hübsches Mädchen's Journal
20 most recent posts

Date:2004-07-13 21:10

im done.

c'est tout.

au revoir.

good bye.

just for ya know.


post a comment

Date:2004-06-14 01:15
Mood: content
Music:Cute without the E- TBS

okay really. its one am. i shouldnt be doing this. i should be. sleeping. studying. not this.
news. point form. lets go. now.

. went for coffee with ryan. ryan=ska boy= ska boy who lives in london....i think he should be lifeguard boy...since i have a emo/ska boy named ryan already.
. lifeguard ska ryan and i are going to see kill bill 2. if evan reads this. i owe you. sorry.
.definitely counsellor in training at camp with 3 very close, very awesome friends and im so pumped for it (fyi- cits are all 17 or 18. counsellors are university kids).
.got a summer babysitting job. makes me happy.
.exams are here and almost over.
.im going for a massage tomorrow. aint no question.

(me in a nutshell)


post a comment

Date:2004-06-09 14:16
Subject:sunshine on my window, makes me happy like i should be
Mood: content
Music:breakout- foo fighters

total supposed current infatuation junkie.

that's me.
dangerous? yes.
i live for danger.

he's short, pale, and handsome. I'll give him that. He's smart as anything, and nice, and kind. and.....sigh.
germany is three months away. three months of casual dating never hurt anyone, right ;)

and if nothing else, i shall learn a lot from him---like i said: PHI-LO-SO-PHY! He's a smart kid. I want to go for coffee again with him, and curl up on the bench by WalMart (it was Zellers, but there's no Zellers in the US). Except this time, we'd curl up together ;) lol

ugh. heat plus my face = break out.


post a comment

Date:2004-06-06 00:21
Subject:change of pace. a good post
Music:every me every you- placebo

every find someone that you haven't seen in over a year.
you click like that.
and suddenly, you find yourself longing to spend time with him or her
and they likewise with you?

prom was the best night ever, hands down.


post a comment

Date:2004-05-31 22:14
Subject:funny, i post when im in a bad mood
Mood: frustrated
Music:crash into me- dmb

you know your love life appears to be hopeless when you cant even rely on your best guy friend to ask you to grad when he's single and not interested in everyone.

men suck. so does the world.

i havent cried in a very long time. consider the record broken.


1 comment | post a comment

Date:2004-05-31 21:37
Subject:topsy turvy
Music:So Beautiful- Dashboard Confessional

i dunno about life.
about germany
about boys
about school
about anything.

i feel so topsy turvy.


post a comment

Date:2004-05-31 00:00
Subject:i woke up in a car...
Mood: peaceful
Music:i was just thinking- teitur

why is it that EB never posts?
why is it that it sucks that i cant see him until july, if even then....
why does it rock that i have a p/t job babysitting two adorable kids? well it does.

im a content mood just way too busy. but i was scrolling, thought id update. t-minus less than 3 months. scary thought... i leave august 27th. worried am i. very.

my youth group is falling apart at the seams. i dont want to be a part of it but i miss everyone. its hard.
germany is a long long way away. no 5 hours phone calls ryan
germany is a very small country with many people (opposite of canada)
in germany, canada is spelled with a k, no joke.

in germany i will miss you---even if i wake up in a mercedes.

ich liebe dich (i love you)

-kaitie xox

1 comment | post a comment

Date:2004-05-22 00:00
Subject:Mad at the world...
Mood: tired
Music:Thrice: Stare into the sun

Okay, so the world sucks and that's that. Mostly boys who go to proms suck. I'm bored and tired and waiting for someone I like to come online. And my dad turned off my computer, unplugged it and the monitor and was just a huge BillGates Nazi tonight...plus my quote from Deuteronomy 6 ("Hear O Israel, The Lord your God is one....Love your neighbour as yourself.") is falling off the monitor. Its just not good.

But nevertheless, Traci I adore you for your ability to have good surveys....here's another. Thanks.

