Date:	2004-04-23 14:57
Subject:	some girl at work
Security:	Public
Mood:	blah

Virtus Novem (12:08:38 PM): o
Ylaenna (12:08:43 PM): p
Virtus Novem (12:08:49 PM): HI
Virtus Novem (12:08:51 PM): :-D
Virtus Novem (12:08:54 PM): lunchtime, chattime!
Ylaenna (12:08:59 PM): lol
Virtus Novem (12:09:02 PM): blahblahblah
Ylaenna (12:09:08 PM): bite
Virtus Novem (12:09:19 PM): yakyakyakyakkityyak
Virtus Novem (12:09:33 PM): i have a problem :-(
Virtus Novem (12:09:37 PM): do you have time to talk?
Ylaenna (12:09:44 PM): I can read
Ylaenna (12:09:56 PM): if you type/babble, I'll be working while you do
Virtus Novem (12:12:13 PM): :-[
Ylaenna (12:12:24 PM): o
Virtus Novem (12:12:45 PM): well, this is still related to the rowie issue from last week
Ylaenna (12:12:52 PM): k
Virtus Novem (12:13:04 PM): but i think i may be overthinking this aspect of the issue
Ylaenna (12:13:19 PM): I do that too :-P
Virtus Novem (12:13:50 PM): i haven't told anyone about this aspect because i'm not sure if it's important or not, and ih aven't told you specifically because it might put you in an uncomfortable position kasi you know both me and rowie
Virtus Novem (12:13:58 PM): ok lang sabihin ko pa rin?
Ylaenna (12:14:08 PM): sure
Ylaenna (12:14:14 PM): di ko naman sasabihin kay rowie eh
Virtus Novem (12:14:38 PM): right, and i'm probably just overthinking it anyway!
Virtus Novem (12:14:49 PM): anyway, there's this girl at work
Virtus Novem (12:15:37 PM): that i'm attracted to, more so than the general way (you know how i tell rowie na meron akong crush sa work, etc)
Ylaenna (12:15:45 PM): yeah
Ylaenna (12:15:46 PM): k
Virtus Novem (12:16:11 PM): i KNOW that the whole rowie issue was NOT brought about by this girl
Ylaenna (12:16:41 PM): OK
Ylaenna (12:16:42 PM): :-P
Virtus Novem (12:16:46 PM): pero as i struggle to think things through, i'm not sure if i can trust myself, my emotions and motives
Virtus Novem (12:16:57 PM): hindi ko naman hinahabol yung babae
Ylaenna (12:17:13 PM): uh huh
Virtus Novem (12:17:55 PM): pero gusto ko. pero natatakot ako na i'm being very unfair to rowie, like i'm not giving her a chance. i'm afraid that, since the two events happened so close together, i'm not putting enough effort to working with rowie
Virtus Novem (12:18:16 PM): ...working with rowie through the big issue of our religions and incompatibility
Ylaenna (12:18:40 PM): would it be fair to say na part of you wants to break up and try something new with someone new, pero part of you is afraid that if you leave rowie you'll regret it?
Virtus Novem (12:19:46 PM): yes and yes. but the more i think about what you just said (because i've thought of the exact same thing na), the more i feel like i HAVE to try something new before i can be sure na si rowie nga
Virtus Novem (12:19:55 PM): partly because i feel i owe it to myself
Virtus Novem (12:20:18 PM): and partly because i think rowie and i have differing "readinesses" about marriage
Ylaenna (12:20:19 PM): well, you do
Ylaenna (12:20:23 PM): and you owe it to her also
Ylaenna (12:20:26 PM): but
Ylaenna (12:20:35 PM): if you do that, be prepared for her not being there if you should want to come back to her
Ylaenna (12:21:20 PM): you should remember though (at least this is what I believe) that if you regret it, and rowie doesn't want to take you back, it means it wasn't meant to be
Ylaenna (12:21:28 PM): because if it's meant to be, it will be
Virtus Novem (12:21:32 PM): right, and that's what i'm scared of. but i'm also scared of some things she has said before about kung hindi kami nagkatuluyan
Ylaenna (12:21:42 PM): like what?
