Blurty for Monsieur Alaska.
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| Saturday, October 10th, 2009 |
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No good No good No good No fucking good This is bad I'm a fuck up I'm a fucking dumbass Emotion/emotion/emotion Why can't it keep fucking quiet? Can't say I'm anxious, though... Doctor Has me on some pretty hard core stuff now Straterra a no go &he won't let go of the welbutrin Valium? No, addictive past history Something like it- klonopin &the storm comes to a calm My vision slows &coherently- I don't care anymore. Willing Knowing right & wrong My head sways this&that My body elevated Arms to my side &tears streaming from my unblinking eyes on a face that is emotionless// Anything you say, I'm dying Anything you don't do, I'm dying I'm in the bathroom hiding My face under the pillow Please please don't give myself away Stop choking, stop moving breathe breathe breathe I'm a fuck up I'm not worth a shit I'm temporary I'm too Goddamn emotional I need to leave I can't look at you Please please please don't look at me Act as if I don't exist Wrap your entire body around me// I don't want I can't let you see me like this You're going to run It's fucked I'm fucked You shouldn't have to deal with this, too. I'm not worth the trouble. You wouldn't understand. Don't be mad. It's not you. It's not you. It's not you! I'm spent. 4 shots of whiskey 2 beam&cokes 1 beer 1 klonopin Zombie. "I'm worried about you. I don't agree with this doctor, putting you on all these pills." Doctor told me Doctor told me he can fix my chemical unbalance But he can't fix me, the way I think &how I bring myself down. I have to do that. Pills pills pills Are so my body won't work against me or encourage my my fucked thoughts. &as I lay in bed last night> "I'm a fuck up I'm a fuck up I'm a fuck up I'm a fuck up I'm a fuck up I'm a fuck up I'm a fuck up I'm a fuck up I'm a fuck up I'm a fuck up I'm a fuck up" He's not going to understand. This isn't me. I know it's going to come, sooner or later I just never know when Or how long it will last A couple of days a week weeks But when it comes, I'm d.e.s.p.o.n.d.a.n.t. Distant Paranoid Insecure Self-loathing Paranoid Insecure Self-loathing Paranoid Insecure Self-loathing Please, be patient with me. &just kiss me. just kiss me. [&say something that can't go wrong] Creating problems that don't exist Don't believe me when I say it's alright Let's go to my apartment We'll pull the sheets up over our heads Forget all reasons to go outside Beats pulse, they're automatic Locked inside of my apartment Make confessions with the television on- I'm fine |
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Blurty for Monsieur Alaska.
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