-Last CD Purchased: Teitur- Poetry and Airplanes
-CD You've Listened to the most in 2004: Dashboard Confessional 2.0
-CD You Most Regret Ever Purchasing: Any Backstreet Boys CD
-First CD You Purchased: First I purchased was probably either a Moffatts or BSB CD...
-CD You Listen To When You Are Sad: Right now- Poetry and Airplanes by Teitur
-CD You Listen to When You Are Happy: Heavier Things- John Mayer
-CD You Listen to Whe;n You Are Mad: Lover/Fighter- Hawksley Workman
-All-Time Favorite CD- My Top 250 Song CD set.
-How Many Springsteen CD's Do You Own?: none, but parents have 3.
-Favorite "emo" album: Tell All Your Friends by Taking Back Sunday
-Favorite Grunge Album: Millencollie from Smashing Pumpkins
-Favorite Punk Album: Blink 182- Self Titled
-Favorite Hip-Hop Album: Outkast- Any of them.
-Favorite Radio Friendly CD: Gravity- OLP
-Favorite folky album: Alanis of Jewel
-How Many Radiohead Albums Do You Own?: a big fat 0. But, if it counts for anything, I can play Streetspirit.

Who did you last get angry with? my prom date.
What is your weapon of choice? tears and words.
Would you hit a member of the opposite sex? yup
How about of the same sex? no, because they bite and scratch
Who was the last person that got really angry at you? My mom. in the cute mom angry way for being late.
What is your pet peeve? poor grammar, rudeness and pettiness. especially when people are rude about petty things and use double negatives. GAH!

What is one thing you're supposed to do daily that you haven't done in a long time? write for fun
What is the latest you've ever woken up? lately, its been 11 am last Wednesday I was sick
What is the last lame excuse you've made? Every excuse I make is lame.
Have you ever watched an infomercial all the way through? YES several
When was the last time you got a good workout in? a month....im going tomorrow i think
How many times did you hit the snooze button on your alarm clock today? never, but I did go back to bed after running to the washroom.

What is your overpriced yuppie beverage of choice? caramel macchiato
White meat or dark meat? dark no gravy
What is the greatest amount of alcohol you've had in one sitting/outing/event? 2 ounces of baileys...
Have you ever used a professional diet company? weight watchers: 2 years: lost 45 pounds.
Do you have an issue with your weight? compared to 4 years ago NO, but I mean I'm a size 12/13...so sort of.
Do you prefer sweets, salty foods, or spicy foods? spicy
Have you ever taken food "to go" from a buffet? Back when Mongolian let you...yes. I mean come on, it makes sense.

How many people have you seen naked (not counting movies/family)? 2
How many people have seen YOU naked (not counting physicians/family)? 0
Have you ever caught yourself staring at the chest/crotch of a member of your gender of choice during a normal conversation? I think maybe once... but its a long story involving a stain.
Have you wanted someone who was taken? errrrm, yes.
What is your favorite body part on a person of your gender of choice? in order of importance: smile, eyes, skin, lips, hair, nose
Have you ever been propositioned by a prostitute? no, but ive been propositioned by people looking for prostitutes twice: once in stratford, canada; once in london after leaving a club with maureen
Have you ever had a one-night stand? not even kind of.

How many credit cards do you own? ZERO
What's your guilty pleasure? chat rooms
If you had $1 million, what would you do with it? $500,000 to a shelter downtown probably, $150,000 for university, $250,000 on a home. $20,000 on a car. The rest on trivialities
Would you rather be rich or famous? famous but well off.
Would you accept a boring jobif it meant you would make megabucks? only if my dream job was crap.
Have you ever stolen anything? Pens, $5 from mom's wallet which I replaced and lip gloss
How many mp3are on your hard drive? This computer has 282, my other one has 800.

What's the one thing you've done that you're most proud of? Made it this far in life, lost 45 pounds
What's the one thing you've done that your parents are most proud of? Oh, everything!
Do you get annoyed by coming in second place?YES!
Have you ever cheated on something to get a higher score? Never extensinvely.
What did you do today that you're proud of? Told my prom date off....lol

What item of your friend's would you most want to have for your own? Her stomach....his Model A....yeah
Have you ever entered a contest of skill, knowing you were of much higher skill than all the other competitors? No.
If you could be anyone else in the world, who would you be? I know I wouldnt be a world leader today. I think I'd like to be Shakespeare.
Have you ever been cheated on? Cheated on no. Used, yes.
Have you ever cheated on someone? no.
Have you ever wished you had a physical feature different from your own? Sometimes, on my bad days.
What trait do you see in others that you wish you had for yourself? non-judgement
What is your favorite deadly sin? lust, of course!

