say: a lot on nonesense
I change: for no one
I fail: at doing my school work
I dream: of having an awesome life
I believe: that i will have an awesome life
I wonder:if i will have an awesome life
I worry: i won't have an awesome life
I wish: i knew what i wanted to do and that i had ambition
I fight: for the right to party
I need: to finish my paper
I am: a procrastinator
Blurty for the killah.