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Wow... so much to catch up on. [07 Oct 2006|12:32am]
So me and Sean have been back together for like I guess a month or something.
A week ago today I went on the bus to see him in Dallas and came back today :[ I cried. This trip really made me realize how much I love him(Or atleast Im pretty sure I do.. Ive never felt like this before..) , I dont know why I ever broke up with him. But, thing's are different.. He's alot more mature (Thank god). His mom is so adorably cute I couldent stand it.. I love her, and I want her to like me so bad.. lol. She's just really sweet. Anyways.. Everything was great until today.. He just seemed distant or something.. and then I ran off the bus to give him one last kiss and he kissed me and was like okay go.. And I was like okay.. So then he called and sounded all said and played our song (I almost died it was so sweet..) But then today he called and there was girls all over him and he said Ashley (this girl that used to really like him) was on his lap and then these girls were hitting on him :[. And then finally he was like okay u have my attention and then five seconds later he's like my phone's dying I promise and Ill call u later. Well .. his phone isnt dead and he's to busy getting drunk to talk to me. I know I shouldent feel this way but Im almost scared he's going to cheat on me.. I know he wouldent.. but still. It's just weird.. cause now he has his contacts (my god he looks so hot without his glasses) and now there's girl's all over him.
I hate being back. I hate it already. I hate this family.
Actually, I hate her.
She said I cant have friends over or go anywhere cause the 3 of us (like she's my fucking mom or something) need to spend time together.. and then what do they do.. They watch a movie and ignore me and then go have sex.. like always. This is the only place I can talk about it cause I missed counseling 2 weeks in a row for exams and then I was in Dallas.. And dad is putting off getting my medicane.. and mom is getting all upset about it and then dad is talking about her and shit again. Gah. I just hate it here. Thing's arent the same anymore. And the whole week while I was in Dallas I barely thought about Nathan.. :[ Besides the text messages.
I just wanna go back and be with him forever. He said the same about me.. But who know's if he means it.. I tend to forget the fact that he's a boy and he lies, and wants pussy. But I think that hes more mature then that. But he just called and we're talking :] So ill finish this later.
abuse me

MM. I like boys to much [14 Aug 2006|09:33pm]
[ music | Diary of Jane -Breaking Benjamin ]

Love this song thats playyinnn ♥
So. I pretty much told Sean nothing could happen between us right now, but he's still my big tomato. Always.
In the past week my house has changed.. SOOOO Much.
They dont smoke around me anymore :] YAY!!!! We got new phone system and speaker system for computer. New rug's. New candle holders, place mats, pillows, couch, tv stand in my roomie, new dog, new roomate, new holders for kitchen stuff. Wow. and more.. Cant think of it all right now. So Josh's party was sooo awesome.
I have a new.. um like?
Yeah, I know again. But I actually like him.. it's more than sex. I stopped that. With Jeremy.. anyways.
Yeah, he's cute and I hate myself for it. He looked especailly cute last night (I snuck out and went over to his apartment which he shares with 3 other guys.

I met them from Bronson.

I dident go to school today cause I was sick (:[ I missed cross crountry. It was depressing) Yes, I actually like it.
I found the link to my blurty in my dad's favriotes.. I dident say anything to him I just deleted it. I dont know how he got it.. but that's fucked that he's reading my shit. Now I know why he got so mad at me the other day.

Still havent heard from Steven.. Last e-mail he sent me was like, um a month ago. I think.

I miss my brother soo much. I heard his fave band on the radio last night when they were taking me back home. I had to try so hard not to cry.

I talked to Sean about it last night... I hope Gary is okay too. I had a really not for any certain reason bad feeling last night. Meh. Seems like he's the only one who understands.

abuse me

WOO! :] [05 Aug 2006|08:51pm]
Josh's party tonight :]
Havent seen him in FOREVER.
abuse me

WTF ING HELL. [31 Jul 2006|09:26pm]
[ mood | crappy ]

I thought I knew my friends.. god.
I cant mention names so ill say mr1 and ms2.
Well ms2 is one of my best friends and I introduced her to mr1 at a party. I met him at a party also. So anyways They've known each other for about a week and they had sex today (they were both virgins).
ms2 is 16 and mr1 is 21.
So anyway's I was all shocked and we talked about it (Im so proud :] it's about time she get's some.. haha) ANWYAYS. so ms2 is like well I told him he should go back to his girlfriend (yes mr1 has a GIRLFRIEND) and all this and forget about me and we'll be friends.. she said this pretty much "I wanted to and he wanted to and we did it now he should go back to his girl and I told him that" well I just found out from someone else that was there that mr1 broke up with his girlfriend before this happened and ms2 got with him. So.. she lied to me about it, wtf? Why in hell would she lie to me about it?

