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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in
David's Blurty:
| Friday, November 4th, 2005 | |
| 1:03 am | I'll update SOMETIME.. Good god, my life has seriously changed completely =] You'll see.. But for now The BEER PRAYER... Our Lager, Which art in barrels, Hallowed be thy drink. Thy will be drunk, I will be drunk, At home as it is in the tavern. Give us this day our foamy head, and forgive us our spillages, as we forgive those who spill against us. And lead us not to incarceration, But deliver us from hangovers. For Thine is the beer, the bitter, THE lager. Barman. |
| Wednesday, May 25th, 2005 | |
| 10:44 pm | Another night A long time ago, I felt the need to leave this place. Though at the time, it was winter, it was much like tonight. I don't feel like leaving, no, but as I don this black sweater, I kind of laugh. It was continually my promise for returning. I'd leave it with her, saying "i'll come back for it, i'd never leave it." But hah, I left it one last time. So it was destroyed. I guess i'm never going back. Thank goodness. Well, it's a year later.. Really. hehe. The 20th was her and her boyfriend's anniversary. I've got another one of those jackets. I think its kind of funny. You always get more chances. Sometimes at night, I dream of myself. The person in my dreams is my ghost. The ghost of Cofer, being me. This jacket has been with me, or well, not THIS one, but this jacket, in most of my memories of who I am. That hasn't been very much, considering I only consider myself being alive at 15. Everything else was my childhood. But nobody really remembers it. But anyway, in those nights, where I am me without hindrance, I know it's who I am.. So tonight, being one of those nights, where I go outside, and I have to wear the jacket to stay warm, I know that if I wander the streets all I will think about is my life. I might end up on the overpass, looking at the freeway. I pop in a System of a Down CD, mostly Steal this Album! because it's tied to my traveling. It feels so much like that night I went to jersey, really. So am I to go wandering? I mean, that's all I ever do, think about my life. I don't think i'm going to accomplish very great things in the eyes of man. I don't know. But I know i'm probably going to die wearing this piece of cloth. I hope I get buried in it. This is who I am. Tonight, I bare myself. I pop in steal this album! and wonder where she is. I had come home from work with a headache, and took a nap. I look forward to every moment, I don't know why. The butterflies in my stomach turn, as usual. That's all they ever do. Make my life living hell, damn those fucking butterflies. So what am I to do? I'm going to look up the bus schedule. Because i've got to get on with my life. I've gotta get things done. My truck, lost it's brakes. So fuck it, i'm gonna sell it, once I fix it. Y'know? That oughta give me some extra cash. I don't know what for. I wanna go to school. I'd love to. So fuck, I guess i'm stuck being who I am. I hope she is, too. |
| Saturday, May 21st, 2005 | |
| 12:17 am | QUESTION! Sweet berries ready for two Ghosts are no different than you Ghosts are now waiting for you Are you Sweet berries ready for two Ghosts are no different than you Ghosts are now waiting for you Are you dreaming Dreaming the night Dreaming all right Do we, do we know When we fly When we, when we go Do we die Sweet berries ready for two Ghosts are no different than you Ghosts are now waiting for you Are you Sweet berries ready for two Ghosts are no different than you Ghosts are now waiting for you Are you dreaming Dreaming the night Dreaming all right Do we, do we know When we fly When we, when we go Do we die Do we, do we know When we fly When we, when we go Do we die |
| Thursday, May 12th, 2005 | |
| 1:20 am | Uh huh. You know, I would update with a great severity, except I know that the words I feel are wise, mean nothing to any one other than myself. The things I have found, only can have meaning to me. So whatever wisdom has been collected in my mind, the only place it can exist is in my mind. I can try and talk you into things, or talk sense out of things, but then our minds would collide. I can not change anything now. It is up to the world to decide. I've got to find my outlets, my escape. Or, my direction. I cannot leave this place, I do not know why. I can't move on. I can't feel anything but what I have. This is who I am, it's who I am going to be. For the past week, every day I have wanted to cease living. I have tried my best to move my mind onto other things. I went and saw Kingdom