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Sunday, October 5th, 2008
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1:27 pm
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It still hurts when I find out you have get together's and don't include me, I
think this makes me really immature
and it sucks that you still have power of me when I have really tried my hardest to grow up and to change, to get over you.
I'm not sure. But I still love.
You still have me under your control.
But we've both "moved on"
uhg. sucks.
current mood: disappointed
current music: the cooking channel is on
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(comment on this)
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| Friday, September 19th, 2008
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4:13 am - I Just Can't...
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So here I am laying here in bed, browsing the web,
and suddenly I just got this overwhelming feeling of being so
In love, scared, passionate, Lonely, regretful, excited, panicked, and sad
I honestly have no idea what emotion was the strongest or anything.
All I know is I realized something really important tonight laying here 4am when I should
be sleeping since I work again tomorrow and I'm going to be absolutly exhausted.
But what I realized is that
I love him
I love him so much, and I'm never ever ever going to find someone else
to come anywhere as close to how I feel about this boy right here at 4am.
It's not like I didn't love him before, on the contrary I've loved him for quite some time.
...But it was in the moment that I realized I don't want to loose him.
I can't loose him.
I have to do whatever in my power to keep him in my life.
If I let him slip away like I've almost done so many times then I'm going to loose part of myself.
The most important parts of myself
I don't know how I ever found him, and how I ever was able to get him,
and that will forever be a mystery to me, but I do know that I had him.
He was mine. And now he will always be mine. There's no changing that.
No other girl can ever take my place with him.
Or be able to fill his heart with as much love as i have, and will continue to do.
There is no stopping what we have.
No other boys in my case.
And no other girls in his.
Its just him and I against the world.
...and I KNOWin my heart of hearts
this is the boy I am going to spend the rest of my life with.
No if's, and's, or but's about it.
He is my forever.
And I want to be his wife one day =]
okay, the end.
current mood: nostalgic
current music: the humming of my computer?
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(comment on this)
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| Sunday, July 13th, 2008
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4:04 pm - Its a love hate kind of thing
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"aint no tellin what i lies ahead, guess i'll find out when i get there, what the future holds nobody know, That's the way you live that's how it goes"
I felt the absolute worst when I read this.
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(comment on this)
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| Friday, July 11th, 2008
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8:48 am
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Dear ex whatever you were,
Sometimes you make my day complete just with the things you say.
It's like I can't stop laughing!
Thank you for having this....
"So hold me when I'm here, Right me when I'm wrong, Hold me when I'm scared, And love me when I'm gone, Everything I am, And everything in me, Wants to be the one, You wanted me to be, I'll never let you down, Even if I could, I'd give up everything, If only for your good"
in your away message, when it was clearly one of our songs.
I don't think you really like her like that in my heart of hearts.
But no matter, pictures tell a thousand words.
Thats what i keep telling myself, and judging on what I see
she's nowhere in those pictures, def. not in mind.
So no matter what you say, it won't be believed,
I know the real you...and thats all that matters now.
Loveeeee,
me =]
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(2 comments | comment on this)
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| Thursday, July 10th, 2008
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8:24 am
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My new boyfriend couldn't make me any happier if he tried.
He is the definition of my "dream boy"
Its almost like he's able to undo all the pain from my past.
He makes me believe in soul mates.
p.s.everyone was right that i would find someone new and better for me, i couldn't thank you girls enough =]
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(comment on this)
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| Thursday, July 3rd, 2008
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4:35 am
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Dear Todd,
you're my "father" if you can even call yourself that.
Most of the time, you disgust me. You treat me, mom and Tyla terribly.
But you treat me the worst. You still act like I'm 8 years old.
News flash! I'm 18. You have no right reading my mail.
No right calling the phone company to read my text messages,
No right going through the things in my room and reading my personal journals.
I have my own life.
I'm a good kid, and i deserve so much better than you not trusting me,
especially when I've never given you a reason not to.
You like to control me, I know this.
You try to control who I'm friends with, and who I talk to
& when I don't take your "advice" you threaten me.
YOU ALWAYS THREATEN ME
...and I've never ever been good enough for you.
I've tried my hardest, but it's getting old.
I can't do it anymore.
