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Sunday, February 16th, 2003
4:11 pm - Bush the Muppet, Blair the Puppet
*Wow* Saturday's march was good. London was filled with people all saying a big fuck you to duplicitous, hypocritical leaders that insist that their only goal is spreading 'democracy', whether or not their voters and citizens want them to or not. Gee, I think I see a problem there....
Maybe people are finally realising what others in the fringe groups have been aware of for a long time....that those in power have their own personal agenda that they are determined to promote, no matter how much violence, death and destruction that will be inflicted upon innocents, and no matter the opinions of the people who supposedly put them in power in the first place. Maybe now people will realise how pointlessly powerless we are right now, and maybe we will come to a time when we refuse to take this anymore and finally decide to stand up and take what is rightfully ours, putting an end to passive compliance to the powers that be.

In 60 countries.
603 cities around the world.
1.5 million in London alone.

If that ain't enough....there'll be plenty more to follow ;-)

(2 Kisses | Kiss my ass)

Wednesday, February 12th, 2003
6:19 pm - Climbing the Walls
Had my first appointment with Jo in a looong time today. It was *just* like old times...and I thought I was getting better. She did say though that it seemed like I was coping with stuff in a better way, not immediately resorting to self-destructive behaviour every time I feel out of control or depressed generally. I guess I can see that in myself....though it was only two weeks since I had that speed binge and lost 5lbs.....but I haven't done it since and I'm eating more at the moment. I just find it hard to believe that eating doesn't immediately equal fatness...but thats coming...*Baby steps, Ruby!*

I still feel kinda like I have a split personality...I mean I hate the trend that thinness=beauty, and the oppressive notion that women can never be too thin, and how society glorifies emaciation like its something to aspire to...so by all accounts, I should be fighting against that [like I do with everything else!] and getting as fat as I can just to say 'fuck you' to the media that perpetuates this...but somehow I can't rid myself of the idea that me being thinner would equal me being happy, and that by never getting to this goal I set myself means I'm a failure, and ugly and gross....I guess thats because this is more than political, its incredibly personal, and the reasons I do such things go much deeper than simply 'the magazines made me do it'...I mean, if it wasn't for the media, I wouldn't express my angst in this way, I guess, but taking the media out of the equation, I still have plenty of issues left.

(2 Kisses | Kiss my ass)

Tuesday, February 11th, 2003
8:02 pm - This is the end
We live in.....

A world where everything has a market value
Where the needs of billions are disregarded in favour of the greed of few
Where democracy means choosing the lesser of two evils
And speaking out is treason.

Satisfaction is impossible
Control is passe
Illusion is the word of today

(Kiss my ass)

6:40 pm - Holding out for a revolution
*grrr* I am so stressed out right now! Work is really getting to me. I just don't seem to be getting anything out of it, which leads me to believe I'm fucking up my gap year and just failing to do anything contructive at all.
What is the point of working all day to earn money, just to spend it on stuff you don't need, and not getting anything of substance from it at all?
If this is what 'real life' is all about, I'd rather opt out.
If you need me, I'll be in the dole queue.

*************************************
Working all the hours for the company greed
Spending all my money on smokes and weed
I guess this is really what society needs?
Struck dumb by the vaccum that conformity breeds.

At least this way
We don't speak out of place
I guess this means
Another blank face

You ask for something but its nothing you get
you can make your pleas known but they'll never be met
Reminded that you're owned by them as if you could forget
If we don't do something now all we're left with is regret

***************************************

Rah! My little ditty to express how I feel.....

xxx

(Kiss my ass)

Monday, February 10th, 2003
7:29 pm - This is exactly how I feel...
...about my shitty job. Actually...work in general. Hours of dispair, tortuous clock-watching and mindless trivia...everyone fucking and flirting, fucking and flirting.....a endless, pointless, mind-numbing cycle designed to crush the spirit and pacify the soul.

Enough melodrama.

Custom Concern

Their custom concern for the people
Build up the monuments and steeples
To wear out our eyes

I get up just about noon
My head sends a message for me
to reach for my shoes then walk
Gotta go to work, gotta go to work, gotta get a job

Goes through the parking lot fields
Doesn't see no signs that they will yield
And then thought, this'll never end
This'll never end, this'll never stop

Message read on the bathroom wall
Says, "I don't feel at all like I fall."
And we're losing all touch, losing all touch
Building a desert

current mood: listless
current music: Modest Mouse in general

(2 Kisses | Kiss my ass)

Sunday, February 9th, 2003
11:02 pm - ...
I think my mind goes blank alot more often these days....the mind-numbingness of my job is impairing my ability to think in a straight line...I need STIMULATION PEOPLE!!!
It might be alright for all the other Phanet dumbfucks to sit around all day guessing who's fucking who and wondering why all foreigners look the same, but quite frankly I NEED MORE!!
Jeez....what I need is a good book and a large spliff. Never fails to sort me out.



xxx

(Kiss my ass)

Tuesday, February 4th, 2003
6:10 pm - Militia Libetale
Socialists, anarchists, communist etc...wanna have a wee chat? Come find us here and get that warm, fuzzy feeling you get when you feel loved! *grin*

PLUS....Anti War Demo, 15th Feb, London...you gotta come...its gonna be BIG!

(Kiss my ass)

Sunday, February 2nd, 2003
11:37 pm - [Exit does not exist]
Got that Sunday feeling....always seem to start new journals this time of the week too. Being introspective I guess.

Had a good weekend....always makes the leaving harder though. Mondays suck as far as I'm concerned. I have to work longer and harder, I'm broke by now and I I know its gonna be a week before I can chill out again.

Saw my mate's band last night. R* is such a sweetie. He's gorgeous too (especially in my fluffy red coat!). And we have matching hair now!! They played amazingly, especially C* who isn't really in the band! She rocks too.

I feel weird writing in here, like I'm meeting someone new. Should I go over the basics, or just pick up wherever my head leads off...? I'm sick of the same old shit, though, so I guess the story can be pieced together over the next few entries.

Gonna meet up with John tomorrow. Can't believe he [might] be leaving the SWP! Dang, he's too good to lose over a stupid wabbit. *Grrrr* at Bunny!
I took the weekend off the [metamorphase]. Kinda by choice, kinda cuz I'm weak and smoking fucks things up. Times like this I start to question myself. but I'm sick of that too, so I think I''ll go and read some Ginsberg instead.

current mood: sleepy
current music: Modest Mouse - Grey Ice Water

(Kiss my ass)


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