of Heaven. Good quotable movie. Good stuff. But the truth is, the only sense in the madness in my mind, lies in what has already been said. My son will be the leader of our nation. Not America. What do I mean, by "our nation?" Every day, I see my people more and more. And every day, I realize just how much it means to me. But, hell, if time is what you want, it's all I have. I'll be here. ~Wakan Tanka, spirit of all faiths, Guide her with the hand that I cannot, Dry her tears on the shoulder I do not possess, Warm her body with the fire that is not inside me, And love her in the way I have yet to do. But please, great spirit, she's mine, don't hold her for too long, Because I don't want to whip my grandfather's ass. P'dama, Tunka'shina. =] p.s. I can't help but love you, Red. It's stopped me from moving on before, and its doing it again. This is my fate, and I accept it more gladly than the black dog inside me. p.s.s. Good quote from the movie; "I am sorry for all my sins.. except one. *Dies*" Current Mood:  melancholyCurrent Music: Dances with Wolves - Menu Soundtrack |
| Wednesday, May 11th, 2005 | |
| 1:24 am | Know  Cursed Earth, Cursed Earth, Cursed Earth, Cursed Earth. I will never feed off the evergreen luster of your heart all because we all live in the valley of the walls when we speak we can peak from the windows of their mouths to see the land the women chant as they fly up to the sun. You never think you know why, Know, You never think you know why, Know, You never think you know why, Know, Ever think you know why, Know. Books all say different things while people flap their yellow wings trying to soar by being a whore of life and almost everything the sheep that ran off from the herd may be dead but now's a bird able to fly able to die able to break your cursed earth You never think you know why, Know, You never think you know why, Know, You never think you know why, Know, Ever think you know why, Know. On the other side, on the other side, the other side, Do you ever try to fly, Do you ever try to fly? Have you ever wanted to die, you ever want to die? Don't ever try to fly, don't ever try to fly, Don't ever try to fly, unless you leave your body on the other side, Never try to die, you ever try to die. Know, You never think you know why, Know, You never think you know why, Know, You never think you know why, Know, Ever think you know why, Know. Watch them all fall down, Revolution, the only solution, The armed response of an entire nation, Revolution, the only solution, We've taken all your shit, now it's time for restitution. The plan was mastered and called Genocide (Never want to see you around) Took all the children and then we died, (Never want to see you around) The few that remained were never found, (Never want to see you around) All in a system , Down~ Current Mood:  discontentCurrent Music: Soad - Know |
| Saturday, May 7th, 2005 | |
| 12:20 am | Atwa  |
| 12:06 am | My tears they wash off Its almost like I am dying Except I am not crying No longer do the sores leak fluid But my wounds are still open They do not leak my life anymore The knife is still imbedded in my abdomen I can't pry it loose its stuck too deep A cold feeling eminates from the blade's presence The drowsiness opens up a new existence A new awareness screams into my face My face is wet from crying, or so I think What is that running down my cheek? I don't feel anything to know the pain But the blade is still too deep Won't you pull it out of me? |
| Friday, May 6th, 2005 | |
| 12:35 am | This shit.. I hate this shit. I want to ride that two wheeled machine, and I want to ride it far. I have dreams. People shoot them down, sometimes. But your life is so damn short, you have to hold onto those dreams. Its all I have, its all I want my children to have of me. Because that's who I am, really. I tried figuring it out without you, but I can't. You see, we're stuck this way. We can go our seperate ways, but all we feel is an empty space. A filler. We both know the truth, we alway have. Its our actions though, that define our futures. That's something worth living for. Though I do appreciate the people I have, there's only one I am always going to be awake with. I don't know what's going on, and maybe this is how it is. We're animals, and wolves mate for life. I can't help it. The chemicals in my brain make it this way. I've tried otherwise, but I can't. Still, I can't. I've figured it out before, and I can't. I just gotta be alone now. I want to ride that vehicle westward, and have no ties to hold me down. Money holds me down. People hold me back. Gotta have money for gas. Gotta have a steady