i finally have achieved my dreamof having a live journal!!! yes!!!! feel free to visit and be prepared 2 leave comments!

www.livejournal.com/users/brknbraclets


always feel free 2 IM me, AOL: brknbraclets, Yahoo: colleen_marie_04 or Brand_new_Rox


bye bye!

if u look at my calender i rarely write one entry and leave it at that. if i write once it tends 2 open up something in me and i really cannot stop...this time though i dunno, yea i will just start

i miss going 2 youth group at redeemer so much. i miss having that as part of my life because there was something that i found there that i cant seem 2 find anywhere else. awhile ago i went 2 YG and someone talked about having a hole in your heart ( not literally) that you are constantly trying to fill and nothing seems to work. and thats because it is a God shaped hole and the only thing that can make you feel complete like that part of you is full is having God in your life. and as you all know i never have been a huge person on relgion because i never have really known what i believed. for my whole life i thought growing up as a unitarian was so great becasue they didnt tell me what to believe, i could pick and choose and believe what i wanted. and now i am realizing what a disadvantage that has put me at. not that i would be content believe in God because i was brought up that way, i am glad that i found him in my own way but now i have trouble holding on to my beliefs. i mean i know they are not going anywhere but when i am not at YG everyweek or even at least once a month i find i tend 2 get off track and the hole in my heart, i have what i need 2 fill it but i need 2 act on it...wow, does this entry make any sense...it does 2 me but i am sue i lost everyone...colleen, if ur reading this i think you might get me just cause u were like, your the reason i ever went to YG in the first place and you helped me out so much at the beginning of my journey and i have no idea where i would b without you being there 2 help me out...and i miss YG but i cannot seem 2 bring myself to go for 2 reason. come sunday nights i wanna pass out and sleep. and secondly i dont feel like...i dunno, i feel so out of place there. i talked 2 ben (defever) about this a lot when we were going out, about how out of place i always felt there...i dunno but just...i dunno, i think feeling like i belong comes with time because when i was going every week and on tuesdays (back in like...jan and feb)and when i went on teh winter retreat last year, the awkwardness was starting 2 go away, and i didnt feel like...i dunno, i feel better writing this so i think i am done...

Date:	2003-11-04 20:56
Subject:	ok real entry...i think
Security:	Public
Mood:	okay
Music:	swing swing -AAR

hey there. ok so i am gonna try and write a real entry in teh next 5min cause one tree hill comes on and i am not about 2 miss chad michael murray ( i think thats his name)'s sexy ass...

so lately i hate how indecisive my life has been.my emotions are constantly changing and no, it is not that time of the month. i think tehre are a lot of things i miss having in my life. i miss amir, horribly. i dont see him enough and i can definatly feel the lacking. i have sang a disney song with him in at least 2 weeks and my life feels empty. another person i miss horribly is laura. we were so tight all summer and then school started and she became popular and left little ol me behind. she was so much fun...hehe we would go 2 the mall and just chill. the best thing we ever did was whenver we go bored we would go 2 d town b ham and look at all teh gorgues guys in beautiful cars...*sigh* speaking of laura i miss jeremy 2...i think we are supposed 2 hang out soon. he is the only one i can spill my guts 2 and not have 2 edit anything out of. i think what i miss the most is summer haha cause my life was highly amazing and interesting. ok time for my TV show...this was a good start. ill edit it tomorrow and add more...bye bye

ok so i am back for day 2, whatever, the second half basically. today was a good day. like i am amazed at it. its wednesday and creative writing was fun. we were supposed 2 write a poem like, from being one in a crowd, like one orange in a grove of oranges, etc. i wrote about being one person in a crowd at a concert and i wrote about how everysingle person there makes a difference. like it isnt just a crowd of ppl, it is so much more. i dunno how 2 explain it...i could just type up my poem but i elft it at school, maybe later, the poem sucks but i love the topic. i struggled horribly during calculus today but i think i ended up understanding in the end. english was good, i got extra credit ( and i need it) for reading my college essay in class. i hate reading shit in front of ppl, my hands start 2 shake and my voice starts 2 shake, its bad. and i dont feel like going into details about the rest, lets just say we have a lab in physics and i am already almost done with it (yay me, i have 2 get a b in there!!!) and me and bill got along wonderfully today so yup, thats cool. ok enough about school.

i talked about friends yesturday so guess i dont really need 2 much more detail there, i am supposed 2 hang out amir on sunday and jeremy on saturday, so yay!!! and matty on friday so yay again! speaking of matty things are good there, i think i talked about this recently so i am not goin into details, but things are a fun time. of course i have the usual fears, worried about things not being as good as they seem, etc...worried about rushing things...and so on. i guess the next topic is family.

