*Forever A Dreamer*'s Blurty
 
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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in *Forever A Dreamer*'s Blurty:

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    Tuesday, January 20th, 2004
    11:02 am
    Woohoo!
    Oh fuck ya'll...if ya'll don't like me that's you're own problem...Me is who me is! :-D I am in such a great mood today...I think my main problem is that I just can't be home...when i'm at home i feel so god damn alone, ya know? But yea i think study hall wit tigger and german wit meister and tier and coochie snorcher are the two highlights of my day...but yea i actually don't mind being in school anymore it's like an escape...lol...but yeas anyway I think I'ma actually go and do some US2 work now so0o I'll talk to ya'll later!

    Current Mood: happy
    Current Music: nada I'm in US2...
    Monday, January 12th, 2004
    6:13 pm
    erg
    When I want to be noticed around here I get like completely ignored and when I want to be left alone and ignored they pounce on my every move...why can't parents be more convienient? Bleh

    Talk to ya'll later

    Current Mood: blah
    Current Music: asshole yellin at me 4 sumthin mom ALREADY yelled at me for
    5:16 pm
    If you don't like me...
    If you don't like me for who I am and what I do then that's your problem. If you must make comments in here then take responsibility for what you say and sign your name to it.
    I am who I am whether YOU like it or not. I'm not going to change me to please you. I don't give a shit if it's a sin to be gay...cause I'd rather be happy and be sent to "hell" as you call it... there is no hell nor is there a heaven. You know my screenname, grow a set of balls and bring it up to me, not on my journal.

    Current Mood: curious
    Current Music: material girl - madonna
    Thursday, January 8th, 2004
    7:55 pm
    Dropkick to the head!
    Yea...i just got done talking to heather...fun shit right there...ya know the *gets happy* "woohoo!" *gets serious* "die." kinda fun---yea that kind...sweets n i were plotting sumthing but thats strictly between her n i...my baby's out right now so bleh, my mom still has a rod up her ass bout gi n me.
    How come none ya'll ever coment on me journals!? :-(
    hm..anyway but yeas...i need to get out...i wanna get a new purse, i've been good for a while n haven't bought one, well i did but it was for mom n now me has the craving for a new bag n i need a new pair of shoes, my other good black dress shoes are getting tooooooo small! lols anyways...i'ma go so i'll talk to ya'll later

    btw, thanks for the offer of help sweets! much love to ya!

    Current Mood: mischievous
    Current Music: the dog licking his foot...
    Monday, January 5th, 2004
    8:39 pm
    A bridge not yet built over troubled waters...
    " i am so tired. everything and everyone. she talks and talks, on and on about something that was obviously not there to begin with. why is she so blind to everything? i hate the other girl for making her feel this way and i hate myself for not doing something. i hate myself for putting myself out there again. always for let down. when will life equal anything more than disappointment for me? can't be with me, no time, but always time for the other girl. she puts herself out there as well, and look what she gets. heartache. i want to give her more than that, but i can't, because she won't let me. "

    is it really like this? do i really do this to her? i know this chick likes my grl so this could be false but is it...do i really treat her this way? god i hope not-i pray that i don't. hunni do i, please tell me.

    Current Mood: worried
    Current Music: cricket cricket
    8:39 pm
    A bridge not yet built over troubled waters...
    " i am so tired. everything and everyone. she talks and talks, on and on about something that was obviously not there to begin with. why is she so blind to everything? i hate the other girl for making her feel this way and i hate myself for not doing something. i hate myself for putting myself out there again. always for let down. when will life equal anything more than disappointment for me? can't be with me, no time, but always time for the other girl. she puts herself out there as well, and look what she gets. heartache. i want to give her more than that, but i can't, because she won't let me. "

    is it really like this? do i really do this to her? i know this chick likes my grl so this could be false but is it...do i really treat her this way? god i hope not-i pray that i don't. hunni do i, please tell me.

    Current Mood: worried
    Current Music: cricket cricket
    4:51 pm
    honestly
    All my wants is honesty, please don't lie to me...all it does is creates a vicious cycle of lies and vengence...and we don't want that...trust me

    oh and fuck you mom...stay outta me personal life... :-) smiles!

