moojae's Blurty
 
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Below are the 19 most recent journal entries recorded in moojae's Blurty:

    Friday, January 16th, 2004
    8:36 pm
    puzzled
    me and Skyler are stumped cuz we dont remember where this familiar quote came from:

    "Sometimes I forget we're pretending and it's all a joke.."

    mmm...

    Current Mood: confused
    5:40 pm
    second night at hockley
    was so much fun last night...stupid blurty deleted my entry...

    last night was so much fun especially me skiing down the hill the people TELL ME to go down on, i end up whamming into a portable and having fun in doing so...Pac-man took his skis off and ran to me, Taller skiis towards me and Skyler hops to me, and i felt completely fine and laughed lol Taller freaked out and said 'ARE U SERIOUS?!! U'RE LAUGHING ABOUT THIS?!?!' lol i think they htought it was a side-affect to a concusion ahah

    anywho, i told SKyler everything that happened to me in the summer....and he understood..i feel so much better that he knows cuz now he and i are really good buds =D

    gonna go now, my face is numb from the dentist, bye!

    p.s: Skyler's got awesomely nice hands ;)

    Current Mood: cheerful
    Current Music: EvoRadio
    Thursday, January 1st, 2004
    12:36 am
    so long 2003...i have a boosted confidence for this year!
    why is it that parents make a big deal out of new year's? a ball drops in time square every single year. oooh confetti...thats about it. well, im glad that 2003 is done and over with. that has to be without a doubt the worst. especially summer 2003. too much for me to handle but i miraculously was given the strength to actually live through it. now it is 2004. im not going to make a resolution cuz i am not in a state to believe in resolutions at the moment. instead, i am making a new year's plan for me and here it is everyone in plain, simple form:

    1. wisen up.
    2. get real on life.
    3. talk more to the close ones i have lost reach with.
    4. figure out what i seriously want to be after highschool.
    5. discover my true ambition.
    6. focus on the ones who matter to me.
    7. listen to the ones who know i exist in their world.
    8. thank those who helped me through the hard times of 2003
    9. don't let anyone get in my way of finding out the truth
    10. shoot down anyone who gets in my way
    11. get an LJ account

    that sums up the plan set for this year. i don't normally stick to resolutions which is mainly why i call mine my 2004 PLAN. i will provide brief explanations for the following points above.

    1. enough of all these charades of life. the sick game stops here. im gonna act on whatever comes by me. no matter what it is, i will not chicken out. if a situation falls in the hands of me, i will see the real deal upon it rather then looking at it blindly with only my two eyes. basically, im not going to let anything hold me back or bring me low. i am seriously gonna go for it. everything. all of it. im not gonna be scared anymore. im tired of holding back. nothing is going to stop me from shining and finding the truth.
    2. the world isn't all rainbows and cute animals prancing around. its about knowing what you want and going for it. im gonna get real and see to it that the world can be about rainbows and cute animals prancing around if you put your mind to it.
    3. this speaks for itself.
    4. i need an ambition.
    5. someone help me.
    6. this speaks for itself.
    7. to the people who care about me, you are my guidance.
    8. thank you cameron. thank you louisa. thank you vanny. *tanks to me irish lads and lassies ='D cam*.
    9. i want to make my own mistakes while finding out whats right cuz its part of being human and living.
    10. to those who waste time and pretend to exist in my life and are really just there for decoration: get out of my way.
    11. if blurty screws me over one more time like it has gazillion times before, i will switch automatically to LJ cuz it honestly seems easier to keep up with. *sigh*

    ^well, thats it up there. all i have to say is HAPPY NEW YEAR TO EVERY ONE...SO LONG 2003!!

    Current Mood: cheerful
    12:36 am
    so long 2003...i have a boosted confidence for this year!
    why is it that parents make a big deal out of new year's? a ball drops in time square every single year. oooh confetti...thats about it. well, im glad that 2003 is done and over with. that has to be without a doubt the worst. especially summer 2003. too much for me to handle but i miraculously was given the strength to actually live through it. now it is 2004. im not going to make a resolution cuz i am not in a state to believe in resolutions at the moment. instead, i am making a new year's plan for me and here it is everyone in plain, simple form:

    1. wisen up.
    2. get real on life.
    3. talk more to the close ones i have lost reach with.
    4. figure out what i seriously want to be after highschool.
    5. discover my true ambition.
    6. focus on the ones who matter to me.
    7. listen to the ones who know i exist in their world.
    8. thank those who helped me through the hard times of 2003
    9. don't let anyone get in my way of finding out the truth
    10. shoot down anyone who gets in my way
    11. get an LJ account

    that sums up the plan set for this year. i don't normally stick to resolutions which is mainly why i call mine my 2004 PLAN. i will provide brief explanations for the following points above.

