Jonny Kathman's Blurty
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Below are the 11 most recent journal entries recorded in
Jonny Kathman's Blurty:
| Friday, August 29th, 2003 | | 5:01 pm |
peep...yes? smmooooooorrrre cookies?
i suppose a couple of people would like to know what the hell my problem was after the radiohead concert. well lemme first say that it WASNT radioheads fault. they were perfect. more than perfect. as a matter of fact the only time i enjoyed was spent in about an hour and a half, and that was when they were playing. no, my problem was that i had to sit in the BACK fucking SEAT the whole time, that is of course except for the HOUR AND A HALF that i drove going to the fucking place. then i was left feeling stupid because i could not sell my extra ticket. well it was MY TICKET, and if i DIDNT want another person to go with us, then THATS WHAT WAS GONNA HAPPEN. the "company" that i had were the ones leaving me feel this way about the ticket. i dont understand what the hell they were so worried about it for. i started to believe that they just liked making me feel stupid. then i was looked down upon for getting us there so early. well SORRRRRRRRY. i figured getting there early would be better than being late. well, because the owner of the vehicle we were driving wasnt prepared with the proper amount of fuel, we had to leave and get more. i was expected to pump the gas because the "company" i was keeping wasnt SMART enough to figure out how to stick the fucking hose into the fucking gas tank.
when i went in to pay for the fuel, i noticed one of the persons i was with was holding TWO waters, and assumed that this person was being kind and buying me a water, or at least holding one for me. i also assumed this because the other person was holding only ONE water, one plus two is three, which was how many people were there. upon asking if that was for me he said in a very sarcastic and ass-hole(ish) voice "uh, no....they're for me..." which made me again feel stupid and less important.
after getting my own water, we got back to the venue and proceeded to walk in, but because i had opened my fucking water, they wouldnt let me take it in. those fuckers. so i was waterless, and bothered already.
then we waited for one of us to get a fucking t-shirt, which took fifteen minutes. you see, bucko, we had SEATS which meant we could complete such a task ANY TIME.....then they made me feel stupid for wanting to just sit down and wait for the bands to come on. UHM, THATS WHAT YOU DO AT CONCERTS....YOU WAIT TILL THEY COME ON. I GUESS AT BOY SETS FIRE SHOWS AND OTHER STUPID BAND SHOWS YOU DONT HAVE TO, BUT THATS CAUSE THEY SUCK, AND RADIOHEAD DOESNT.
after the show, i was hungry. this is where i REALLY got angry. after waiting an hour and a half in the car, instead of hanging around the tour buses like i would have wanted to do, we finally got out of the parking lot. we stopped at a gas station and noticed that taco bell was PACKED....instead of suggesting we go somewhere else, one of the others took the liberty of stating in a demanding manner that we would not stop at the taco bell. i requested that we stop at another one at another exit, and finally it seemed that i MIGHT get what i want!
well no way....instead the two carnivours (sp?) i was with saw a fucking 24 hr resturant that sold meat sandwiches and shit. well im A FUCKING VEGETARIAN, and i knew there wasnt anything there for me to eat. but they didnt care, and they never stopped anywhere for me to eat, because they are selfish fuckers. so for three hours i layed in the back seat, by myself, while they played road games and had the time of their lives, not even ONCE asking me if i'd like to play. but you know what i would have said if they asked????
NO! FUCK YOU YA PIECE OF SHIT! YOU SLOPPY MOUNTAIN OF DIRTY TESTICLE WARTS! YOU HYPOCRITICAL MOUND OF OLD PIMPLE PUS! YOU DREADFUL CRATE OF STALE APE PUKE!!! FUCK OFF!~
Current Mood: pissed off
Current Music: NONE. | | Sunday, August 3rd, 2003 | | 2:49 am |
hi
bye | | Tuesday, July 15th, 2003 | | 3:28 pm |
hm.