job for money. I want to find the place where the dog soldiers live. Maybe they'd kill me. But that's the only way to do it, is to do it the traditional way. I'm tired of living on this daily schedule. I run on indian time inside. I know you do, too. What's stopping us? I've got most of it figured out. All we have to do is act. Maybe you're scared. But it takes team-work. That's what I need. Because if that kid is gonna live, he has to have a culture. Those roots need a place to grow. To me, that's all that matters. The next generation. Does that make me insane? Maybe its the animal-instinct. That's all I give a damn about. I am very judgemental, and I am very shallow. I do not let people in, if I don't see that spirit. If I don't see their eyes are open, and they have a being. I've been places before. Out west. There is land where you can walk and no one sees you. It's gonna be a hard life, though. Rain, snow. I don't know how i'd make it, without help. That's all I give a fuck about, Ha! That dream. Does it matter? It's impossible. Because the world won't back me up. I gotta figure out who will. I went searching for that partner, somebody to spend the nights with. Is that another animal instinct? I've been in the bad parts of relationships. I had bad etiquette. There's a certain respect which I didn't have. Until I read something recently. I got severely smuckered last night. Too much Tequila. I blacked out. I've only ever did that once before, and that was with a bong, with Awol Jon. I don't know what I did. I was fine, for a while. I was numb. Nothin' was going to shake me. But then I quit lying. I'm who I am, and you're there with me. We have to come to an agreement, some sort of deal. Because I can't live without team-work. Not when you depend on others for some things. We had a problem talking about the one thing we share. But now we don't. I was trying to explain it, but then I guess I used too many words. It's pretty simple, it's the name of a song you listen to, and got me listening to. That's my dream. I want to be wild, at least once. Return to Innocence. You know what happened when the gods chained Fenrir? He bit off Tyr's hand. |
| Tuesday, May 3rd, 2005 | |
| 10:58 pm | Hero of the Day Mama they try and break me The window burns to light the way back home A light that warms no matter where they've gone They're off to find the hero of the day But what if they should fall by someone's wicked way Still the window burns Time so slowly turns (the council slowly turns) And someone there is sighing Keepers of the flames (Children of the plains) Do ya feel your name? Did you hear your babies crying? Mama they try and break me Still they try and break me 'Scuze me while I tend to how I feel These things return to me that still seem real Now deservingly this easy chair But the rocking stopped by wheels of despair Don't want your aid But the fist I've made For years can't hold or feel No, I'm not all me So please excuse me While I tend to how I feel But now the dreams and waking screams That ever last the night So build the wall, behind the crawl And hide until it's light So can you hear your babies cryin' now? Still the window burns Time so slowly turns (the council slowly turns) And someone there is sighing Keepers of the flames (Children of the plains) Did you hear your names? Did you hear your babies crying? But now the dreams and waking screams That ever last the night So build the wall, behind the crawl And hide until it's light So can't you hear your babies cryin' now? Mama they try and break me |
| 1:33 am | I've gotta figure this song out... My cock is much bigger than yours My cock can walk right through the door With a feeling so pure It's got you screaming back for more. cool, in denial We're the cruel regulators smoking CIGARO CIGARO CIGARO cool, in denial We're the cruel regulators smoking CIGARO CIGARO CIGARO My shit stinks much better than yours, My shit stinks right back through the floor. With a feeling so pure, It's got you coming back for more. cool, in denial We're the cruel regulators smoking CIGARO CIGARO CIGARO cool, in denial We're the cruel regulators smoking CIGARO CIGARO CIGARO cool, in denial We're the cruel regulators smoking CIGARO CIGARO CIGARO cool, in denial We're the cruel regulators smoking CIGARO CIGARO CIGARO Can't you see that I love my cock? Can't you see that you love my cock? Can't you see that we love my cock? We're the regulators that de-regulate We're the animators that de-animate We're the propagators of all genocide Burning through the world's resources, then we turn and hide cool, in denial We're the cruel regulators smoking CIGARO CIGARO CIGARO cool, in denial We're the cruel regulators smoking CIGARO CIGARO CIGARO We're the regulators that de-regulate We're the animators that de-animate cool, in denial We're the cruel regulators smoking CIGARO CIGARO CIGARO cool, in denial We're the cruel regulators smoking CIGARO CIGARO CIGARO My cock is much bigger than yours, My cock can walk right through the door With a feeling so pure It's got you screaming back for more! |