family is alright. i think my parents are really relieved i got into state cause i think my mom had convinced herself i hadnt. (shes seeing other guys, emotions are stirred...-all american rejects hehe theyre fun) now they are just on my ass about physics but that is nothing new. umm...lets see...i miss pammy and eileenie. i am tired of being the only one ehre for them 2 concentrate on.

ok now this entry is finished...

last night at about 8 bill was at the gas station right by his house. he was the only one there except for 2 guys. as he was leaving, one of them ran up 2 him and punched him in teh fuckin collarbone (thankfully not the one i broke last year, the other one) and then the other can up and they proceeded to kick his ass. he told me this today and i swear, i have felt practically no emotion toward him for the past week and when he told me that and showed me the bruises i just wanted 2 make everything in his life better. and i felt so horrible and for some reason i felt like i should have been there 2 protect him ( haha but i suppose thats from being with him for so long).

hmm a short summary of my life since i last wrote a real entry, which was forever ago ( a real entry meaing not a poem or a IM convo)
thursday i hung out with matty... :) it was fun, we went 2 the mall and played with stuff in brookstone, then went back 2 his house, got yelled at by my mother for not being home, proceeded home stopping at davids 2 get this awesome punk goes acoustic cd. as usual there were a milion ppl there, jason, david, angela, joses but no joseph, which was really odd. then got hom by like 5 after 8, which is pretty good considering i did notleave until like 8:30 or sumthin. umm...friday i left for illinois. the train ride was horribly boring but i survived. chicago is amazing...im in love with it. i wandered around for like 2 hours and managed 2 get lost, but i sitll got back intimefor my train 2 bloomington. the weekend was fun, i dont have the energy 2 go into details. one shitty thing was it was mattless, which made me lonely for him. he picked me up from the train station on sunday, which was a fun time. then on monday i went over ben's and matt came there. he got a hair cut, its weird cause he looks sooooo different!!!! umm..now ive lost the energy to write cause i am trying 2 hold conversations with 5 ppl and its killing me. i usually only tlak 2 like...2 haha. ok i promise i will write a real good entry at some [oint this week...bye bye

sitting, staring into nothing. o wait, those miles of empty homes and broken scars are mine. thats my life in a cornfield filled of fallen ashes of angel wings, covered and tarred so no one could hear their screams for freedom, their cries for love and their wishes for torture. Constantly pounding like a drum at my insides, reminding me of my decibbles of cries and broken breathing patterns. A light shines down now blinding me as i l ook to the sky for some sign that those angles really werent that at all. Oh, they were? Well if angels deserve that pain, i definatly do too. watch my take this knife and cut my life in two. you want a piece? should have thought of that before you stole my tears and burned my soul with your cowardly ways. so yea, thats right, he gets both pieces and you can go fuck yourself. Here, take them!!! ignore my shaking hands and clammy palms, i am just waiting for you to throw them on the ground like the others did. O? youre not going to? well ok, there, take my sould also. im giving you my everything, and just praying to God that you dont let me burn into ashes, and become covered and tarred so no one can hear my scream for freedom, my cries for love and my wishes for torture

wrote that on my way 2 illinois...

colleen_marie_04: what do u see me as?
colleen_marie_04: *bites lip*
funnyclowndeath: the only girl thats made me fall head over heals in about...8 months..not since nina-the-bitch have i felt so good with a girl, and missed them so much when we're apart...i miss you like...whoa right now...and im starting to feel like, a days just not complete without you, today, monday, and saturday were truly the greatest days i had in a long while, and im so looking forward for more of them..it would be, so great
funnyclowndeath: hmm, what do you see me as?
colleen_marie_04: wow umm...
funnyclowndeath:
colleen_marie_04: i see u as someone who had this amazing ability to make me forget shit that has happened in my past. i see u as someone who if i give the chance and if i let you into my heart fully and completly, ur someone who could mend it like...in an instant and make all the hurt and damage that bill caused just disappear. and honestly, the fact that i just met you terrifies me cause i am so terrified 2 get deep into this and have it fall apart
funnyclowndeath: i think im scared i like you as much as i do..
colleen_marie_04: i am scared of that 2
colleen_marie_04: cause i feel like i hardly know you yet...
funnyclowndeath: no matter what, its too late now, i do like you, i have no choice about those feelings...its like im not in control, and that frustrates me, i can only trust you wont hurt me like ive been hurt, i know you feel the same...
colleen_marie_04: yea, i totally have the same thing going on. i just...matt...i just...i think this could b sumthin hella amazing, as long as we both just kinda throw ourselves into this, cause i dunno, i kno it hard and i know u scared cause trust me, i am 2, but if we are both scared we could def miss out on like..something great, u get me
funnyclowndeath: i wouldnt let any fear stop me from being with you, im not that dumb, you're something great colleen, i can see it...
colleen_marie_04: u are 2, i can feel it

