Suicide Notes and Butterfly Kisses....... Rachel's Blurty -- Entries
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[23 Mar 2004|10:35pm]
[ mood | chipper ]
[ music | meteora thinking about know who you are ]

Take my Quiz on!

w00t! take it, learn it, live it, love it. i dunno....just take it see how well you know me. and dont forget to put your name in the box that says enter your name BEFORE you take it please!!! thanks!! <3 to all who take it!

\take aim and fire\

[17 Mar 2004|09:15pm]
[ mood | loved ]
[ music | incubus-megalomaniac ]

I hear you on the radio
You permeate my screen
It's unkind, but
If I met you in a scissor fight,
I'd cut off both your wings on principle alone, principle alone.

Hey, megalomaniac
You're no Jesus
Yeah, you're no fucking Elvis
Wash your hands clean of yourself
baby and
Step down, step down, step down.

If I were your appendages
I'd hold open your eyes so you could see
That all of us are heaven sent
And there was never meant to be only one, to be only one.

Hey, megalomaniac
You're no Jesus
Yeah, you're no fucking Elvis
Wash your hands clean of yourself
baby and
Step down, step down, step down.

You're no Jesus
You're no Elvis
You're no Jesus
You're no Jesus
You're no Elvis
You're no answer

Hey, megalomaniac
You're no Jesus
Yeah, you're no fucking Elvis
Wash your hands clean of yourself
baby and
Step down, step down, step down.

^awesome song. video's awesome too. crazy, but awesome. never seen it? watch it, bitch! lol jk.

played badminton again today in gym. w00t i <3 it haha. took the first part of the italian test today, i think i did pretty good. the little piece of paper with some choice information i had stuck up my sleeve didnt hurt either. but, i didnt say that =x. lol. jesse wasnt in lunch....jesse! i need you!!! ummm gave our presentations today in history......they werent bad. the first one was steph, nat, sarah, jen, and anna's, and that one was kinda creepy. funny, good, but creepy. a janis joplin morgue scene? messed up minds there.....haha. ummm walked home in the light snow/sleet after school. fun. but i talked to marilyn, and i havent in like forever. ah i need to talk to her more. did homework and chores when i got home. oh yea, tons of fun.

then tonight i talked to pete. he can always put a smile on my face, and i love him. pete, i dunno if you read this....but i love you!

"i'd wait an eternity just to talk to you for 5 minutes"-pete

\take aim and fire\

[14 Mar 2004|09:24pm]
[ mood | crazy ]
[ music | martina mcbride-concrete angel ]

hmm forgot to update this weekend.....

i got a B+ on my bio presentation on friday....go me! haha. then i talked to maria friday night. ugh i feel so bad for her.....i wish i could go see her like right now. but, thats not going to happen. i had asked dad to go down over easter vacation. he was like "rachel, thats like, in less than three weeks. i cant just take off and go to daytona." i was like why not? be spontaneous. he gave me a look. oh well, guess i wont be going to see her till thanksgiving....but look on the bright side. i'll be able to drive down then!!

umm went down to the atlantic city convention center on saturday....omfg. AC was fuckin GRIDLOCKED! i couldnt believe it....

ya know, i honestly think my moms friend joanne is taking this whole thing harder than me and dad. we just happened to drive by the graveyard the other night, and we see her standing over my moms grave. a little while after we got home dad calld her up to make sure she was okay. well....she wasnt. she went there just to yell at mom. and i literally mean YELL. yell at her for leaving her, for leaving me and dad, for leaving all of her friends at the hospital, just for leaving everyone and everything. dad thought she was crazy for yelling.....but i know how she felt. sometimes i just wish i could yell as loud as i can, cry, and scream. but i cant. and i know dad is taking it harder than he lets on. the other morning, i found a whole box of old pictures next to his chair. a few of them had mom in them.....and thats really saying something because she NEVER let us take pictures of her. i know that he was looking at them and crying because there were tissues there also. and i felt really bad the other night. we got chinese food, and we got 2 fortune cookies. i was like dad open yours up and see what the fortune is. he said i dont feel like it rach, i dont want a cookie. so i was like dad, you dont have to eat it, just see what your fortune is. you always have to open one just to see what it says. so he said okay. i threw him one, opened mine, read mine out loud. then i turned to him and was like what did yours say? he told me he got an empty one. then he went to bed, which was odd because it was only like 6. i went over next to his chair because i saw a fortune paper stuck behind the lamp.

it said "you and your wife will have a long happy life together"

\take aim and fire\

[11 Mar 2004|08:42pm]
bleh im dreading tomorrow.....i have to give my biology presentation. ahhhh WHY did i have to pick fetal testing? if i had known she was going in order the paper is in.......i would have picked the last one on there!! anyway.....