today, i woke up and had coffee with jeff lohrber. evan spent the nite last nite. also, last nite was at the begining great, but turned into a disaster (again). because this site obviously seems to be the means of communication between danielle and i (which is a little sad really, cause we should be able to be this honest face to face, thats what couples do, and thats what makes a relationship a good one) i guess i will tell mister computer all about my deep, dark, scary places. im at odds with the way this relationship is going. its not doing what i would like for it to do at all. although she (you, whatever) means a lot to me, there are a lot of things that arent right. for one, she seems to only TRULY enjoy herself in the company of others. second, i continue to feel that my being around is OK but not good enough. now because i know you will be reading this, i say to you that i UNDERSTAND you claim this is not true, but you are doing something wrong because you are sending a completely different msg. i dont know why. these mixed up messages are mixing me up and i dont know how to deal with it really. im losing my MIND. no, i dont want to break up. yes, you she whatever means a lot to me but i would like to enjoy myself around her, you, arrgh.....and id like you to do the same....
im going to sleep s'more now...whatever it is thats causing you to act this way, thats causing this relationship to kinda suck, it needs to purchase a bus ticket, drive to the cincinnati airport, take a plane to greece and eat shit and die, because its fucking up what could be a terrific relationship with a terrific and beautiful girl.
aahhh diddums
Current Mood: wannakillmeself
Current Music: bloog...........wsoeihngbbbbbbbbbbbbbQ(I*@^$( | | Monday, July 14th, 2003 | | 1:37 am |
uhm...(pt 2)
ok that wasnt all. i really hate the smell that cigarettes emit. it is disgusting. and i hate the taste. when you kiss a person who smokes its like licking a goddamn ashtray. i hate ash trays. ash trays are disgusting. they are tinylittle plates or bowls or whatfuckingever that hold bits of ash. mmm tasty.
blurty, i suppose you can tell im a bit annoyed the moment. and its the little things that add up to this display of aggrivation and frustration. and im tired. i work a lot and i deal with a lot of fucking goddamn stress goddamnit. goddamnit goddamnit goddamnit fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck shit. stressssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss......its whats for dinner.
"uh oh, he doesnt look happy. he's been usin brand exsssssssssssss.......but when you use 'joker' brand, i get a grin, again and again and again. that lucious tan. those ruby lips! and hair color, so natural, only your undertaker knows for sure!!! I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE SAYING! where can i get these fine, new items!?!?!? well kids, thats the gag. chances are, YOU BOUGHT EM ALREADY!"
Current Mood: stressed the fuck out
Current Music: shit | | 1:34 am |
uhm....
i hate when people display multiple personality disorders. and i hate cigarettes. tis all. | | Tuesday, July 1st, 2003 | | 5:19 pm |
...and the depression sets in.
good evening. well, not really. you see, today could have and should have been a really nice day. it was nice out, i didnt have to work, and that gave me free time all day to spend with danielle and friends. this morning was fine. i got my run in today, and evan made a sincere attempt to run also, but found much difficulty. then i took him home and called up danielle to confirm our plans to hang out. then i went over and as we proceeded to head out i called evan to see if he and melissa were going with us. danielle happened to hear me mention going to a drive-in movie this evening, and her mood seemingly changed. i asked her what was wrong and she proceeded to display her dis-like for drive in movies. this is where the afternoon went sour.
i asked if she would go and without reason she continued to say "no". the drive to the nature preserve was quiet and dismal. upon arriving, it was again mostly quiet, and a lot of "what's wrong?'s" and "nuthin's".
now, i dont know about you, computer, but when you've been dating somone for a while and it seems they dont like to do much, especially with you, that consists of going somewhere or doing something other than laying around, you assume the worst. the worst is that the person doesnt like being with you, or that the person finds you to be extremely boring. also, this person could also be acting this way because things are bothering them all the time.
anyways, because she didnt want to continue on the trail at the preserve (because wading was necessary in the embarking of the journey) our time spent there was cut short. we sat in the car and i asked her "what am i doing wrong?"
