maestra's Blurty

must be the heat
Finally got the tan lines I've been wanting. Yesterday I spent the entire day at a resort a few blocks away from our house...it's not exactly how i imagined how i'd get my tan lines...i was hoping i'd get it while soaking under the sun on a beach with white sand by the the crystal blue sea...instead i got it in a kiddie pool which is 2 feet deep while watching over my two year old nephew...it was fun though...and heck i still got my tan lines...hehe! I'm looking forward to getting more defined tan lines when we go to the beach on monday...I'm soooooooo excited...I'd finally get to go to the beach!!!

Yesterday I saw "What a Girl Wants" with my sis and two of my cousins. It was a cool movie...Colin Firth was sooooooo DREAMY!!!...i want a man with a foreign accent...hehe! The movie was about a 17 year old girl who went to London to look for his real dad. The plot is not complicated...the movie is actually very simple but it struck me...really hard. In the movie there was a kid who's dreamed all her life to meet her real dad...I'm here wishing I never had a dad:( The thought of what my dad has done to my mom is just making me really weak...I no longer want to think about because each time I think about I want to die. Dad's are supposed to be perfect...oh ok...it's not possible for anyone to be perfect but they should at least try...right??? Awwww I know it's not right...I'm not perfect I know my dad would never be perfect...well I know he isn't I guess I just didn't think he'd be this flawed. My friends used to tell me how lucky I am to have a dad like my dad...he's been a perfect father...he's sacrificed a lot for us...I know he loves us, his daughters...but I think he's getting tired of my mom's issues in life. My mom's still on the drugs she's been taking for the past 6 years...her mood swings have been really unpredictable...scary even...I guess my dad's getting tired of her. Why should I be the one left in this mess???

I'm kinda heart broken right now...I suddenly had this realization that what I do as a teacher will all be in vain later on. I just realized that if you look at it what I do doesn't really matter to my students...in the end I'll be nothing but silly anecdotes during class reunions or something. I know it's selfish to expect more from what I do...I know I should just do my job...but I don't know...I guess I want to matter...I want to be recognized...I'm really pathetic...hehe...LOSER!!!

I want to elope...will somebody take me away from this place??? I want to join the circus or a travelling band...I wanna be some place else:(

Current Mood: bitchy
Current Music: Cathedrals by Jump, Little Children