    1. enough of all these charades of life. the sick game stops here. im gonna act on whatever comes by me. no matter what it is, i will not chicken out. if a situation falls in the hands of me, i will see the real deal upon it rather then looking at it blindly with only my two eyes. basically, im not going to let anything hold me back or bring me low. i am seriously gonna go for it. everything. all of it. im not gonna be scared anymore. im tired of holding back. nothing is going to stop me from shining and finding the truth.
    2. the world isn't all rainbows and cute animals prancing around. its about knowing what you want and going for it. im gonna get real and see to it that the world can be about rainbows and cute animals prancing around if you put your mind to it.
    3. this speaks for itself.
    4. i need an ambition.
    5. someone help me.
    6. this speaks for itself.
    7. to the people who care about me, you are my guidance.
    8. thank you cameron. thank you louisa. thank you vanny. *tanks to me irish lads and lassies ='D cam*.
    9. i want to make my own mistakes while finding out whats right cuz its part of being human and living.
    10. to those who waste time and pretend to exist in my life and are really just there for decoration: get out of my way.
    11. if blurty screws me over one more time like it has gazillion times before, i will switch automatically to LJ cuz it honestly seems easier to keep up with. *sigh*

    ^well, thats it up there. all i have to say is HAPPY NEW YEAR TO EVERY ONE...SO LONG 2003!!

    Current Mood: cheerful
    Tuesday, December 30th, 2003
    2:42 pm
    reflectin
    didnt do much. tonight im gonna go to cousin's house for dinner for new year's and yeah. right now everything is just super boring....

    blurty won't let me post a comment on my plaid punk's journal =(:::::::: BOOOOO
    anywho, i enjoy talking to my rae onjce again cuz she's one of the very few people keeping me going nowadays.

    life's full of shit it really is. people treat other's badly for no apparent reason, how dumb is that people? not too bright at all...

    Current Mood: blah
    Current Music: no music
    Sunday, December 28th, 2003
    8:27 pm
    -_-
    blah no feelings today. nothing interesting to talk about except for the fact that ryan finally came online..then heleft O_o whatta nerd!

    whoo hoo, skiing starts next thursday!=D bad news is school is back -_-

    Current Mood: calm
    Friday, December 26th, 2003
    10:09 pm
    dahhhhhhhhhhhhhh
    oh man. iunno what i wanna do with mylife!

    by the time i get back to school, im supposed to submit my courses for next year... wanna do the following for optional careers:
    lawyer
    actress
    shrink*psychatrist*
    fashion designer
    interior designer

    and if i screw up my already-screwed life, then i am resorting to PHOTOGRAPHER...my parents will probably beat me with an ugly stick lol

    can anyone help me with what courses i can chose? i really would appreciate it if people replied...and thank u!

    Current Mood: irritated
    Current Music: music-less yet again
    Thursday, December 25th, 2003
    5:42 pm
    HAPPY CHRISTMAS
    HAPPY CHRISTMAS TO THOSE OF YOU WHO CELEBRATE IT!....well the christmas party was yesterday night here at my house with my cousins and relatives. its was ka-way-zee! today i am doing absolutely nothing because my mom is sick and we're not gonna leave the house. but its alright. im not exactly in a christmas mood =( and i didnt exactly have a christmas list. cuz i never do want anything for my birthday or christmas. yes i am weird. i am oddly strange, but things that i want are highly impossible cuz its not like stuff goes right. i've learned to appreciate the stuff i do already have, therefore i don't ask for anything more.

    it would be nice if i got that mp3 player i've always wanted lmfao!

    as krusty would say, okay everybody! have a merry christmas, happy hannukah, ka-way-zee kwanzaa, a tip top tet and a solemnly dignified ramadan!!!

    i love you all!! happy holidays!

    Current Mood: tired
    Current Music: sister blasting her music *sigh of annoyance*
    Friday, December 19th, 2003
    3:37 pm
    half day
    its half day today and the best part about it is that my VIPPIN, LISA, RYEROCK, RAE, AND IZA were all here....but i hardly saw most of em...and i watched the teachers make fools of themselves on stage..hahah WOLFS IS A PURE JOKER WEARING THE SCHOOL KILT AND DANCING! hah, good times

    well im not seeing rotk tonite, got something much cooler to do. chaperone my ten yerold brother and his three accomplists....

    BE BACK SOON!!!
    HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY. HAVE A HAPPY HAPPY DAY!