    Current Mood: blah
    Current Music: fast car -tracy chapman
    Tuesday, December 16th, 2003
    11:12 pm
    grounded!
    I am grounded and even when i return, i may be discontinuing this journal

    helena and gina in love forever- nothgin shall break us apart!
    Monday, December 15th, 2003
    5:08 pm
    Blurty entry from 12/14/03
    Hey Hey...The movies was fun and after that we wandered over to the mall and Tra picked us up there and instead of going home to Gi's house we went with Tra back to New Sharon and chilled there till bout midnight when Tra drove us home. Ya see...Gina's mom likes Tra, why can't mine...Oh well...me still friends wit Tra anyway...I don't care what my mom says...she hates all my non-clearview friends anyway so fuck her lol...i dun care anymore cause she says her piece and then not only do i ignore that but alot more too lol...I still have christmas shopping to do...I got Gina sumthin else today and I'ma have to do the whole ring thing after christmas and she knows shes getting it so it's not like a surprise to her -lol- and Tras gift prolly wont arrive for a while so I think her n I'll do christmas after christmas aswell...I asked her what she was getting me but she won't tell me so0o oh wells on that...lemme see..

    Christmas List
    Gina - done
    Tra - done
    Mom - ½ done
    Dad - done
    Rey - nada yet
    Ant - nada yet
    Katy - nada yet
    Ali - done
    Rach - done
    Deacon - done
    Momma - done

    Current Mood: dorky
    Current Music: marry me - dolly parton
    5:05 pm
    The results of Saturday afternoon boredom... also from 12-13-03
    Nightmare Before Christmas
    You know so much about the nightmare before
    christmas. You must research and study it as
    much as I do. I have loved this movie since I
    was a kid and studied it very hard.
    Congratulations.Please Please Please vote for
    my quiz.


    XxThe Best and Most Challenging Quiz of The Nightmare Before ChristmasxX
    brought to you by Quizilla


    Dark
    <<>>???What Kind Of Angel R You???<<>>( Anime Pics )

    brought to you by Quizilla

    CMyDocumentsbellbandy.jpg
    goddess of hope. You are always looking on the
    bright side of things.You help comfort and are
    always there for someone in need.


    What beutiful goddess are you?(with anime pics!)
    brought to you by Quizilla


    4
    Night Fairy
    Please rate my Quiz


    Which Fairy are you?(for anyone many out comes)
    brought to you by Quizilla


    Congratulations! You have an understanding of the
    goth culture!


    A True Goth Quiz (now with pics)
    brought to you by Quizilla

    Current Mood: calm
    Current Music: Charlotte Martin - Bring on the day
    5:02 pm
    From December 13th, 2003...Blurty wouldn't work until now
    Yesterday Teresa, Anthony and I went to the mall and I visited my gurlie! :-) when she was on her 15 she met teresa and she already knew ant from homecoming...while we were in the food court Tara and Tracey met up with us outta nowhere and Tra musta done sumthin to get Tara upset with her cause Tara wouldn't talk to Tra...and etc...Anthony thought Tracey was a guy from just seeing her and listening to her...when her and tara left ant was like "i felt tension between the heteros and the homos" i laughed and he also said he felt tension between me n tra...thats very likely tho... i dunno why but we're bleh to each other now-a-days...but yea I saw sumthin awesome down in littmans i believe it was...i dunno it was one of the ones near the center court in the mall lol...dad called me this morning and told me that he just got an at&t long distance bill for $56 sumthin cause of all the calls to gi's cell phone...next time I go over there I'll give him my child support money and I'll take sum outta my picture in my room...cause yea I also gotta take money outta it anyway to get ginas other gift and to finish up my mom and dad and rey and ant and I'm shit outta luck with the money thing I'll be broke by the time christmas is up and i'll have to start the saving again and i know i'll get my head bitten off by my father for spending it but hell he ain't helping me at all with this shit...my mom won't take me out to get a job and I'm broke so I'm gonna spend MY savings so he can't say anything cause it's my money anyway...but um yea...

    Me is going to the movies tonight with Gina and then I'm sleeping over her house :-) yayers! lol but um yea me gots to meet gina at AMC8 at 7:30 although she's always late -lol- but yea it's cool...and i managed to put my stuff for the night into one of my purses -lol- but um yea anyways, i'ma go and do sum other stuff so I'll talk to ya'll later!

