Connie, you asked for an update... [08 Jul 2004|12:32am] [ mood | tired ] what is you inner self like by true_poetry username your inner model is: your eating disorder is: Eating Diorder Not Otherwise Specified what you most desire is: Self Love. what you crave most is: you will die on: November 15, 2011 you will die from: Drug Overdose Created with the ORIGINAL MemeGen! 3 daddy issues | whatever happened to my father's little girl?

Gratuitous Quiz Post [18 Jun 2004|01:13am] [ mood | crazy ] [ music | none-izzle. ] GQP! How to make a scarlettdreams Ingredients: 5 parts anger 3 parts silliness 1 part energy Method: Add to a cocktail shaker and mix vigorously. Add a little emotion if desired! Username: Personality cocktail From Go-Quiz.com S Shy C Cheesy A Arty R Realistic L Lucky E Excellent T Tasty T Tasty D Dreamy R Responsible E Emotional A Astonishing M Magical S Sultry Name / Username: Name Acronym Generator From Go-Quiz.com NOTE: z No smoking around scarlettdreams. Thankyou for your co-operation. Username: From Go-Quiz.com 5 daddy issues | whatever happened to my father's little girl?

Hello! [01 Jun 2004|09:55pm] [ mood | amused ] [ music | parents ] To the other half of the Asian Invasion, Welcome to the wonderful world of un-xanga webjournals. Enjoy! From, Me. 9 daddy issues | whatever happened to my father's little girl?

Scarring [22 May 2004|06:55pm] [ mood | full ] [ music | Wheel of Fortune is on in the background ] Yesterday morning, a drawer under my bed was open and I scraped off a chunk of my leg on the edge. It's pretty deep. You could see the white of my flesh. I felt the corner and pulled off a rolled up slice of skin. It hurts, itches as if it is healing. But I think it's gonna stay. How's that for an update? 2 daddy issues | whatever happened to my father's little girl?

Meh [12 May 2004|05:18pm] [ mood | lazy ] [ music | Bird chirpies ] Still loving the DJ, but blurty was being non-snailish so I decided to upppppdaaaaaate. Guess who got their learner's permit, finally. Passed it the first time, about thirty minutes after getting the Driver's Manual, with only three wrongs. Booooya. I NEED SUMMER. And rain. I feel sluggish. I want some excitemento. Allergies should DIE. I wish I could just clear my head and find what I'm really thinking and who I truly am. 5 daddy issues | whatever happened to my father's little girl?

As promised... [25 Apr 2004|12:30am] [ mood | cranky ] Layout Version 7.0 Con Art. Inspired by the movie Matchstick Men, highly recommended. I know it's hard to read shit, but deal with it. Tell me what you think anyway. I'm considering abandoning Blurty. I'll still have the journal and I'll still comment, but I'm sick of the slowness. You know where to find me otherwise. 4 daddy issues | whatever happened to my father's little girl?

Unpopularity [20 Apr 2004|07:01pm] [ mood | apathetic ] [ music | The kitchen exhaust fan thingie ] NOBODY COMMENTS HERE. I feel so...unloved. And apparently I'm not interesting enough to ask three questions. But I guess I knew that. Anyhooo, I'm just going to keep on swimmin'. So here's some more stuff you won't be interested in. At all. ( 80s quiz taken off some kid... ) ( Another quiz snagged from the same kid... ) Wow, I just missed the first half of Gilmore Girls. And I can't bring myself to care. whatever happened to my father's little girl?