post a comment

Date:2004-04-14 22:04

the world sucks. usually im all about punctuation but honestly i dont care...in fact i think this will probably be in point form...
-i feel fat. i dont care if i look good or what, i feel fat. i need fat pants. i have a friend who's fat pant size is a 0...what gives? kate i hear your cry for better models in magazines
-i have prom issues to the most infinte degree....first of all EB cant come for prom and not that im all like "ugh he sucks", but really that does suck because from there stems the rest of my problems with boys and prom and things. EB can't come so i have to find a new prom date. problem is, had i gone with eb i would stay with him all night and not mingle. without a date i have to mingle and i really dont want to. im not going to lie to you. life is a facade for me. its a one man act that i put on for my parents day in and day out to make them believe i have friends, to make them believe i am wanted by my school and to make them believe that life is hunky fucking dory. i don't have any friends at school...mirit? yes maybe if im lucky but i dont think i would ride with her, diana and shanna in a limo to grad besides dianna is taking her boyfriend. tables are for 8.....4 couples. its per-fucking-fect. so, im all like "i'll go to my best friend's grad" since all of the people at his school (this is another ryan known as ryan) are close friends of mine. see though, he asked someone else. but then i was like 'what about kyle (his friend)' and ryan was like 'sure' but apparently kyle as already asked someone... so the point is, im dateless and a wreck. and i cant go the prom i want to go to. if anything i might just go bowling in my prom dress...who knows.

thats the main part of my vent. im sure ill have more to add later.



post a comment

Date:2004-04-14 22:02
Subject:Did you know....dedicated to Kate

Did you know that KFC cannot be called Kentucky Fried Chicken, because the product they use has been genetically modified to the point that it is no longer chicken and is known as Creature 19....so KFC: Kentucky Fried Creature-19....gross, no?

Think about it before you buy a toonie tuesday special.


1 comment | post a comment

Date:2004-04-13 23:22
Subject:Top 10.

Top 10 Things to Accomplish Before Germany (August)
10. Play mini golf
9. Rent a bunch of movies (namely American Beauty, Resovoir Dogs, Kill Bill, Romeo and Juliet and Moulin Rouge)
8.Get a makeover
7.Go to toronto again
6.Lose ten pounds
5.Eat at a fancy schmancy restaurant that I love (I have a top 5 of London restraurants)
4. Get my ears pierced (do 6 weeks plus before Germany)
3.Donate blood (doing that this Thursday...but do it again)
2. Be kissed
1. Tell a certain person how much I adore them, and another how much I respect them.

1 comment | post a comment

Date:2004-04-09 20:23
Subject:turquoise nail polish and new-old denim jackets.
Mood: calm
Music:G&R: Sweet Child of Mine

my first post in almost a month, but don't think I haven't been reading yours, kids.

How have you been, you ask? Busy. But in a wonderful, marvelous busy. I discovered that I have 17 weekends remaining until my trip to Germany. That scares me a lot. But it also excites me quite a bit.

Currently I'm waiting for my turquoise nail polish to dry and wondering really how good a band Phantom Planet are. Apparently not good enough so that the track's changed to Boom by System of a Down...really good socially based song. Having said that, i can hear some Guns and Roses in the background and all I can think is "OH, Sweet Child of Mine!" But that is besides the point, or maybe it IS the point. My diversity in music is going to kill me...or at least make me go broke.

You wanna know what bands are coming to London or Toronto who I want to see in the next 6 weeks alone?

1. Rufus Wainwright- April 20th, London (Tuesday) $22.50: He is such an amazing artist, nice guy...not to mention a namesake of mine. This is what gets me, not JUST Rufus Wainwright playing. If it was just my man RW, itd be fine. I might go sit outside the nightclub and listen with a friend. But the opening act, Teitur, opened for John Mayer in November and is just an INCREDIBLE musician in his own right. I really want to see both of them! Then again, they're two blocks from my house...I can walk down?

2.Juliana Theory- April 29th, London (Thursday) $15: C'mon its TJT. I haven't seen them since grade 9 when I went with my friend Jeff. They're playing with Anberlin...who I don't really know, but I would think them to be good. It would be an awesome show and I have ppl to go with.

3. Dashboard Confessional with the Get Up Kids and Thrice- May 15th, Toronto (Saturday) $30: This is the one I've got tickets to so far. Need I say more? My first ever emo band, with one of the best emo bands ever and a band which my friend Steph is head over heels for...does it get any better? Oh, by the way half the kids from camp will be there.

