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I'm planning on updating this more often from now on, because gaia has been going down a lot lately....however, so has blurty. I'm thinking of switching journal providers because this one goes down every time right after I post something, but, whatever.
okay, I tried out for the school's musical. I got in, but I didn't get a lead. That was alright for me. They told us that we could try out to be dancing girls, for the girls that didn't make callbacks but still wanted parts. Didn't make that either. Now THAT did a number on my self esteem, because I didn't think very much of their dancing, meaning the other people who auditioned and did make it. Heck, I've been dancing for 9 years now, my mom won't let me quit, and there were people there who never took a dance class before that made it for that part, yet I didn't make it. I think there may be a part for me there though, there's these 2 chinese people who just...do stuff, they talk a little, and don't tell anyone but I'm better at saying lines onstage than singing, and I'd wanted this part because it was the funny part, I've always had the funny parts, even though some of them were boy's parts, I was the Scarecrow in the Wizard of Oz in 7th grade, that was a boy's part, the chinese people are boys parts, but I can't get the funny leads anymore because they're all guys parts, and nobody wants to believe that I sing lower than half the guys there. SO, anyway, I think they either hate me and just DONT WANT me to have a part, or I've sealed my fate and I'm one of the chinese guys: on my audition forms, I put down as special talents that I could do accents very well, and....well, something else that I can't remember what it was, but it was something that hinted I'd be good for the part of the Chinese guys. Also, it showed that I didn't have a problem playing guy's parts, since I loved playing the Scarecrow, and we hadda write previous shows we've been in....>.> I ran out of room in that spot....
next topic: people have been stealing money from my dance school, it was a lady that I always said looked like a bad person to me, but nobody ever believed me. Well, as always, I was right about the things that would hurt me....well, the lady stole over $23,000 this year alone, and the year isn't even over yet. needless to say the people got canned, but now the dance studio is in debt, and it's not the people who run it that I don't like, it's the girls that got there, but I feel really bad for them..........and me.............they stole a lot of our money too.......
next topic: after I wrote my last entry I went to the Chinese buffet, and I saw Ross there, he was with some big group of girls, some of them had fancy dresses on, I'm guessing that it was a sweet 16 or something....well, as usual, Ross was 'too good' to say hello to dorky ol' me around all his other friends, whom I may add would probably leave him at the drop of a hat if something happened.....:vein pulses: even though he knows I'd known him since I was 8 or 9 and he's a year older, and I'd previously liked him for 3 years and even though he's ignorant to me and I don't have a crush on him anymore I'd be his friend forever...... ._. whatever....
next topic: I hate boys. They hate me. I thought that was the end of the story, but I keep getting crushes :vein: the creepiest kid in the school asked me to that dance, I went with him out of pity. I keep going back and forth with this phase that I just HAFTA talk to every guy I see sometimes, and if I can't fight it, I hafta flirt with them all too. Theres a kid in my science class that I just wanna hug him, I don't love him or anything, he's not really nice to me, he's not particularly cute or anything, it just looks like he's the kind of person you just go up and hug them....and that kid Brian E. I told you about that he danced with me at the Snow Ball? He's got the part of a half-blind old man in our musical XDDD he's good at it too!!! Crazy thing is, I used to hate him to death a few years ago, because when I had a giant crush on my buddy Kevin (who actually turned out yaoi, go figure, he wouldn't go out with me because he said he liked another girl o.O) well I hated Brian to death because he always told me that I'd never get anywhere with Kevin, and I never wanted to believe him, but he was right.....geez, and there's just such a thin line between hate and love, but like vb says, love and hate are just words, and cannot express true emotions....and like I will soon go around saying just so I can go 'like I always say' hate is just the absence of love [or that's how I prefer to percieve it, looking at it the other way around made me all emo and stuff]
argh, boys run from me because I have a very rough exterior, it's not like I look like a man or anything, I'm very small, but I'm a tough cookie, I go around kicking people if they start being stupid, and :vein: what bothers me the most is when people don't tell other people that they like them or not...
oh, again on this topic, I have accidentally filled out a form for the school so they can match me up for a boyfriend XPP I only realized what I was doing when I was almost done with it, and I was in such a stupor from being half awake and all I accidentally handed it in.....but if anyone I like comes back in the results I'll ask them out....
*shivershiver* SO COLD........
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aggravated
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dorky
bored
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crazy
awake
crappy
bouncy
irritated
scared