Virtus Novem (12:21:52 PM): she's told me na sigurado na siya that i'm the one. if i'm not, no one else will be
Ylaenna (12:22:12 PM): uh
Virtus Novem (12:22:22 PM): i should rephrase
Virtus Novem (12:22:47 PM): she said that she's sure that i'm the one for her. and if she's not the one for me and i go away, she won't find anyone else
Virtus Novem (12:23:02 PM): that's more accurate
Ylaenna (12:23:07 PM): ok
Ylaenna (12:23:17 PM): but I don't believe anyone really knows that
Ylaenna (12:23:27 PM): kahit na almost 30 na siya, a lot can happen in 10 years
Ylaenna (12:23:34 PM): and people still hook up at over 40
Ylaenna (12:24:00 PM): I guess that's beside the point
Virtus Novem (12:24:16 PM): right, but i believe what she said can be true for people with beliefs and characteristics like she does
Virtus Novem (12:24:34 PM): i think it's similar to what mom told you about marriage not being about happiness. she told me this last night too
Ylaenna (12:24:42 PM): mom told you that?
Virtus Novem (12:24:48 PM): sabi niya, they got married before they were both ready
Virtus Novem (12:25:04 PM): and they kind of fell into it and just worked through the problems. it's all about commitment and compromise for them
Virtus Novem (12:25:20 PM): and she said, maybe, God's plan for her marriage wasn't for her to be happy, but for their marriage to be holy
Virtus Novem (12:25:34 PM): i told her, hindi bumebenta sa kin yun
Ylaenna (12:25:58 PM): hehe, sa kin din hindi
Virtus Novem (12:26:09 PM): she's compromising with dad about so many things because they're married already. since i'm not married yet, don't i owe it to myself to find someone with whom i won't have to compromise so much
Virtus Novem (12:26:15 PM): ?
Virtus Novem (12:26:36 PM): (sabi ni dad, mom's ok with no sex for life =-O)
Ylaenna (12:26:45 PM): yiiiikes
Virtus Novem (12:26:55 PM): no shit man
Virtus Novem (12:27:01 PM): bihira ako magmura but i have to mura there
Ylaenna (12:27:06 PM): lol
Virtus Novem (12:27:47 PM): and, with rowie regarding sex, i THINK it will be good. but i have no way to be sure kasi bawal nga ang premarital sex. so i'm very scared of what might happen in that area
Ylaenna (12:28:31 PM): right
Ylaenna (12:28:36 PM): how do you feel about premarital sex?
Virtus Novem (12:29:37 PM): i think it's not to be taken lightly. but serious couples should consider it, and should be entitled to it
Ylaenna (12:30:02 PM): so... since you and rowie are serious, you wouldn't mind having sex before marriage with her?
Virtus Novem (12:30:37 PM): i think we owe it to ourselves, as two young people considering a lifetime commitment
Ylaenna (12:31:04 PM): eh pano, di bebenta kay rowie yan
Virtus Novem (12:31:08 PM): yup
Virtus Novem (12:31:16 PM): so you see why i'm scared
Ylaenna (12:31:25 PM): you know, I think you do owe it to yourself to try other relationships
Ylaenna (12:31:29 PM): kasi you're still young
Ylaenna (12:31:40 PM): and you had melissa (wek wek) tapos rowie
Ylaenna (12:31:44 PM): I don't think it's enough
Ylaenna (12:32:01 PM): fun! fun! muna
Virtus Novem (12:32:02 PM): i wouldn't even call melissa a relationship :-[
Ylaenna (12:32:08 PM): kaya nga wek wek eh
Virtus Novem (12:32:10 PM): but frodo was lots of fun
Ylaenna (12:32:14 PM): :-D
Virtus Novem (12:32:49 PM): :-[
Virtus Novem (12:32:57 PM): i feel sad because...
