Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in so lets not be shy's Blurty:

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Thursday, April 10th, 2003
2:43 am	no more wish i may almost everyone i know right now is sad, including me. do you ever have that dream when you open your mouth and you try to scream but you can't make a sound that's everyday starting now that's everyday starting now don't tell me it's gonna be alright you cant sell me on your optimism tonight don't tell me it's gonna be alright you cant sell me on your optimism tonight it's a stiff competition to see who can stay up later the stars or the street lights and all i really want is to be alone with the darkness no more wish i may no more wish i might it takes a stiff upper lip just to hold up my face i gotta suck it up and savour the taste of my own behaviour i am spinning with longing faster then a roulette wheel this is not who i meant to be this is not how i meant to feel do you ever have that dream when you open your mouth and you try to scream but you cant make a sound thats everyday starting now thats everyday starting now don't tell me it's gonna be alright you cant sell me on your optimism tonight don't tell me it's gonna be alright you cant sell me on your optimism tonight i don't think i am strong enough to do this much longer god i wish i was stronger this song can never be long enough to express every longing god i wish it was longer i don't think i am strong enough to do this much longer god i wish i was stronger this song can never be long enough to express every longing god i wish i was .... gotta love sadness without a source. 500 sources of sadness all around. Fucking a. I just want to be happy, i want everyone around me to be happy. I thought my ani phase was over, WRONG. I re-discovered living in clip just now. it's had to get sick of an artist who has over 100 songs that you love. Listen to a few for a while, forget about the others, and go back and forth. I keep rediscovering songs, like the living in clip version of not so soft... and now i wish my cd player was up here so i could listen to to the teeth, which I think has a fucking skip in it somewhere. I'm ok though, I am. life'll be just fine. Current Mood: blah (10 beats | walk to the beat of your own drum)
Monday, March 24th, 2003
8:00 pm	for paper pay no attention to the girl doing her homework http://www.guggenheimcollection.org/site/artist_bio_63.html http://www.artchive.com/artchive/H/hesse.html (4 beats | walk to the beat of your own drum)
Monday, March 17th, 2003
11:51 pm	I just realised something I don't actually expect to have a relationship anymore. This isn't sad or anything really, i just don't expect it anymore. I wouldn't know what to do... someone liking me... who is close by? who expects me to spend time with them? What would I ever do???? I think i've finally come to the point of LOVING being single... hurrah. (walk to the beat of your own drum)
Thursday, March 13th, 2003
12:48 am	I am screwed. I'm somewhat ok, but, definitely screwed. Tomorrow is ani. Friday I have a paper and a sculpture and a portrait copy of a mattisse due. only the sculpture is started and probably has many more hours left on it. I can get everything done if i jsut had like, one day. One fucking day in which i don't haev to do anything... I just need the pressure to go away and to remember that my mom never does any good. ever. (2 beats | walk to the beat of your own drum)
Monday, March 10th, 2003
2:50 pm	I hate waiting. I am far too patient. i will forgive and forgive and forgive... I've always done this. I don't know how to stop. I hate it. In all forms, I don't want to wait anymore. I don't want to be patient. I want. (1 beat | walk to the beat of your own drum)
Thursday, March 6th, 2003
12:32 am	all colleges are bad, like boys! ~bethynee (walk to the beat of your own drum)
Tuesday, March 4th, 2003
1:50 am	I'm going to keep track of all the random IMs I get.... how about a girl and a man? do you taste as good as you look? damn you're cute. nice profile men are yucky!!! (walk to the beat of your own drum)
Thursday, February 20th, 2003
12:18 am	damned lj live journal broken I kill it punch it in the face with a spoon (2 beats | walk to the beat of your own drum)
Sunday, February 16th, 2003
5:44 pm	so, um, yeah... we're getting snow tomorrow... this excites me yes it does well, merely because then maybe i'll miss my tuesday class then i'll go right into the day of doom on wed. though damn. look how boring i am. right now, i just want to have fun.. and i seriously want a girlfriend... yeah fuck. (walk to the beat of your own drum)
Tuesday, February 11th, 2003
