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Thursday, January 1st, 2004
1:02a - Happy Birthday to me...
Another choice of New Year's plans that sucked ass. When will I ever have fun on this god-forsaken holiday? I don't think ever. I think my attitude about this whole couple of days just gets me down. I should just forget I even have a birthday. No one actually cares anyway. I haven't ever had enough friends to actually want to do anytihng for me anyway. It is never going to be like I have it pictured in my head. Every one running around and having fun and KNOWING that it is my goddamn birthday instead of just saying happy new year and shit.
Right now I am hour after the ball has dropped, alone in my apartment after spending 200 dollars to get here. Of course there is a reason, and I am sure I will have loooots of fun tomorrow, but it is still depressing. I hope the Rose bowl will make this trip seem worth while. I could be out with my sister at a bar enjoying my 21st birthday and having tons of guys buying me drinks. Going from bar to bar and having the time of my life...of course it probably wouldn't have worked out like I dreamed...just like everything else. Nothing is ever as big as I imagine. I shoudl just stop expecting everything to be that good and just take it as it comes. I get so excited. I have been waiting for this night all my life...and look at me. Alone, 21st birthday and alone. But I get to go to the Rose bowl...I get to go to the Rose bowl...I get to go to the Rose bowl. Fuck me, I am regretting it already. They better fucking win. They better fucking win the National Championship. Just remember what mom said, "the chance of a lifetime" fuck I am screwed out ot 200 dollars and I have to spend the whole time with Wes. woooooo. I will have a real bday on saturday with the girls...I will have a reall bday on Saturday with the girls...ah, I suck I am going to bed.

current mood: depressed

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