played badminton in gym today......felt like an idiot. okay the birdie or whatever you call it goes real slow through the air.....well compared to a regular ball. rachael hit it RIGHT AT ME. i looked up at it, swung, missed, and watched it as it fell at me. hit me on the mouth. hahaha i must have looked like a complete moron. oh well.....

people are weird.....they change. sometimes for better sometimes for worse. and it seems like this year everyone around me is changing. im becoming good friends with people i just barely knew, im becoming friends with people i used to hate, im starting to take a good look at some people, and im starting to see them for who they really are.....and im drifting away from friends i used be really close with. and the last one hurts. i dont know if im changing, if they're changing, or if im just noticing more things.......but one of the things i hate the most is losing touch with people im close with, and i try not to do that. and from now on im not going to do it anymore.

oh and i've been getting some crap from certain people who shall remain nameless about some of the other people i hang out with. apparently, they make me look bad. and you know what? i started doing what i normally do.....listen to the people who shall remain nameless and alienate the other people. and then i realized something....its stupid to care about what others think. so from now on, im not going to. i dont give a DAMN about what anyone thinks about me.

mr. distefano: (reading about how to be a good housewife) "meeting your husbands every need will just give you tons of personal satisfaction"
Nat: "yea, which will come that night....."
mr. distefano: "im going to pretend i didnt hear that....."
69 days till my b-day! w00t! aint that a wonderful number?
\take aim and fire\

[10 Mar 2004|09:13pm]
[ mood | pissed off ]
[ music | the vines-ride ] really REALLY pissed me off. one of my friends, who i always considered as one of my closest friends, is turning into a conceited bitch. she tries to act "cool" around certain people, acts different than she normally does, looks down on and makes fun of other people (including her friends!), and is starting to act slutty. sorry, hun, but you are. and im not the only one who's noticed. i REALLY hope you read this, realize who you are, and just realize how fucking stupid your acting. its gotten to the point where i dont want to be around you anymore. ugh.....why do people change?

2\fired\| \take aim and fire\

[08 Mar 2004|09:59pm]
[ mood | chipper ]
[ music | story of the year--until the day i die ]

1. What time do you get up? 6*30

2. If you could eat lunch with one person, who would it be? easy...adam levine from maroon 5 OR colin farrel

3. Gold or silver? silverrr

4. What was the last film you saw at the cinema? ummm.....the perfect score?

5. Favorite TV show? FRIENDS!!!

6. What do you have for breakfast? sesame bagel

7. Who would you hate to be stuck in a room with? 2 guys im already stuck in a room with in 7th period.....

8. What/who inspires you? loss/heartbreak/pain

9. What is your middle name? lynn (too damn common....)

10. Beach, City or Country? country

11. Favorite ice cream? vanilla

12. Butter, plain or salted popcorn? butter!

13. Favorite color? blue, hot pink, and black

14. What kind of car do you drive? i WILL get a blue saturn vue

15. Favorite sandwich ? the classic....pb&j

16. What characteristic do you despise? conceit

17. Favorite flower? rose

18. If you could go anywhere in the world on vacation, where would you go? italy! (w00t im going there this summer!)

19. What color is your bathroom? ones pink, ones blue

20. Favorite brand of clothing? ummm.....whatever i like?

21. Where would you retire to? daytona florida

22. Favorite day of the week? saturday

23. Red or white wine? actually, i <3 both

24. What did you do for your last birthday? ummm haha i forget.....all i remember is i had a LOT of lemonade.....mikes hard lemonade =D

25. Where were you born? erm.....a hospital? i could show you the place, but i dont know what town its sad is that?

26. Favorite sport? uh.....haha as of this morning backgammon.....watchin steph run into poles lol

27. Who do you least expect to send this back to you? noone because im not sending it out.....

28. Person you expect to send it back first? read previous answer.....

29. What fabric detergent do you use? umm....its has a kid on the front , all i know

30. Coke or Pepsi? pepsi.

31. Are you a morning person or a night owl? night owl

32. What is your shoe size? 9-10....heh you know what they say about someone with big feet.....oh wait, thats guys.....doesnt exactly work for me.....

33. Do you have any pets? 1 puppy!! erm, hes actually about 2 yrs old.....but i still call him a puppy. <3 kody, my lil white furball

stole that from someone on erics friends list. heh today was fun. played backgammon in gym. aha we all sucked, except for anna. and steph ran into the pole. hah. ugh kyle and marc were getting so fucking annoying in tv/media. they were acting like fucking 2 yr olds. seriously, they should grow up or stop smokin shit. in history we started our working with jackie, trisha, and christina. we're doing emily dickinson. yay....not. lol. in lunch i tried to guess shannons mystery guy, but i think y'all are screwing with me and there really is no guy. apparently he's tall, brown hair about my color, pretty eyes, in trishas homeroom. any ideas would be greatly appreciated. well, i have the hiccups and i must go find a way to get rid of them. night y'all.