    Current Mood: bored
    Current Music: uncle kracker - To think I used to love you
    Thursday, December 11th, 2003
    6:03 pm
    the cats wrath :-D
    That fuckin douche bag...who the hell does he think he is callin me ignorant...he can go fuck himself. Ignorance is lacking knowledge...yea i lack knowledge but so does he so duh everyone is ignorant in a way but he meant it in the slang kinda way meaning rude...I mean yea I'm rude on the phone at certain times like when the obnoxious sales people call every single day multiple times a day but when someone that doesn't call every 2 hours calls I'm very polite and say that he is not available well guess what...he will be available for every single phone call and I will tell the sales person "Here is Mr. Urban now. He is glad that he is home to recieve your call and will assist you in anyway possible" and i'll do it in a cheery tone so he's fucked and then he'll be rude to the person and i'll just let that go and he'll see why i am rude to some of them... :-D even my mother says that he's in trouble now...she was like, "oh you did it now. you sturred to cats wrath!" i was like mwa ha ha ha ha ha...he asked for it so he's gonna get it...he has absolutely no room what-so-ever to call me fuckin ignorant... :-)


    I took a quiz and here are my wonderful results:

    solitary
    Your soul is bound to the Solitary Rose: The
    Alone.

    "When I wake up alone, the shades are still
    drawn on the cold window pane so they cast
    their lines on my bed and lines on my
    face."


    The Solitary Rose is associated with loneliness,
    melancholy, and patience. It is governed by
    the goddess Merope and its sign is The Sword,
    or Unrequited Love.

    As a Solitary Rose, you may be summed up as a
    hopeless romantic. You desire love and have so
    much love to give, but thing just never seem to
    work out the way you want them to. In life,
    you can be very optomistic, even when things
    are gray and nothing works out to your
    expectations.


    What Rose Is Your Soul Bound To?
    brought to you by Quizilla

    Current Mood: pissed off
    Current Music: Gonna make you love me - Ryan Adams
    5:00 pm
    looks to kill
    oh more than my looks can kill... read this...

    "i might have to be on my good behavior. yuck!"

    that is aggrivating. that was said about my g/f...I'll tell you what---that chick had better be on her good behavior or i'll kill her...erg...now i've got that mood that is like ya do sumthin wrong and a flip a bitch at cha...erf I will kill, I'm sorry ya'll it's just that, until i hear from my grl bout this shit i will be all erg-ish and shit...she had better not lay one hand...one finger even on my grl...I'm not protective of many things but if you fuck wit my grl yer done... :-D lol...iight ya'll i'll write later, maybe then I'll be a lil calmer then...anyways i'll talk to ya'll later.

    Current Mood: aggravated
    Current Music: Felony Melanie -George Fenton
    Wednesday, December 10th, 2003
    6:12 pm
    i had to...couldn't resist
    LAYER ONE:
    » Name: Helena Burgin
    » Birthdate: august 23, 1987.
    » Birthplace: woodbury, nj.
    » Current Location: sewell, nj.
    » Eye Color: brown
    » Hair Color: light brown/dark blonde
    » Height: 5'5"
    » Righty or Lefty: righty.
    » Zodiac Sign: virgo

    LAYER TWO:
    » Your heritage: irish and german
    » The shoes you wore today: black dress shoes
    » Your weakness: surveys *lol* and my g/f O:-)
    » Your fears: silence, painful death etc...
    > Your perfect pizza: white
    » Goal you'd like to achieve: be in the perfect relationship with the perfect grl...and be a teacher

    LAYER THREE:
    » Your most overused phrase: bite the weenie
    » Your thoughts first waking up: "Hi baby" cause ginas the first voice i hear everyday :-)
    » Your best physical feature: i don't think i have any so ask gina...
    » Your bedtime: when gina asks me to go to sleep soon
    » Your most missed memory: cuddling up to gina to go to sleep, her actually sleeping cause we're in each other arms...without a care in the world, without worrying about us or anything for that matter.

    LAYER FOUR:
    » Pepsi or Coke: diet coke
    » McDonald's or Burger King: wendy's
    » Single or group dates: depends
    » Adidas or Nike: adidas
    » Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea: lipton.
    » Chocolate or vanilla: chocolate
    » Cappuccino or coffee: coffee

    LAYER FIVE:
    » smoke: no
    » Curse: heh heh yeas
    » Sing: of courses...always!
    » Take a shower everyday: nope, its not healthy for your skin and hair...every other day...
    » Do you think you've been in love: yeas!
    » Want to go to college: yes
    » Want to get married: of courses
    » Believe in yourself: eh depends
    » Get motion sickness: sometimes
    » Think you're attractive: not really...
    » Think you're a health freak: not really...but i try not to eat really bad stuff, and greasy stuff is gross...
    » Get along with your parents: sometimes...
    » Like thunderstorms: am i alone...if yes then no i don't
    » Play an instrument: nope...

