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we can burn in each others arms [30 Jul 2004|02:54am]
[ mood | bored ]
[ music | This flesh a tomb- Atreyu ]

I haven't updated in an Extreamly long time. But I thought I'd share with you guys that I'm boredboredboredboredboredboredboredboredboredboredboredboredboredboredboredboredboredboredboredboredboredboredboredboredboredboredboredboredboredboredboredboredboredboredboredboredboredboredboredboredboredboredboredboredboredboredboredboredboredboredboredboredboredbored

Any how, enough of that.

Goodnight.

I don't have to love.

we can burn in each others arms [30 Jul 2004|02:54am]
[ mood | bored ]
[ music | This flesh a tomb- Atreyu ]

I haven't updated in an Extreamly long time. But I thought I'd share with you guys that I'm boredboredboredboredboredboredboredboredboredboredboredboredboredboredboredboredboredboredboredboredboredboredboredboredboredboredboredboredboredboredboredboredboredboredboredboredboredboredboredboredboredboredboredboredboredboredboredboredboredboredboredboredboredbored

Any how, enough of that.

Goodnight.

I don't have to love.

we can burn in each others arms [30 Jul 2004|02:54am]
[ mood | bored ]
[ music | This flesh a tomb- Atreyu ]

I haven't updated in an Extreamly long time. But I thought I'd share with you guys that I'm boredboredboredboredboredboredboredboredboredboredboredboredboredboredboredboredboredboredboredboredboredboredboredboredboredboredboredboredboredboredboredboredboredboredboredboredboredboredboredboredboredboredboredboredboredboredboredboredboredboredboredboredboredbored

Any how, enough of that.

Goodnight.

I don't have to love.

Poision the Well Lyrics [17 Jun 2004|02:05pm]
[ mood | content ]
[ music | the tv is on..im listening to that. ]

Meeting Again For The First Time

Barely able to keep the lids open
At times I might think I need the rest
but who would want to go back there?
It's already hard enough to say I need it.
bad memories and good times.
Keep me from believing that I can still jump off.
No longer, no longer the same.
you grow accustomed to seeing the sun in a different location.
Standing still becomes a chore.
Anxious to get the pavement moving.
The easy solution to this and everything else is to move on.
It comes equipped with the last word.
they find ways to drag you along
and dismantle what you created.
It's already hard enough to say I need it
Bad memories and good times.
Keep me from believing that I can still jump off.
No longer, no longer the same.
You grow accustomed to seeing the sun in a different location.
Standing still becomes a chore.
Anxious to get the pavement moving.
Happiness is not having to lie on the floor dead alone.
I don't have to love.

[17 Jun 2004|02:20am]
[ mood | amused ]
[ music | SoCo-My Konstantine ]

Lets think about this truthfully, am I angst?


Exactly what I thought.

I don't have to love.

[13 Jun 2004|12:46pm]
[ mood | bored ]
[ music | mouth full of poison-kittie. ]

I haven't updated in a while. I guess I haven't felt up to it. Who knows.
Jana goes to Italy Thursday I think, I go to Las Vegas on...Sunday? Yes Sunday..
I somewhat wish I was leaving tomarrow then at the same time I don't want to go. I scare myself like that sometimes.
After yesterday I'm more sure I'm most likly going to Mt. Tabor. Lets put it this way..I have a new house mauhaha. Since my mom says shes moving out shes going to rent or something from her friend Laura. And the place is in the Mt. Tabor district. Is this a good or bad thing? *shrugs*

I don't have to love.

I'm a wishful thinker with the worst intentions. [03 Jun 2004|08:47pm]
[ mood | blah ]
[ music | taking back sunday ]

New tbs albumn next month.or this month..i dont know those J months are all the same, well except for January. I hate this keyboard I have to type everything twice just to get it to come up.

I've done nothing again to day, except watch A rat. It's odd, she looks older than me [even though shes younger], but when she is sick she looks like a little girl.

I guess I'll do laundry at 2 am..i need to..hm.

There is going to be a sublime tribute at ziggys tuseday. I might go..hmm.