I'M ON SPEEEEEED [07 Apr 2004|08:10pm] [ mood | chipper ] [ music | El Modest-o Mouse-o (hehe, that's my Spanglish for ya) ] I'm going to shop around for a new social life this weekend, maybe I'll finally get the perfect one for me. I've been dying to get crafty...god, where the hell am I going to find a really cheap quality sewing machine! DAMN YOU, JACKED-UP EBAY SHIPPING FEES. My parents need to stop lecturing me on healthier living. Would they rather I get a B b/c I had a full night's sleep? Or an A and an earlier death thanks to a lack of rest? They say the latter, but then why do they freak out when I get a B on a test? Just let me do my thing and stay the hell out. We got a new Dell computer...it's got a CD BURNER!! I'm so excited...and we networked it w/ our crappy old computer so now I don't have to fight my dad for the computer! Although I'll still have to argue w/ my parents to allow me to procrastinate homework in favor of meanlingless Internet surfs. Wahoo! Cowabunga, baby. I want to learn to surf. And snowboard. And skateboard. Nobody will teach me, they think I'm a klutz. Which I am. Wow, I've got ADD or something. And I think I'm either really stressed/tired or I'm developing some sort of dyslexia. I invert letters and mistake g's for q's and d's for b's and vice-versa. But only while writing. Well, not that my reading mess-ups aren't bad too... Damn. I really hate God. But I did find out I was 100% Secular Humanist and 99% Unitarian Universalist( ... ) I feel like making something. Too bad I'm so stinkin' lazy...I wish they made Motivation Pills. whatever happened to my father's little girl?

Shit, motherfucker... [01 Apr 2004|04:15pm] [ mood | aggravated ] [ music | NOTHING ] I realized that I have been wrong all these years. God does exist. He loves me very very much. I love Him back. All praise the Almighty Lord and our Savior Jesus H. Christ. Evolution sucks. Bibles are awesome and tell the truth about everything, including how EVIL homosexuality is. Does anybody have any good churches they think I should go to? ( And in the Beginning, there was a girl named ME ) 5 daddy issues | whatever happened to my father's little girl?

Layout Version 6.0 Liberty 5-3000 [10 Mar 2004|05:35pm] [ mood | dorky ] [ music | Natalie Merchant ] New layout! Everything is inspired by Ayn Rand's Anthem, and by its main character's love interest, an woman called Liberty 5-3000. This is such a great book. The language is simple, but profound. It's just a revelation. I ::heart:: peanut butter melted on toast. 5 daddy issues | whatever happened to my father's little girl?

lalalalalala [26 Feb 2004|06:08pm] [ mood | content ] [ music | Love Song, The Cure style...in my head ] Sometimes my moods change in a moment. Today was a pretty good day. Slightly productive...talked on the phone a lot and went to Kathy's to do our Caesar project. I looked like a Chinese Jesus!! Heh, it was very amusing. I'm going to have to post an entry detailing my escapades at girl-Jordan B.'s house sometime. To avoid confusion, I shall call her Jody from here on out. That was an...interesting night. Tomorrow, tomorrow, I love ya, tomorrow...you're only a DAY A-WAY!!! *** Post anything that you want, and post it anonymously. A story, a secret, a confession, a fear, a love... anything. Make sure to post anonymously and honestly. Post as many times as you'd like. Then, put this in your journal to see what others have to say. 1 daddy issue | whatever happened to my father's little girl?

Valentine's Day Massacre, 2004 [14 Feb 2004|07:28pm] [ mood | awake ] [ music | AC/DC - You Shook Me All Night Long ] Death by chocolate. How good does that sound? I didn't think today would be so bad, but I guess all that complaining Kristen D. did yesterday came back to haunt me. Damn. I ate too much. Too much chocolate. Too much yummy pork. I need to go shopping. Funny thing is, I just came back from the mall. It feels like I'm not allowed to miss him. He's not mine. And that makes me sad. I think the meds are fucking with me. Yes, they've increased...and they've helped a little. Not as much as they should have. I couldn't remember to take them at night so I went back to taking them in the morning. And now I feel like...like I feel when I haven't taken them in two or three days. But I did, take them. It's not as bad as if I really had forgotten to, but it's still not that very comfortable. Going to buy lots of cheap chocolate tomorrow. Marketing...such suckers. I need to be a girl. I mean, I am one, but I'm not extremely girly in the things I do. I feel like I should start to do those things. It's not like I don't enjoy them, but I'm so lazy! Thank the antichrist for three day weekends. I am in great need of romance. Any takers? ;) Shit, the play. I mean, it'll be good, I just still have stuff to do. Goddammit. I've fallen behind. Things would be much easier if...well, if things were much easier. I want to make a collage. I want to go to an art gallery. I want to see a ballet. I want to paint. I've been feeling very artsy recently. But again, I'm too lazy. Somebody give me some motivation. How do I get started? I need more clothes. And accessories. I'm so not an accessories person, just because I'm lazy. But I love accessories. Why do I have to be so lazy!?! Ugh...time to wallow in self-pity, I guess. whatever happened to my father's little girl?