    LAYER SIX:
    In the past month...
    » Drank alcohol: liquor, yes
    » Smoked: nope, never
    » Done a drug: never
    » Gone on a date: kinda
    » Eaten an entire box of Oreos: nope
    » Eaten sushi: ewie
    » Been on stage: not recently
    » Been dumped: nope
    » Gone skating: he he yea
    » Made homemade cookies: um...not cookies
    » Dyed your hair: nope, not since last year...purple
    » Stolen anything: nope...

    LAYER SEVEN:
    Ever...
    » Played a game that required removal of clothing: nope :-) me a good grl
    » If so, was it mixed company: n/a
    » Been trashed or extremely intoxicated: nope
    » Been caught "doing something": not exactly
    » Been called a tease: of course, c'mon it's me we're talkin bout here...
    » Gotten beaten up: ha ha, no that's funny
    » Shoplifted: plead the 5th

    LAYER EIGHT:
    » Age you hope to be married: approximately 20-24ish
    » Number of Children: depends...
    » Describe your Dream Wedding: it would take to long to describe... :-)
    » How do you want to die: want??? preferably a way that i don't have to suffer and so that the last person i see is my gi...
    » Where you want to go to college: rowan :-)
    » What do you want to be when you grow up: a teacher and be in love.
    » What country would you most like to visit: GERMANY Fliegen in einem Flugzeug!!!

    LAYER NINE:
    In a guy/girl for that matter (change to your preference)Girl.
    » Best eye color: doesn't matter
    » Best hair color: doesn't matter, whatever looks right on a person
    » Short or long hair: me loves long hair
    » height: my height or taller
    » Best weight: eh i like em kinda snuggly, none of this bony shit. i wanna grab 'em.
    » Best articles of clothing: hm....gi....nada
    » Best first date location: movies/mall kinda thing......or mine...HOT SHOTS!
    » Best first kiss location: somewhere sweet

    LAYER TEN:
    » Number of drugs taken illegally: nada
    » Number of people I could trust my life with: eh...not very many
    » Number of CDs that I own: about 50-ish
    » Number of piercings: my labret and i want my nose done...
    » Number of tattoos: nada yet...me wants one
    » Number of times my name has appeared in the newspaper: only a few
    » Number of scars on my body: alots
    » Number of things in my past that I regret: leaving a beautiful woman behind only to get hurt by another.

    Current Mood: indifferent
    Current Music: Mine All Mine -SheDaisy
    4:24 pm
    rediculous
    This is rediculous...if you have something to say to me say it. If you have an opinion about me and what I do...SAY IT...speak up, don't be a chicken shit about this shit. I don't see the point in people telling other people their opinions of you but not you...okay-if you're scared of the person then you shouldn't say anything at all about them cause if they find out then obviously they'll be pissed that you said or wrote sumthin about them instead of growing up and telling them what you have to say. I mean hell if i don't like you, i'ma tell you so.
    Ya see...to be a lil more specific on the topic...I know I don't treat my girlfriend the way she deserves to be treated and yea I'm working on that...the both of us are working on things so we can make our relationship last but you...you have the nerve to write about me, yea you were curtious enough to namelessly write about me but still about me and say that you want my g/f and that all she gets is heartache from me...she loves me and yea i love her-we both have our things where we hurt one another but thats normal...nobodys perfect. You say you put urself out there for her and she shot you down...damn straight cause she loves me and we plan to stay together...all i can say is grow a set of balls and tell me your opinion and after im done ranting this...I'ma IM you/her (depending on who you are-reading this) and tell her that I'm sorry i don't treat her how she should be and Im working on it and she has no say as to what goes on between me and my g/f and that she will never have my g/f... anyway...smiles I'll talk to ya'll later....

    Current Mood: annoyed
    Current Music: Sweet home alabama - Lynyrd Skynyrd
    Thursday, December 4th, 2003
    3:10 pm
    oh yea i forgots
    well homecoming was indeed the 22nd of November and yes I went with gina and i ended up dancing wit danni all night or atleast most of the night and when gi n i got back here for the night she had one single tear in her left eye and she was like i know i not the one who make you happy anymore and we talked bout all that fun shizzle...and yea i had fun. we just got our pictures like davor professional pictures back yesterday and they don't look 1/2 bad...and yea I'ma give em to her tongiht when i see her and like i said i also have to talk to her bout all this funness...and yea this aint gonna be easy...anyways I'ma go cause i gotta now and um yea...talk to ya'll later. much love!

