| watch the warmth blow away |
[26 Feb 2007|11:48am] |
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mood |
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pissed off |
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music |
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incubus - the warmth |
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Well, all I've really been doing lately is sitting around and getting fat. So fucking fat. I don't even deserve to live.
I pretty much don't anyways, because I have no life. I barely hang out with or talk to any of my friends. So I just sit at home alone.
Today I didn't go to school even though it's the first day back after break. I didn't finish my art or photography, as usual. I still need 16 fucking pictures for contrast. What the hell. I'm never going to be able to do that.
And I have to finish my stipling, still. Ohh fucking god. I've procrastinated so much with that it's not even funny.
I don't know. Life is just complete shit lately. I've been being a bitch to everyone.
I'M SO FUCKING FAT! My stomach is like...I don't even know. I don't want to leave the house. Everyone will be thinking, wow, what a fatass. Oh, and also with my ugly ass haircut.
I just want to die.
I have nothing anymore.
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[14 Jan 2007|12:21pm] |
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music |
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tool - third eye |
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i had a lucid dream last night.
i don't remember much of it now,
but i remeber that i woke up for a second then went back to sleep and reentered the dream.
i was at a computer. it was all blue with white text. all i remember it saying was "do you realize" and something else. but i looked away and back and of course it changed. that's when i became lucid. my first through was to fly, so i did. as i approached the ceiling, i told myself "i can get myself through this ceiling" and i did. it rippled like water. as i was outside, i didn't know what to do. i fell right to the ground, but told myself that it was okay and launched myself up again. i wanted to the find a person to talk to to see what they would say. the only person i saw was a little girl a little far away. she was alone and it was really cold and she was wearing shorts. i asked her why she was alone, and dressed that way. she said her mom made her, or something like that. that was when i woke up.
i got excited, and told myself that when i went back to bed i would have another one.
i did, but i don't remember much of it because i didn't wake up right after it. i had a false awakening.
in the 2nd lucid dream, all i can remember from it was looking at a clock over and over again just seeing all the things it changed to. because i was wondering why it always changed. why couldn't it just stay the same once? and then as i was about to fade out and wake up, i tried the spinning method. it gave me a strange sensation, i can't explain. all i could see was black...and this....thing. i can't describe it. i thought i was seeing some part of my mind or something. energy? nerves? i don't even know. pretty fucking crazy.
then i went into the false awakening. i was on aim talking to people about the lucid dream i just had. i was telling someone that i was wearing one shoe, even though i went to bed with none on. so i'm guessing part of the lucid dream had to do with me wearing one shoe? haha. i don't knoww. but. it was a pretty good night for dreams.
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[12 Jan 2007|10:31pm] |
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yay for being a fatass.
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| this is how it begins |
[31 Dec 2006|01:12pm] |
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mood |
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excited |
] |
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music |
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nine inch nails - please |
] |
today, obviously, is new years eve.
and it is going to be pretty much amazing.
it's kind of upsetting that break's pretty much over, though.
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[29 Dec 2006|10:53pm] |
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mood |
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calm |
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music |
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nine inch nails - adrift and at peace |
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this is life
i'm living it.
amazing.
i think i've realized a lot of things.
and this is seriously the best apple i've ever eaten.
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[26 Dec 2006|01:02pm] |
i don't think i'll ever be good enough
i had a lot of really weird dreams last night.
that's pretty much it.
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| Well. |
[11 Dec 2006|08:27pm] |
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mood |
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pensive |
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music |
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bright eyes - land locked blues |
] |
I really hate not knowing what to do for my sketchbook assignments for 2D. I always put them off until the last day and end up not doing them anything because I can't think of anything and do them in that much time. Fuck.
I've stopped caring about my grades. Everything that used to be me is pretty much gone. I barely read anymore, and I never have alone time anymore. Well, I don't enjoy it like I used to.
I always want something else.
If only I could actually be creative, I could think of something to draw. And I could draw it, if only I wasn't lazy.
What the hell is wrong with me?
I can't keep up with school anymore. It's too stressful. But, I want to maintain good grades to have something. To let my parents know I care and I don't just live for myself.
But I don't want to fucking do it. I'm LAZY.
If I weren't lazy, I would have gotten this fucking fat off years ago.
I always bitch about being fat, when I do NOTHING to change it. Because I'm LAZY.
I know I'm not "fat", but losing weight would be nice. Really nice.
How can I lose weight when I have no energy to barely eat and to exercise?
Fuck. I fucking suck.
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| lazy day |
[10 Dec 2006|12:35pm] |
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mood |
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lazy |
] |
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music |
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boards of canada - 1969 |
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I don't really feel like doing much today.
Although I really need to go shopping. And get my phone back from Ricky's. I'm just too lazy to do my hair and find clothes.
I want another day like Friday. It was really good. Let's just say that.
I have to do my art project today. I can't think of anything for the background though.
Yeah, I don't have much to say really.
I kindof made this instead of a livejournal so no one I know will read it. But, I don't know how much I like the idea of that yet. Why bother, then?
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