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is the juice worth the squeeze?? [17 May 2005|07:10pm]
[ mood | tired ]

its the morning after
when the party is over
all the people have left
now its just you
with you groggy memories and stomach ache
you're back to where you started
all the problems with a side order of hate

Ok so it's been a while. Well here we go, i've been through so much. It seems like the past few months were a never ending sagga of partying, drama with boys (BOYS not men, i had to make that clear), and school work on top of school work. This all ended a few days ago when i took my last exam and moved back home. One of the hardest things i had to do was take the sheets off my bed and look at my bare side of the room. That bed held the most memories for me. So many things i want to remember forever, but i already feel them slipping away. First time with Drew, ALL those times with Drew. Sitting and talking with my room mates, my friends, watching movies, passing out, spending hours laying there with a hangover, doing chemistry or biology, those times with Dom...when he came to me on valentines day holding a packet of twizzlers and we slept for an hour just holding eachother becasue we were both soo fucking lost. Falling asleep with Vic all those times, all our talks, and him leading me on..haha awsome....anyway...that bed changed my life in so many ways. Its funny really...It makes me excited for next year...what will my bed be like and who will be in it with me. Who will i have long talks with or fool around with after too many beers haha. what kind of jello shots will get spilled on my comforter and what tv show will i lay down and watch every week with my buds. As you can tell i miss college so much. I guess you dont realize how much of your life it becomes and how much you change. Being back in coventry for not evey 2 weeks makes me go insane...i dont just want..i need to get out on my own. I need my own place. I need to be away from the town that makes me feel too small, not good enough, like ill be stuck here forever if i dont leave now. Every day i find something to do that gets me out. I went to joannes just to look at fabric just so that i didnt have to be here, i go running in bolton because its not coventry....i know jen feels the same way. we miss our friends and out live...also our bagels and stealing lemons for taking shots. God i just want it to be fall again. Im actually excited to start my summer class just so that i can see a couple of my friends again. Anyway enough about my obsession with college..hmm whatelse is there...
Well i have been really fickle about any sort of relationship in my life. I really dont want one. I dont want any kind of interest in anyone right now. It just bores me and there is just nothing that seems to change my mind. The other night i was at this big party and atleast 5 cute guys hit on me and tried to talk to me...i mean i was nice an everything but just couldnt for the life of me get interested in any of them in anyway. Ya they were cute but i just want friends right now. I dont know how i suddenly changed like that. But then there are those times when i see people holding hands and wish that i had that...but i know now that it takes time and patience to get there...right now...i dont have either. I dont have time for a relationship or any of that shit. And it is shit...you spend soo much energy in something like that..ugg it just makes me annoyed thinking about it haha. Maybe im just a bitter jerk haha. Oh well. And i started working at this groomers down the road, its a good job. Yep this is my life. I've started making dinner at night and cleaning the house. I run on my days off because my feet hurt too much lately. I do the grocery shopping and the dishes. I AM SOO READY for an appartment. I just need another job to pay for it. damn. welll....This is the end of my update for now.

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[14 Dec 2004|01:06am]
..........We walked lonely streets and got to know ourselves..........
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