Date:	2003-10-29 20:40
Subject:	these scars run deep and they cover me
Security:	Public
Mood:	discontent

so i like 2 think that since things are highly good in my life at the moment that i can just cover up everything from my past with some brightly colored bandages and some neosporin and the scars will just slowly fade away. but horribly enough the world doesnt work like that,or at least mine doesnt. i supose u are wondering what i have 2 complain about and honestly not much but i have these times when i sit here in front of my puter and my mind wanders back to the things that i used 2 have in my life that i no longer have and also just...shit that happened 2 me, mostly shit from 10th grade cuase that was the year that like...forced me 2 grow up the small amount that i have

wanna kno what the fuck im talking about, well here we go. i think about how it feels 2 b in love. and how horribly empty i feel now that that part of my life is gone. and i wonder where exactly me and bill went wrong cause i swear it snuck up on us like...i dunno, really fast. maybe it was the whole colleen situation that started it but i actually think it may have started 2 fall apart with the first rachel incident. and yea, tahts it, and then the colleen situation just made the space between meand bill grow farther cause i didnt trust him and i honestly enver got it back. and i think that is part of why he lost his trust in me..and fuck i dunno, i think i am gonna stop talking about this now, i dunno why i started. well i started cause i was thinkin bout it but i am done here, or at least for now i am
these scars run deep and they cover me, like an open wound with no breathing room. i cant heal like this and its you i miss...~chidos bros...

Date:	2003-10-28 19:26
Subject:
Security:	Public
Mood:	confused

COnversation with Matt's friend Jacen


BrknBraclets (7:01:26 PM): hey
SonofDellPaq (7:01:38 PM): so whatd u do today
BrknBraclets (7:01:49 PM): went to work, that away message was from yesturdady
BrknBraclets (7:01:51 PM): *day
SonofDellPaq (7:01:56 PM): ah
SonofDellPaq (7:01:57 PM): confucked me
BrknBraclets (7:02:09 PM): yea, i wish i had seem him today :-(
SonofDellPaq (7:03:27 PM): lemme say somethign straight out
SonofDellPaq (7:03:41 PM): and i want you to keep this betwixt u n i
SonofDellPaq (7:04:47 PM): if u hang out with matt, dont tell me, just say u did, dont go into details, i already got him on the other side proclaiming how it was the best damn day of his life (like every other time with every other girl is) and i dont wanna hear the same thign from you, even though i know yours wouldnt be total bullshit meant to make you look cool, like his is
SonofDellPaq (7:04:59 PM): i dont mean to be mean, i jsut want to tell ya
BrknBraclets (7:05:12 PM): u think he's bsing u?
BrknBraclets (7:05:32 PM): :-(
BrknBraclets (7:05:33 PM): that sucks
SonofDellPaq (7:05:43 PM): well if every single time hes with a girl its "the most amazing day" of his life and it "was the sweetest moment" it gets a little unbelieveable
BrknBraclets (7:06:18 PM): wow, now i just feel stupd
SonofDellPaq (7:06:25 PM): y
BrknBraclets (7:06:45 PM): cause i dunno, i guess i thought i was kinda sumthin special or whatever and if im not that really fuckin sucks
SonofDellPaq (7:07:00 PM): u prolly are, idk the whole thing
SonofDellPaq (7:07:06 PM): its just the same thing EVERYTIME with him
SonofDellPaq (7:07:07 PM): thas all
BrknBraclets (7:09:39 PM): well damn, i just like...shit
BrknBraclets (7:09:43 PM): :'(
SonofDellPaq (7:09:44 PM): what?
BrknBraclets (7:09:55 PM): nothin
SonofDellPaq (7:10:00 PM): oh, tell me
BrknBraclets (7:10:52 PM): nothin, i already said it BrknBraclets (7:06:45 PM): cause i dunno, i guess i thought i was kinda sumthin special or whatever and if im not that really fuckin sucks
SonofDellPaq (7:10:59 PM): oh
SonofDellPaq (7:11:12 PM): u ever read backdated lj entries of his?
BrknBraclets (7:11:27 PM): no
BrknBraclets (7:11:39 PM): i didnt kno him then so i figure none of thats my business
SonofDellPaq (7:14:17 PM): you- "Cause last night was just the damnest fucking sweetest night i've had in a long time."
Christina-"IT WAS AWESOME, and PERFECT, and it made me the happiest anything has in a long time!"
SonofDellPaq (7:14:20 PM): see what i mean?
BrknBraclets (7:14:32 PM): i dont wanna see
SonofDellPaq (7:14:37 PM): thats all ima show
BrknBraclets (7:15:52 PM): why are u showing me this though?
SonofDellPaq (7:16:16 PM): it was more for myself, to reaffirm that i wasnt talking out of my ass
BrknBraclets (7:16:39 PM): isnt that matt's business though?
SonofDellPaq (7:17:11 PM): re-affirming to you why i dont want to discuss him as well
BrknBraclets (7:17:37 PM): i mean are u like trying 2 make this not happen with us or sumthin? do u think ur like protecting me form gettin hurt or sumthin? what was the point?
SonofDellPaq (7:17:47 PM): oh fuck no
BrknBraclets (7:18:04 PM): then waht was the point of even bringing this up?
SonofDellPaq (7:18:08 PM): if i wanted to protect you, id dig up july-august-semtember shit
SonofDellPaq (7:18:28 PM): oh, cuz he was talking about it yesterday, and i felt i was having a re-convo, and i was just makin sure you dont re-re-convo
SonofDellPaq (7:18:32 PM): eth
BrknBraclets (7:19:36 PM): i dunno, i just, dunno, whatever...
SonofDellPaq (7:19:54 PM): im sorry, i shouldnt done/said nething