Virtus Novem (12:33:07 PM): i can easily remember a time when rowie was everything i wanted
Ylaenna (12:33:18 PM): yeah
Ylaenna (12:33:20 PM): aww, hugs
Virtus Novem (12:33:21 PM): i remember wanting everything she was
Ylaenna (12:33:22 PM): it happens though
Virtus Novem (12:33:54 PM): and sometimes i wonder if i'll ever be able to make a life commitment
Virtus Novem (12:34:31 PM): because people change, just like i did. why would i willingly put myself in a situation where i would be hindered from changing?
Ylaenna (12:34:49 PM): well... I don't think it's about you being hindered from changing
Virtus Novem (12:34:50 PM): read: in a relationship where i can't be who i am, or who i really want to be?
Ylaenna (12:35:00 PM): I like to think of it as finding someone with whom you can change
Ylaenna (12:35:15 PM): someone you look forward to tackling all those future challenges with
Ylaenna (12:35:30 PM): commitment nga kasi eh
Virtus Novem (12:35:31 PM): yea... si rowie yun dati :-(
Ylaenna (12:35:43 PM): dati, before you got to know each other better
Virtus Novem (12:35:45 PM): but she won't budge on religion, and neither will i
Ylaenna (12:35:45 PM): much better
Virtus Novem (12:36:37 PM): i talked to chris (my roommate) about all this last ngiht
Virtus Novem (12:36:43 PM): he's saying the same thing
Ylaenna (12:36:55 PM): what same thing
Virtus Novem (12:37:15 PM): actually he's saying he's envious of me and of what rowie and i have
Ylaenna (12:37:35 PM): ket
Virtus Novem (12:37:36 PM): because i think he's ready to get married, and ready to compromise
Virtus Novem (12:37:43 PM): ako hindi!
Virtus Novem (12:37:46 PM): ayaw!
Ylaenna (12:37:49 PM): well, there you go
Virtus Novem (12:38:04 PM): :-(
Ylaenna (12:38:06 PM): you are not ready, so you owe it to yourself and to rowie to not do it
Virtus Novem (12:38:20 PM): i owe it to myself and rowie to what?
Virtus Novem (12:38:42 PM): to not get married? to try other relationships?
Ylaenna (12:38:52 PM): both
Ylaenna (12:39:02 PM): especially if you wonder, what if
Virtus Novem (12:39:11 PM): yea
Virtus Novem (12:39:24 PM): you saw serendipity, right?
Ylaenna (12:39:41 PM): nope
Ylaenna (12:39:51 PM): why not!
Virtus Novem (12:40:15 PM): well, this guy met a girl while they were both shopping for christmas presents for their respective significant others
Virtus Novem (12:40:31 PM): they had a wonderful night and they clicked so perfectly
Virtus Novem (12:41:21 PM): the girl says, she will write her contact info down inside a copy of some book, and if they are meant to be, he will find this book wherever it is
Virtus Novem (12:41:45 PM): he doesn't find it, and years later, they're both engaged to be married
Ylaenna (12:41:59 PM): uh huh
Virtus Novem (12:42:02 PM): but little signs come up that confuse them both
Virtus Novem (12:42:18 PM): like she finds a $5 on which he wrote his number down that first night
Ylaenna (12:42:31 PM): aww
Virtus Novem (12:43:02 PM): the guy's fiancee gives him a wedding present. she knows he's been looking for this book for so many years, she gives him a copy of it. and it's the copy with the other girl's info
Virtus Novem (12:43:19 PM): (sorry, spoilers pala :-[)
Virtus Novem (12:43:42 PM): anyway, my point is, i sometimes feel like this guy in the movie
Ylaenna (12:43:51 PM): like there's someone else out there?
