Today is the greatest   
11:17pm 26/07/2004
mood: pleased
music: just the tv
Nice time at Valley Fair today n.n. Ahh, it was fun to take a break from work for a day. Moy and I teamed up and won us some care bears. We all took turns with partners on the rides. lol we even went on the merry-go-round. went on the power tower a lot. saw some bitches we knew. Even a kid who looked mysteriously like andy long, we're pretty sure it was him. Gah I ate so much, but I'm still hungry. I dunno why. We went on steel venom, wild thing, and the power tower lotsa times. Powertower in the dark was awsome. The height freaks me out, but the drop is just fun n.n. Well, I have to get up early, so I'm gunna take a shower and go to sleep, later childers
Why...just why...   
11:42am 13/07/2004
mood: numb
music: None
I've cried so much over nothing. I don't know why I'm sad. I just feel like I'm nothing, because that's what I'm told every day. Mom tells me I'm fat, I learned to accept that. Dad tells me I'm useless. I suppose I am. I'm nothing but a slave to my job. Just like a robot, go there daily, do work and come home. Maybe a break here and there, that I spend in my bed, wasting away, just staring at the ceiling. I stopped writing, but not drawing, but I've drawn nothing good lately I ujst sit, waiting for a call from someone who will never call. Someone non-existent. Someone who loves me. I know one thing. I love you scott. I don't know in what way or why, I just know that I do. Whenever I look into your eyes, I die inside because I know you don't feel the same.
Why you don't call me Nicky   
09:54pm 12/07/2004
mood: melancholy
music: none
My grandpa calls me Nicky and I don't like being called that at all. You see, I do not like my grandpa..he is a bad person in my eyes. He took my poor, sweet grandma to this northern place, and wouldn't let her visit home when they first got married. My poor grandma would cry, because she was so home sick. He used to drink and beat her. My grandma was the sweetest person I ever knew and he tortured her. He started dating people before my grandma died. He remarried to an air head woman. She replaced my families pictures with ones of her own kids and stuffed ours in the corner. Glad grandpa cared to fix it...chya right. Just like he let HER children ruin my dead uncle's four-wheeler, then made my dad pay to fix it. -sighs- That four-wheeler is very sacred to me..It's my last tie to my uncle..he was a great person too. He also recently popped and discarded a new tube my mother bought us kids after I said I would repair it. 200 bucks down the drain..thanks. Along with many other things that he's done that upset me...
Please, just don't call me that..everytime someone calls me that, I think of him and all of those things and it hurts really just don't please...
Slipping away   
12:28am 12/07/2004
mood: thirsty
music: I'm Rick James Bitch-Chapelle's Show
I feel like my teenage years age wasting away. I feel so old and caged. Everyone else is out having fun, and I'm just watching from my pen. I hate it. It's miserable to experience. Hope you never do. I just sit here, waiting to write my college papers and hopefully get in and what not. that's what scared me most...just being left behind...left here..alone..Just watching everyone go..I just need to rest..someone needs to seriously save me..before I go insane
Last day on glacierfied soil   
12:22am 02/07/2004
mood: distressed
music: T.a.t.U- all the things she said at 5 a.m. I depart my house and leave for north doesn't seem like a big deal to me for some reason...for once I wasn't packed a week before we were going..I guess I'm just more grown up now. Joy. More responsibility and yelling at me. What a momentus occation. We put boston to sleep today. He was suffering so much we just had to. It was sad. I felt bad for putting Scott in such an awkward position, meaning I was crying in his lap. Made me feel even worse, but I just wanted someone to comfort me you know? No one else in the house would. I'll miss that little dog...-sigh- well, I must be off to bed..good night to all..
04:08pm 30/06/2004
mood: anxious
music: The goonies on tv
It's fun sitting upstairs...and then it randomly starts raining...That's just weird, but really funny, cause it makes the puppies run like mad to get inside >D. Poor little things hate the rain. Just sitting here...watching the goonies...waiting for it to be 5 so I can go to work and slave my last day for 10 days there. God I needed a break from there. If I see one more dilly bar, I'm pelting it at the nearest object. Pray it isn't you because those hurt like mad.
Everything is stupid   
11:51am 28/06/2004
mood: disappointed
music: Korn- Ya'll want a single
I hate it here!!! I hate it I hate it I hate it!!! I can't wait for my vacation, but even then I get stuck with shitty people ><. There is nothing worse then a plane ride with shit face.I don't want to work anymore...sure..I get money..but at the sacrifice of my friends and summer. They don't even want to hang out with me anymore..except keeps me away from him. This is all such bullshit I just want to go outside and scream my head off. God just fuck this place I can't stand it anymore. When I go to college I am erasing all memory of this place and this shit and everything that has ruined my view on life. go upstairs and do my laundry so I have something to wear for my trip..
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Summer so far   
11:12pm 20/06/2004
mood: giddy
music: Deftones: Back to School