I've abandoned my animal crackers in favor of insanity [01 Feb 2004|04:48pm] [ mood | nauseated ] [ music | Natalie Merchant - Golden Boy ] I spent time with 3 very cool people yesterday. I feel like I wasn't the best company though. So sorry, if I acted strangely. I'm just...trying to deal with this empty feeling in my chest. Girl With A Pearl Earring is heavenly. It is the art I've been trying to create all my life. As I may have said before, the movie is the best screen adaptation of a book I've ever read/seen. Just gorgeous. Words have been filling my head recently: i beg to be fucked up and fucked over, just so i will have been fucked. i wish to flirt and tease, hook and break, feeling power in the sway of my hips, in the glint of my eyes, in the knowledge that my lips can make you fall and my bite can make you cry. wouldn't heartache be delicious? * longing glances, fevered stares, wistful desires, envious glares, craving those touches, wishing to see, that pure adoraton directed at me... i want to be wanted. * pensive eyes, sauntering confidence, a sex god walking by, but she haunts you. tempt me with that scent, that hair, that mind, those clothes, seeming to hug just right, all reserved for her. i am a waning crescent moon, so pale in comparison. she is the brilliant sun, a radiance that will never warm your brooding distance. you are every frowning pretty boy, every hesitantly smirking escort of a fake-blonde beauty. god, how i ache to kiss that arrogant mouth, still bitter from the sins of your nights. i could silence that sharp, unrefined tongue, twist you into the man you're meant to be, or maybe i'll just steal your breath, let our bodies render us speechless. i lust for a taste of the darkness you hold, for a tangle in the nightshade of your skin, but you are hopelessly drawn to her brilliance. she's just a shadow of a dream, this sweet coy mirage, a guileless gold enchantment, half angel, half seductress, all allure, branding you with a wink and a smile, the muse for such bad poetry, just as you inspire mine. pity, this fantasy love you seek, because i'd wager you're a revelation in bed. i demand no white lace, no down pillows, don't be fooled by an innocent face, just give me the passion, the pain, the sweat, the blood that stole my dreams. i held you, in a distant world of exotic parades, death and enthrallment and mourning, we lived without masks, yet with unfamiliar faces, but most importantly, you were mine. I think ice is magical. I feel like I'm always praying for snow. Maybe its good fortune will rub off on me. 6 daddy issues | whatever happened to my father's little girl?