Virtus Novem (12:44:04 PM): life laid out, ready for the future, pero teka...
Ylaenna (12:44:15 PM): nothing wrong with that
Virtus Novem (12:44:15 PM): yea, what if there's someone else who's meant for me
Ylaenna (12:44:22 PM): if anything, maybe it's destiny speaking to you
Virtus Novem (12:45:04 PM): you don't think this other girl has anything to do with what's going on, do you?
Ylaenna (12:45:23 PM): I don't think she is the cause, no
Virtus Novem (12:45:24 PM): i don't think she is, pero it's hard for me to say, being in the middle of it all
Ylaenna (12:45:48 PM): because whether or not that other girl exists, the religious conflict still does
Virtus Novem (12:46:04 PM): yea...
Virtus Novem (12:46:24 PM): and whether or not she exists, i will still be wondering kung merong iba
Ylaenna (12:46:41 PM): yup
Ylaenna (12:47:12 PM): trust me, moks, after another 5 years, if you met a younger guy in your situation, I bet you would tell him the same thing
Ylaenna (12:47:19 PM): that he shouldn't get married yet
Ylaenna (12:47:23 PM): that he should have other girlfriends
Ylaenna (12:47:31 PM): maybe not even girlfriends, that he should just date
Virtus Novem (12:47:49 PM): i guess i just feel so bad, i feel like i'm betraying rowie, because i try not to think of this girl but i can't help it. and i think that's why i'm worried that she might be part of the cause somehow
Ylaenna (12:48:17 PM): maybe give it another week?
Virtus Novem (12:48:54 PM): :-[
Virtus Novem (12:49:07 PM): how do i "be" during that week?
Virtus Novem (12:49:27 PM): how should i be during that week?
Ylaenna (12:49:49 PM): HMM
Ylaenna (12:49:52 PM): oops
Ylaenna (12:49:54 PM): hmm
Virtus Novem (12:50:03 PM): tama yung HMM
Virtus Novem (12:50:07 PM): mahirap e
Ylaenna (12:50:12 PM): lol
Ylaenna (12:50:30 PM): I think the best thing to do is tell her you need a week to yourself
Ylaenna (12:50:37 PM): of course, I'm sure it will raise questions and concern
Virtus Novem (12:50:43 PM): yup
Ylaenna (12:50:58 PM): unless kaya mong i-fake yung week
Virtus Novem (12:51:05 PM): i think i need to go out wit da boyz
Ylaenna (12:51:07 PM): and not take a week off and be normal to her
Virtus Novem (12:51:21 PM): i don't think kaya kong maging normal
Virtus Novem (12:51:30 PM): in fact, i'm sure i can't
Virtus Novem (12:52:09 PM): another tough question
Ylaenna (12:52:21 PM): ha, di ka kasi normal eh :-P
Ylaenna (12:52:23 PM): (I had to)
Virtus Novem (12:52:24 PM): i'm convinced that taking a week to myself is the way to go
Virtus Novem (12:52:29 PM): har
Virtus Novem (12:53:21 PM): during this week to myself, full of me time, do you think i should entertain thoughts and/or actions for this other girl? would it be fair or right?
Virtus Novem (12:53:31 PM): kasi nahihirapan din ako dun e
Ylaenna (12:53:46 PM): it would be fair only if you tell her
Ylaenna (12:53:52 PM): kung sneaky and behind her back, very unfair yon
Virtus Novem (12:53:55 PM): ayaw ko naman siyang pagisipan, hindi naman kami magkaano, pero nandun pa rin!
Ylaenna (12:54:09 PM): sometimes, it's nice to have someone to daydream about
Ylaenna (12:54:16 PM): kasi di na exciting yung relationship mo
Ylaenna (12:54:22 PM): that's normal
Virtus Novem (12:54:29 PM): ganun ka ba kay karl urban?