isnt that highly depressing? and here is my convo with matt...( i told jacen wouldnt tell but im sorry, i had 2 know what matt would say about it...)

BrknBraclets (7:14:20 PM): wow, dont tell jacen this ( please, cause he asked me not 2 tell u) but he just totally and completely depressed me...
FunnyClownDeath (7:14:32 PM): damn him!
FunnyClownDeath (7:14:37 PM): he depresses everyone!
FunnyClownDeath (7:14:40 PM): he needs to stop!

*pastes conversation with her and jacen*

BrknBraclets (7:09:43 PM): :'(
FunnyClownDeath (7:15:54 PM): fucking asshole!
FunnyClownDeath (7:16:08 PM): how many girls have i been this crazy over since NINA, ask him that!
BrknBraclets (7:16:09 PM): why would he do that matty? what does he think is gonna come of it?
FunnyClownDeath (7:16:24 PM): you are special, i hope you know that, so long as you know it
BrknBraclets (7:16:58 PM): i thought i knew it and now he just like shook up my whole little idea...
BrknBraclets (7:17:05 PM): can i see ur webcam?
FunnyClownDeath (7:19:30 PM): yea
FunnyClownDeath (7:20:07 PM): Click to see my video
BrknBraclets (7:20:30 PM): u dont look happy
BrknBraclets (7:20:32 PM): :-(
FunnyClownDeath (7:20:51 PM): i cant believe jason said that
FunnyClownDeath (7:21:21 PM): he knows what he said was total bull, and that i havent felt the way i do for you in a long time
FunnyClownDeath (7:21:45 PM): the fact that i talk about our time together so much shows him that
FunnyClownDeath (7:22:14 PM): and hes talkin to me like hes not trying to...get you against me...grrr!
BrknBraclets (7:22:49 PM): hes just acting like he hasnt said anyitng?
FunnyClownDeath (7:23:03 PM): you and i, the time we spend together, isnt bullshit (and yea, hes actin like he didnt say anything to you)
BrknBraclets (7:23:54 PM): *Sigh*
FunnyClownDeath (7:24:16 PM): i guess i wasnt happy enough for my webcam tonite eh..
BrknBraclets (7:24:27 PM): i like got messed up with ur webcam and now i cant see it anymore
FunnyClownDeath (7:24:38 PM): ooh
FunnyClownDeath (7:24:39 PM): hmm
FunnyClownDeath (7:24:41 PM): weird
BrknBraclets (7:24:57 PM): yea
BrknBraclets (7:24:59 PM): *Hug*
FunnyClownDeath (7:25:43 PM): *extra huge engulfing just-so-you-know-i-like-you-lots-and-think-of-you-all-the-time HUG*
FunnyClownDeath (7:25:46 PM): :-P
BrknBraclets (7:26:00 PM): hehe u think of me all the time?:-D
FunnyClownDeath (7:29:24 PM): well, about 73% of the time im awake
BrknBraclets (7:29:34 PM): haha thats such random number...