    Current Mood: cheerful
    Current Music: no music, real1player shut down on me
    Wednesday, December 17th, 2003
    3:55 pm
    i feel bad
    omg i am such an ungreatful little bitch >_< this morning i wake up at 5ish and go back to sleep. i wake up again at 7:35 and realize i was supposed to be at the school before 7:30...then i scramble around the house brushing my teeth washing my face, taking a pee and getting my unifrom on then i run downstairs, take my medicine and milk and grab some bread to bring to school. and my mom tries to fix my white shirt, and i told her 'MOM LEAVE IT IM GONNA BE LATE!! MOM STOP IT' 'no no let me fix it for u so it won't be...' 'MOM LEAVE IT ALONE, JUST FORGET ABOUT IT OR I'LL BE LATE!!' and i storm outta there in a rush with no time to say goodbye. then i get to the school at like 7:50 and didnt get to pt the film in until like about 8...then i develop it and foto flow and fixer and then i go through the entire school day...

    i got home like two hours ago and by the time my sis came home, i told her what mom did with the shirt. and then she looked at me and said 'u do know u mad emom cry. she was crying this morning. u really upset her and got her seriously mad' now here iam crying feeling guilty and because of my foolish pride, i can't say sorry cuz i know it hurts my mom on the inside no matter what i do...='(

    Current Mood: guilty
    Tuesday, December 16th, 2003
    5:02 pm
    FINALLY blurty works!

    omg, today my camera wouldn't turn the film,so i had to go into the darkroom and mr. m fixed it. argh bad luck always happens to me. not much to say right now...feeling really biatchy

    Current Mood: bitchy
    Current Music: anti-blue&sgbs
    Friday, December 12th, 2003
    11:26 pm
    tahahah one last remark
    LLLOOK THERE'S A RAT ITSA...ITS A MOLE! TH@ IS SO COOL! LOOK HE'S SO CUTE. NO NO NO, D-DON'T DO ANYTHING LEAVE HIM HE'S SWEET! hehehehehe

    Current Mood: amused
    10:40 pm
    one hell of a show
    i went to MUSIC OF THE NIGHT and boy was it awesome! i would like it even more if friggen people would shut the @#$% up! THIS GIRL VIDEOTAPING THE SHOW RIGHT IN THE ROW IN FRONT OF ME, SHE WOULDNT STOP LAUGHING IN THE QUIET! AND I WASN'T ABLE TO HEAR MOST OF THE LINES!!! ARGH...and the mother behind me wouldn't shut up either. neither would the hypocritical old mother standing behind us in the line, she kept on yelling at us and she brought her nephew and son in to bud in the line! *sigh of annoyance* overall, the play was good. my cousin kept on getting on stage in his black t-shirt with CREW made of masking tape on his back ahahaha...whatta joker, and my other cousin was standing on a table at the back taping the whole show...honestly, last year's BROADWAY BOUND, i kinda liked better, although i got shit seats then...

    onward to life. its the same as always. not yet done the buffy season 1 yet, but i am eager to so i can give it back to puryavil. haven't heard from puryavil since the show hrmmm ANYWAY me and vanessa got DITCHED at the play, that was so mean, but we had each other =D hahaha love u nessy!

    gonna go to sleep now, eyes hurt. and i am watching michael jackson on 20/20....

    Current Mood: calm
    Current Music: my personal soundtrack lmao LOUISE!
    Tuesday, December 9th, 2003
    11:13 pm
    surprise surprise
    why..... am i surprised or am i not. no, i am not.

    chubby cakez, being the good-hearted-honest-worth-dying-for-person on the planet has let me know the unknown...apparently, mr. i think i am sucha badass claims he drinks n smokes and is gonne 'prove it' tomorrow...talk about desparate attention seeker!

    anywho, on sunday, chubbz asks him why he chose thou-shall-not-be-named over me. the asshole's answer was as follows: she changed.

    ^CHANGE?! HOW THE HELL DO I OF ALL PEOPLE CHANGE?!

    chubbz's answer asked how and the lil bastard replied with 'she started liking the stuff i like and became all rocker...

    I HAVE YOU KNOW I WAS A ROCKER WAY BEFORE I MET YOU ARSEHOLE!

    chubbz said that i was like that from the day i met her....and mr. all high and mighty said: well, i picked thou-shall-not-be-named because i thought she wouldn't be controlling like yours truly...she seems like a controlling person, but i was wrong...

    this buddy need a boot up his ass cuz i can't bare to stand his boney butt no more!