Layout Version 5.0 Pixie [18 Jan 2004|02:05pm] [ mood | awake ] [ music | Tegan and Sara - All You Got (indie pop=guilty pleasure) ] New layout, at last. Aren't those wings gorgeous? I want them for next Halloween...at least that's my excuse. I think I'd wear them anytime. Well, so I finally got rid of the Orlando layout. But he's still here, he's on the icon I'm using. I didn't mean to keep him, I guess he just likes me. Did I tell you guys about the poster I got from my mom at Christmas? Orlando Bloom. He's everywhere!! Now I get to wake up to see him sleepily smiling, decked in white on bedding of the same color. Yum. I feel so strange. I feel like I'm a different person. Maybe it's because of yesterday. Jessica and I had Starbucks and she also got some McDonald's chicken nuggets. We talked at Heritage Park, huddled in her car while it rained. That afternoon made me realize that I'm almost glad I'm still in Kansas. How else would I have gotten to know Jessica? It makes me feel sad about leaving. I know it's inevitable that I'll go away...it's like I feel destined for bigger and better things, or at least bigger and better cities. But I'm going to miss all my friends so much. That is, those of you (the three of you) who are reading this... I feel like you have all changed my view of the world, in a good way. Wow, I'm all sappy and sentimental today. I'm blaming it on getting only four and a half hours of shut-eye last night. See, this is what I mean by strange. I feel conflicted, but also calm. I feel fearful, but I finally see hope. Am I longing for somebody I thought I was no longer emotionally attached to? I don't know how I feel about them, I'm so confused. There's a sort of dangerous hope for a future with them, but I'm so deathly scared...and there's this hollow feeling in my chest. I don't understand anymore. I must sound so melodramatic or like I'm overreacting. Maybe I am, even though I feel apathetic right now. Maybe I'm just in a weird mood, or some bizarre state of mind. Maybe it's because of yesterday's Mocha Latte. I was so jittery and shaky yesterday, maybe because of the caffeine? My mind felt clouded, yet remarkably clear. It's not like I've never had coffee before, or large amounts of caffeine. But I never ever felt like I did last night. I was actually frightened. Maybe it was the coffee in addition to my lack of sleep this past week (six hours a night). My muscles kept randomly twitching so I couldn't sleep. My toes and fingers were freezing...they eventually warmed because of the blankets I piled on, but right now they're cold. Is it irrational to fear that there's something wrong with me? They've never been so cold. I even wore gloves. My limbs kept falling asleep really easily and I felt as if there was no circulation to those areas and to my fingers and toes. My overanalyzing mind keeps screaming possible disorders. I couldn't sleep until six o'clock in the morning, and then only because I'd pretty much worn myself out. I was tired and ready for bed at nine-thirty the night before. But my mind was so awake and my muscles wouldn't let me sleep. I felt like I needed to go jogging or something. At one o'clock I tried to get on AIM but our Internet was down. The computer kept messing up because I accidentally stopped the defragmenting of the C drive. I ended up listening to music and writing and playing card games for an hour and a half, until Dad came downstairs to yell at me. He yells so loudly. He woke up because Jessica called...it was my fault, because I had called her cell phone. I was so lonely and bored and I knew she was probably awake. I would have called you too, lySa, but I was afraid I'd wake your parents and I don't remember what I did with your cell phone number... The rest of the night (six and a half fucking hours) I spent lying in bed, not sleeping, either extremely uncomfortable or in some deep thought. I had a killer headache. Again, I felt foggy, but I also seemed to have all of these revelations. Some of it was related to acting...I felt like I was rediscovering my love for theater. I recited lines to myself and tried to figure out character motivations. I felt inspired, but also more uncertain than before. I have so many questions now. A good thing came from all of this wacko-ness. I had a very very good talk with my mother last night. We understand each other a lot better now. She's going to give me a chance to prove myself. I really don't want to lose her trust, ever. I love my mom so much. :) I've had an extremely up and down week. My dad is leaving tomorrow for Denver/Las Vegas/LA. I don't know how long he'll be gone. I'm not sure how I feel about him anymore. Kathy is very angry at me. I don't really want to get specific, but this could be it. I can't seem to feel anything about this situation. I want to be her friend, but it's just so complicated and weird. Mom got her green card! That means she is a permanent resident. That means that my green card is on the way. That means I can become a citizen. That means I won't be forced to go back to China. I am so happy, but it hasn't really hit me yet. We celebrated at Joe's Crab Shack. I feel like my life is changing drastically and I know it, yet I can't feel it. Maybe I am crazy. Thanks for reading my insane ramblings...I want you guys to know that I really appreciate it. :) Ok, shut me up before I start randomly hugging people... 3 daddy issues | whatever happened to my father's little girl?