| Sunday, May 1st, 2005 | |
| 10:09 am | But the cold hard reality.. Tells me that I am who I am, and people treat me the way they get me. The way you percieve me is the way I let you get me. There are times I cannot control myself, and then there are times I can. I can decieve you, or I can be honest. If you cannot accept me for who I am, then don't. I thought that some people try changing others, without accepting who they are first. But then I realize that this person will never accept someone for who they are. They don't care about love, and what it means to forgive. Personally, I believe in brutal honesty before anything else. Then I believe in tactiful deception, in moments where I find things to be stressing. That's only to get away. I wonder why he doesn't understand. Maybe its like I said, the white people don't really listen. I've only had one person listen to me and comprehend my exact meaning. That's the indian way. You know all that bullshit about the talking stick? Yeah. The world just needs a big one of those. Sometimes people have alot to say, though. That's okay, because those people have complicated words. And sometimes it just takes more time for their words to mean something to those who don't understand. It takes time. Some people just don't give it enough time. My weekend has been shot completely. I have done some fun things, but inside, I feel like i've been run-over by a tractor in the rain. There's somebody I need, and I hope they understand the things I do. For us. I don't know why its this way, but it is. I've always been running, chasing life. And you have caught up with me. Don't hate me for friday. "Everybody's going to the party, have a real good time Dancing in the desert, blowing up the sunshine.." |
| Thursday, April 28th, 2005 | |
| 1:39 am | Whoever I May Be Concerned With It's moments like this that make me question everything. Completely. Moments where things I love leave. Stuff that you can't replace goes away. It makes me wonder who I am. It makes me wish I was somebody better, so that I could attract the good things. But then, afterwards.. I look at all these imperfections that have been applied to me.. And that must be me. So whoever listens to what I have to say, when I speak, really must know me. The things I do, the things I say, that is just an expression of myself. But not always do people speak their inner voice. I have to. Or else I won't know who I am. So what I have, obviously, is meant for me. Who is with me, must be meant to be there. All I have, is all that I am ever going to have. I am proud of what I have achieved, because I have achieved it. The things I do alone, no man can conquer. It is a singular moment, and it can never be redone. I have to achieve many things yet, but in the end, I have to be able to look back and not regret a single damn thing. I'll miss some people, but its what they wanted. Some of them come and go. Some stay forever. I just want people to stay. Where else is there to go? |
| Monday, April 25th, 2005 | |
| 2:03 pm | BYOB! Why do they always send the poor? My God is of Bible blood with pointed ears Victorious, victorious steel Can your spending kneel? Marching forward hypocritic And hypnotic computers You depend on our protection Yet you feed us lies from the tablecloth La la la la la la la la la la Everybody is going to the party Have a real good time Dancing in the desert Blowing up the sunshine Kneeling roses Disappearing into Moses' dry mouth Breaking into Fort Knox Stealing our intentions Every city, gripped in oil Crying freedom! Handed to obsoletion Still you feed us lies from the tablecloth la la la la la la la la la la Everybody is going to the party Have a real good time Dancing in the desert Blowing up the sunshine Everybody is going to the party Have a real good time Dancing in the desert Blowing up the sunshine Blast off, it's party time And we all live in a fascist nation Blast off, it's party time And where the fuck are you? Where the fuck are you? Where the fuck are you? Why don't presidents fight the war? Why do they always send the poor? Why don't presidents fight the war? Why do they always send the poor? Why do they always send