Date:	2003-10-27 19:26
Subject:	some matt...and then some depressingness about william
Security:	Public
Mood:	numb
Music:	I'll Catch You- Get Up Kids

yay! i saw matt again today...and i really dont know when ill see him again. i mean, i will b gone this weekend in illinois, and i dunno when i get back sunday, so...and like, i dunno, i am only off punishment if i have no C's and i have a C in physics, so i dunno, maybe they will forget about that or sumthin, but probably not...and like...i like matt...heres sumthin crappy i wrote yesturday but i putting it here cause its about matt so...

this is matt's entry about me! well part of it is about me, most of it...

wow, havent had a real update in sooo long, i know all you little spy's have been waiting for something steamy and revealing...

well, lets glance at all the things that have happened in the last few weeks...

2 weeks ago was homecoming, and it was alright, certain times were alright, but at the end of the night, Christina made me feel wonderful. BUT, like i had predicted, after homecoming we are nothing now...

oh well.

A week ago i met this girl laura, wow she is so...hmm, sexual i guess would be a good word. She's real nice, but, i dont think anything will happen between us...

why might you ask?

Cause last night was just the damnest fucking sweetest night i've had in a long time.

Infact, im going to be a little ho and just steal colleens journal entry about last nite, and then maybe add my 2 cents in afterwords...

------------------------

Date: 2003-10-26 14:46
Subject: matty...
Security: Public
Mood: dorky
Music: baby boy- beyonce

ok so this is why i believe everything happens for a reason. i didnt hang out with joseph cause i was supposed 2 hang out with matt. and i did. and it was sooooooooooooooooooooo awesome. we played laserquest and then went 2 his house and watched tv. and we kissd and i got butterflies...*sigh* i havent had butterflies in a long time, i like felt it all thru me, it was amazing. it was like God's way of saying yup, u should b doing this colleen!!! and we just watched tv and layed on his couch and i fell asleep next 2 him. and sadly enough had 2 leave at about 3:30. and now i dont know when ill see him again but if it is a long time i think ill go crazy...

hey, are u wondering what happened 2 joseph? haha well matt happened. and joey is just joey now. its amazing how fast those feelings like disappeared, i love it!

kk im going now

bye bye
Colleen

-----------------

yes Yes and HELL YES!

It was just the sweetest thing i can recall when she was curled up next to me on my couch with her eyes closed and my hand holding the back of her head. I swear, it could have almost been out of a movie it was so nice.

Oh, and thank god for that, daylight savings time! it gave us another hour together, cause one minute the clock was 1:59am, and the next it was 1am again. i cant believe she stayed as long as she did. 5 hours almost. (heh, and my parents didnt even know, they went to bed around 12)

So yea, right before she left, we stood on my porch. The night seemed almost like day after all those hours in my basement with the lights off, it was still raining, and the silence was just weird. We stood there for just a few moments in this big looong hug, followed by a big long kiss, and then another big long hug. I really dont know how long we were standing out there, it seemed like it was no more then a minute, but it coulda been longer.

yea, i might see her again today, depends on when my parents want to get on the ball about some dinner! i want pizza....

:-D

Date:	2003-10-26 14:46
Subject:	matty...
Security:	Public
Mood:	dorky
Music:	baby boy- beyonce

ok so this is why i believe everything happens for a reason. i didnt hang out with joseph cause i was supposed 2 hang out with matt. and i did. and it was sooooooooooooooooooooo awesome. we played laserquest and then went 2 his house and watched tv. and we kissd and i got butterflies...*sigh* i havent had butterflies in a long time, i like felt it all thru me, it was amazing. it was like God's way of saying yup, u should b doing this colleen!!! and we just watched tv and layed on his couch and i fell asleep next 2 him. and sadly enough had 2 leave at about 3:30. and now i dont know when ill see him again but if it is a long time i think ill go crazy...

hey, are u wondering what happened 2 joseph? haha well matt happened. and joey is just joey now. its amazing how fast those feelings like disappeared, i love it!

kk im going now

bye bye
Colleen

BrknBraclets (7:49:13 PM): hey, are we still gonna hang out on saturday?
Glassjaw glory (7:50:41 PM): im sorry icant i have 2 help paint at my aunts she it going 2 pay 4 my dues


figures dont it?

As much as someone has destroyed
themselves, I still cared about them.
Now they're gone and I'm still living
in the past. I think they are all I ever
had in the world, but it's not so.


What Goddamnit song are you?