Other concerts that I really want to go to with no chance of me going in hell, unless Hell, Michigan freezes over:

4. Jason Mraz- May 19th, Toronto (Tuesday) $25: Note that this is only 4 days after the Dash concert....creates a problem, but this is the third time that I've missed Jason Mraz performing :(

5. Moneen- April 12th, London (Sunday) $10: I'm not big into Moneen, but I wouldn't mind seeing them performing for $10...plus a friend of mine loves them and needs someone to go with.

6. SKA IS DEAD TOUR (Catch 22, Planet Smashers)- April 20th London (Monday) $25?: Yeah its a Monday. But its Ska is Dead! Say no more, mon amour.

On top of all of this, if we want to get specific and include sporting events...the London Knights, our local junior hockey team that feeds into the OHL are in the playoffs. They won the first two serieses 4-0, 4-0....they're in the Conference finals now, so I have tickets for game 6. But if they make it to the championships and stuff....I'm going to go to all the games possible!

Anyways, that's not only my concert life in a nutshell but also my life. That and work. And homework, which needs to get done. Why must Orwell have written 1984?


1 comment | post a comment

Date:2004-03-21 18:54
Mood: sick
Music:lostprophets-last train home


i get strep throat the day before march break ends...

lucky me...but i feel like crap :S

2 comments | post a comment

Date:2004-03-11 00:04

Okay, below are a list of 20 poems I wrote for a class of mine. EB wanted me to post them, so here they are...feel free to use, just credit me :)


one// awaken

Night falls
like water, slowly
from a faucet.
Every drop
filling the sink
like stars in the black sky.
Eyes closed:
light fills her vision.
lashes bat, like the wings of a bird
slowly opening and closing.
As the clock ticks:
another minute passes,
moments until a depth will occur.
peaceful and complete.
A temporary death,
but in eight hours
she will be reborn.

two// emerald city

Stare into me:
through my heart
into my soul.
Smirk at me
with emerald eyes and
speak your mind.
Words so hushed,
hopes so heavy as
your chocolate hair brushes your face
wisping against your mysterious eyes.
You speak:
my heart trembles.
I cannot turn away
from them.

three// coffee beans

The hustle,
and bustle.
Decaf mocha,
chai tea,
hazelnut biscottis.
The man across
sips a double double
indulging in a cherry danish:
Friends gather,
an agent shows a new couple options for their future,
a middle aged man frets over the hockey scores.
I finish my drink but I am not done
watching them.
I sit. Sip. Examine. Taste. Analyze.
The last of my hot chocolate burns my lip, but
heats the souls of them.
While outside cars gallop through
the cold winter's day.

four// lullaby

A kiss
on the cheek,
a nighttime prayer,
curtains closed.
Monsters out from underneath his bed,
bedtime stories read.
Teeth brushed,
hair combed,
into bed.
Favourite stuffed dog in his arms
to cuddle with.
Lullaby sung,
another kiss goodnight,
a bear hug,
lights out.

five// iris

You burn me up when you look at me.
Scare me when you gaze into
Rainbows of blue sending messages
across the room like the air
transcending on the nape of my neck.
Change the world,
change my mind,
speak words of wisdom
like a candle burning at both ends
as you melt my soul.
The specks of light
never end
like the fire
that burns me inside
at the end of the night.

six// babylon

Sounds surround me
like shattered mirrors
reflecting the noise.
Confusion sets in:
hair curled down,
nails painted up.
Purse in left,
coffee in right.
Taxis squeal by,
stop lights blink
turn the corner,
up the avenue.


Eyes spread wide:
mouth dropped open.


seven// reels

Spinning wheel goes round,
a flicker of light
a spark of sound.
dances on the black screen,
split screen
silver screen.
Magic: fictional beliefs,
a monster,
a God,
Kings, Queens
Jack of all trades
characterizes our nature,
our souls.
we are.

eight// crane-ium

Fold the sides in
crease it sharp.
Give a friend hope.
Bend but not break,
the wings tear easily
like the life she has left.
Pull back
the edges
like you do the hair off her pale face.
Draw the wings out
and move it to fly:
motivate a life to live a little longer.

nine// loveless ordinary

Turn your face to the wall,
hide your heart in a corner:
cover it up with all those fake charades
and smooth lines.
Make a love fool of her,
make her your Juliet
with all your best deceptions:
even though you're afraid to approach
your heart
your feelings
your commotion of emotion.

