maestra's Blurty

"All I Want is You" by U2
Well today was one of those "woe is me days". I started the day looking for someone who would be kind enough to accompany me to the mall because my vacation is about to end and I think I've only gone to the mall twice or thrice which is actually a record cause being the mall rat that I am if I tell my close friends about it they'd probably think I've been sick or there's something really wrong with me. I was counting on my baby sis cause she's also a mall rat like me...surprisingly she turned me down because she doesn't have money...i told her I'd treat her to a movie and we'd have lunch or something...still she rejected my offer. I asked my mom if she wanted to go...after she saw how my sis turned me down she told me she'd go to the mall with me...but later on she decided not to go...she went out with my dad instead...i asked them where they were going cause i'd want to tag along...they didn't tell me:( I ended up talking to my one year old nephew...i asked him whether he wanted to go to the mall with me...he said yes...well actually im not sure whether that was a yes but most probably it was a yes cause he crawled towards me begging me to carry him...oh well i just wish i could take him but that wouldn't be a good idea...i'd only be torturing myself if i decide to go to the mall accompanied by a one year old kid:( Nobody wants me:( I ended up staying in my room all day watching anything interesting on TV:(

Late this afternoon we went to my aunt's birthday party. I hate going to parties like those...they serve as venues for my mom for her talk about how irresponsible I am as a daughter and an aunt. You see I have this nephew...he's the son of my cousin...his mom works in the hospital so his aunt is usually left to babysit him. Well my mom, my grandmother and aunts were talking to the girl (the aunt)...my mom started talking about how impress she was of her patience and love for her nephew. Then she started talking about how I can't babysit my nephews and how I can't handle household chores...I was just sitting a few seats away from her. My mom has this way of bringing me down in front of other people...she always has these comments about my looks or my job or how irresponsible I am...until now I don't understand why she says those things...each time she does that she breaks my heart. She wonders why sometimes...actually most of the time I don't feel comfortable around her...we usually end up shouting at each other...so I just decide to remain silent.

Right now I feel so alone. I know this sounds pathetic but deep inside me is a very strong longing to be LOVED. When we got home from the party I turned on the TV and watched the last part of the movie "How to Make an American Quilt." I've always liked that movie cause it's all about the different stories of love of the characters in the movie who were making the quilt and the stories never fail to make me feel good...tonight my reaction was different...i didn't just swoon and sigh...I cried. I cried so hard at the part where they showed the flashback of the love stories narrated in the early part of the movie...I cried so hard because I realized the there is a great possibility that I may never have a LOVE story of my own. God knows what i've been praying for. I know I've been talking about how I want to be rich and famous and all but to tell you frankly, what I really dream of is simple life filled with love. Thats all I really want...I don't care about being rich and famous...I just want to feel love:(

I should stop here...you're all probably getting sick of my cheesy speech*sighs* Well just wish me luck...I'll be going back to work this Monday...MY Spirit is willing but my body is still on vacation...hehe!

Current Mood: contemplative
Current Music: All I Want is You by U2