Anyways Sean came in town and we spent Saturday night together (yaY! :])

I finally got a belt for school and picked up my shirt (school starts tommarow for me) and I still need to read 200 pages on my book. (ugh.)

Today this song came on (I forgot the name of it) "and now my baby's gone to heaven and I have to be good so I can see her.." something like that.. Anyways my stepmom's singing it and I just started crying.. I guess it made me realize how much I really miss Nathan. I havent cried like that in a REALLY long time.

We were comming home today and somehow brought up my mom being pregnant with me and dad was saying Nathan said something like " Im pregnant too!, Im having an elephant!" .. haha. He always had the funniest thing's to say.

:[ I feel like I cant talk to anyone.. Cause they always tell someone and it get's around.. I cant trust anybody.. it's the worst feeling in the world to know you can only trust yourself.. I think I can trust Amanda.. but I dont know.. I wanna talk to her about it.. but I just cant. Everybody is so stupid.. Im ignoring Ashley's call's.. Im not mad at her I just dont wanna talk. She said that 'someone' was lying and mr.1 is still with his girl. I dont care either way. Im so tired of this stupid shit..

Jeremy keep's trying to get me to talk about what happened last night and he's making joke's cause he doesent know what to say.. I hate people.
All they ever do is backstab you and use you;

I hope school goes good tommarow.. I really need something to go good.

Dad made another stupid promise.. which I NEVER even suggested he make about smoking. He said if I went back to school he'd stop, so today was his last day. But of course, He's probably just going to brake this promise too. Cause of course Delores is going to keep smoking and he said he's gonna tell her to take it outside.. but of course since she ALWAYS come's first she'll get her way.

I dont see how she can be more important than me.. Im his daughter that's his girlfriend.


I'll make new friend's at school and maybe find someone to talk to :]

Life goes on right?

abuse me

My partying is ovA! :] [31 Jul 2006|09:13pm]
last night was my last day! :] School is tommarow.
Man, last night was fun :] alot of more people then usual.. me and Nora toked it up so hardcore hehe :] I love that chick..
Well Ill write more about the night later but here's the most memerable;
Bronson (mr I never throw up!) threw up! and passed out!
[someone] tried to.. force me into something while I was passed out.
Nora ran away! haha, we got her back though
Met some new drinking buddies :/
abuse me

HAHAHHA. [29 Jul 2006|01:20am]
fun fucking night man.
Lionel, me, Bronson, and Ruben.
DAMN. I laughed so FUCKING hard.
I had to leave the room to breathe.
Drunk/Stoned people are great.
abuse me

Yayyyy [26 Jul 2006|05:32pm]
Funnn nights ♥
I love Ashie, she's a fun drunk.
abuse me

lalalala [24 Jul 2006|11:23pm]
Fuck me HARDER, baby! ♥
abuse me

I love this bitch ♥ [17 Jul 2006|11:38pm]
[ mood | predatory ]
[ music | Manda's sexy ass voice. ]

Member when we used to say Indian gIVeR?

loved that. ♥

♥ Kitty days. wow.

GOOD god. Manda is so freaking awesome.

And im huunnngraaay. We went school shopping today, I got clothes :] (UniformS) ickie.

Whatevaaaa. Im on the telly with Manda and we're talking about babies.. mmm.

abuse me

Lame [17 Jul 2006|07:04am]
Duane keeps inviting me to his parties.. but the last time I partied with him it was pretty lame..
It was like we got really drunk and me and Manda ended up making out with Possom (wow.. I really dont know) And then Duane made out with Manda on my leg while I was throwing up, wtf?
haha, wow. Im like yeah.. Ill call Ash or something and see if she wants to go. ha. no.
[Oh yeah, and after the party he broke her heart.. stupid dick]

ah, anyways.l

Josh is now my officail cool buddy.

We need to have another lingerae party dude.. we havent had one in forevA!
abuse me

Yeah, fuck. [16 Jul 2006|11:04pm]
[ mood | uncomfortable ]
[ music | Tv ---Family guy [Hell yeah, that show owns] ]