Date:	2003-10-22 17:06
Subject:	he likes...not me
Security:	Public
Mood:	depressed
Music:	fireflies- saves the day

yup, tahts right. joseph likes someone else. and wow i was so far off. i thought he liked me, he acted like it or at least i thought he was acting like it...i dunno wahtever it just sucks. i mean i guess i dont know for a fact that he doesnt but the girl that he does likes goes 2 school with him so she obviously has a better chance then me. and i dunno, ive just lost hope. and it sucks. really fuckin sucks. and i havent even talked 2 him since sunday so whatever, once again i am just gonna have 2 move on....

Date:	2003-10-21 19:32
Subject:	yes, i kno, another survey...im so lame
Security:	Public
Mood:	blank
Music:	saves the day -firefly

My Perfect Guy ( come on now, who doesnt like 2 dream....)

~Physical features~

Hair color: dark, wether that be dark brown, brown, black, whatever. i tend to not go for blonde guys though...

Eye color: i love blue eyes with dark hair, but i am starting to get a thing for brown eyes too

Height: as long as they are taller then me, i dont even care anymore. i am startin 2 thin like...5'8"ish is good

Six pack: naw, i dont like 2 much muscle

Facial hair: depends on the guy...like jeremy looks good with his, and so does joseph so...but bills looks like shit..cause it like is in patches haha

Long or short hair: short, definatly.

Glasses: nope

Piercings: no, no no!!!!!!!!!!

Scars: i love knowning how ppl got there scars.....for some reason it makes me feel like i know them a lot better

Big bushy eyebrows or straight hairs: dont matter

Big butt or little butt: i used 2 hate butts, but my opnion is changing there too...but not big butts. just like..nice ones haha

Chest hair: no!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Buff or skinny: a skinny buff would b wonderful

Dark leg hair: i dunno, leg hair doesnt really bother me

Straight teeth, gap, or braces: as long as they are all there and relativly straight we are all good

Height wise, where do u come up on to him: about his...chin/nose area



Personality:


Funny or seroius: funny mostly but knows when 2 b serious

Party boy or stay at home or cuddle guy: i dont want a party boy. but i would still wanna go out haha but not 2 parties. get me? but i love 2 stay at home to...and cuddle...haha

Can he cook or bake: cooking i guess is good. doesnt hurt him if he cant

Does he have a best friend: yup, other then me definatly. it is really important to me now that my next bf has friends other then me, and friends who arent my friends. it allows me 2 know that i will get time with my friends cause i will know he wants time with his

Does he have a lot of girl friends: come on now, everyone knows i am a jealous bitch.

Outgoing or shy: mixture. shy at first but then outgoing is always cute

Sarcastic or sincere: i love sarcastic ppl, but there is a time when i can appriciate it more then others

Does he love his mother: doesnt matter, as long as he doesnt beat her.

Does he watch chick flicks: no, no no!!!! well maybe just a few

Does he come up with romantic ideas, or needs help: needs help sometimes but does i himself sometimes

Is he a phone person: yup

Do u call him more than he calls u?: no i am tired of always calling teh guy i like

Does he smoke?: hell mother fuckin no

Does he drink?: hell mother fuckin no

Does he swear?: yup, cause i have a fowl mouth and u all know it

Is he a virgin?: as long as he doesnt have a disease i dont care



~Dating style~


One or more girls at a time: just one. who would actually say more then one?

Does he pay for dates: sometimes

Does he kiss on the first date: if he feels a connection

French kiss or friendly peck: church tounge!!!! yaya wedding singer!

Date:	2003-10-21 16:48
Subject:
Security:	Public
Mood:	amused

haha i am just seeing if this thing works...cause i Dled sumthin that lets me update when i am not online...

Date:	2003-10-19 15:48
Subject:	more survey from yesturday....
Security:	Public
Mood:	sleepy
Music:	nightengale- std

123*OUT OF ALL YOUR FRIENDS, WHO IS THE: ....




124*SHORTEST: shortest?um........anna

125*TALLEST: bill or joey ( not joseph)

126*FUNNYEST: i used 2 say bill 2 this but he rarely makes me smile anymore...probably jack or amir

127*SWEETEST: jack, definately

128*TRUSTED: amir. i didnt even have 2 think of that twice

129*TRUSTING: meaning who trusts me the most? probably jack, or amir. and anna 2

130*ADVISER: amir, or jeremy. i hate how jeremy almost always ends up being right, it makes me sick! :)

131*ADVISEE: who needs the most advice? me haha

132*MOST PERFECT: none of my friends are perfect and thats why i love them all so much

133*MOST INSECURE: actually all of my friends ( almost all). like anna amir jack me. and then i have the overly confident ones *coughcough*BILL and LAURA*coughcough*. they both think they are the shit...and that everything revolves around them...

