| WHO? | ||||
| 10:29pm 10/10/2003 | ||||
MSN Messenger: Sanguine_Wind_420@hotmail.com Yahoo Messenger:rubberfroggies AOL instant messenger: Sanguine Wind Good day all!!! |
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pensive| Deep Thoughts | ||||
| 08:13pm 16/08/2003 | ||||
So, ive been thinking. WAIT!!!! Dont run away yet, i promise that this thinking will not cause anyone any harm. I have had a bit of an epiphany. I have for a long time considered myself a phisically based being that housed and sheltered a soul. This has been wrong, i think. I have decided that i am, in stead, a hopelessly physically bound soul. Furthermore, i have decided that this will be my passion, my driving force. I do not want to be limited by my physical home, so i shall do everything within my power to make my body, my mind, and my soul all that they can be...as soon as i eat this candy bar....later days. |
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contemplative| IIIIIMMMM FFFRRRREEEEEEE!!!!! | ||||
| 01:46am 15/08/2003 | ||||
The most important thing, of course, is that i moved out of my fathers house and out of the hell hole called mansfiels, ahh, that ass crack of the nation. I know what you're thinking, i must be the happiest guy on earth. Well,not so fast oh presumptuous one. The truth is, ive just relocated hell. I'm fighting with my mom all the time, she has started hitting me again, and i cant find a job to save my soul. I had recently come up with the idea to get my GED and go get a full time job. Well, mom would have none of that so i am going back to school. Oh gee i cant wait to get back to all the cliques, the ridicule, and most importantly the "dietarily nutricious food". What can i say, im a sucker for overprocessed food stuffs. *throws up all over computer* And I have a boyfriend. His name is sergio, and i cant really call him my boyfriend. Not because he isnt, but because he doesnt know what he is. He hasnt decided if i may call him that or not. I must admit that i find it a bit unsettling, but he has professed his true feelings and i think that he loves me, i hope at least that he cares for me. I think he does, it's really a bit confusing i suppose. We have proffessed our deep and mutual love for eachother, but i remain skeptical, not because of him,but because my past has unfortunately left me at a point that makes it very hard for me to truly be in love with anyone. Do not think that i dont love him, for i do, i love him more than i have loved anyone in my life, or ever hope to, i just have a hard time saying that i am IN love with him. Strange, i think, how a little two letter word can change the meaning of a phrase so utterly. But i will continue to love him as i have loved no one before, and i shall continue to crave him. But you all dont want to hear all of the mushy stuff, so let's move on. I have aquired pictures, and will send tem upon request. I warn you though, the camera that i used was on crack or something and everyone looks WAY fatter than they actually are. I almost demanded a refund, but i wouldnt do that to the poor people that developed those awful pictures. The best thing about my move has been my proximity to one of my best gal pals Keisha. We are seeing eachother much more nowadays and have come to rely upon eachother very much. I could not ask for a more caring individual to be in my life, besides my very best friend in the world RACHEL, who i miss very much, and as soon as i am capable of doing so, will go and see for many days, before my eventual and inevitable relocation to the great nortwest. IVE BEEN PUBLISHED!!! Poetry.com has decided to publish my poem which you all saw in a previous entry, I Have Known. I could not be happier, this kind of recognition is something that i have wanted for years. I am inspired now to write more and seek out further publishing opportunities. I just might become a writer. That has also been a topic of recent discussion in my sphere, what will i become. And the truth is boys and girls that i just dont fucking know. I have lived so long in the realm of pleasing others that i dontknow what the fuck i want. I think i may go to college and get some type of degree and use it as a backup for if my dreams and talents do not carry me through. Well I am getting a hand cramp and im sure you all have lives to lead, so i will bid you all a good day and hope that you come see me some time. rubberfroggies@yahoo.com Later days!! |
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worried| POETRY | ||||
| 09:48pm 22/06/2003 | ||||
I Have Known You talk of love behind my back. "Careful not to let 'him' hear too much." Afterall, I'm only seventeen. But i have known love. You whisper of abuse. "Careful not to wound 'him' with reality." Afterall, why taint hopeful youth. But i have known abuse. You gossip quietly about persecution. "Careful not to expose 'him' to the ugly truth." Afterall, he already knows that CHILDREN can be so cruel. But i have known persecution. You preach behind closed doors of passion. "Careful not to get 'him' too worked up." Afterall, i might never come down from my soapbox. But i have known passion. You testify of retribution and forgiveness. "Careful not to let 'him' lose hope." Afterall, we all deserve a second chance. But i have...No...I have known nothing of retribution or forgiveness. Well I hope u all liked that...later days. |
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awake| AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGG |
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| 08:09pm 21/06/2003 | ||||
