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K@!tl!n's Journal
Books to read:
~Turner Diaries
~Anarchists Cookbook
~Mein Kampf (spelling?)
Any other controversial books..please recommend!!!!!!!!
My journal is SOOOOO BORING!!!! It drives me nuts that there's nothing interesting on it!!! GRRR I hope I can learn how to do layouts soon. :-/
Anywayz, nothing much is up, I havent had a mental breakdown yet this year like I did last year...and the year before that....and the year before that.....which is definitely positive but I haven't had a consistently *great* week either. Haha Ashley's proud of me for working through the depression I had from 6th-8th grade all by myself. :-D I guess I am too. I feel happy that I'm not as perfectionistic and minute-detail-oriented as I used to be. Seriously, I used to analyze people's MAKEUP and SOCKS to see how I could fit in more and be more liked...jesus. I hate myself sometimes. XD
I just read Josie's journal...that's so sad. I don't know why nobody likes her, she has the most awesome personality and let's face it, she's cute too ^-^ The only reason I can think of is that she's kinda quiet....but....ah whatever it boils down to the fact that every single male in our school district has a brain run by his HEAD, if ya know what I mean, and doesn't care about SMART girls. hmph. lol
I made another website, www.h0pelessDr3amer.deviantart.com for some of my stuff but then I realized I don't have a scanner....WHOOPS...but anyway if you're reading this look at digital-boi on there, its Brad and his shtuff is pretty good.
Sarah and I have been working our butts off on a claymation for Art and so far we have barely anything except the main characters finished. We only have a few weeks and I'm getting nervous as hell that I won't finish. EEEEEK!!
I really, really REALLY do NOT like Jason Smith. He keeps bothering Ash and I all the time, like saying things like "Stupid goths" and "are you two lesbians?" FUCK HIM! I don't define myself as goth, but then ya can't erase stereotypes so I'm kinda messed there. And the lesbian questions hit close to home and really hurt. That fucker. Sometimes I just wanna take a dumbell to his head to drive home the answers. Peh.
It still hasn't sunk in that Kendall is LEAVING. :-/ I'll have a grand total of 1 friend when she leaves. Wondermous. Am I really THAT horrible of a person?? (Somebody give me an honest answer.) One of these days, I want to meet my worst enemy and let them give me a rundown of every shitty quality I have so I can FIX it. I actually look forward to the day I get confronted. :-)
Who left the last comment? That was pretty cool.
I started dance last tuesday and tryouts are thursday..I'm kinda nervous. I really feel like dance is a Lamer, sluttier, geekier version of Cheerleading, which is already slutty and geeky and lame, but I like it nonetheless. I wonder if "The Sea of Black" will cheer for me when I perform, lol!! That'd be something.
Well, it took me about an hour to write all this and I barely have time to finish my paper now, so I'm signing off.
Current mood:
sleepy.Current music: "What if god smoked cannibus" off Sarah's mix CD.
Hey everybody,
well. Well well well. Nothin much to say....I made all of my entries private a while back so Sarah's mom couldn't find them and read them, but I think it's safe now. :-) Today we went to the Tahoma Nat'l Cemetary and it made me so sad, cuz none of my classmates cared about the ppl they were just runnin around and being dickheads. It makes me really depressed. What makes me sadder is how adults never like teens. Have you noticed that? I mean, no wonder teenagers are all so bitter and depressed, because their elders hate them!! I was talking about this with my mom and it became a chicken-or-the-egg discussion. Meh. I hate those.
Tayler is starting to get too physical with me. He keeps kissing me and licking me and holding me so I can't wriggle free, and it's making me scared. I like him, and I like hugs from him, but that's as far as it goes. I hate being treated like a whore. Seriously, all you boys need to back the fuck up. I'll play your stupid little games for as long as I have to, but in the end, what do I have to do to get your goddamned respect? I am NOT a fucking ditz-plaything like Kaylene. DON'T mistake me for that. >.<
The lesbian population at our school has exploded. More drama to deal with, lol! It makes me both happy and sad, happy cuz it's acceptable now but sad because I know some of these people aren't being real. BEING A LESBIAN ISN'T JUST ABOUT HAVING A DAYDREAM ABOUT KISSING A GIRL!
Tayler thinks hes bi, and he wants to try it out with Austin Tinius. I really don't think Austin is bi tho. Eh, it's all greek to me. There are so many people I know just fucking around with each other, it just makes me wanna stop the world and say "what ever happened to morals?!!?!?!?!?!!!?!?!!!!" I don't see how you can share yourself with so many random people. I mean I have no problem with 3 or 4 or maybe even 6 if you "loved" them all, but not with people you don't care about. Oh well. I've gone off about this before.
Everyone and everything is pissing me off with their fakeness! I am pissing myself off even, with all my namby pamby shitfaced lying and faking and shit.
I just want peace of mind and honesty. That's my only wish.
Current mood:
uncomfortable.Current music: International Pop Overthrow- Melancholy 31.
| The Big Five Personality Test |
| Extroverted | |||||||||||||| | 58% |
| Introverted | |||||||||||| | 42% |
| Friendly | |||||||||||||||| | 62% |
| Aggressive | |||||||||| | 38% |
| Orderly | |||||||||||||| | 52% |
| Disorderly | |||||||||||| | 48% |
| Relaxed | |||||||||| | 32% |
| Emotional | |||||||||||||||| | 68% |
| Intellectual | |||||||||||||||| | 68% |
| Practical | |||||||||| | 32% |
Current mood:
cold.Current music: Static X-i dont know the title.
I got my head but my head is unraveling
cant keep control can't keep track of where it's traveling
I got my heart but my heart's no good
you're the only one that's understood
I come along but I don't know where you're taking me
I shouldn't go but you're wrenching dragging shaking me
turn off the sun pull the stars from the sky
the more I give to you the more I die
and I want you
you are the perfect drug
the perfect drug
the perfect drug
the perfect drug
you make me hard when i'm all soft inside
I see the truth when i'm all stupid-eyed
the arrow goes straight through my heart
without you everything just falls apart
my blood just wants to say hello to you
my fear is warm to get inside of you
my soul is so afraid to realize
how every little bit is left of me
take me with you
without you everything just falls apart
it's not as much fun to pick up the pieces
Current mood:
sad.Current music: Perfect Drug- NIN feat. David Bowie.
"Your medieval name is: Lisolette. Quiet and artsy, you're different from the crowd. You have a taste in music or art and are sometimes depressed and private. You're naturally lovely."
The rest doesn't matter, but the name..whoa. I know what I'm going to name my first girl now! :-)
Dum dum dizzy dizzy dum dum,
She didn't want to DATE RAPE!
I jack the pumpkin king have grown so tired of the sounds of screams.
With my hands around your neck, who will stop me now?
Fake smiles for miles, my imitations wrong again.
'Scuse me while I kiss the sky.
I need to stop being so honest in this journal.
And now after saying all that I feel mean and wonder if it really needed to be said. I wish my diary wasn't public.
Current mood:
sad.Current music: Handel's Concerto Grosso Op. 6 No. 8.