Ylaenna (12:54:32 PM): lol!!
Ylaenna (12:54:40 PM): at the time na crush ko siya, yes
Virtus Novem (12:54:50 PM): pero iba yun kasi he doesn't work with you
Ylaenna (12:54:52 PM): I mean, crush ko pa rin siya, pero nung bago, talagang haaaay!
Ylaenna (12:54:57 PM): yeah
Ylaenna (12:55:13 PM): at work, if I find someone attractive, I squash it right away
Ylaenna (12:55:15 PM): and don't think about it
Ylaenna (12:55:22 PM): kasi feeling ko na unfair to frank
Virtus Novem (12:55:35 PM): e bakit hindi ko ma-squash ito
Ylaenna (12:55:40 PM): maybe it's a sign
Virtus Novem (12:55:41 PM): di naman siya ang una
Ylaenna (12:55:43 PM): serendipity :-P
Virtus Novem (12:55:46 PM): :-\
Virtus Novem (12:56:08 PM): i get sadder the more this makes sense :-[
Virtus Novem (12:56:17 PM): like my heart drops a few centimeters lower
Ylaenna (12:56:19 PM): yeah, it comes with the territory
Ylaenna (12:56:23 PM): hug hug
Ylaenna (12:56:32 PM): from my experience, I think it's normal to be sad
Ylaenna (12:56:39 PM): kahit ngayon nga, I still get sad when I think about peter
Virtus Novem (12:56:50 PM): what about peter?
Virtus Novem (12:56:56 PM): what you once had?
Ylaenna (12:57:00 PM): just that it didn't work out, yeah
Ylaenna (12:57:05 PM): what could've been
Ylaenna (12:57:16 PM): I think we could use a talk about this on the phone! >:o
Virtus Novem (12:57:35 PM): ow
Virtus Novem (12:57:41 PM): but i'mback to work in 15
Virtus Novem (12:57:52 PM): :-[
Virtus Novem (12:57:58 PM): tawag ka dito, $35/hr ka naman e
Ylaenna (12:58:06 PM): di pwede
Virtus Novem (12:58:09 PM): samantalang ako, nababantayan ang phone bill ng bosing
Ylaenna (12:58:19 PM): yung cell phone bill ko at the time na puro tawag ako sa yo, sobra
Ylaenna (12:58:20 PM): lol
Ylaenna (12:58:43 PM): IM ulit tonight?
Ylaenna (12:58:48 PM): I need to work din kasi eh
Ylaenna (12:58:59 PM): been trying to work while talking pero di maka focus
Ylaenna (12:59:14 PM): in the meantime, go ahead and daydream :-)
Virtus Novem (12:59:27 PM): :-[
Virtus Novem (12:59:36 PM): rowie's finally back from wherever she was...
Virtus Novem (12:59:45 PM): i can't im tonight
Ylaenna (1:00:11 PM): aww
Virtus Novem (1:00:12 PM): no net connection during the hour or so that i'm home. and i'm going to san jose with rowie to sleep over at tito ron's, to take dad to the airport tomorrow
Ylaenna (1:00:18 PM): ah
Ylaenna (1:00:23 PM): maybe when I finish this project
Ylaenna (1:00:26 PM): kukulitin kita
Virtus Novem (1:00:48 PM): sana pwede akong ma-kulit
Virtus Novem (1:01:09 PM): would you mind if i mention zak?
Ylaenna (1:01:21 PM): kanino, kay rowie?
Virtus Novem (1:01:23 PM): (not sure if he's an uncomfortable topic for you)
Virtus Novem (1:01:25 PM): no, to you
Ylaenna (1:01:29 PM): no, ok lang
Ylaenna (1:01:38 PM): thanks for asking :-)
Virtus Novem (1:01:44 PM): remember how you two started?