to make a long story short, we got into a heavy discussion about problems and depression. its no secret now that i have attempted suicide twice in my life, and was troubled with an eating disorder. i was a pretty sick guy for a while. and although i am no expert at depression or the psychology of persons plagued with depression, i think i know a thing or two about it.
danielle seemed to not want help with the things bothering her. as a matter of fact, she simply stated "i dont want anyones help". this frightens me. it scares me because when someone bottles these things up like she is, they will either have a nervous breakdown or attempt suicide, or both. it scares me because danielle can be a terrific person to be around, pending her mood allows. and i truely care about her a lot. and im sure she is reading this and thinking im a shit head for caring, but i cannot help it. so this is for you, danielle:
"you scare and worry me a lot with the way you act. i feel hopeless in helping you because you reject my help. you reject all help, in fact, and that makes me sad. i would like for you to enjoy life and your time with not just me, but with everyone and anyone in your life. you have family and friends who care about you, and i am one of those people. i would like to be able to enjoy my time with you as well. so please, figure out what it is i can do to help you. dont do it just for me, either, but for yourself. "
Current Mood: scared
Current Music: none. | | Monday, June 30th, 2003 | | 11:20 am |
vegan madness
Hello. Today i am embarking on a new, exciting journey. I am going to attempt Veganism, for the second time in my life. I think this will be the most difficult thing to do in my life right now, because i've always eaten dairy products and some meats and have been fond of both the two up until recently. I believe the hardest part will be excluding dairy from my diet, because i LOVE milk. But, you see, I also enjoy soy milk, so i dont think all hope is lost. I believe that Veganism is a great way to eat healthy and eliminate most junk foods out of your diet entirely. It has been proven to cleanse out the body, and thank god that it is filled with carbohydrates, otherwise i would be shit outta luck (because i run A LOT).
It also gives me the opportunity to cook more. Because being vegan means that you cannot eat anything that comes from animals (dairy, eggs, honey, lard, meats, etc) it makes it difficult to just go out and get a bite to eat. You have to cook for yourself most of the time. But i think that will be fun.
well i have to get ready for work. I have to work with this ridiculous bastard named Jonathon. I cannot stand this guy. He keeps the same haircut ALL THE TIME, and does this annoying little hair "sift" with his hands, all the while shakind his head from side to side. And he thinks that he is intelligent (sp?), of course half the time im not so sure of my spelling, so who am i to talk? But anyway, he sucks, and i have to work with him. I hope Danielle stops out again, that would make my day at work bearable.
Current Mood: blah
Current Music: none. | | Sunday, June 29th, 2003 | | 10:56 am |
i hate sundays.
today seems to be a really nice day out. its just sunny enough to call it a "sunny day" but appears to not be so humid. unfortunately (sp?) for me, i have to work most of it. at work i do lots of things. first i come in usually late, and proceed to put my work shirt on. then i go to the restroom to wash up a bit, and begin popping pop corn. this is a tedious process, because first the machine must be turned on and warmed up. upon warming up, you turn the motor on and add all the repulsive ingredients that make up pop corn: popping oil, salt, butter, and corn. i hate pop corn.
after this, i cleanse the place a little, because it always appears that the last one to have worked didnt know how to clean up. then i sit, and wait, and gander at flies, and hope that someone comes along to see "the hulk" or "charlies angels". but once they get here, suddenly my attitude changes, and i wish they would go away, because i do not want to serve nasty ass popcorn nor do i want to remember large orders and the prices there of.
when the time comes to leave, i have done pretty much nothing productive, honestly. i've made popcorn, sold tickets, and sat on my ass, soaked head to toe in popping grease and tired as shit. no wonder im a twenty year old that still has acne. i bathe in oil every day.