    HONESTLY!! HOW PATHETIC DO YOU HAVE TO BE TO ACTUALLY THINK FOR A SPLIT SECOND I OF ALL PEOPE IN THE WORLD WILL CHANGE FOR A GUY?!?! I WOULDN'T.

    that kid must be really messed up to think the way he does. i would never change for an arsehole who thinks he's better then anyone in the world....wow, more reasons for me to stab him and choke him with his own chain.

    ON TO A BETTER TOPIC...
    hahahah had fun today, well not really, but hey my day got better...i decided to do portraiture for photography class, and paula is gonna be one of my models, and of course puryavil =P

    ON TO A DIFFERENT TOPIC...
    puryavil leant me his buffy dvd, season one.all the epi memories are coming back to mind now, i remember this stuff clearly =D ahhh the good 'ol days when i was a carefree girl in the world...

    =D good day to ya'll, i'm feeling much more relaxed...

    Current Mood: blah
    Current Music: =D mandy =D
    Saturday, December 6th, 2003
    11:19 pm
    oh yeah, and in between the walking me home from squareone time period, a car rammed into another car on the a street and vanessa nicole n i laughed our asses off cuz the white guy got out of the car and surprisingly was calm as ever
    10:46 pm
    the most freaked up day.....
    -dad coems home then leaves to get something for sister....he doesnt remember me telling him 2 days ago about my plans
    -told sis i'd be back in 2 hours
    -leave house at 2:15
    -get to terminal at 2:30
    -cruise the mall and see 2 guy friends and wait in line with them to get their bubble tea
    -go back to terminal before 3 to meet chubby cakes
    -parents didnt know i jus left the house
    -leaving cuz my friend is doing her photography exam n i am her model
    -i wait forever and call chubby's cell several times which is turned off
    -call nicole at home about her whereabouts which are unknown
    -call vanessa's home number and stepdad says she just left with her mom...its 3:20 by now
    -wait for her arrival at 3:35
    -tells me she forgot to tell me time to meet was changed from 3 to 3:30
    -we wait for then wait for Jonathan to come cuz we're using his house
    -he comes two minutes later
    -we get on the bus and do 20 minutes of walking after that to get to his frigin house
    -we get there and the bastard i used to like last year is there
    -turns out my friend asked him to be the main model with me...the guy i am supposed to be in a relationship with >_<
    -i had to stare into his eyes
    -look at his face
    -have him hug me and hug him back
    -sit on his lap *which i didnt do*
    -kiss him on the cheek *which i tried to do*
    -by the 8ish picture, the camera went crazy
    -i hear a ripping noise
    -i hear the film rip
    -we open it and the film is exposed completely
    -we see the rip in the film roll
    -everything was a waste, the struggle of several hours
    -chubby n nicole decide to go to central parkway mall to get black n white film
    -we go and what do u know, the film store closes at 5:00 on saturdays and its 5:35 on our watch
    -we go to mcdonalds cuz nicole gets a shake and chubby gets her mcchicken, iced tea and fries and ketchup
    -she later throws the ketchup on to the icy sidewalk
    -i said i'd be home in 2 hours, meaning before 5:00 and at this point its about past 6
    -we walk to nicole's house cuz she has all this camera stuff there
    -she brought us there to check out her camera and black and white film *her mom's equipment*
    -we get there 10-15 minutes later
    -we see the camera and nicole's ferret and cat and meet her brother's girlfriend
    -we get outta her house and see the bus pass us by in front of us
    -we are given an oppurtunity to take an additional 10 minutes of walking to square one
    -we get to square one and enter the terminal.
    -i decide to walk home, even though its dark out, my neighbourhood is safe and empty
    -chubby's and nicole walk me home
    -we say bye at the alleyway and split
    -then i hear screaming of a little girl
    -heard screming an additional two times
    -after less then a minute, chubby and nicole run to me
    -they wanted to make sure i was still alive
    -they got scared it was me screaming
    -love them to death for caring about my life
    -i finally know people really do care about me int he world
    -i get home and got the best lecture of my life
    -mom gives me 10 second angry stare
    -gives me lecture in broken english
    -dad comes down the stairs
    -looks at me and starts the conversation:
    where did u go
    the terminal
    and then
    met up with vanessa
    and then
    got on to the bus
    then
    went to nicole's house
    wheres nicoles house
    central parkway mall area
    next time ask for a ride from me

    ^^i liked the ending part when it was all over
    Friday, December 5th, 2003
    8:10 pm
    wowwie!
    today was a better day then usual! two straights days! twice in a row my english teacher didnt make it seem like she wanted to single me out...thats a record!

    anywho...in photography class, nicole was doing her photography exam: potraiture was her theme. i got to be in two pictures cuz chubby cakes was the main model, so i was the friend chubz was hugging and in the next pose, i got to hug HIM!