ten// only ashes

Watch the matches
burn to ashes.
Singe my soul
incinerate my mind
with your words
that consume my
heart like rings of smoke.
Falling down: Ashes to ashes,
dust to dust.
Its killed a part of me:
that good, sensible part
that beheld hope,
but my faith has been destroyed by the arsenic
inside of you.

eleven// quick sand

From a fifth floor window
with a stained glass star
she looks out at the world
in its infinite state.
Look out at the world
at the height of its depth.
Street lights change
like your mind perpetually,
trees sway in the wind
like your heart, indecisive.
Both standing tall:
They bend, you break
topple over
Down the rabbit hole

twelve// hush

Silence consumes the air:
Thick, heavy,
golden in colour, against the night sky.
A crack, a shuffle,
a word spoken,
time given,
nothing more.
Lights blink forward in the brightest,
mute fashion.
Tires squeal as the driver refuses to stop
for an instant.
Peace is found
between the sheets of the earth and the stars
between the breaths so white and warm.
In this cold,
silent air.

thirteen// circulation

Prickles in my feet,
under my knee,
between my toes.
Sitting cross legged,
unwrap one ankle from under my thigh
and let the blood return home.
Roll my ankles,
stand up,
sit down.
Get rid of this feeling,
mirrors breaking inside,
needles jabbing me.
covering of spiders and ants
crawling over my legs.
Pinch me so I know this is real,
because if it's a dream then
it is really just a nightmare

fourteen// A minor

Rock candy,
blue flavoured,
tingles in your mouth,
turns your lips hypothermic.
Sticky fingers
wiped on white.
Go ahead, get dirty:
Play well, have fun,
be a kid,
play fair,
mess around.
Spin until you get dizzy,
roll down a hill:
Grass stains and all.
Who cares?

fifteen// faint

That dizzy dancing feeling:
Too much to consume,
too little to love
too much to laugh about
too little to eat.
Ditzy daring feelings:
Giddy laughter,
gaudy, over the top laughter.
Shake your head back,
wonder a little,
blink some more,
breathe in
breathe out.
Tilt your body left,
then right,
then left again.
Catch your balance:
hit the floor.

sixteen// gravitron

in and out.
Floor drops down,
body floats up.
Heavy heart,
light headed.
Uncertainty strikes you,
as you continue to gyrate
out of control
of your body or your spirit.
You return to the ground
The dream has ended,
but the weightless feeling

seventeen// sleep to dream

The bright lights still burn all the same
in the city streets,
despite the selfish, concrete buildings that
hide the beauty of the illuminating bulbs.
Innocence twinkles miles above.
Watch the night sky
fading red.
As she sleeps,
she dreams of home- her yesterday
her quiet, comforting place.
Meanwhile I dreamt of her
Her tomorrow that will never come,
but still burns bright in the city sky,
like the star
miles away

eighteen// thoughtless

Watch your mouth,
hold your tongue
stop that thought:
Imminent as it may be,
its better left unsaid.
Forgiveness is like a diamond
Sacrifice your thoughts
your beliefs
for the acceptance of another.
I am wrong.
You are right.
Two plus three?
The end of the beginning starts
but I'll be no one and nowhere
to be found

nineteen// innocence

Angelic: falling from heaven,
she floats above the clouds
reminding us of her presence
during the time here in our finite world.

If dreams are movies,
memories are films about angels
who rush in where fools fear to tread.
Guarding, guiding the light to the end.

She has flown from cloud to cloud:
Over hilltops, rivers, trees
watching over her love, her matters.
Those things that she cares for now, more than she did in life.

Death was a sentence thrust upon her spirit:
Young. Innocent. Guiltless.
A fallen star, shining bright,
sent back up to hold her head high, halo glowing

twenty// not twenty-one

End this dream,
pop the bubble.
Snap, crackle, fizzle.
The hopes we had, so high
as children:
Of growing up,
growing out of our skin.
The things we never had, never will become.
Everything new is old,
everything old is wise.
Trends fade like hair dye and
we wait until the day
when we are free
we are old,
Yet, we still choose to lose.
Twenty one comes another day,
and yet I still grow old as another hour passes.
What remains, however
is whether I grow wiser.