I haven't really gotten into my summer groove yet, even thought we've been out of school for a few weeks. I just go to sleep on sundays thinking I have to get up in the morning, but the truth is I don't, unless I got work, then I have to get up early. I've worked a lot, I try not to let it interfere with everything else, but it really does and I hate it ><. I'm almost a supervisor type person and I decorate cakes and such there now, so I'm pretty important I suppose. I want to be that way, but yet I don't, because that means I have to work a lot more -sigh- but I do get paid more, which is definatly a plus. I need to save my money for college and stuff. To save it in general. I've only got 500 bucks in my savings acount u.u. I'll get more eventually, I know, but not till this friday. I'm just jabbering. I gotta try and see scottie on tuesday. Anyways, I gotta go and do some stuff around here, cleaning is really needed.
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SCHOOL'S OUT!!!!! YAY!!!   
02:27pm 04/06/2004
mood: bouncy
music: Weezer-Photograph
School is finally over! YAAAY!!! ugh, so much partying yesterday I slept like a rock when it was over with. Right when we got outta school, we all jumped in Cristina's convertible and drove around for a while, then we got moy and went to our like "yay now we're seniors" bbq, but it was really dumb and we only stayed for about five minutes. Then we went to EP for a little bit of shopping, I think Jaime was the only one who bought anything and that was a Kingdom Hearts Sound Track cd, oh wait I remember Moy got some pizza and a pop, but I mean for like, item wise. Yeah, then we headed home and I went to work to hang out with Ali for a little while. We went to the park by our work and I used my sis's scooter and she rollerbladed around the park. God damn that was a huge park. It was about 6 miles or so and that's alot for me considering I really haven't done much physical activity lately. School and work both just suck the life outta me, but I got a healthy tan! yay! n.n Then I just went out to dinner with my family in the new convertible (which I caught Chase sleeping on top of today, my dad would have shot him if he'd seen that) It's roomie in the front seat, but the back is kind of annoying to sit in. Anyways, it was really a good resteraunt, but they gave you WAY too much food. After that I was so dead I just took a shower and hopped in my bed. Miss Kris woke me up at about 2:30 am to go outside, but apart from that I slept like a rock forever...until 11:30 at least. Anyways, I better go, I gotta go back upstairs and care for the lil puppers.
Another intresting dream   
10:50pm 07/05/2004
mood: hopeful
music: Weezer- Hash Pipe
Mmmn n.n don't you love them comforting dreams that you don't want to wake up from? Ahh, I had one of those last night. Ok, here's how it went, it was um, much of the opposite type of happy then my other dream on here o.o.
If you know anything about my cabin, then you know that it's beautiful up there. I was sitting on the end of my dock, swirling my toes in the water. The sunnies like it when you do that, they all come up to the surface and try to nibble your toes. Anyways, it was around dusk, and the sunset that night was beautiful and red, with a bit of orange around the edges, just over the large line of pine trees. I felt a comforting set of arms wrap around my waist. I couldn't help but smile and feel just totally happy. Mmm n.n then a soft kiss on the top of my head. All I could see was a pair of boyish arms wrapped around my waist, you know the kind, the muscular but delicate kind, so I didn't know who it was...ah but I didn't care..I just stared up at the sun and smiled the most brightly I've ever smiled in my life -sighs-
It was so romantic...if anyone ever wanted to do anything romantic for me..that would be it by far. It's just...such a beautiful scene -sighs heavily and rubs her eyes- but we all know I can just keep dreaming...
The most beautiful dream   
11:32pm 06/05/2004
mood: accomplished
music: Deftones- Back to School
Ahhh...what a beautiful dream I did have. For some, it might have seemed like a horrid nightmare, but to me, it was absolutly glorious. I'll tell you all about it, but you'll probably find me insane.
I was in miss mathison's class, for god only know what reason, I'm not sure of it myself, but I guess I was in a class that she was teaching. A pain began to brew in the center of my forehead..just this stinging, annoying someone burning me with a red-hot paperclip or something. Anyways, the bell rang and all the students got up and walked out the door, including myself, but I was staggering, the pain was too much for me anymore, so I collapsed on the floor. In front of me, was a sailor scout wand. I smiled thinking "oh hell yes" and grabbed it, trying to ignore my pain for the moment. Then it all went crazy. I couldn't control my body any longer. It just rose up and transformed me in this darkness into a sailor scout. Except I had black hair and my eyes changed to a deep purple kind of color. In my hand I held a weapon. Oh it was the glorious glaive of the senshi of death, because I guess that's who I turned into. After I got to looking like that, I kind of got some senses back to me. I could hear the student body around me whispering "She's a freak" and "It's fake" and other discouraging things. With a swift swish of the blade..they all lay dead on the floor and I stood there, feet and inch deep in a pool of blood. Doing nothing, saying nothing, just standing, breathing normally in total silence. It felt like my life had finally been justified and everything that had ever hurt me was gone and I'd never have to suffer again. Oh what a feeling that was. So extrodinary it was something I could never forget.