    we had to stand hugging each other in the exact same position under the light for about 10 minutes in the same position cuz chubby cakes kept on being moved around so all three of us could get into the picture...then HE was crouching over for the hug cuz i am small *EVEN WITH HEELS HE IS TALL RAWR* and i just stand there with my head on his shoulder cuz my neck was killing! then we were both like 'nicole hurry' lol and then HE goes 'nicole hurry, im getting really hot over here =P

    awww i wanna attack him lmao...then earlier we were talking about the teacher cuz he brought in his kids. and i whispered over to him n my other friend 'HE CAN REPRODUCE?!' and mike jumps in and goes 'nah, those are his stepkids' lmao fun fun fun...then i got to play with HIS necklace and then there was a tight knot that wouldnt come loose, so he asked YOURS TRULY to undo it and thanked me like he always does in everything else i do for him..gosh i won't him *sniff sniff*

    anywho, its my sister's birthday and she'll be home any minute from the mall....was just at the mall with puryavil and rae...g2g now! mom's bitching at em to do laundry
    Friday, November 28th, 2003
    9:33 pm
    fudgsicles
    thoguht that last week was hell, gosh revenge is ruling over after i truned 15 on monday...today i go to the dentist and find out i have 12 cavities on eleven different teeth..my dad won't even talk to me, at all!! gawd!! anyway i go to model for someone in the other class for their photography exama nd then several other people show up, so not much got done at all....had to do hugging poses with my guy friend and then i had to do hoe poses and stuff like that...felt weird but meh me don't care.....by the way, turning 15 sucks cuz nothing is going right for me....im stuck in the middle! seriously!!! stuck right in between!!! i have to make a choice but its one of those choices that are unable to be made....way too hard, only PURYAVIL knows my suffering, puryavil knows that i can't choose, although puryavil doesnt like first choice but doesnt care about what i choose...sniff sniff, but my second choice had bad experiences and i dont wanna make it any worst, the way it is now is already good enough for me....what do i do? im a depressed rocker biatch right now and cant figure out what the @#$% to do cuz it is way too complicated =(::::: gonna go now, school marks are suffering, and yeah....last week my photography pictures [negatives] never came out from the fieldtrip so i had to reshoot em on the weekend...had to go all the way to toronto in the cold and my sister had to blow off $30.00 and it was so cold and the sun wasnt out so my lightmeter was messed up...then i realize my english teacher is biased against me cuz she gives me 13 out of 20 and lower, and my percentage marks are NEVER over 70% and i got an 84 on my bristol board project whereas my partner gets an 89% and there is no proof that i did something wrong or he did something better then me...and then she accuses me of copying off of my partners work when i prove her wrong, and she just doesnt like me =( THEN i cry in front of my english teacher cuz i had so many problems and she is 'worried about me' cuz i am 'behind the class'....and then i am getting a 68% average when the class average is 69% and she just doesnt like me...like at all....argh i need to let my anger out!!!! BUT HOW, HOW THE @#$% DO I END THIS SHIT NOW!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!??!?!?

    Current Mood: pissed off
    Friday, November 7th, 2003
    2:22 pm
    my first entry
    my first entry shall begin like so...

    was nice to see em today ya know. lil rae agreed with me and made a rather undeniable comment. i told rae to not be unfaithful in a jokingly way. rae knows what rae's got anyhow. rae wouldn't do anything stupid.

    anywho, enough talking in third person...found out that im allowed to go on the ski trip, but chubby cakes can't go after all:( apparently, her mom says yes but her stepdad says she can't with 'no arguments'...argh, don't u hate it when people who aren't even related to you try to control you lives? >_< im still praying that nessa can go cuz it won't be as much fun rooming with someone else without her being there...

    when i saw em, puryavil told me that em's got a bad attitude, but i don't think its true. like em a lot, but don't want a repeat of the summer to happen again. i mean, that was bad enough of damage cuz i was...well...i was destructive. really destructive. in pain. angered. controlled and overcome by madness. suicidal.

    BUT

    that is not me anymore. it was a part of me. the pain will never go away. NEVER. no matter how much it may seem that i am alright, i will tell this: it will never be ok. things can't go back to the way it seemed before. i was the victim who was taken for granted and taken advantage of. but i am unstoppable. cuz you can't hurt me.

    don't try to trick me, im not stupid.
    don't try to lie to me, im not buying it.
    don't try to hurt me, im not afraid.
    don't try to change me, you're not worth it.
    don't try at all, im not gonna be there.

    ^that up there would be a rock royalty original^

    i am pretty strong with my poetry shit when it comes down to my feelings.
    gonna close this up for now, until my next entry =D
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