| 01:38pm 03/03/2004 | |||
| tried to kill myself last night | |||
| 11:41am 02/03/2004 | |||
| i just want to be told that i am loved. | |||
| 08:32am 02/03/2004 | |||
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bringing the blade across muscles tightning eyes tearing up the blade hits it drags across pulling the skin catching ripping stinging the blood comes rushing out feeling elated i feel like im with you it doesnt hurt anymore it doesnt matter nothing matters except you dressing the wound antiseptic, gauze, tape knowing i can never show you how much |
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| 08:28am 02/03/2004 | |||
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i keep having sex dreams about him. i wrote this thing, and i was going to give it to him, but he gave my collar back. i dont know whats going on. and im really nervous about it. my friends gave me MAJOR amounts of caffine this morning, so im really hyper. and i hope im not getting on his nerves, but i really cant help it. i really want him back. i mean, i could get someone else, but i really dont want anyone else right now. he doesnt read this. and i think i need him to. |
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| GOOGLE: JESUS +LLAMA = | |||
| 11:29am 01/03/2004 | |||
| ( Read more... ) | |||
| lol | |||
| 11:21am 01/03/2004 | |||
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break this GlRL: laughing. why? badmeetsevii313: cause he looks like a monkey |
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| 08:17am 01/03/2004 | |||
| i need to get somebody that cares about me to fill up my vial! | |||
| 11:09am 27/02/2004 | |||
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so. he isnt fucking here today, and he has my collar.. and i dont even know if we go out anymore! i think i look fucking cute today, though. i'd show you guys but someone *cough* my mom *cough* LOST my digital camera programs.. so now i cant get them on the computer. i dont think vince is here, either. i sent him a crazy-ass email. and maybe he'll take me up on my offer. vince better be here today.. (i need touched). i talked to ryan after school yesterday, for like 40 minutes. (he fucking touched me today, and i wanted to DIE) this fucking dumbass kid. X.f.U.c.K.y.O.u.X |
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| 02:00pm 26/02/2004 | |||
| this is going to take me awhile to get used to. | |||
| 01:59pm 26/02/2004 | |||
| he said no. i cant figure out why. | |||
| 01:57pm 26/02/2004 | |||
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*HUGS* TOTAL! give saving_myself more *HUGS* Get hugs of your own |
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| Latest Obsession... | |||
| 08:44am 26/02/2004 | |||
| Amir Derakh | |||
| 08:25am 25/02/2004 | |||
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i think things are getting better. eep! i <3 him |
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| 08:08am 25/02/2004 | |||
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“The greatest thing you will ever learn is just to love, and be loved in return”. Sometimes, it just takes a while, getting hurt and making mistakes, to realize what’s really important in life. Other times, you have to decipher the difference between pleasure and love, between discretionary and necessary. Sometimes your emotions get the better of you (look at all the cuts on my arm, for example) and other times they just aren’t strong enough. “There are still traces of me in your veins” Once you love someone, you can’t just stop loving them. Yes, over time the pain does slowly decrease, but it never fully dies. True love can never die, it can only get stronger. Now, remember that crushes, puppy-love, and lust do not even nearly add up to real love. “Pale, white skin, with strawberry gashes all over” Now, somehow I do not find anything wrong with self-injury. I think it is a release of pain. Everyone has one of these releases, someway or another. I just do not see why everyone has to gang up on the self-injurers, take their things off of them, deem them ‘a danger to themselves and others’, then lock them up until they are ‘cured’. I mean, people don’t get locked up for other releases of pain. I realize it is an addiction, but I don’t think you should make anyone stop doing something that they don’t want to stop. It is a ‘mental disorder’. But, the only people who really call it that are people who haven’t been addicted to it before. I mean, I don’t say anything about pedophile-ism or cannibalism or… necrophiliacs, because I have never been in their situations before, and I do not have the right to say things I have not been exposed to yet. “I want to hate you so bad, but I can’t stop this… any more than you can” “let’s never talk about this again, because I didn’t want it to mean that much to me” “You’ve got this silly way, of keeping me on the edge of my seat” I couldn’t think of just one title for this section, so I put a few of my favorite Taking Back Sunday lyrics. I really didn’t want to get into something I cared about enough to be able to fuck up… but it just kind of happened. “You’re such a sucker for a sweet talker.” I really am, though. I fall for all the sweet talkers. I let people take advantage of me. I gave him what he wanted, I got what I wanted, then I fucked it up. I mean, I was smothered in hugs yesterday. Mostly by Gary and Vince. Because that morning Vince gave me like a 10 minute hug, which made me feel better, and Gary just kind of let me hang on him all day and he let me cry on him. I guess that’s all I really needed. I do feel more composed today, though. No new cuts from last night. Now, I consider Amanda a good friend of mine. I don’t see why people don’t like her. I think she trusts me. I trust her. Hear that chicka? |
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| 01:56pm 24/02/2004 | |||
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so, technically.. we are broken up. but, i dont feel as bad right now. he still likes me. i know he does. god, i'm dieing to fuck him. |
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| 10:29am 24/02/2004 | |||
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i havent wanted to die in a long time. i havent felt this bad. i havent cared about anything in so long. i care about you. i havent bled this much. i havent had so many cuts. all at once. i havent cried so much. |
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| 10:01am 24/02/2004 | |||
| gary keeps coming over and hugging me, and telling me to stop crying. and to feel better. and that hes not worth it. and i keep crying. and i keep hurting. and i keep bleeding. | |||
| 09:22am 24/02/2004 | |||
| please, love me. | |||
| 08:26am 24/02/2004 | |||
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i hate my life. i hate my life. i hate my life. i hate my life. i hate my life. i hate my life. kill me. kill me. kill m e. kill me. kill me. kill me. kill me. kill me. kill me. fuck you. fuck you. fuck you. IM SO LOST. |
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| 08:14am 24/02/2004 | |||
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sometimes, i guess you just have to wait fro people to think. i fucking... dont know what to do. i fucked up. i love you. |
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saving_myself |
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