Ylaenna (1:01:58 PM): sa telemagic ata
Virtus Novem (1:02:15 PM): i think this girl and i have a similar thing that started this week
Ylaenna (1:02:32 PM): uy
Virtus Novem (1:02:40 PM): i doubt i will let it go as far as you did, and i doubt it will go that far on its own anyway,
Virtus Novem (1:02:53 PM): yun lang
Virtus Novem (1:03:21 PM): parang kinikilig ako, it's so stupid, and annoying, i feel liek i'm in high school, and i feel guilty feeling this way while i'm in a relationship with rowie
Ylaenna (1:03:21 PM): kasi I figure ganito...
Ylaenna (1:03:38 PM): when in a relationship, these things will come up
Ylaenna (1:03:44 PM): cute girl at work
Ylaenna (1:03:46 PM): or whatever
Ylaenna (1:03:55 PM): when it comes up, you have a choice to let it grow in your head or not
Ylaenna (1:04:12 PM): I figure if you let it develop, it means you shouldn't be in that relationship
Ylaenna (1:04:21 PM): if you squash it, it means committed ka talaga
Ylaenna (1:04:34 PM): sobrang simplified ba?
Virtus Novem (1:05:03 PM): it makes sense
Virtus Novem (1:05:26 PM): i guess i feel bad too, because now it's like i led rowie on
Virtus Novem (1:05:39 PM): i don't know
Ylaenna (1:05:43 PM): di naman a
Virtus Novem (1:05:46 PM): i'm probably in a state of guilt in general
Virtus Novem (1:06:02 PM): parang mga survivor guilt syndrome nung mga hindi namatay nung 9/11
Ylaenna (1:06:14 PM): parang sa superman, guilty, guilty, GUILTY
Virtus Novem (1:07:06 PM): :-[
Ylaenna (1:09:32 PM): you should listen to the tom leykis show
Ylaenna (1:09:40 PM): not sure what station he is aired on over there
Virtus Novem (1:09:59 PM): sino yun
Ylaenna (1:10:02 PM): or you could talk to frank :-D
Virtus Novem (1:10:11 PM): sounds like tom manyakis
Ylaenna (1:10:23 PM): lol
Virtus Novem (1:10:37 PM): i don't want to go abck to work...
Virtus Novem (1:10:54 PM): hay naku
Virtus Novem (1:11:03 PM): bakit naman kasi ang cute nung babae >:o
Virtus Novem (1:11:37 PM): did i tell you about a client who showed me her license? born 1985?
Ylaenna (1:11:53 PM): "it's a natural attraction, mother nature wouldn't make a mistake... what really turns me on is the shake..."
Virtus Novem (1:12:06 PM): ganun?
Ylaenna (1:12:13 PM): country song talking about a woman's "shake" when she walks
Ylaenna (1:12:20 PM): no, you didn't
Virtus Novem (1:13:27 PM): o
Virtus Novem (1:13:49 PM): this client showed me her license i think last week. akala ko she was my age. pero 1985 ang birthyear niya
Virtus Novem (1:13:50 PM): 19 =-O
Virtus Novem (1:13:55 PM): siya yun :-[
Virtus Novem (1:14:03 PM): i must have told rowie about her, then
Virtus Novem (1:14:16 PM): pero at the time, things hadn't escalated to where they aer now
Ylaenna (1:14:32 PM): oh, I think you did
Ylaenna (1:14:46 PM): hey, do you know of a common windows font that has a check mark?
Virtus Novem (1:15:01 PM): no
Virtus Novem (1:15:05 PM): i have to go cover phones na
Ylaenna (1:15:20 PM): k
Ylaenna (1:15:23 PM): labyubay
Virtus Novem (1:15:48 PM): thanks for chatting
Virtus Novem (1:15:48 PM): :-*
Ylaenna (1:16:05 PM): :*

since i apparently figured out how to access my blurty again, i can tell you that my real blog is on livejournal. http://www.livejournal.com/users/rrrray

just checking to see if my blurty is still up...