RoCkStARbG04

Recent Entries

You are viewing the most recent 14 entries.

26th May 2004

9:27pm: Haven't writen in here lately, I have been very busy worked every day since last thursday. On my day off what do I do? Mow the lawn and go to an eye doctor appointment....Fun FUN FUn

23rd May 2004

1:56am: yeap its still raining...

22nd May 2004

1:29am: ...
I feel all icky and fat cause I didn't get to go running after work tonight...I wish this damn rain would stop if it keeps up for the next few days like its supposed we are going to have some serious flooding by the lake and rivers. Good thing I don't live by them. They all ready opened all the damn in the area because the water on lake Winnebago the fox and the wolf river are to high. I LOVE THE VEGAS... sorry random outburst.
Current Mood: blah

21st May 2004

10:55pm: Okay work sucked it was super slow and my contact kept rolling up under my eyelid...Still raining
3:53pm: Rain rain go away come agian we I have gone away... Okay so its been storming since early this morning, I was really looking forward tog etting outside and rollerblading before work tonight. But it is supposed to rain for the next 4 days. I guess I'll be paying $$$ to work on my tan...
8:17am: Boo Ahhh... Scary thunder was so loud the neighbors car alarm started going off. To bad it it stopped storming, it was off to such a good start.
3:25am: I m in a good mood tonight i got my run in and I got 10 extra hours at work this week!!! I need the money SO bad

19th May 2004

10:17pm: Damn it Jessie was supposed to pick Tara. People wonder why these couples don't last if they listen to me when I yelled at them through the TV, like Trista, Ryan, Meredith and Ian then they would still be together. Damn it people listen to me I now who you are supposed to marry. So I finally called Jenna tonight to let her now I was home from school but I couldn't get a hold of her so maybe I will go exercise with Angela then go swimming...I guess getting a hold of Angela first would help. Or I could go run on the treadmill but I would rather use the elliptical in Angela's gym... What to do
1:50am: dog farts
God if my dog farts one more time tonight I m going to stick can of airfreshener up his ass

18th May 2004

11:44pm: Last night there were headlines all over the TV about possible WMD over in Iraq, now I can't find anything about it. I am beginning to think I'm crazy. Well I was supposed to mow my grandmas lawn today but she asked me to wait till tomorrow. So Ben came over for a while after his job interview and we watched "Cold Creek Manor" It was a good movie I had some trouble watching it because my eyes hurt. Then Angela called me to see what I was up to. WE went over to Gordmans (ICKY) and the 'Dvons lingerie. I went home quick to take out my contacts, and went back to Ang's apartment to go in the hot tub. Angela always looks so cute, she always looks so cute and dressy. I need to get another job so I can buy some more cute summer clothes.NOw I am watching Venom ER....
5:33am: So they found srin bomns over in Iraq, makes the fact the we are at war slightly easier to handle. Whether there was actually proof of WMD before the world started or BUsh was just using that as an excuse, I quess we will never know. Either way I am still voting for Kerry
2:25am: Oh beside all the stuff I just wrote I'll tell you a little more about myself... I am starting cosmetology school jan 2005, I filled out the aplication last night. I won't send it in till november because there is a $100 fee. Tution is also 9500 so I want to make sure I can earn enough money between now and then and make sure I am really comitted to doing this. 40 hrs of school a week is a lot. YIKES!!! My brother Eric wants to join the army when he is done with high school. My mom and I are really happy about that. Not only are we afraid of losing him but I don;t think bush is going about this war the right way. I was raised in a carholic famil but I don't beilive in orginized religion. I biwlive thier is a higher power, I have no clue whant it is but I know it is there. I can't stand the hipocracy of the churches. What else... OH I found out this stupid bitch down the street got engaged, not to happy about that. When is it my turn grrr. She was the girl who always got better grades then me, always got a date to the dances first, grew boobs first... ever one knows a girl like this they act so perfect and think they are the shit. It mkes me watch to puke...
1:59am: MOnday
Lst night I watched my ER and Everwood tapes from the last week (don't get those channels at school) I was a little upset with how they ended ER but Everwood was really good. My dad had an appointment today and they offically gave him medical leave today which is good. Know my mom and I don't have to worry about him getting fired and can focus on watching him, and getting him better. My brother still doesn't understand but he never will... Very few people who don't have depression understand it. If things go well with him being back on Paxil then he should be back to work within the next fews, and we won't have to hospitalize him, thank god. I didn't see my dad much today he stay in his bed room and when he did come out my mom and I went to Grandmas and left him with my brother. I can't stand to see him like this so I just have to leave the house... I am trying hard to help mom out with things, so I mowed the lawn today and tomorrow I get to mow grandmas lawn. Which I don't mind it gets me out of the house. Ben(bf) keeps telling me things will work out with my dad and in the past they always have but these past few week were really bad and I wasn't sure it would work out. Now things are starting to turn around. Hopefully once the Paxil starts working again we can get him off the Zanx with out any withdrawl symptoms. If that happens we should be in the clear... I feel bad because I can't stand to be around him right now and I am a daddys girl but its just to emotional. Its not like it reminds me of my depression and that this could happen to me... Its just so difficult to see some one you love so much lose hope and turn emotionally comatose... If things don't get better I could always bury myslef in work, I need the money!

17th May 2004

3:37am: yeah
so I just type like a ten page entry about I whole bunch of shit and lost it becuse I had an invalid username...I am pretty pissed about that so here is the quick version and i will fill in the pieces later...
Lauren, 20 my boyfriend Ben 22...
I am close with family (grandparents in town right now)
Depression runs in family(me, uncle,dad)
Dad is in VERY bad shape emotionaly right now, I can't look at him with out crying. Also taking toll on mom. Little brother Eric (17, going in to army) doesn't understand and is very confused.
I jst want my dad to be around to walk me down the aisle and usher his grandkids in to the world in a few years. I want my mom to go just one day without crying cause she is afraid she is going to find my dads dead body hanging in the closet. I just want him to be happy agian
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