I don't have to love.

im sinking like a stone in the sea, im burning like a bridge for your body [02 Jun 2004|08:39pm]
[ mood | bored ]
[ music | Brand New -that first really short song..Tatou or something ]

A rat [my sister for the slow people..] is on the couch. Shes been sleeping forever. I get to baby sit kinda for the next too weeks.
I really never want my throat insides taken out.
Today has been one of the leas productive days of my life. All I've done is sit. Then I sat some more. I've listened to probaly every cd I own straight through once or twice and if you know how many cds I own..never mind its impossible, but you get the point.
There's going to be a Sublime tribute at Ziggys next Tuseday..hmm. I want to go.

I don't have to love.

[02 Jun 2004|01:29pm]
[ mood | sleepy ]
[ music | sugarcult- sign off ]

A rat got her Tonsils out [Is that how you spell tonsils?] anyways, she looks miserable. I'm glad I don't have to have mine out...
I'm bored, no ones online but people who can't type. lol. I might go back to bed. I'm still sleepy anyway. I finally put up a new aim sub profile since it wouldn't let me back into my old one. That was tragic.
I have nothing really to say so at this point im rambling. I'll stop now though.

I don't have to love.

[01 Jun 2004|07:51pm]
[ mood | sad ]
[ music | Finch- what it is to burn [best song by them <33] ]

Sometimes people don't understand hurt. It's a two way thing, and sometimes people are so comsumed in their own suffering they don't even realize they aren't the only ones having a tough time. They don't see that someone feels just as trapped and submerged as they do.

People are sefish beings, so to speak, most people, not all, but most people will when it comes down to it, put themselves before everyone else. They will do what they have to in order to make themselves have less pain.

And is there anything wrong with this?

No, not always anyway. Sometimes you deserve to put yourself first, in fact sometimes if you don't you'll just hurt everyone more in the end of it all. Other times though, people can be pretty selfish.

People go around trying to live life like its something they've alreaday been through. They talk like they know exactly what will happen, but the brutal truth is, no one knows what they are doing.

You're a begginer at life,until you're experienced, and you aren't expeienced until you're dead.

I don't have to love.

[01 Jun 2004|07:16pm]
[ mood | annoyed ]
[ music | Deathcab for a cutie ]

My mom really bothers me sometime. I don't think she understands that I have my own life. I was online for 5 minutes maybe, with a friend that was really upset, and she makes me get off so she can talk to my sister, [who is in the same house], online. She knos my friend is upset because she is sitting behind me reading everything but she doesn't care. If it was my sister things would be different.
My sister used to really bother me but I don't really mind her any more. She can be an okay kid sometimes, just my mom. grr. She just idk. Oh well, I'm not going to go into it any more really.

I don't have to love.

[01 Jun 2004|03:56pm]
[ mood | bored ]
[ music | dashboard -the places that you have come to fear the most ]

Today has been the most boring day ever. I have no book to read..It's bothering me. No one is online either...

My sister has surgury tomarrow on her throat. They are probaly going to have to keep her over night.

I think I'm going to take a nap..I'm tired..

Does any one else feel like summer hasn't really started?

I don't have to love.

[31 May 2004|11:03pm]
[ mood | bored ]
[ music | wallflowers - one head light ]

I read the perks of being a wallflower, It was a pretty good book towards the end but I don't see how it can be compared to "The catcher and the Rye", I just don't see it.
Now I need to get a new book tomarrow, I hate not having anything to read. It seriously bothers me more than anything besides people spelling a lot as one word, I'm odd.
I already lost one of the balls on my gauges, GRR!!! I guess I'l go buy somemore this week if I go to the mall, but I don't want to go alone. I hate doing that sometimes, anyway.

I don't have to love.

[29 May 2004|08:54pm]
[ mood | okay ]
[ music | trapt- echo ]

I changed my industrial barbell finally..YAY. that was scary though, haha.
I got a black barbell with black circle thingys with red starts on the end.


cool.
btw, schools out. finally.

I don't have to love.