the poor? Why do they always send the poor? Why do they always send the poor? Kneeling roses Disappearing into Moses' dry mouth Breaking into Fort Knox Stealing our intentions Every city, gripped in oil Crying freedom! Handed to a obsoletion Still you feed us lies from the tablecloth la la la la la la la la la la Everybody is going to the party Have a real good time Dancing in the desert Blowing up the sunshine Everybody is going to the party Have a real good time Dancing in the desert Blowing up the sun Where the fuck are you? Where the fuck are you? Why don't presidents fight the war? Why do they always send the poor? Why don't presidents fight the war? Why do they always send the poor? Why do they always send the poor? Why do they always send the poor? Why do they always send the poor? Why do they always send the poor? Why do they always send the poor? They always send the poor! They always send the poor! |
| Friday, April 22nd, 2005 | |
| 9:49 am | Restless She embraced, with a smile As she opened the door. A cold wind blows, it puts a chill into her heart. You have taken away the trust, you're the ghost haunting through her heart. Past and present are one in her head, you're the ghost haunting through her heart. Take my hand as I wonder through, All my life I gave to you. Take my hand as I wonder through, All my love I gave to you. You have taken away the trust, you're the ghost haunting through her heart. Take my hand as I wonder through, All my life I gave to you. Take my hand as I wonder through, All my love I gave to you. ---------------------------------------- Been doing normal. Kind of shitty. Which is normal. Yeah. Real fuggin' normal for me. I go to prom tomorrow with Laci. Mom asked me to go, and she needed a date, so I am going. I have to wear a penguin suit. But you know what? I spent extra money so I could look good. Yeah. No shame in that. I think Hannah's angry at me. She'd have the right, I guess. My sister is still stuck up Martha's ass. I wish that would quit. I fucking hate potheads. All of 'em. Whether they're stoned or not. |
| Saturday, April 9th, 2005 | |
| 12:33 am | I'm running into some problems. Few times before, have I ever considered killing myself. But in the past few months, the thought has crossed my mind, and it didn't seem so bad. That's a problem. I go over what i've done and said. And I realize that people see a problem. That I speak about problems. I have a voice recording of myself and Hannah talking on the phone.. I don't remember from when. I could probably figure out.. Ah. March 22nd. It was probably a few days after we started talking. You can't hear me speaking in these recordings.. But I said something about not existing. She said she thought otherwise. I don't belong in this world. I hate this place. Tonight sucked major ass.. I don't know what's going on. I've never shut my brain off completely like I did. I couldn't stand it. I can't stand being around people I don't like. So I don't know what the fuck is going on.. Woo. Blah. I should go to sleep. I wish I had some beer. Dude is supposed to bring me some, but I am getting tired. I want to go to sleep.. Sleep is just as effective. I guess.. Well, parts of the day were good, at least. But I can sense the badness rising. I just gotta figure out what the hell is going on. |
| Friday, April 1st, 2005 | |
| 11:22 pm | Spiders The piercing radiant moon, The storming of poor June, All the life running through her hair, Approaching guiding light, Our shallow years in fright, Dreams are made winding through my head, Through my head, Before you know, Awake, Your lives are open wide, The V-chip gives them sight, All the life running through her hair, The spiders all in tune, The evening of the moon, Dreams are made winding through my head, Through my head, Before you know, Awake Through my head, Before you know, Before you know I will be waiting all awake, Dreams are made winding through her hair, Dreams are made winding through her hair. |
| Wednesday, March 30th, 2005 | |