Current Mood: hates work
Current Music: 2+2=5-Radiohead | | Saturday, June 28th, 2003 | | 1:30 pm |
Show At Cody's
Hello Console. Last nite my band The Minor Leagues and my other band Panic Data had a show, and lemme tell you that it was my favorite show i have ever played. We got amazing feedback. Everyone that was there seemed to truely enjoy our music and performance. Evan did an exceptional job, and i was told that i was the best drummer in Cincinnati. FAH... Ben was a bit drunk upon arriving to the "stage" however he did a terrific job. We sped the songs up a bit too, and i believe this was because we were nervous. Danielle and Melissa were trying to sell some of our cd's, and in doing so got themselves hit on by a couple of drung hooligans. These bafoons were ridiculous, and didn't seem to make the connection that they were with two guys from the bands that just played. Dumb bastards. But it was funny to watch, and listen to. The evening ended with us getting some white castle fries and smoking a bit, and it was off to sleep on the cold hard wood floor. I love waking from being stoned, because instead of a hang over, you wake up relaxed and refreshed. It is fabulous. Well i am off to get ready to run. Thanks for listening, computer.
Current Mood: calm
Current Music: Only the Begininng - The Minor Leagues | | Friday, June 27th, 2003 | | 12:40 am |
panic data re-animated.
good morning beautiful computer console. (sp?) I just returned from bringing Danielle home. She was watching and listening to the dynamic duo that is panic data....this consists of evan connair and myself. Danielle is my ever devoted fan and terrific girlfriend who seems to have much more faith in what i do than i have in myself. You see, panic data was also once known as memoranda, and being the shadow. It consisted of myself, Evan, Tom Rose, and Sam McCabe. We were an experimental rock band gone wrong. We practiced every now and then, and weren't very good. I started to feel that Tom and Sam were losing interest, because Tom would fuck shit up seemingly on purpose, and Sam would mope around at practice and was no longer pleasant to be around. I decided to end it with them because it was not going anywere. But recently i have been really getting into writing songs, and Evan, who has been more than devoted, is always there to lay the rhythm down. This helps me out because it lets me know what the songs will sound like. Anyway, we've been doing this acoustic thing, and i believe it is going to dig up the old panic data corpse and re-animate it into a beautiful angel. I think we sound so much better acoustically, because it makes the songs prettier and crisper. Plus, this means less band members to have their say in it, and less baggage. Tom is too busy hanging with the cool kids and listening to dmb, and Sam is way into his avant-garde shite. Panic data and The Minor Leagues both have a show tomorrow nite in cincinnati. I am completley excited, but today i felt the pressures of stress, which i could tell was affecting Danielle. Upon thinking about it, i felt bad. I get mean when i am stressed out. Sorry. Danille looked stunning today, as usual. She doesn't think so, but if there was anything i could change about her, it is the way she recieves compliments. She is damn beautiful but will not acknowledge this whatsoever. It saddens me. Tomorrow we are going to take a nap. I cannot wait.
Current Mood: tired
Current Music: commercial on t.v. terrible music. terrible. | | Thursday, June 26th, 2003 | | 10:06 am |
This site seems really "Girly"
Hello. My name is john and this is my new online, open book, self exposing journal! This site, to me anyways, appears a bit "girlish". I dont know if it is because the word "blurty" sounds like the word "flirty", but whatever it is, i feel feminine. I guess i've always had a bit of feminine escence about myself, and i don't really know why this is. It seems that wherever i go or whoever i meet, many of them assume i am gay. Now, i truely don't understand this assumption, because i think women are goddesses and the most important of the two sexes. I find them overwhelmingly sexy, and yet, people think im "gay". Well i would have to say that kissing some of my guy friends hasn't helped this situation. But, you see, i believe that being able to jokingly kiss my friends and be comfortable with this behaviour shows that i am just that much more in tune with my sexuality. It in a sense shows that because i am not gay, i am more comfortable with my sexuality than, say a homophobic hillbilly, or a chevy truck driving hick.
Anyways, i've always attempted to start a journal, but i was always too lazy to keep it up, so i figured that since i waste my life away on the computer all nite, this would be a semi-productive way of doing so. I just might keep this journal thing up for a while.
Current Mood: eyes are crusty..just woke up.
Current Music: Radiohead-Go To Sleep |
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