DONT CONFUSE ME!!! my minds made up...........i know nothing!

\take aim and fire\

death sucks......... [06 Mar 2004|10:52pm]
[ mood | depressed ]
[ music | three days grace-i hate everything about you ]

ugh.....i hate this. i hate everything. why get attached to people? why love? your just going to lose them eventually....or they're going to lose you and you'll hurt them. so whats the point? i was talking to ana yesterday and she also told me i should start to get on with my life because mom wouldnt have wanted me to be so depressed about it. but you know what? i AM trying to get on with my life. but its kind of hard when everything you do reminds you that one of the people who cared for you and loved you the most, and was always there for you, is gone. will never be there again. sometimes ill be doing something, and that realization will come back again, and it hits me like a fucking ton of bricks. its almost like im in a constant state of denial, like my own little world. where i dont think about it. and when im in that world, im fine. but when i talk about something, or do something, or see something, or write something that makes me think about how shes not here, and never will be here......i come back into the real world. and in the real not okay. im constantly depressed. and its hard. sometimes i think its too hard. sometimes....i just want to give up. completely. just stay in bed all day and cry. and i have done that. im trying so damn hard. and to everyone im "so strong", and that im okay with it because thats what im like around them. but when im by myself its a completely different story, and i dont know what to do. i cant keep doing this. my mom was one of my best friends, and i cant stand not having her around. its sad, and i havent told anyone this, but until the night of the viewing, i hoped that everything could still be normal, that she was okay. that she wasnt dead, the machines screwed up, the nurse screwed up, she wasnt the one they flew here from fl., that she was still down there, and we would get a call to go pick her up. and before christmas i was confident that she would get better. maria, dad, the doctors were all telling me that it would take a miracle for her to be okay, that she flat out wasnt going to make it. but it was inconcievable to me that she was going to die. it was inconcievable that she was dead. pathetic am i?

"its supposed to be hard getting over the loss of a loved one.....if its not, then it wasnt meant to be and the memories you have with that person are no good"-mr. marinella

\take aim and fire\

[05 Mar 2004|11:37pm]
[ mood | awake ]
[ music | beastie boys-you gotta fight for your right ]

we love you conrad
oh yes we do!
we love you conrad
will be true!
when your not near us
we're blue!
o conrad we love you!

ah im going to have that song stuck in my head ALL WEEKEND!! but it was an awesome show!!! gina was hilarious with her squeaky shoes....and nat.....omg that girl should get an oscar, or a grammy, or both. anyway, she ROCKED. and she was so pretty! ah i just wish i could sing 1/2 as good as her.....hell i would be happy with 1/4 good as her......anyway, good job nat!

hehe oh afterschool i had to go to the store to get stuff for italian....and i saw HIM! mel, sammIE, gracIE, my jew baby......he was unbelievably gorgeous......i'm still planning on doing it before i go to fl.....ah im gonna miss you guys!!!

a friend in need is a friend indeed...........but a friend with weed is better!!

\take aim and fire\

[04 Mar 2004|10:24pm]
[ mood | angry ]
[ music | atreyu-lip gloss and black ]

lets try this one....more....time......=/.

okay. this is my new username. and i plan to keep this for MORE than 4 days. 'k? got that people? good.

okay.....on to brighter tests are done!!! w00t! actually, they were unbelievably easy. and afterwards was hilarious listening to al dante rap about his boo. omg.....

italian was HILARIOUS.....we watched part of the italian job, so we could see venice....this was part of the conversation that took place....

mrs. adair: okay, now we are going to see charlize theron in her pajamas, but no big deal....
(charlize theron comes on in pj's)
class: ooooooooo!!!
mrs. adair: oh come on.....maybe i shouldnt show this...
franko: oh thats okay we saw worse....we watched romeo and juliet last year
mrs. adair: you watched romeo and juliet?
franko: yea....and we saw butts and boobs. we saw hoo-hoo's! they were nice hoo-hoo's too......
mrs. adair: franko!! omg!! (looks like shes going to have a heart attack)
(mark wahlberg comes on)
mrs. adair: marky mark! thats the guy i almost went to see in concert.....
john: psh...
mrs. adair: jealous of him? wish you could be like him?
john: yea right....
(charlize theron comes back on, mrs. adair fast forwards through it, saying we dont need to watch it)
john: oh getting jealous of her mrs. adair?
mrs. adair: (looks down shirt) yea....i am.....

ahhh funniness.......

\take aim and fire\

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