Gacked lySa again... [19 Dec 2003|04:00pm] [ mood | melancholy ] [ music | Early November - Sunday Drive ] Instructions: 1. Copy this whole list into your journal. 2. Bold the things that you have in common with me. 3. Whatever you don't bold, replace with things about you. 01. I love going to the movies, but never do. 02. I hate people that whine about things they could fix. 03. I love binging. 04. I love my friends and family dearly, and treasure them above everything else. 05. I love winter...sometimes. 06. I am not a normal girl. 07. I hate all those perfect girls with porcelain-doll faces and pure hearts and no misery in their eyes. 08. I also hate when people TypE LyKe D1s. 09. I really enjoy my sleep, but I hate going to sleep and waking up. 10. I have a nose. 11. I think lips are sexy. 12. I like burning candles, but never seem to. 13. I wish I did more with high school. 14. I like to read fiction. 15. I want to do so many things, but I never do them. 16. I wonder, sometimes, if I've made the right decisions with my life. 17. I hope I end up where I have imagined myself. 18. I have a lot to learn. 19. I used to like school. 20. I sometimes like to watch the rain and think. 21. I want to buy a crappy-cool car with my own money. 22. I want my driver's license. 23. I need to get a job. 24. I am a very fast typer. 25. I am only against public displays of affection because/when I don't have anyone to hug and kiss me. 26. I wish I knew if there was a God. 27. High school pisses me off a lot of the time. 28. I love video games, but sometimes need help on them...well, I need a LOT of help on them. 29. I wonder how it feels to do drugs, but will never do them because I don't want to hurt my body. 30. I hate my current living environment. 31. I sometimes wonder if I have any really close friends and if anyone would miss me if I were gone. 32. I love coffee shops. 33. I like Taco Bell, but anything vaguely Mexican fucks up my stomach. 34. I have a crush on a guy and I don't even know his name, age, grade, or social security number. 35. I love crying during movies, books, and TV shows. 36. I am SUCH a Leo. 37. I have too many regrets. 38. I've never been skiing. 39. I am a pretty bad person, but at least I admit it. 40. I have a pretty bizarre/eclectic taste in music. 41. I really enjoy thoughtful gifts, even if they cost nothing. 42. I believe it is better to give than to receive...sometimes...okay, no. 43. I want brightly-colored Heroin Bob mittens. 44. I want to be Holly Golightly...or Audrey Hepburn...or both, at the same time. 45. I want to see so many countless bands live. 46. I spend too much time online (according to some people...). 47. Red is my favorite color. 48. I want to go see Lord of the Rings: Return of the King. 49. I defy logic. 50. I love to cuddle. 51. I like just laying with someone, and not having to say anything (or I think I would, if I ever got a chance to). 52. I want money. 53. I wish I had more motivation than laziness. 54. I want to be a DIY kid. 55. I wish I could sing better. 56. I get jealous easily, and I wish I didn't. 57. I don't like close-minded people. 58. I can't wait for college. 59. I wish I were more artistic. 60. I think "hot" people are sometimes ugly. 61. I love to decorate, although I never do. 62. I believe in believing. 63. I overreact about things sometimes. 64. I want to have a good life. 65. I love shaggy hair. 66. I occasionally like to be alone. 67. I sleep with one or more stuffed animals every night, although it's usually my dolphin-pillow. 68. I used to have a memory box, but I don't anymore. 69. I think of myself as an evening person. 70. I love my mom. 71. I want roadtrips with loud music, junk food, and best friends. 72. I am indecisive, but I think that's part of my charm. 73. I am drawn to intellect and humor. 74. I like taking care of other some people. 75. I hate when people don't care. 76. I cried in Finding Nemo both times I saw it. 77. I read newspapers and books years above my level when I was a child. 78. I wish to make your Christmas better. 79. I am a fighter, but with no affiliation to Christina Whoreguilera. 80. I think finals are a dirty whore. 81. I've never done cocaine. 82. I am incredibly moody. 83. I am easily addicted. 84. I love almost everything punk. 85. I wish I was a bit taller. 86. Every day, I think to myself: Wow, people are really fucking stupid. 87. Stupid people annoy me. 88. I want love notes or just notes in my locker. 89. I wonder what life would be if... 90. I used to want to pierce my body, but now I don't. 91. I can't stand ignorance. 92. I wish I had more time. 93. The Army never called me. 94. I love to laugh. 95. I am a mass of contradictions. 96. I miss the summer. 97. I hate wanting to be able to tell someone something, but never finding the right time. 98. I want to change the world. 99. My best friends deserve more of my time. 100. I vote yes on gay marriages and toothpaste. 3 daddy issues | whatever happened to my father's little girl?