I wrote a poem today...here it is for anyone who gives a damn... Lawn Mower Heading outside...the lawn freshly mowed The sun shining through the trees...dusk The CD player at my hip playing Cher:Believe Like some sort of sound track to my life dubbed over the move im only a small part of. Sit on the seat...turn the key...kick it into sixth and im off. To put it in the shed...thats my goal...all im doing right now... And i realize...we are all trying to be put back into the shed... Our shed though...a wooden treat dipped in dirt. All being driven..at the last second shifted into sixth... One last sprint as we approach terminal velocity... All being driven...being pushed towards our shed... Shed me from further being driven as i am wearing down... Park...turn the key once more.. Dismount...turn off the player... My song has ended...at least for now.. I will continue to be driven...listening to what i Believe Watching...ever on guard for the fast approaching shed... I dont worry though...i am just starting on my lawn.. Well...there it is...hope u enjoyed...Bye Bye for now |
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confused| another dull day in south bfe | ||||
| 09:12pm 18/06/2003 | ||||
Well kids... i had to delve into the seedy world of lawn care today(no pun intended). And i can say that i actually feel like ive done something...popped a disc...my mowers handels were designed for midgets and i aint no midget. Well i didnt get it done as quickly as dad would have liked so hes been giving me the moody eye all evening. What a day it has been. I didnt sleep well last night because i was going through nicotine withdrawal(much better now thank u) so i was fighting with my eyelids all day in a battle for the territory known as my eyeballs. It was intense but a cup of coffee and an ass load of sugar pretty much clenched the victory for me. Well kids i think thats about it for me tonight...hope u all have a pleasent day...as always this is ur captain signing off...Later days!!! |
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cranky| i am so back wit a vengence | ||||
| 10:51pm 17/06/2003 | ||||
It certainly has been a while hasnt it...and i have a lot to talk about.. First let me address why ive been away. Well about two months ago there was a big storm and mom was on the comp and a bolt of lightning struck the comp and fried the motherboard...Go figure..Well we sent it off and got it fixed for free since it was still under warranty three weeks and a hundred internet arm patches later...here i am...back with a vengence... Well kids...a lot has been going on with this home fried homo...ive learned a lot about people i thought i knew pretty well... Lets start with my mom...i love my mom more than anyone in the entire world...but i have learned just how much she can get under my skin some times...she is so excited we might be leaving my father and moving to nixa...but she still hasnt gotten up off her ass and gone to the bank to see about getting a loan so we can afford to move...im starting to wonder if she has the balls to leave him...i am getting fucking sick and tired of her saying were going to move but then falling through...AAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGHH Next for my dad...i hate my father with a passion that burns like the fires of hell...but i have learned that i may be more like him than i think...(to be continued) Next we will address the problem of marisol....now for those of u who dont know...marisol is my other personality... a product of a molestation from my child hood(more details upon request)...i ve not heard from marisol in nearly four years...well shes back...the other night while on one of my favorite websites...a woman began hassling me about being gay...i mean she got really nasty...people were yelling at her to leave because they knew it was upsetting me...well thats when it happened...marisol decided to pay that woman a visit...called her a bimbo...ive been feeling more and more lately like just letting her take over...it might just be easier to do that...oh well...(details upon request) Lastly lets cover my friend rachel...i have always known that rachel is annoyed by the general populus which is what makes it that much more amazing that she is now making ten bucks an hour for doing just that...congrats to my greatest gal pal...may she always be blessed...on the issue of her recent friend problems...i still think she should just say good riddens to bad rubbish...but she still insists theres something she can do...whether she does or not i hope one day she can find(or maybe build) the perfect friend. Well folks if i type much more im gonna get carpal tunnel...so on that delighfully pussy note i bid u all adieu...until next time this is ur captain, rubberfroggies@yahoo.com...bidding u all a good evening oh..one more thing...i havent had a cigarette in a whole day and my head is about to explode... |
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horny| enlightened perspective does a world of good | ||||
| 10:37pm 01/05/2003 | ||||
Then it got me thinking...if i can change these peoples lives then what the fuck is the matter with me...i need some answers and apparently i have them...why cant i seem to listen to them... maybe i know how to fix the problem but i cant really apply it until i have experienced the full impact of these problems...maybe i just cant see the forest for the trees and until i forge on i wont know how to apply the answeres in ways that are most beneficial...i guess we shall see as time goes by i need a boyfriend i recently took a trip to columbia and it reminded me how much i miss northern missouri...its such beautiful country compared to mansfield where rocks grow out of the soil...i long to be freed from the captivity of this small minded ceiling... god save this queen well kids...this has kinda drained me...so im gonna go...if u should feel so inclined...feel free to write me Bye |
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grateful| 09:25pm 20/04/2003 | ||||
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| so this is an online journal | |||
| 10:24pm 17/04/2003 | |||
| well, here i am. exploring the great big world of online journals. I think that things like this are important to remind us that we arent alone, to remind us that other people out there share our interests. so, i hope somebody finds my random thoughts and anecdotes and theories on the meaning of life interesting enough to reach out and touch somebody. Bye bye for now. | |||
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