    Current Mood: mellow
    Current Music: "Marry Me" by Dolly Parton
    2:29 pm
    grrrr
    My mom has a stick up her ass...the people in school are asshole, my dad's getting def and senile...school is school...im not really there i just kinda go through the motions...i go, do what they want me to do, and leave :-) lol nice aint it...i've been chillen at home wit my country music :-) lols...recently all i've been doing on here is listening to the soundtrack to sweet home alabama and 92.5 wxtu...and researching on phones...I'm getting a nextel...i have to get a job first tho...so i can pay my own bill cause i'll be leavin dads plan...lol...anyways yea...lol me just been bored...gina n i are still having "problems" and etc...Danni asked me the other day if I still liked her n i was like, yea i like ya i mean yer a good person etc etc and um yea. I'm going skating with gina tonight and i gotta tell her that i can't keep leadng her on cause it hurts me to hurts her and that it aint right for me to do this shit and that i kno in my heart that i don't really love her. i mean yea i love her as a person and as a friend but its not love love...like she wants it to be :-\ bleh anyways I'm go back to nextel.com...by the time i actually get my phone I'll know how to work each and every model nextel has lol...I'm most likely getting the i90 unless one comes out between now and then that i like better...but i gotta be able to dl ring tones cause i can't stand the standard ones...lol I'll dl like sweet home alabama, fraggle rock, i want you to love me, scooby doo and pink panther...they're only 1.99 for each dl...lol and yes nextel has them and many mores...and yes i kno cause i've looked...I've like been all over that site a million times over....that and verizonwireless.com cause that's what i have now...I've been comparing them both and deciding whether i was just gonna get a new verizon or a nextel and from the looks of it, i'm prolly gonna get nextel...lol i mean verizon is good but um...yea the direct connect is handy and would save me alot of time and patience lol and the price dont bother me... although right now i'm like prying for work to do so i can get money for christmas presents i have $120 right now, michele is paying me $10 to wrap her christmas presents for her and I'm watching her kids this wednesday coming up or sumthin like that and she's paying me for that...I'm doing work around the house for money. my mom just gave me $40 out of the money she already owes me...dad is gonna give me $100 for shopping giving me like almost 300 and for all the gifts i gotta get i need like 350 so I'll do more chores and watch micheles kids a lil more so i can get it all that and i gotta get the beast to take me out to go find a job...lol anyways but yea as i said like a good 5 minutes ago...I'ma go lol i'll talk to ya'll later...much love!

    Current Mood: mellow
    Current Music: "Now that I know" by Shannon McNally
    Friday, November 21st, 2003
    11:30 pm
    OMG
    OMG big typo-i was just reading this and it should say "I know i couldn't love..." OMG OMG OMG that was a uber bad typo!!!

    Current Mood: awake
    Current Music: sweet home alabama -Lynyrd Skynyrd :-)
    Thursday, November 20th, 2003
    8:05 pm
    Alot
    Hey there.

    There's alot going on in both my head and my life right now. Gina n i are...well I dunno...Me still likes another and i love another along with loving gina. I know I could love anyone how i love this grl but hey...i can try. My head if filled to the brim with thoughts about whats going on with me and etc etc right now... Homecoming is Saturday night, I've gotta get there bout 7:00ish for pictures and etc. alot of my friends are growing outta homecoming so some aren't going...but yea-ali, gina, danni and laura are all going. Danni promised me a dance...so me happy... lol. I just wanna dance all night long..."shake my groove thing" lol i dunno where that came from, but it did...hm...I'ma go and work on my new s/n...i'll talk to ya'll later...

    Current Mood: okay
    Current Music: nada
    Wednesday, November 5th, 2003
    2:09 pm
    tis been a while
    Sorry it's been so long but Blurty hasn't been working on my computer recently. lets see...how to up date for ya'll...cronological order will work...
    -Broke up with danielle on October 30th.
    -On halloween Teresa and Katy came over and we hung the babies (dolls) out front with nooses! then we took them down but kept the nooses around their necks...i had the white baby in pink katy had to black baby in purple and teresa had the amputie baby that was nude...we had baby throwing contests ya know we'd wind up and fling the baby to see who could throw their baby the futhest...Katy went home and Teresa and I watched a movie and fell asleep.
    -Gina and I are going out since November 2nd
    -I got my retched period yesterday while I was at this haughty house doin democratic stuff...had to call my mom to go home and get stuff cause I had nuthin with me and everyone around my was uber old besides rachael and she didn't have her magical bag of tricks FOR ONCE. and today i have horrid cramps :-(
    -Mom got hers today and she doesn't feel good and she blames me. damn pheromones...
    -Gina is sleeping over tonight.

    That's been so far and yea I've got to go now....I'm doing the whole laundry thing right now so I'll talk to ya'll later!
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