134*SMARTEST: jeremy, definately. he's Mr. AP classes

135*DUMBEST/BLONDEST: thats a tie wtih me and anna

136*HORNYEST: bill

137*HONEST: umm...jeremy. he tells u what he thinks even if u dont wanna hear it

***************Which One??*****************

138*Car OR jeep: jeep, a black jeep wrangler

139*Sweet and ugly OR Rude and Hot: sweet and ugly, definatly

140*Tall OR short: short, defintly

141*Long hair in the summer OR short hair in the winter: long hair in tehs ummer, tahts what ponytails are for!!!

142*Bangs OR no bangs: no bangs

143*hot,hairy chest guy OR ugly smooth chested guy: howis a chest ugly? one thing that would make it ugly is zits. when ppl have zits al over the chest and back...ewwwwww....i dont like this question...

144*Soggy Bread OR Raw Meat: soggy bread, definatly. me and meat are no longer friends, no kind of meat. not even turkey and chicken...i said i was gonna do it after swim season and swim is over so...this is like day 4 haha
145*Justin Timberlake with a bald head OR long hair: neither hahahaha

146*Pringles OR DOritoes: doritoes

147*Scary Movie OR Romantic Movie: scary!!! esp. when ur sittin next 2 joseph and everytime u jump he gives u this smile that makes u wanna melt....

148*Dog OR Cat: doggie, definately. well actually that depends on my mood. if i am hyper, dog, if i am calma nd sleep, cat

149*Fish OR Bird: bird cause i want a DUCK!!!
150*Sandles with socks or tennis shoes with no socks: tennis shoes with no socks. i do that all the time with my old vans, its comfy

151*Shoes OR Sandles: neither. i love being barefoot.

152*Computer with no mouse OR Computer with no keyboard: no mouse cause u can do everything with u keyboard, it just takes some codes and a lot of teh tab button

153*Love OR LIke: like, love hurts 2 much

154*HOtt Or Cute: i like cute guys, hott guys tend 2 know they are hot and then are like...concieted. i used 2 think concietedness was hot, now i find it disgusting. get over urself. but dont have such low selfesteem u become clingy...

155*Honest & Nerdy OR Liar & Popular: Honest and Nerdy. i wonder if someone would actually chose liad and popular

156*100 friends or 1 best friend: 1 bf, definatly. cause i bet slowly enough those 100 "friends" will drfit away

157*100 friends that lie all the time OR no friends: definatly no friends

158*Hott boyfriend that never calls you OR Ugly Boyfriend that calls you when you want him to: ugly boyfriend. these questions are so easy :)

160*Staple your tounge or Stple your Lip: ewww!!! niether!

161*Long Gross nails Or no Nails at all: both options would b pretty gross

162*Food or drink: drink

163*Spinich OR Raw Fish: i actually like spinach so that was easy
164*Green Beans or Refried beans: green beans all the way!!!!!!

165*computer with no speakers & napster OR a computer with speakers without napster: have speakers. but haha napster, wow this thing is old...

167*Email or Mail: email

***************First reaction****************

168*Ugly: me

169*Fat: me

170*cute: joseph

171*Hot: joseph

172*Guyz: are assholes

173*Jerks: are guys

174*Girls: bitches

175*friends: love the ones i have

176*Car: haha josephs doesnt go about 65... :)

178*Color: orange

179*wet: hair

180*Plastic: spoon

181*hard: core
182*soft: core haha

183*watery: dolphin

184*Silver: butt

185*Fork: camp

186*Spoon: campk

187*Bowl: bill

188*Plate: arrr

189*TV: soothing

190*Money: not happiness but damn close

191*School: i wanna go 2 western

192*Crush: joseph

193*love: hurts

194*boyfriend: i want one, kinda

195*girlfriend: i thought i was a good one but maybe not

196*Drink: no more



197*Swallow: LMAO!!!