Now you probably find me insane, but it was only a dream mind you. Had you ever felt that feeling in a dream, you wouldn't care what of, you'd just care that it happened. I'm a typically dreaming head is ALWAYS in the clouds. Truthfully, I hate reality..the imagination is just so much more intresting and left open for discovery. The best part're free...
Finally Fixed   
10:22pm 01/04/2004
mood: curious
music: Futurama in the background
My computer is finally fixed thank GOD. I had to delete everything, but hey it's fixed. I got some cute new shoes at the mall of america for 10 bucks and a new huge and extremly comfy I might add, couch type thinger that is totally awsome and comfy, I'll sleep on it again tonight probably, I got a bit of a big day tomorrow plans wise. I'm supposed to go to work for pete, but I guess I can't because I have a hair appointment I forgot about n.n teheh oops. Anyways, I better go, later fellas n.n
Wow, I feel important   
06:02pm 15/03/2004
mood: annoyed
music: Korn- Right now
I love it when my friends forget my birthday. It makes me feel good. My fucking great aunt who lives in north carolina remembers my birthday, and I only see her once a year if that. I know people forgot about Theresa and Kels's birthday's too which might add is also cruel. People just don't care anymore, I should fucking not care anymore. That's it I just give up. I've remembered every one's birthday I could. If I forgot yours then I'm sorry and happy birthday anyways. fucking hell just shoot me ..........u.u
P.S. Nice wishing Noose a happy birthday Liz, you must care about her as much as you care about me, not at all. I love you too -_-
Almost my birthday   
04:44pm 14/03/2004
mood: energetic
music: nothing right now
Just sitting here gorging myself on some delicious girl scout cookies which are so good I might add. I've done pretty much nothing constructive today at all. I know I have to write an english report on the Great Gatsby, which I thought was an ok book despite what some people think. Some parts I found were pretty predictable though. Well anyways, we only have 4 pups left here, Sunny and Snowball still need homes. We're really trying to find them good homes where they will be living in a house and be cared for. I hate it when people get a dog and then just leave it in a fricking kennel outside. To me, dogs are just part of the family as anything else. I love mah pups n.n Crystal and Spike. They'll both be living in my room with me when they get older and when we get rid of the other two. Later all, I gotta feed them and stuff
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Drowning in homework!   
11:05pm 25/02/2004
mood: busy
music: No Doubt- It's my Life
Yay! Homework is good, it's everything...I hate it >< BURN IT! ugh, later guys.
Hey guysth   
07:33pm 17/02/2004
mood: working
music: Bruce almighty in the background
-hiccup- gah, this pop gives me the hiccups. Not much going on today, just chilling out in my house with my lil babies (puppies). 10 silly lil babies. They're all starting to escape their cage. Lil rascles. But I love them. I feel like writing a poem today, so here you are folks.

