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Monday, April 13th, 2009
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1:22p - Superlatives
Most tragic love story (on film): Brokeback Mountain [During the cowboys’ last “fishing trip,” Ang Lee inserts a flashback of their first summer in Brokeback Mountain, wherein Jack watches Ennis ride off to tend to the sheep. THAT is THE look of love.]
Most tragic love story (on page): The End of the Affair and The Remains of the Day [It has to be a toss-up, it just hurts to pick. One goes down the ugly, angry rabbit hole of passionate love while the other hesitates on the edge of what could be a true meeting of the minds and hearts. Both are equally lonely stories.]
Best fairytale: The Princess Bride
Best “real” love story: When Harry Met Sally [But Harry, I insist: it is possible for men and women to be simply friends.]
Best mindf*ck (on film): The Usual Suspects [This, M. Night Shyamalan, is how you deliver a twist.]
Best advice columnist: Cary Tennis [Bar none.]
Hottest “masked” vigilante: Dexter Morgan [Sorry, BatBale. Dexter’s long-sleeved cotton shirt and cargo pants trump your spandex suit – with the fake abs – any day.]
Hottest drug addict: Tony Leung as Yan in Infernal Affairs. [For the life of me, I do not understand why I find him SO HAWT in the scene where he’s snorting coke. It is a mystery to me.]
Hottest as*hole: John Malkovich’s Viscount de Valmont in Dangerous Liaison
Best telenovela: Bleak House [Oh the saga of Jarndyce vs. Jarndyce!]
Best alcoholic drink: Vodka Mudshake coffee flavor [I know, I'm a wuss.]
Best personal essay: Body of Work by Gerald Hannon [He argues that prostitution is akin to sainthood. Chew on that.]
Best author writing in opposite gender’s voice [I know, clunky, but he’s really quite brilliant at it]: Wally Lamb for She’s Come Undone
Best movie critique: Charles Taylor [Where are you, Charles?! Stephanie is overthinking everything!]
Hottest world leader: Barack Obama [Just had to get that in there]
Hottest Discovery Channel host: Mike Rowe [I didn’t like it when he gave the zombie special effects people ‘tude, but I’m giving him a pass on that since he was sick. Same episode has him stripping for a doctor. Yeehaw!]
Prettiest CNN anchor [because we do notice the girls too]: Anjeli Rao [I lurve her big, toothy smile.]
Best horror film: The Exorcist [Never again]
Best horror novel: The Eye of the Dragon by Stephen King
Best poem: The Blessed Damozel by Dante Gabriel Rossetti [Ulysses is not of this world, so I’m not even going there.]
Most challenging poet whom I can still understand: John Ciardi
Best non-physical fight scene: Clive Owen verbally assaulting Julia Roberts in Closer [You know what they say, sticks and stones may break my bones, but words...]
Best TV show (comedy): The Office [I’d add “the original,” but since I do not even recognize the existence of the US rip-off, this will suffice. "Arrested Development" is a verrrry close second. ]
Best book: The Catcher in the Rye
Best chocolate dessert: Cyma's freshly baked Skolatina [God invented this dessert so that those people who are surely going to hell can at least have a taste of heaven.]
Hottest country: Italy [And no, I am not talking about the climate.]
Best con artist: The team in “The Heist” [Mickey Bricks!]
Best Mr. Darcy: Colin Firth [So stop making film versions of the book and casting other would-be Darcys because you will never top Colin, whoever you are.]
Best mother-and-child movie: Dumbo [Goddammit, just thinking about it makes me tear up!]
Guiltiest pleasure: Watching Daniel Craig get tortured - nekkid - in Casino Royale [Torture is BAD, children! And it never gets you the information you really need!]
What are some of your superlatives? Share, so I can read/watch/taste/drink them and maybe add them to my superlatives as well.
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