Roxy's Day

Thursday, June 3, 2004

9:35PM

It seems like every time i find something good it blows up in my face. Why is that? Did I go wrong somewhere? Is somewhere out there just fucking around with me? I don't know. I don't understand why I'm always getting pushed further and further down. It hurts, and I hate that feeling. I don't know how to deal with it, so I end up pushing people away, cuz I don't wanna get hurt anymore. Like guys...I really like this guy, we have a lot of fun together. But he's two different people. One of them is the person he becomes around his friends. No, I take that back, it's the person he becomes around Jamil. And it's all because Jamil and I don't get along. But the other guy, the guy that he is when we're together, is the one that I fell for. He's so sweet and funny and just all around a good guy. Why can't he just be that guy? I don't understand why I come second to everything else. And I don't know why his friends don't like me. I try really hard for people to like me and it always ends up turning around on me. I want to be liked. I don't usualy care what people think about me, but with these guys it's so much different. If you're in with them, you're awesome. And if you get pushed out for some reason, you will spend so so much time trying to figure out a way to get back in. I don't wanna get pushed out because of one guy. It would suck. And I really like this guy, and I want to be with him, but he keeps leaving whenever I'm around. It almost seems like he's avoiding me, which I don't understand because we have such a great time whenever we're together. Maybe I just don't get it. Maybe I'm just screwing things up.

Current mood: angry

9:45PM

I thought about the end today
the final chapter
the last scene.
Ending what is here and what is now
and all there is to come.
No hope for tomorrow
for today.

*In you I see further. Can it last forever?*

*it hits you so much harder than you ever thought it would*

~Don't you ever think for one second that I will forget the reasons that I cried.

~Regrets how I spell your name. In light of what you have done. How can you not feel the same? My love will fade with the sun. As days go by, shed a tear. I hate your face more than life. I'll fake a smile for you my dear. So turn away.

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