Making a Scene
I totally lost it this morning at work. I really didn't want to go to work cause as usual I cried myself to sleep the other night...but I had to so I went to work. The day started fine...I knew I had to go to boring meetings...but that was ok cause I can just keep quiet and not do anything in those meetings then go home before lunch...but the reflection period started. I had this co-teacher of mine who was talking his daughter and how he considers her a miracle from God. At first I was doing fine...I was a bit teary eyed cause he related to us the time when he experienced God's faithfulness when his daughter was sick...I broke down when he started concluding his reflection. He played "Butterfly Kisses" by Bob Carlisle...I totally lost...I started to break down. My dad promised me that he'd sing that song to me on my wedding day...with my situation with my dad right now I don't know if that day would ever come. It was really embarassing cause I cried like a baby while the song was being played...I wanted to get out of the room but i'd make scene if I leave in the middle of the song...so I stayed in the room...torture myself:( I guess the reason why I cried really hard was the fact that despite what he has done to us he's still my dad. I've always been a daddy's girl...I've always seen him as a perfect father...so I can't take away the fact that i still love him:( I just didn't think he'd break my heart this badly:(
As you know I've been keeping this dark secret to myself for more than a month now...it has been eating me up inside...I've felt so helpless for not being able to seek for comfort in another person. This morning I thank God for friends. Phia stood by me the whole time I was crying...her mere presence comforted me...she didn't have to say much. I really don't know what'd have happened to me if she wasnt around. We ended up in the mall...lol...we both found comfort in shopping...lol!
I'm kinda nervous...we'll be having our concert on Sunday...we've been practicing for the past two months I don't know if we can actually pull it off:( well wish me luck:) |