[27 May 2004|11:07pm]
[ mood | relieved ]
[ music | Katy Rose - Teaching myself to dream ]

Me and Jana made up..

I think things will be okay again, and maybe I'll sleep tonight.

Finally. *whew*

I don't have to love.

[27 May 2004|04:19pm]
[ mood | sad ]
[ music | Atreyu- ain't love grand ]

Ah the six month curse. This was the sixth month we were close friends, of course It happened, why am I suprised?

It's funny how immature people can be, I mean they assume I'm the only one that lied, or I am the one that lied at all. People, ha, they crack me up. If they knew the truth and what was really said they woudln't be so harsh. Its kinda laughable to see someones true colors come out and realize how cold hearted they are.

How do they know I'm the one that lied, how do they not know I was One of the people that lied, or if I even lied at all. They don't. They assume I did and they assume everyone else is telling the truth on their own will. Only one person is going to understand what I mean, so no im not crazy. Someone does have an idea of what I'm saying.

It's just humourous to realize that if they knew the truth they would feel pretty bad for saying some of the things they said. Oh well, lets not give them that guilt.

I'm not even going to finish what I was going to say. It isn't worth it, and the rest of it isn't really anyones bussiness.

Today a lot of people were trying to cheer me up, or attacking me to check my wrists and crap. I was like LEAVE ME ALONE ALREADY. It was person after person that didn't even know me. School is so strange.
I walked in the door, got thrown into a picture and then Nikki licked me. Then the bell rang so I sat down. I think I failed my science exam, i finsihed 25 minutes before the break though..heh..
Lunch was funny..I about cried. Nikki gave us a detailed discription of her underwear then pretty much everyone in the hallway saw melanies. It wasn't good. lol.

Other than that I was all sadistic again today, but not as bad as yesterday. Yesterday was just bad.

I don't have to love.

[26 May 2004|04:24pm]
[ mood | depressed ]
[ music | cut here- the cure ]

Yesterday was awful. My dad cussed my mom out for how she was treating me and told her to move in with her dad. Then some other tihngs happened but I'm not going to go into it. Needless to say I'm reaching my breaking point.
Sometimes when i'm in a car with someone I just wish they'd wreck and only I'd get hurt, it woudln't be suicide, but at least this would be over..
School..3 more days..I want it to end but yet I don't. this summer is going to be awful...school was an escape, but can't even find security in school anymore.
One last thing for the record..-I'm not a liar.

I don't have to love.

ah. [25 May 2004|06:30pm]
[ mood | bored ]
[ music | The Cure-Just like Heaven ]

Frankly I don't care who reads this or whatever you think about what I write in here, thats why this journal is public. If you needed to know anything You'd be able to read my livejournal, thats friends only. I'm just clearifying that for someone.
I can't spell. Grr.
Only 3 more days of school, It still seems as if they'll never go by for some reason though. I'm such a pessimest.
I just remembered I have a project due tomarrow I haven't started on. I procastinate too much. I'll start on it around 11 and then finish by 11:30. Thats what I always do anyway...
FYI--Matt from Kill Hannah is beauitful. Lol.
I finished reading "Blood at Chocolate" yesterday after the 302482309 person told me to read it. It's good. Most people I don't think would like the ending, I guess you understand it and you like it if you are into what the book is about, but your regular fairy-tale lover wouldn't be so crazy about it.
Oh yeah, I finally got the imported Cure cd I wanted..:)

I don't have to love.

I'm watching her whole world fall apart. [03 May 2004|10:33pm]
[ mood | sick ]
[ music | The Rasmus - A Girl Like You ]

I left school early today I was so sick. Ya know being sick isn't fun?

I don't like people who love pitty parties. I swear some people I know live to have people throw them pitty parties, for what reason? None. Just to have pitty. Some people took it wrong when they didn't get much love as a child.

Just do what I do. Don't let people get too close to you. If they never know you, they can't hurt you. They won't know your weaknesses. It all works. Really.

Everyone should go out and get the cd "Dead Letters" from The Rasmus. It's really really good.

I don't have to love.

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