| 12:23 am | Bwah! I have nothing to say to anybody really. So i'm gonna do the lyrics thing again.  ATWA Hey you, see me, pictures crazy, All the world I've seen before me passing by, I've got, nothing, to gain, to lose, All the world I've seen before me passing by, You don't care about how I feel, I don't feel it anymore, You don't care about how I feel, I don't feel it anymore You don't care about how I feel, I don't feel it anymore, You don't care about how I feel, I don't feel it anymore. Hey you, are me, not so pretty, All the world I've seen before me passing by, Silent my voice, I've got no choice All the world I've seen before me passing by, You don't care about how I feel, I don't feel it anymore, You don't care about how I feel, I don't feel it anymore You don't care about how I feel, I don't feel it anymore, You don't care about how I feel, I don't feel it anymore I don't see, anymore, I don't hear, anymore, I don't speak anymore, I don't feel. Hey you, see me, pictures crazy, All the world I've seen before me passing by, I've got, nothing, to gain, to lose, All the world I've seen before me passing by, You don't care about how I feel, I don't feel it anymore, You don't care about how I feel, I don't feel it anymore You don't care about how I feel, I don't feel it anymore, You don't care about how I feel, I don't feel it anymore I don't sleep, anymore, I don't eat, anymore, I don't live anymore, I don't feel. The past two weeks have been enlightening for myself, and relieving. I don't feel shitty anymore In fact, I feel as wonderful as I did when I was in Amtgard. My chaotic energy is back, and I feel 15 again. I've met someone, too. Things have changed, and I feel clean.. But whatever. I'll just get judged for whatever I do. I don't wanna be around people, when all that spews from their mouth is bullshit and drama. Your life cannot be completely controlled by other people as it is. My sister's acting strange, Martha came by last night, and I left immediately. I went and visited my friend at their house. That was fun. I am scared of that place. Too clean. =] Whatever.. i'll post later, when things are even better. Current Mood:  crazyCurrent Music: WT - Running Up that Hill |
| Tuesday, March 15th, 2005 | |
| 10:59 pm | MP Maybe In this world you tried not leaving me alone behind. There’s no other way. I prayed to the gods let him stay. The memories ease the pain inside, now I know why. Chorus: All of my memories keep you near. In silent moments imagine you here. All of my memories keep you near. Your silent whispers, silent tears. Made me promise I’d try to find my way back in this life. I hope there is a way to give me a sign you’re ok. Reminds me again it’s worth it all so I can go on. Chorus: All of my memories keep you near. In silent moments imagine you here. All of my memories keep you near. Your silent whispers, silent tears. Together in all these memories I see your smile. All the memories I hold dear. Darling, you know I will love you until the end of time. Chorus: All of my memories keep you near. In silent moments imagine you here. All of my memories keep you near. Your silent whispers, silent tears. All of my memories.... |
| Monday, March 14th, 2005 | |
| 1:29 am | This song is overused. I wanted you to know I love the way you laugh I wanna hold you high and steal your pain away I keep your photograph; I know it serves me well I wanna hold you high and steal your pain Cause Im broken when I’m open And I don’t feel like I am strong enough Cause I’m broken when I’m lonesome And I don’t feel right when you’re gone away The worst is over now and we can breathe again I wanna hold you high, you steal my pain away There’s so much left to learn, and no one left to fight I wanna hold you high and steal your pain Cause Im broken when I’m open And I dont feel like I am strong enough Cause Im broken when I’m lonesome And I dont feel right when you’re gone away Cause Im broken when I’m open And I dont feel like I am strong enough Cause Im broken when I’m lonesome And I dont feel right when you’re gone away Current Mood: moroseCurrent Music: But its damn right =] |
| Friday, March 11th, 2005 | |
| 12:50 am | They all tell me to get over you. Is that what you want? Am I really just a crush, that you finally gave up on? That's very shallow.. but then, you gave me so many reasons, sent me off in so many directions, I still don't believe it all. I know something is up. It was that way before. I know that when I die, if any one comes to my mind you'll be one of the first. But to you that's infatuation. Mortality seeps into me. You should really hear the wind chime at night. It's one of the last few comforts i'm finding. I wish you'd come home. But then, you've never wanted to really be with me, have you? Have I always been just that teenage girl fantasy, that crush, the unattainable? You can't keep me, you say. You should've held on then.. My lifestyle, you do not regret. The only thing that allows this, is for you to make the right actions. If you do something, and you regret it later, that means you did the wrong thing. You can't just say "I don't regret anything." You have to be able to accomplish something, before you regret it. Yukimura is a cross-dresser. Too much Sake'. |