1 comment | post a comment

Date:2004-03-10 23:01
Mood: content
Music:i want to know you- sonicflood

Name Four Bad Habits You Have:
1. Cracking everything in my body
2. Procrastinating
3. Belching loudly...
4. Laughing at upsetting things

Name Four Things That You Wish You Had:
1. a better paying job
2. four more hours in the day
3. better self discipline
4. a boy

Name Three Scents You Love:
1. fresh body smell
2. rain

Name Four Things You'd Never Wear:
1. super short shorts
2. anything REALLY clingy
3. a flannel shirt
4. anything plaid

Name Three Things You Are Thinking About Now:
1. music
2. school
3. spring BREAK!

Name Four Things That You Have Done Today:
1. sat here
2. worked
3. wrote to poems
4. scratched my leg

Name the Last Thing You Have Bought:
tea and a biscotti

Name Four Drinks You Regularly Drink:
1. water
2. tea
3. lattes
4. grape juice

Last Song You Sang?
my hero by foo fighters

Last Person You Hugged?
wow...i dont remember, but probably my mom

Last Thing You Laughed At?
someone at work who told me asthon kutcher (that 70s show) is gay...

Last Time You Said 'I Love You' And Meant It?
mom this morning

Last Time You Cried?
a week ago?

What's In Your CD Player?
discman: something corporate
room: mix cd
car: john mayer

What Color Socks Are You Wearing?

What's Under Your Bed?
pop can

What Time Did You Wake Up Today?

Current Hair?
up, curly, blonde

Current Clothes?
black tank
pj bottoms

Current Annoyance?
my sore back

Current Desktop Picture?
howie day

Current Worry?

Current Hate?
need for money
girl in class
need for education---real education, not babysitting

Last CD You Bought?
do blanks count?

Favorite Place To Be?
ottawa...or with ppl i love

Least Favorite Place?

If You Could Play An Instrument?
i do play one...but id like to play violin too

Favorite Color?

How Tall Are You?

Favorite Season?
april-july...its two seasons but the length of one :)

One Person From Your Past You Wish You Could Go Back And Talk To:
right now? ian from nova scotia

Favorite Day?

Where Would You Like To Go?
somewhere other than here

post a comment

Date:2004-03-04 00:10
Subject:the opposite of a breakup?
Mood: sad
Music:Hoobastank- Running Away (thanks awesome_girl)

Breakdown of course.
How do I know this? Because I haven't had a breakup, I'm mid breakdown.

I absolutely hate this. This feeling of not being able to feel good. Someone asked me about what happiness was, and I said the point/moment in which you do not feel a splinter of negative emotion. Right now, I feel anger, hatred, sadness, and pain.

I hate the way that I feel fat, even if I can fit into normal clothes. I'm still a 33 at the smallest. I went through my drawers today: 2 pair of black pants, 1 pair of cargos, 3 pairs of jeans (one ripped :P), 1 pair of capris, one pair of board shorts... this is out of a possible 3 pairs of black pants, 2 pairs of cargos, 6 pairs of jeans, 2 capris and 1 board shorts...So, essentially I DONT FIT INTO HALF MY CLOTHES AND I HATE IT

I hurt because (almost) every guy I've fallen for (romantically) since grade nine has turned out to be gay. I'm talking about the ones who I've actually been really into, not just "oh they're cute". The exception to this is Ryan in London (who is bi and has a b/f) and EB...who is going to be a priest (yay).

I am angry at myself because I don't feel like I do enough but I know that I do too much at the same time. I work, I have school, I push myself in school, I push myself at work, until it hurts. I try to do everything I can in the church and in life. I try, and I try. But I mean for the past 4 nights straight, I have gotten less than 5 hours sleep: been awake from 7 am to 2 am every day. I don't mean to sound selfish by any means, but I need more sleep. I need more me time.

I despise my high school. I cannot wait for te next 4 months to be over. The people there don't really care. About me, about learning. About anything. They are stuck in their own little self obsessed world, in which they control all because they drive Mercedes, BMWs or just simply a 2004 Honda Civic (which are kinda nice). They couldn't care less if I dissappeared tomorrow or the next day. They are so self obsessed it hurts.

I hate being upset, and I get upset when I hate stuff...tis a vicious circle.

Love you all, always


1 comment | post a comment

Date:2004-02-26 23:15
Subject:Nothing Compares

God is good
All the time.
He's got the whole world in his hands
And what a wonderful world it is.
I love every part of the world he made. All of it

post a comment

Date:2004-02-25 14:31
Subject:lent, the randomizer and the useless quizzes
Music:Great Romances of the 20th Century

I am an attack banana eh?