2:00 am	art school, you'll be paying for it for the rest of your life... I'm only updating this thing because i'm bored and feel like a dork and don't want to update my lj... so yeah. Things are, for a giant understatement... WIERD. I've experienced a wide range of emotions in the past few hours.. elation, exuberance, calm, content, sad, frustrated, confused, angry, and all the emotions inbetween. I'm not really sure what to make of it. Either my brain is quite off, or, who knows... so, here's to hoping i snap out of it. ;) (walk to the beat of your own drum)
Friday, January 17th, 2003
1:35 am	Please oh please don't make me go back! I'm happy here.. i'm happier. I live in my room and i have cats and burn insence all the time. There are people here I care about and love and even though I don't always see them, their energy is still here. Beverly is a cold, mean hateful place. It's evil. I'm not an artist, no more pretending. I can't stand it. no more shit, I will not take any shit, i will not start any shit. my new mantra, i hope. my goals: escape from my house! make friends! find people to actually care about, and who care about me find a meaningful relationship, or 3 or 4... hopefully, find one with a girl apply to other colleges ASAP kidnap ereck once in a while visit carolyn at least twice a month sell hemp sell tons of hemp play strip games drink get drunk fuck clean up aftermyself, always.. and help out the roomies when they forget.. disengage drama make the house more fun less un-fun keep in touch with caroline keep my mind in good working order with books shitloads of books get As and Bs, raise my gpa! drive to fpc sometimes visit old friends make bri come visit me go to salem do stupid shit in salem (like dress all 'witchy' and become a tourist attraction myself) let the boy do a body cast of me play guitar yeah stuff like that Current Mood: tired Current Music: ani difranco - dilate (1 beat | walk to the beat of your own drum)
Friday, January 10th, 2003
1:52 am	no swooning allowed! I'm swooning and ::heart bubble:: yeah. I need to find a ride to tortilla sams tomorrow... Oh shit oh shit... I wish I wasn't swooning. I don't want a relationship, much less a serious one. according to drunken nate i should have gotten engaged and married right there on the spot. LJ isn't working.. so i post here... (walk to the beat of your own drum)
Thursday, January 2nd, 2003
12:36 am	if i'm gonna go down, i'm gonna do it with style.... I don't know if it's fucking pheromones or what, but I love when you can actually feel like, a magnetic energy between people. I don't usually mention it, because.. some things i'd rather leave unsaid. But twice, guys have said 'do you feel that? can you feel that?' I love it so fucking much... (walk to the beat of your own drum)
Saturday, December 28th, 2002
1:53 am	every tool is a weapon if you hold it right (walk to the beat of your own drum)
Sunday, December 15th, 2002
2:34 pm	little goddesses http://www.shutterfly.com/osi.jsp?i=67b0de21b30d53344528¬ag=1 be sure to press next to see all images 1. do you think they might sell? Either as attached to help necklaces, or in wiccan pagan stores 2. what do you think is an appropriate price? (walk to the beat of your own drum)
Friday, December 6th, 2002
1:18 pm	taken out of context i must seem so strange snowball fights at 12am chased by a katana weilding crazy person... sopping wet sponge sneakers ::does he like me:: ::yes he does:: invitations to tuesdaynight dinner at mulberry the snowflakes the snowflakes! muppet faces birthday parties grocery shopping with trev-whore having a 3 story house to myself boots 1.5 sizes too big sharing food because i have none all this and more.. priceless (walk to the beat of your own drum)
Monday, December 2nd, 2002
1:37 pm	damn eh. let's just say i'm screwed today is a creative day.. off I go to draw some houses... (walk to the beat of your own drum)
Friday, November 29th, 2002
2:37 am	so pretty... Are you a good witch or a bad witch? brought to you by Quizilla I'm not updating this much because: a: not much time b: I thought I made it friends only, but apparently it didn't work... so... Not that I mind any of the random wonderful people out there reading this.. it's just that I have a talent for saying things I don't mean in journals... (ya know, just letting pent up emotions go) and I also have a few people out there who would be mad at me for jounal content, which is sad... but yeah.. random cool people who added me as a friend, I'll probably add you soon, like sunday or monday or tuesday or wed likely... (lots of homework coming up...) and now, I am off to bed... (1 beat | walk to the beat of your own drum)
Tuesday, November 26th, 2002
8:30 pm	What Type Of Retro Gal Are You? brought to you by Quizilla (2 beats | walk to the beat of your own drum)
Wednesday, November 20th, 2002
12:10 pm	I have english in a few minutes and I am beyond tired. I was probably supposed to do a re-write of that paper too. oops. I don't care, i'm too fucking tired. We have house inspections tonight... that's going to be fun, a bunch of pms induced angry clean-freak roomies running around trying to get this place in order... great. (walk to the beat of your own drum)