Fun fucking Friday night:
About eleven Lionel came and picked me up so me him Bronson some guy, Ruben and Lu went to this dude Tom's party. (Actually we went to Heb then mcdonalds then his party. I lied. It was pretty cool so we started playing Fubar and then everyone stole the fucking vodka so we went around stealing ppls beer and stole someones hot damn 100 (that shit is nasty) so we continued. So after everything was gone this guy came in sat in the middle of us and started talking about typical drunk guy shit (how the only other girl at the party had talked shit about his girl .. [who wasent there] and he thought his girl was so cool cause she had a great personality and she was going to school for this and this) Lionel- "Yeah man.. I totally understand." I was trying so hard not to laugh (Lionel was sitting across from me and he was like yeah.. haha. Anyways.. While that went on drunk girl screaming into her phone was following around Tom everywhere.. crazy bitch.
Left there and went to my house and continued game in my parents room (they were out of town)with some seriously cheap and nasty tequila silver. [ick] (fucking Lionel talked to his girlfriend during the game.. haha)And by then Bronson was like totally shit faced drunk and spilt the fucking drinks all over the floor.. dumbass. So I was standing in the shower being the only drunk girl there screaming "Im in the shower....HHAHAHa.." so Bronson decides he's gonna go in there and make out wiht me and of course I pushed him off and called him gross. haha, Im awesome. So he walks out and everyone is looking at us and he's like.. "dude.. she cockblocked me" haha, we laughed at him. It was great.. so from there we went to my room and went through more boredome till we decided to go to Whataburger so Lionel and Ruben could get something to eat. Before getting in the car Bronson put on my underwear was gay, and dident go. So on the way there we pick up their friend Cody.. I think.. He was pretty cool cause he had weed. We went to Whataburger pissed them off, got food, and went to Codys house for his weed. Back to my house, again. Smoked.. fucked aruond.. I fell off the icechest (that was like fucking awesome.)Then went back inside and Bronson fucked up my room... [damnit] So Lionel was being all quiet and gay and being on his phone.. doing who knows what so he goes to the rest room (we had been talking about the movie waiting.."the game") so I walk out and come back and Lionel is standing in the doorway doing "the brain" (u hold ur balls and it looks like a brain) so from then on everyone was telling Cody to do the batwing and he refused. Then Bronson did the brain right in my face (ew, stupid dick. He's awesome.) So then we finally decided to move on to Bronsons house and go watch Waiting [the movie].
So we get to bronsons house and we're watching waiting.. which gets boring half way through Cody's sleeping in bronson's room and Bronson is playing Betsy.. (his guitar) [She's sexy, and I cant deny it] Anyways somtime between then and getting breakfast or maybe it was after.. whatever. Bronson and Lionel walk out doing the brain.. haha. Awesomeness. I saw alot of balls that night. Seriously.
So the count is:
Thankfully the game ended there. So we stayed up till fucking 9 in the morning to go see the fucking movie.. and the shit was closed till fucking 11:15 (what the mother fucking.. god) So.. of course we went back to Bronsons house and decided we were hungry so we dropped off Ruben somewhere in all of this he walked back.. and I cleaned my parents room and then somehow we went to my house to get food to cook at Bronsons house......... hahahaha... yeah.
So Lionel cooked really bad french toast and me and Bronson ate grilled cheese SANwiches. :]]]]] Hell yeah.
So yeah, It was pretty cool. Would have been better with more weed and alchohaul but whatever.
We terrorized my sister,her friend, and my step sister.. her baby and her husband.
Made Bronsons house smell like weed.
Trashed my house.
And Im pretty sure Tom fucked that drunk girl... yeah he owned her, haha.
So finally at 11:15 we went to the movies and the line was like [holy freaking god] long so we waited and ended up watching poisdeon or however u spell it and it was good but it was like a remake of the titanic.. Wee! And Lionel was being gay and said something STUPID! well.. kinda said it .. haha. Stupid fag, dont put me in that position.. :]
So now his nickname from me is girlfriend man. Oh yeah.
So I met like 4 cool new dudes to party with. yeah.
Doing it again Thursday. yep yep. Fun times.

*How bad do you want it?.. I want it really bad baby. Let's go dancing*

abuse me

GOOD GOD. [10 Jul 2006|12:48am]
[ mood | lonely ]
[ music | yahoo music radio player thinger. :]] ]