Well then. I don't us the programs that EB does, btu I have a list of songs to go from! Random from Ares

1. Oasis- Little by Little
2. BNL- What a Good Boy
3. Our Lady Peace- 4 AM
4. Sister Hazel- All for You
5. Dashboard Confessional- Hands Down
6. Jack Johnson- Bubble Toes
7. Something Corporate- Woke up in a Car
8. Matchbox 20- Long day
9. Pink Floyd- Wish You Were Here
10. Taking Back Sunday- Great Romances of the 20th Century
11. Taking Back SUnday- Cute without the E
12. Indigo Girls- Closer to Fine
13. Fiona Apple- Criminal
14. Howie Day- Girl Next Door
15. Radiohead- Streetspirit
16. Smashing Pumpkins- Today
17. John Mayer- Clarity
18. JEW- Hear You Me
19. U2- One
20. Wyclef Jean- Gone Til November

LENT: Giving up junk food and starbucks. Money that I save from that, is going towards a friend of mine who is really not well off at all and he hasn't gone out in AGES.

peace and love and lenten joy


post a comment

Date:2004-02-21 01:47
Subject:so incredibly frustrated with a certain part of the world.
Mood: frustrated
Music:she says: howie day

I'm sure I've mentioned camp or ppl from camp at least once.

Camp when I went there five years ago, was on this huge pedastool. It was awe inspiring and all gold and shiny and bright and brilliant.

Since then, its slowly declining in magnitude of wonder. And I am declining in my urge to go there every summer for two or three weeks.

I love the people at camp during the camp weeks. It sounds funny, but people are different at camp: They don't judge you, they're wonderful, caring, compassionate people. But from September to May, they are the exact opposite.

Take for example, our camp director. Wonderful guy the eight weeks of camp, but during teh school year, he is a very harsh motivational speaker who really doesn't know how to run a business properly and therefore is slowly losing money and his honesty and wonder of being so...great along with it. He was this kind amazing guy 5 years ago. Now I look at him as being troubled and annoying from all the emails I get from camp saying "Come back this summer"...what if I don't want to. Don't I have that choice?

He has his pets too: there are some staff at cmap who say screw morals and values and suck up to him so they can be treated better as staff and be asked back next year.

I'm not going to lie when I say that majority of people who have challenged his business ideals and his values as a businessman, have not been asked to come back to camp because of "irreconsirable differences"...yes for many hearing that is as bad as a divorce.

That is how wonderful camp is when you start. I honestly partly feel like I have been brainwashed to believe camp is wonderful and amazing. When really, all it is is for people ho had low self esteem to build it up and from there become arrogant and cocky and self righteous. Don't get me wrong, my esteem has incrased a lot at camp. but I am just aware of my values now as I was 5 years ago...and for me teacher's pet or camp director's pet doesn't quite cut it.

Sure, every business has flaws, but this one has too many and too close together. Its funn when you get an apology email for being dishonest and annoying from the camp director and then two days later a "camp needs your help...send $" letter. Don't get me wrong, I'm all for raising money for camp...but not by being swindled, which is a lot of the director's doing......

just not a big fan of my camp admisinitration right now.

special k.

post a comment

Date:2004-02-20 00:33
Subject:your number is up :D
Mood: tired
Music:fire and rain- j. taylor :D

Alright EB:
You want a list about phone numbers and numbers and phones? You got one....and i don't know how many you'll get...

1.if I gave you my number would it still be the same
if I saved you from drowning promise me you'll
never go away
-Tegan and Sara, My Number

2.Ba ba ba ba baby
Don't forget my number
Baby love is stronger than thunder
-Milli Vanilli, Don't Forget My Number (you remember the Girl you know its true group, this is them...
small grade 3 obsession with them, nothing major)

3.She's got my number I must confess
One look in her eyes and I feel undressed
She can see right through all my little games
She's got my number she has my name
-Semisonic, she's Got my Number

4.Can I get your number baby,
Hit me with those seven digits.
-Five,Can I Get Your Number (British band circa 1998 when there was a pop band breakout)

5."hello? are you still there?"
... and much too late...
"... sorry... wrong number..."
-The Cure, Wrong Number (I love this song...)

6."If you call, I will answer.
If you fall, I'll pick you up"
-EB better know this, so I'm not saying it... BNL

7.Call me on your way back home, dear
Cos I miss you
And I just wanna die without you
-Ryan Adams, Call Me on your way back home

For 12:30 on a Friday morning I have done well...love you all


post a comment

my journal