I wanna be Scarlett Johansson when I grow up [09 Dec 2003|12:05am] [ mood | artistic ] [ music | shhh... the parents are sleeping!! ] Hey everyone... Tian Tian is back!! Quick update: school sucks, grades slipping but still A's, boys suck, love doesn't last, acting is paradise, debate tires me, parents weird, DIGITAL CABLE = movies galore, friends seem distant, old acquaintances make great new pals, I keep falling asleep with my contacts in and my light on, I haven't been shopping in so long, how are you? I love coffee. I looooove coffee. Also, I love New Natural Citrus Listerine. Cold sores suck. Music rocks my furry blue slippers. Ebay is the coolest... although the items from my recent spree have not yet arrived... it's only been a couple days so I'm not worried. I watched Footloose, Birthday Girl, Best Man, Ship of Fools, and other movies on DiGiTaL cAbLe!! I also rewatched Back to the Future (and finally caught the beginning) and most of Breakfast at Tiffany's and Star Wars Episode II... on DiGiTaL cAbLe!! I recommend them all, except for Star Wars. The only thing good in that is pretty Natalie Portman, hot Ewan McGregor, and rockin' Yoda. Otherwise... CRAP. Borrowed Pulp Fiction. Pretty neat. I read this book called Branded... first outside of school book in ages. It really opened my mind up to how evil marketing is. I'm so gonna be a DIY kid. Read it, everybody, we can start a revolution! Can you tell I'm on coffee? Trying to finish my rough draft of the To Kill a Mockingbird essay. I miss hanging out with my friends. Kathy and I are probably doing something sometimes soon... I also wanna do something with lySa. Debate tournaments are so time consuming!! Gotta jet. Update soonish! ::smooch:: Questions? Comments? Hit me, babe. 2 daddy issues | whatever happened to my father's little girl?

I'm a whore, yo. [27 Oct 2003|12:52pm] [ mood | bouncy ] [ music | typing and general fifth hour conversations ] Well, I had an interesting couple of days. Who knew theatre kids could be so rowdy? Seriously!! I am so in love w/ theatre... I want to do this for the rest of my life, or at least act. The rowdiness came after the play, at the cast party. This chick has arcade games and foosball and pinball in her basement! Her lawn was totally Halloween-ified... think giant spider and kicking legs of a guy trapped under a lawn mower. ( Cut for blatant sluttiness ) More later. whatever happened to my father's little girl?

BRIGHT EYES!!! [10 Oct 2003|07:09am] [ mood | tired ] [ music | Be vewy vewy quiet... the pawents are sweeping. ] I got bored so I played around with some quizzes I've already done: What Is Your Battle Cry? Striding amidst the cliffs, clutching a bladed baseball bat, cometh Tian Tian Cai! And she gives an ominous cry: "In the name of Thor the Mighty, I plunder like a sentient bulldozer!" Find out! Enter username: Are you a girl, or a guy ? created by beatings : powered by monkeys What Is Your Battle Cry? Zang! Who is that, skulking across the mountains! It is Tian Tian, hands clutching a mighty sword! She roars ominously: "I'm going to clobber you all the way to Abu Dhabi, and throw you out the window!!!" Find out! Enter username: Are you a girl, or a guy ? created by beatings : powered by monkeys Which porn will you star in? by Bert Name Co-Star Conor Oberst Porn Star Name Tara Heads Your Role Truck Driver Title of Movie James Bond: Goldenshower People Who Watched 581,664 Created with quill18's MemeGen! I would totally do a porno if Conor Oberst was in it. BRIGHT EYES!! Here are some new ones: My Music Personality Check out my Morality! 68% liberal, 32% conservative I'm a O76-C25-E74-A22-N55 Big Five!! Check out my blirtatiousness! I'm 69% freak!! Heh. Heh. 69. Heh. I'm sorry I wasn't able to respond to any comments.... I've been so freakin' busy and I've gotten very little sleep. whatever happened to my father's little girl?

