Over the years, many people have asked me whether I was a "dog" or "cat person." To you people, I say "stop being so stupid." Not everyone can be reduced to a simple preference for pets. Also, I am a cat person.
This was a problem the other night, when I went over to this beautiful lady's home, and she had a dog. Everything was going fine between the lady and Batroc, when suddenly, the dirty mutt mounted my leg and begin to hump it at a feverish pace. Then when I stopped the dog, the lady freaked out, and made me leave, without allowing herself to make love to Batroc the international sex sensation.
Anyway, I once again, am having legal troubles. Did you know that it is illegal to stab a dog in this backwards country?!
Ah how time, she does fly.
Batroc has finally returned to update his online journal for all of you Batroc fans out there, (Especially the ladies.)
I would just say that I am disgusted at this years American presidential election. One candidate, Mr. George W. Bush, was able to get back into the White House by exploiting anti-French sentiment, when clearly it is the French who are superior to the Americans.
Meanwhile, over weight drug dealer, Rush Limbaugh said that John Kerry looked "French." I for one, am offended that Mr. Limbaugh would ever compare someone who looks like the walking dead to the beautiful people of France.
I spit at you Mr. Limbaugh, ptew!
Would you all like to know what makes me, Georges Batroc, extremely angry? I will tell you. It's all of these bullshit "super hero" movies that Hollywood seems so content to churn out ad nauseum. Even Daredevil gets his own movie. Yet whenever I walk up to the movie ticket box and ask to see the Batroc Movie I'm only met with a blank stare then a ticket to that piece of garbage they call "Spider-Man 2."
Why does he get a movie and not me? Am I not the world's greatest mercenary and master of Savate Foot Boxing?! Am I not a world class lover of the ladies?! Sacre Bleu!!!
To top it all off, I found out the other week that even the Punisher got his own movie. Although I found out about this one a little late, it still makes me very angry. Where is the justice in me not getting my own movie, and this psychopath, who has shot me on at least three seperate occassions gets one? It's just not fair.
Why hello mes amis. I am sure you are all wondering about my 2 month absense. Well have no fear, because I am back, and you are to learn about my latest exploits.
Shortly after I made my last update, I was contacted by that white-haired vixen, Silver Sable. She had a large sum of cash for me in exchance for my teaming up with her Wildpack lackies. We all went to the small country of Estonia, and we stole the Duke of Elton's crown jewel. The heist itself wasn't a problem. It was leaving Estonia that took me so long. After Silver Sable got the jewel, She and I were seperated and she left in her ship.
With no quick way to escape, the authorities got ahold of me, and threw into prison. I've learned that when it comes to prison, one must know how to fight. Beating up fellow prisoners is how one attains a higher ranking within the prison hierarchy.
Lucky for me, Estonians are notoriously short. Within this prison my exceptional stature made me a giant among men. From my instant position of leader, I started a prison riot and escaped in the ensueing melee.
Two month's here I am $500,000 richer with a freshly ironed uniform.
bonjour everyone. It has almost been a whole month since I last update this journal. I know a lot of you out there are wondering where I have been. Well, I will tell you. I have been dealing with legal troubles. In my last post, I mentioned that I was hit by an SUV. What didn't mention, was that while I was unconscious, a police officer showed and that filthy swine arrested me.
I have spent most of the month in prison. Let me tell you, prison inmates are some of the lowest, ignorant, unsuffisticated pieces of human filth that I have ever come across. A few of them even tried to attack my niether region while in the shower. I'm just glad that I am a trained master of Savate.
I have to go for now, but later I will tell the second part of my journey through the penal system, and my miraculous escape into the sweet sweet bussom of freedom.
There are many individuals out there who have heard the name of Batroc. In the super hero and the mercenary world, I am practically famous. But with this fame there is a down side. Most of these people have also heard about the many times that Captain America has beaten me, even though they were mostly due to his good luck, and pure chance, and his stupid shield that really hurts when it hits you in the head.
The worst part about all of this, is that many times, when some new, stupid, would be super hero who wants to make a name for himself comes after me. It is very annoying. Like just yesterday, there I was walking out of a Sgt. Smoothie Shop with my favorite smoothie, the Lt. Lemon, when some little terp, calling himself, the "Forrest Ranger" runs up and knocks my smoothie out of my hand. Yeah, I Batroc the Leaper, was attacked by some guy in a moose hat! I couldn't believe it either.
So we start fighting in the street, and I have the upper hand, when out of nowhere, a damn SUV comes and hits me. You see what I mean? Now the ridicuous "Forrest Ranger" is going around, telling everyone that he "beat big bad Batroc" all because of luck. Though he never mentions the luck part. Zoot Alors!
I have been in this accursed country for quite a few years now, and I still don't understand this annual winter-time fascination with your American Football. Over in France we have football, only it isn't some sissy sport where players wear layers padding and giant helmets. Over France, football is played by real men.
The only merrit that I have found within your American Football is this years halftime show. Although I found the majority of the music to be horrible, I enjoyed the bare breasts that was exposed by the obviously inapt seducer. If it were me on that stage, the woman would be not give me a chance to tear off her clothes, for she would already be naked.
I am so pissed off right now. That damned Zaran ran off when Captain America showed up. Zaran, Machete and I were in the middle of a kidnapping. We had the embassador to Holland tied up in our head quarters, when suddenly Captain America crashes through the window and knocks Machete out cold with his damn shield.
Just when I thought Zaran had my back, he runs out the back entrance saying "so long Frenchie, I'm saving myself!" Can you believe that crap. Meanwhile, Captain America got a few luck shots in and was able to rescue the ambassador. The doctors said they had to wire my jaw shut while it healed.
Before Zaran ran off, he left his copy of TV Guide in the room. I'll tell you this much, he is a fool if he thinks that he'll ever see that magazine again!
I was watching the Golden Globes last night when I realized that "Lord of the Rings" was a pretty good movie. The only thing that bothered me, was that Frodo hung onto the ring for so long. As a professional thief/mercenary, I know that one never hangs onto something for very long when it is as hot as that ring obviously was. Everybody was coming after Frodo. I guess he didn't know some of the people that I do. If it was me, I would have sold that thing to the highest bidder.
If anyone reading this, happens to know where my former henchman, "Machete" is contact me immediately. That long-haired son of a bitch has been going around spearding rumors about me and my physique. Zaran claims to not know where he is. All I know is that all of the many women that have had the honor of being with know that Batroc is no "short, quick finisher."
I have decided to go ahead and get an online journal, so that all of you women out there can get a front row seat into everything that goes on in this Frenchman's head. More will come later.