10 Diffrent Types of Cute

One white and brown
brown dot in the center of your forehead
my rollie pollie little boy Brutus.

Two black and white
black speckles all around and black ears
the littlest cute Kiwi.

Three another brown
named after her delievering girl
adorable tiny Kris.

Four big brown and white boy
off center dot and brown ears
pudgy boy Max.

Five the white and tan little girl
huge blue eyes that understand
my escape artist, Lucky.

Six, another white and tan
fiesty and much alive
my playful baby Snowball.

Seven black and white
with a big spot on his side
my spot butted Spike.

Eight lil white and black girl
with half a black ear and total black other
my lovely baby Alice.

Nine is a black and white
phantom mask across her face
the sweet small Sandy.

Ten, the last black and white
the little boy with freckles galore
we love the little Sunny.

Ten types of cute
little puppies
I love you all.

-cries- man I dunno what I'm gunna do when they have to start leaving..
10:06pm 11/02/2004
mood: irritated
music: NOTHING!
THE VIRUS IS DRIVIG ME INSANEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Oh thank god!   
11:14pm 30/01/2004
mood: jubilant
music: South park "Free Hat!" episode
I've finally got this god forsaken program to work again and the internet is now my domain once more. -sigh- That virus really did a number on this computer, I've tried everything to get this thing to be the same, but it's hopeless, it's forever tainted and I'm trying desperatly to fix it, but it's hard, however I do have a much better understanding of the mechanics of this computer and system. -shakes her head- I have enough home work to literally drown myself in, I've tried everything but it seems like nothing I do will burn it away at all. The puppies are doing great and they're as cute as ever. I can't imagine which one we'll end up keeping, they're all so cute, but personally, I like a little pudgy brown-headed boy, with a brown dot in the dead center of his forehead, my little Brutus, he's cute, as for girls, I like my little dantie one with the half-white ear and a black mask, her name's Alice cause she just kind of looks like one. You know? When something looks like a name you just gotta name it that! Anyways, I've lost a lot of my aol stuff, like all my favorites, so I'mm off to recover those, night everyone. ^_~ sleep well
07:47pm 29/01/2004
mood: thoughtful
music: The Nightmare Before Christmas
-dreamy sigh- you know, the month of february always makes me a little down. Just once I'd like to get some flowers, or flower even -smiles and blushes shaking her head- aye, I know I won't get any, but it's just a fond wish you know. I love flowers, they smell pretty, yellow roses are my favorite, but red ones and white ones are nice too. Roses smell the most beautiful of the flowers...well, apart from lilacs, I like those too n.n, but unlike my old house, my new house doesn't have any lilac plants. Those smell really good. I remember I used to go out in my yard at night and lay on the drive way, staring up at the stars, that smell of lilacs flooding my nose, it was the best. Always dead silent too, kinda creepy, but fun. Anyways, I hope you all have a wonderful valentines day, I know I'll be spending it alone as usual, confined to my room -sigh- how I wish it weren't so, but my luck won't change till I'm probably 20 or something u.u -sniffles- it's not fair...goodnight everyone..
Puppies arrived!   
11:22am 22/01/2004
mood: awake
music: nothin
Last night Dandy had her pups. 10 in all, 6 little girls and 4 little boys. 2 of them are all white o.o and the rest of them are black spotted or brown spotted. They are so wrinkly and cute and Dandy is doing fine. All her puppies lived so we're all really happy over here including Dandy. Dandy is a good mommy and doesn't like to leave her babies at all, she's always laying by them all cute and stuff. They've all got names and stuff, but it's hard to tell you on here, because their names are by the color of their spots and the placement of them, cause that's the only way I could remember them by. Anyways, that's the good news. Later everyone!!