You don't respect me, so how do you expect me to respect you???
and p.s. I love the smack you talk on me behind my back to mom and Tyla
trying to get them to hate me, just like you.
Not going to happen.
& p.s.s.I hate how your doing everything in your power to make sure
that I will never talk//see this person again. ITS MY LIFE
I KNOW WHAT I'M DOING!!!
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(comment on this)
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4:30 am
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| Thursday, May 29th, 2008
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9:47 pm
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Here's the ish...because I need to spill, badly.
Thursday night the boy I've been with for 2 years
told me "goodnight sweet dreams and i love you"
he said he would text me Friday when he got home from nc (he's a marine)
never heard from him...text him all day...waited till Saturday never heard from him
was texting him all day and all day Sunday finally at like 11pm on Sunday
he sends something back saying...
"stop everything, stop texting. stop calling. just stop.
i'm done with you and ive moved on, don't talk to me anymore"
just wondering...what the hell???
do i not deserve more than this?
why why why ignore me, after EvErYtHiNg we've been through together
why not at least break up with me???
And best part then my friend texts me Tuesday
asking me if i've checked facebook because this boy asked
out another girl, who he just started talking to may 11th...
soooo, comments on this ish because i think its really shitty
and would love you're girls words of wisdom on this...
.......what would you do?
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(2 comments | comment on this)
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| Friday, May 16th, 2008
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2:35 am - Liar Liar!
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| Monday, March 24th, 2008
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5:38 pm
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Dear "friends",
You're really kinda shitty, and I don't know if you can fit the words description.
D_______*I don't know if your on my side, You could be making up tons of shit for your own good,
& if thats the case, then I don't want to be "friends" with you anymore. I deserve better.
A_____*I cant believe you would stand me up for him.! I mean its one thing to ask me to go
out with you and then say something come up, but don't have me get ready and then just ignore me
and act like everything is peachy keen the next day. It's not, and it won't be.
G____*You keep on trying to apologize, but your the one who wanted this friendship over,
the one who was and i quote "Never so fucking happy to rid of someone in your whole life"
didn't you ever hear of the expression, "don't burn bridges." because you burnt yours with me.
seriously.
if you want to be my friend act like it!!!
I'm so tired of all the bullshit,
I thought I was past all of it,
But i guess it just takes time for those who you thought were true to turn on you.
Thanks for the lesson guys.
Love,
you're "friend"
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(comment on this)
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| Saturday, March 22nd, 2008
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2:41 am
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You've been away for 3 months. You're here for one weekend. It's your first night here, you had a party, and invited all your friends who I'm sure all went and you all had a drunken good time.
But...you didn't invite me.
You know, the one you love?
I've been texting you all night...and you've been ignoring me.
I don't get it...
Now, I don't know if ill see you.
What do i think about all this?
current mood: depressed
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(comment on this)
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| Friday, January 4th, 2008
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3:07 pm
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I wish you would ask me to be back with you,
I'd wait forever.
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(comment on this)
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| Friday, December 28th, 2007
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3:06 am
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| Monday, December 24th, 2007
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11:27 pm
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I wish I could go back...
I wish I knew how to stop the hurt :-[
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(comment on this)
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| Saturday, December 22nd, 2007
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7:15 pm
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Dear black hole where my heart is supposed to be,
You waited for him to come home from boot camp, he did and it didn't work out the way
you thought it would. You pretty much have to get over it & move on. You have to accept he doesn't want
you anymore. He will continue to love you, but best friends is as good as it's going to get. I know you can't handle best friends so when he leaves again in 11 days you won't have to think about him anymore, we're giving up, we're going to be strong and try to move on. Please just do this for me, I don't ask for much, & really I just want you to be able to be happy.
Love always,
The girls body your trying to take over.
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(comment on this)
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| Friday, November 30th, 2007
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2:44 pm
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| Saturday, November 10th, 2007
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2:34 pm
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| Thursday, June 21st, 2007
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2:19 am
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| Sunday, February 11th, 2007
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11:06 pm
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I cant belive its really happening and on valentines day.
I've never felt so broken :-(
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(comment on this)
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| Tuesday, February 6th, 2007
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7:17 am
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