maestra's Blurty

Tired:(
I really think I'm going crazy...lol. One moment i'm ok next minute I'm breaking down again...I'm definitely going nuts. Didn't go to work yesterday...I didn't have to courage to face my colleagues after making that scene last Friday...well it actually was a good thing I didn't go to work cause Phia told me that the reflection yesterday morning was similar to the reflection that was given last Friday so if I were there I would have made another scene...probably a grander scene. I went to work today...when I go to school I realized that we won't be doing our departmental job today, instead we'll be having our psycho-spiritual exercises...you know those exercise where they make you reflect on your life. I'm usually excited about activities like this cause I love the idea of sharing my feelings with other people because I seldom do that...but this time I'll keep my mouth shut. I'm tired of talking about it...I'll keep quiet and just suffer alone.

This afternoon I went out with my mom...we had lunch at "chilis" (loved the baby back ribs!!!) then we saw Matrix reloaded. I'm glad I got to spend time with my mom. My mom has simple pleasures...I know these little things such as going to the mall, watching movies or eating out bring great joy to her that's why I felt really great knowing that somehow I made her happy by going out with her. I used to feel hostile towards her...I hated her nagging and her over sensitivity but right now I feel nothing but sympathy for her. I don't know what'll happen to my family but I promise I'd take care of her no matter what happens.

This morning in our psycho spiritual exercises we were talking about allowing God to be God...tonight I'm letting go...I know I won't be able to do anything to change my situation...this won't go away so I'm letting God be God.

We watched the video of our concert last Sunday...I saw myself and feel really ugly...my voice doesn't sound right:( man this sucks i'm having those "woe is me" days again:(