Oh my god. Today was the absolute worst day in the entire history of my pathetic life. Last nite after I came home from my friends with benfits buddy Sean's house, he got high and told me he would call me later. Well he did and we got on the topic of having a relationship. I really want one with him. Anywayz he's all high and everything and he says that he never wants to be in another relationship with a bi girl again. He said he jus doesnt want to even be bothered with it. It hurt me so bad when he said that. I started crying alot. That was last nite and all today I cried. It's so pathetic but everytime I think bout it I start crying alot.Like rite now. Actually last nite was one good thing. I was really upset but I didnt cut myself at all. Mainly cuz I couldnt get up and get my razor. A couple ppl now know that I'm depressed and that I cut myself. My one friend Jen doesn't like that I cut myself but says as long as I don't cut my wrists again it's ok. Well rite now my friend Kristen is coming over and her bf Tom jus broke up with her so this wont be a good nite for any1
Today started out being ok but I should have known it was going to be bad as soon as I didn't want to get out of my bed. Well I went to school and then this stupid bitch in my crafts class Jamie Taylor who loves to make fun of me started her shit. She said I have a pumpkin head or sumthin like that. Then later she called me a filthy whore. Whatever I hate her and I hope she dies. Anyways then I went ands saw Casey which made me happy cuz shes my buddy. Everything was fine again til about 5th period. That's when I see Bryan Ezzo..It's so weird cuz with anyone else I can pretend that I'm fine but with him I just can't. He knows how sad I am all the time and he had a big part to do with it. But after that I told my friend Stacy that I'm bi..she wasn't too shocked but I was happy I finally came out to her. When I came home I jus sort of layed around. I never want to do anything anymore. It's almost kinda of pathetic. Oh well hopefully I will talk to Sean later. Hes' one of the only people who make it worth living.
I actually have a date for my Christmas ball! Lol I'm gonna go w/ my friend Rich from my old school. We were sorta together for awhile but then things weren't right so I ended that. Well now that were jus buddies I asked him to go and he said that he would go as long as he didn't have any plans so he'll let me know if i's a def. in like 2 days. lol Our ball is De. 13! It's a friday the 13th! How great is that? Hopefulyl we'll get back togethere cuz I like him still but I dunno whats gonna go on. I'm supposed to hang out with my friend Kit tongiht but I prolly won't well I g2g
When I was walking home today this girl Stacy I'm really good friends with told me that this girl Kelly who I'm also pretty close with our band teacher and like a whole bunch of other ppl stuff that went on Sat. nite. We all didn't even know Kelly was paying attention to us so it wasn't a big deal. Oh well we were jus kiddin around and stuff so I don't care lol..I'll prolly get over it in a lil while.
Yeah well rite now I'm in non-western cultures and I'm supposed to be doing my project. OBVIOUSLY I'm not..mainly because I'm jus too lazy. Anywayz I was reading this one thing online yesterday that had creative ways to kill yourself. It was kinda interesting but then again kinda retarded lol. Anywayz..Today everyone likes my tons of bracelets and my big hemp necklace w/ the three balls. Kelly still isn't really talking to anyone. I feel bad for her because I know how depressed she is..I used to be like that now I'm even wose. G2G later
Hey it's my frist entry in this thing and I don't really have too much to say. Well basically I'm a 15 yr old lil punky girl from Levittown Pa. Most of my entries will prolly be how I'm depressed and how I wish could jus kill myself all ready. I'm not exactly suicidal I just wish I didn't have to live. Besides how much I sumtimes wish I could be dead I guess I am sorta normal. I have alot of friends but most who are just as probably fucked up like me. I have relationships with boys and girls. Yes I am bisexual. Currently I am digging this guy Mitch Perry..he's a skate punk I met through my friend Kit's boyfriend. He says I act like Anna Nicole Smith on drugs lol..Hmm maybe but I know I don't look anything like her. Well that's a quick thing about me.