Blurty for Courtney.

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Saturday, May 31st, 2003

Subject:Strange Clicking Noises
Time:6:08 pm.
Mood: blah.
Music:"A Day Without Rain" Enya.
So bored. I've been pretty lethargic today, and at the moment I'm struggling to catch my breath. My butt's numb from sitting on this bed so long checking my email. I feel like writing a poem, but I probably need to be more depressed to do that. Lacee's right- the creative juices flow best when you're sad. But.. heh.. I REALLY don't wanna be. I'm so frustrated with myself right now. I feel like I'm focusing on the wrong things and can't see any bigger picture. I don't know if I can make anything with my future or faith. Last summer I needed somewhere to belong, and I was looking into books. This summer I need somewhere to belong, and I've run out of places to search.
Comments: Read 1 or Add Your Own.

Subject:Subject: Skulls, Cobwebs and Shining Eyes
Time:10:41 am.
Mood: numb.
Music: "Bring Me to Life" Evanescence..
WARNING: Courtney is not going to commit suicide. Do not fret; She needs only an outlet in which to relieve her complicated feelings. Breathe In. Breathe Out.
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I finally got to adding an entry in this stupid journal!! LOL!! The only thing I got to say is about a dream I had recently. It really upset me, and that was retarded, because it was just a friggin' dream!! It was about my best friend, a really hott guy. We were skydiving {WITHOUT PARACHUTES!!} And, in order to get out of the plane, we had to jump into the basket of a passing [unmanned] hot air balloon. The first person who jumped into it had to die, for no reason. So my hott BF jumped before me while I was telling him I was gonna jump for him. When I jumped in, I was bawling and stroking his limp limbs. [AACK!!] I was like, he COULDN'T have died!! NOOO!! Somehow, the news media got hold of the story, so my mom sold this ring he had given me on eBay for, like, thousands of dollars, and I was really pissed because it was the last thing I had left of him. Then, I had another dream in which he HAD died, but, in fact it was when I was 5 or 6. It was as if I was having flashbacks and it was really sad. [not gonna bore you with the details like with the other half] The entire next day [in real life] I was really depressed and, as Anna says, really "blah". It didn't help too much because I feel really suffocated. Last year I could write poetry [though, looking back on it, it really sucked] and stories [with bad wording, impossible character names and random plots, but they were SO much fun to write], then, later, I could draw, but lately I haven't been able to. It makes me sad. [wow, thats a shocker. LOL!] But, its not like I'm depressed all the time. Only when I feel the need to be creative, only it doesn't come to me anymore. My friends help me forget. I need things to help me forget.
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Blurty for Courtney.

View:User Info.
View:Friends.
View:Calendar.
View:Website (Courtney's Websites).
View:Memories.
You're looking at 2 entries, after skipping 20 newer ones. Missed some entries? Then simply jump forward 20 entries.