BRIGHT EYES!!! [10 Oct 2003|07:09am] [ mood | tired ] [ music | Be vewy vewy quiet... the pawents are sweeping. ] I got bored so I played around with some quizzes I've already done: What Is Your Battle Cry? Striding amidst the cliffs, clutching a bladed baseball bat, cometh Tian Tian Cai! And she gives an ominous cry: "In the name of Thor the Mighty, I plunder like a sentient bulldozer!" Find out! Enter username: Are you a girl, or a guy ? created by beatings : powered by monkeys What Is Your Battle Cry? Zang! Who is that, skulking across the mountains! It is Tian Tian, hands clutching a mighty sword! She roars ominously: "I'm going to clobber you all the way to Abu Dhabi, and throw you out the window!!!" Find out! Enter username: Are you a girl, or a guy ? created by beatings : powered by monkeys Which porn will you star in? by Bert Name Co-Star Conor Oberst Porn Star Name Tara Heads Your Role Truck Driver Title of Movie James Bond: Goldenshower People Who Watched 581,664 Created with quill18's MemeGen! I would totally do a porno if Conor Oberst was in it. BRIGHT EYES!! Here are some new ones: http://www.outofservice.com/music-personality-test/results/?complex=98&edgy=87&fun=6&energetic=12 Check out my Morality! 68% liberal, 32% conservative I'm a O76-C25-E74-A22-N55 Big Five!! Check out my blirtatiousness! I'm 69% freak!! I'm sorry I wasn't able to respond to any comments.... I've been so freakin' busy and I've gotten very little sleep. whatever happened to my father's little girl?

Call me when you're about to die... [04 Oct 2003|06:29pm] [ mood | morose ] [ music | Anti-Nowhere League ~ "So What" on RadioNetscape ] ...in case I might want to join you. Melancholy much? I was so happy a bit ago...the only good thing about debate is hanging out w/ cool and semi-cool people. I'm addicted to eBay, RadioNetscape, and Loveline. I'm craving a good book (or two or three or fifty), but I have a ridiculously high amount of things to do. Debate, the play, school, homework, random procrastination, sleep, eating, blah. I'm suffering from Internet withdrawal. ( I finally learned how to do a fucking LJ cut... ) I learned how to steal Pepsis. I've fallen in and out of "love" with two and a half people...they're still cool, I just don't really LOVE them anymore. The half is because I'm not sure how much I like him and I don't know if I'll ever not like him and I know that we will never ever be together, even if he likes me back. I've been writing the next great coming-of-age novel since summer, but I haven't gotten far. Don't ask me to let you read it, the answer will be no. I've rewritten it about seven times since the end of freshman year and it's still not past the first chapter. I am aching to write it, but something keeps stopping me. I've started getting back into the groove of things. No more awkwardness, no more accidentally-on-purpose bitchiness and annoyance (now it's only on purpose and most of the time I'm just kidding), no more not knowing what to say. I feel so much better now. Not like the kid who doesn't belong anywhere. I still don't belong anywhere, but I've found others I can not-belong with. The feeling of insignificance is gone, although I'm still insignificant. The feeling of inadequacy (DAMMIT HOW DO YOU SPELL THIS FUCKING WORD) is gone. But I still feel isolated sometimes. From the people that I cared so strongly for. I want to TP, but I've gotten only about 6 hours of sleep per night this whole week. I miss Evan and Jessica. I miss lySa too. Where are you people? Sometimes I feel lonely, but all I want to do is be alone, curled up in a corner, buried in a land of fiction and storytelling. My room is cold. We have done nothing creative in English. Just analyzation and grammar and technical shit. Which is ok, but not at the volume Hayes is piling on us. We're always so busy. I don't really even care anymore. But F451 is an excellent book. I'm not going to Homecoming and I'm okay with that. I do want a boyfriend, however. I just don't know who. Somebody call me. I just want to hear your voice. 2 daddy issues | whatever happened to my father's little girl?

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