Everything is PERFECT.
I have a neice.. and great family.. me and my mom are talking. Me and my sis are talking!
And yet im still not satisfied. I still think about Ryan constantly.. and I just gave my fuck buddy advice on getting this one girl.. (like actually dating her).
good lord.. I was so lonely I actually just came out was like "do you wanna fuck at colepark?" he was like "well.. its late.. Ive always wanted to though" so I just said this "Yeah.. some other time..".
For awhile things were becomming so much like we were dating then all of asudden he started acting like a huge jerk and then when i confronted him we talked and now he's calling me sexy and cutie and all this shit like almost kissing up to me.. it's weird. So today. :] I went to the movies with this guy John. Everything was going great.. we went to see pirates of the carribean 2 and it was good.. But he doesent drive.. (ep..) lol.
So we walked out and he was like well did you like it? and I was like yeah.. it was good but I still think the 1st one was better.. and he was like actually I liked this one better. I kinda giggled and smiled and then we walked out and he was like do you need a ride? and I was like no my dad has the car.. so he was like okay well my moms here so Ill see you later? and I was like yeah and I gave him a hug bye. and then later I messaged him back on myspace (an email from b4 we met) and said thanks and all that and that I had fun... so he writes back and he's like yeah It was fun indeed. (indeed.. okay?.. lol) So I was like well did you have fun with your sisters and the beach and he writes back and all he says is "it was okay"
So I know he's not interested. The boy wont say more then 3 words to me now.. fuck. So back to being lonely. I got my lip peirced. :]]]]
Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting
I guess you cant really see it to well in that picture but it's like the only decent one I have.
The 4th of July was so .. almost wrong without Nathan this year.. we lit off alot of his favriote fire works while my dad talked about how he would talk about how excited he was for this 4th of july.. we're still cleaning out his room.. I miss him more than anything. Sometimes it's just overwhelming.. I dont know what to do. But I guess it's one of those thing's im just gonna have to learn to accept.
Me and Sean are still talking.. almost to much. He gets on my nerves somtimes but hey.. it's better then not talking at all. and yeah, sometomes I do miss him :P

abuse me

Well [23 May 2006|08:22am]
Things are going well.. I guess.
Steven is pissing me off beyong belief.. I just decided to stop talking to him altogther.. and I sent Ryan an email telling him about my brother.. after the voicemail.. still no reply.
My sister and me took my dad out to eat for his bday.. I couldent believe my sister came. Im hoping he wont move now.
abuse me

FUCKING ASSHOLE [19 May 2006|01:02pm]
2 cuts| abuse me

wow.. [14 May 2006|07:31am]
So... It happened.
he died.
I knew it was coming.
but it was so fast and all of a sudden we were like... omg
I miss him.
I miss my brother.
2 cuts| abuse me

wow.. last night [ROCKED] [23 Apr 2006|06:47am]
a REALLY hot guy asked me 4 my number.. downside.. he just broke up with his fiance! (I was like.. wtf)
Me and my sis .. bonded. fucked up right. we fight so much. [we laughed.. alot]
Me and Tom got along A FRIGGIN LOOOOtt... (my manager) He's warming up to me :)
Johnathon is taking 2 long to move along... Im like cmon.. make a move.. (Ive already given him my number..) and i know he likes me cause he asked me on a date
I mean i walked up and stood like a foot (not even really..) away from his face. with gum so i know my breath smelled good..
abuse me

omg.. Im in shock [21 Apr 2006|08:05pm]
I had the freaking hottest sex of my life last night
abuse me

John [14 Apr 2006|07:54am]
Well of course, everyone was busting on me about the hickies but john had the best one.
"Jess.. -blank confused look- did you get in a fight with a vacume cleaner"
I died.
What a sweetie
abuse me

fun month [14 Apr 2006|07:41am]
Dont feel like going into detail so heres some pics <3
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"fadFSfssdsD" [11 Apr 2006|09:59am]
The email he sent me

I felt the same Jess about just ignoring you and seeing how long it would take to respond. That trip broke my wallet and my heart so i would rather just say lets both move on. If you were the person I met online then this would be totally different, but you weren't. I talked to some people and one person I know said they actually tried internet dating for like a year and the person is always different when you meet them. I probably acted kinda different too, I don't know, but realistically we can't do this fairy tale realtionship so far away from each other. I haven't become that work-aholic again, I work half as much as I used to and I like my job now. I just got back from my brother's wedding last night, that was the coolest wedding I've ever been too.
I'll be your friend if you want me to, you don't have to talk to me anymore if you just want to forget me or get mad with me. I'm being realistic and mature about this realtionship and I know it isn't going anywhere, sorry Jess but I'm sure you know too. If you don't talk to me again: Good luck to you and your whole family, I hope go smoothly.

And he was saying he wish he had never left

The reply

I wanna be firends with you but in truth thats only cause Im hoping some day we'll be the same again.

I really dont know anymore.

I think being your friend you might still hurt me, I mean I cant have friends who i barely talk to, you know im not like that.

Well, Im talking to Steven again. And you can yell at me, I dont care. He's the only person I can talk to about everything so that I wont hold it in.

If I think I can handle being your friend, I'll email you. Most likely not.

Im sorry I was to immature for you, but truthly I dont think It was me acting different on the computer, or you. all the stuff that has happened to us has changed us, alot.

Good to hear about your brothers wedding, I havent talked to Ash in like months but when we were still friends she wanted me to tell you hi.

Give me a while, Ill email you.

If you still wanna talk to me.

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