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Thursday, April 12th, 2007
12:15 am - Hello
Even though this isn't my first time writing on here.....it's my first time in a long time! A lot has changed for me since then. I have become a stronger, wiser, more adult person. I have really found my idenity and it feels good. Well let's see...where shall i begin?

Let's look at my friends. Two of my close friends will be leaving me this semester and it's hard. One is graduating from our college, and one is going to school closer to home in Texas. It's sucks because they are the only two girls that I hang with for real for real at this school. I have guy friends that I am close too...but these...these are my running buddies. My fucking girls and they are leaving. I am going to be on my own...and you know what that sucks! I tried not to really think about it and block it out, but now that the school year is approaching it's end, i can't help but think about it and be sad!

My love life is not much glamous than my friendships. I was (well maybe still is, I don't know really) talking to this guy that we will call P (for Proper). P is a great guy; he is one of those guys that you know are everything that you can dream of if you are with them. He opens doors for me without me asking, he is just a gentlemen; but at the same time he is interesting, funny, a bit of a freak, he has swagger, and everything I could ever hope to get from one man. So..what's the problem? Well, it's been two months of talking (not much recently) and flirting but all in all it has not gone anywhere. We said that we were going to be "friends" but damn I didn't know he meant like this. I mean we have done like small stuff and not so small stuff..but as far as that nothing. He barely comes over, and I feel like I am still at stage 1 with him when it should have progressed to stage 5 by now. Now that I am writing it out, I feel like I am over reacting, but if you knew the situation you would feel the same as I do. I am not the type of girl who tries to get more than what a guy saids he is willing to give. I am such a guy myself when it comes to relationships. P drives me crazy! I think about him all the time and I know that he likes me; but something is keeping him back. I think it's his ex. He said that they are over and done with, but she has been calling and harassing him and asking to get back together. Some part of me thinks that he may still have something for her...I also think this is a bad time for him to have anyone in his life and i can respect. I wish he hadn't pursued me...I wasn't even looking at him like that, but he came after me. And now i am stuck out on a limb, with all these feelings i have for him, and he seems not so concerned with it. But at the same time I haven't talk to him about it. I don't want to make it into a big deal, I feel like it's not my place to say anything, but i just want to know how he feels so I can move on with my life if there isn't even a chance for anything and we could really be just friends! I am talking to other guys right now; it started as a way to get my mind off him, but it is starting to actually lead to attraction. I am actually interested in trying to pursue some options and I am.....i'll update on how that is working for me.

Other parts of my life:
I am working so hard at this particular greek organization that I am trying to become a part of. They have me doing the most insane things-like knowing everything about them, and I can't go here or there and do this or that; but at the same time I do understand why they are doing it. I want it so bad and my close friends know how hard I worked to get it. I am so dedicated and my intentions are so good, but they don't know that because they are stuck in the politics of it all. I am such a good candidate and I am one of the few that is in it for the right reasons...I just hope that they get a chance to see that! Even if they don't pick me (which i will try again), I hope they do pick people who are qualified!

I have a job now and it's great and I don't really do nothing!

That's about it for now...tune in next time for more of my fabolous..not so fabolous life!

current mood: gloomy
current music: "I need Love"

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