198*Suck: see above haha

199*Blow: see above

200*Outside: its gorgues out today

201*Indside: secerts

202*What time is it now?? 4:07

203*Did this Survey really annoy you?? noe it amused me

204*Who do you hope fills this out? my ass, left and right cheeks. sorry i am in a sarcastic mood

205*Are you glad your done? i suppose

206*DO you want more ?'s ??? naw, im straight

Date:	2003-10-19 12:03
Subject:	hoemcoming and aftert!!!!!!!!!
Security:	Public
Mood:	giddy

omg so here is my yesturday:
work 9-3
came home showered, online, got ready went to jacks, went to HC.

homeocming was.........a few things
fake, fun, annoying, heartwrenching, stressful
it was fake cause ppl said hi 2 me that havent spoken since 9th grade
it was fun cause i got 2 b with amir and we laughed at all the hoochies
it was annoying cause i was cold
it was heartwrenching cause i hated seeing another girl on bills arm
it was stressful cuase i was worried about bill and ileana driving home drunk

AFTERWARDS was two things...amazing and torturous
me and jack ended up going over to davids house. and a whole bunch of ppl were there. then we all went 2 see texas chainsaw massacre. jack and his friend strechie sunk in but i felt bad so joseph waited in line with me after everyone else was in teh theater. then we went in and talked during teh previews. during the whole movie i kept jumping like a mile out of my seat and joseph would just look at me and smile and there was this one point where i was coverin my face and he goes i think its over with this little smileon his face...then afterwards we all went back 2 david's house where i fell asleep on teh coach and we left at 3:30, and i worked at 6. so it was amazing cause i managed 2 open up around ppl and torturous cause i want more....


now im talking 2 joseph. we are gonna go 2 a haunted house next weekend, just me and him...want the conversation? here it is

Glassjaw glory: hey
BrknBraclets: this david?
Glassjaw glory: joey
BrknBraclets: o hey!
BrknBraclets: how are u?
Glassjaw glory: ugo 2 work
BrknBraclets: yea, but only for 3 hours
BrknBraclets: cuase i askd if i could go home
BrknBraclets: what time did u get 2 sleep last night?
Glassjaw glory: like 410
BrknBraclets: ahhhh, i think i would have died
Glassjaw glory: usually i am dead at that time
BrknBraclets: haha yea, they were sayin u go 2 bed really early. i usually am asleep by like...11 on teh weekends, im like an old lady
Glassjaw glory: i guess i am 2
BrknBraclets: ur like an old lady? nice...:-D
Glassjaw glory: lol
BrknBraclets: hey , can i ask u a question?
Glassjaw glory: yea
BrknBraclets: do u wanna hang out sometime, just like, me and u?
Glassjaw glory: sure when
BrknBraclets: haha i dunno, umm...like...i dunno haha. prob next weekend or sumthin maybe
BrknBraclets: that cool?
Glassjaw glory: sure
BrknBraclets: sweet
BrknBraclets: i kinda tryed 2 ask u that on friday but i turned into a chicken shit so...
Glassjaw glory: o
BrknBraclets: is that a good o or a bad o?
Glassjaw glory: good
BrknBraclets: haha ok
Glassjaw glory: i kike 2 say o
Glassjaw glory: like
BrknBraclets: haha ok :-D
BrknBraclets: so did u like the movie last night or did it scare the shit out of u?
Glassjaw glory: yea
Glassjaw glory: i think it scared u
BrknBraclets: just a little haha
Glassjaw glory: a little
BrknBraclets: i prob should have warned u i get a little jumpy during scary movies...
Glassjaw glory: girls do that
Glassjaw glory: lol
BrknBraclets: :-D
BrknBraclets: i dunno why but for some really odd reason i wanna go 2 a haunted house after seein that
Glassjaw glory: i only went 2 1
BrknBraclets: ive never been 2 one. are they actually scary?
Glassjaw glory: me intill last week
BrknBraclets: huh?
Glassjaw glory: went 2 a hounted house
BrknBraclets: u went 2 one last week?
Glassjaw glory: we got these tix 2 this hounted house thing at freedom hill
Glassjaw glory: yea
BrknBraclets: oo ok.
BrknBraclets: sorry im slow
Glassjaw glory: me to
Glassjaw glory: its like every weekend
Glassjaw glory: i forget how 2 get there
BrknBraclets: ahhh ok
Glassjaw glory: they are like these free tix so any one could go
BrknBraclets: u wanna do that next weekend?
Glassjaw glory: if you want 2 it willbe fun
BrknBraclets: if u dont mind me like freaking out on u and like grabbing onto u, cause i prob will
Glassjaw glory: ok
BrknBraclets: haha ok


*SHITS HER PANTS!!!* i am so excited!

1*What time is it: 4:36pm

2*Todays Date: oct 18, homecoming

3*Full Name: Colleen Marie _______

4*Gender: girl

5*Age: 17

6*Birthday: october 1, 1986

7*Siblings(age,sex): pam 19 eileen 21
8*Parents: nancy and jud

9*Nieces: nope

10*Nefews: nope

11*School: cass tech

12*School colors: green and white (YAY!!!)

13*Car: 96 red dodge neon( its pimped out...but not really)

14*Car color: answered above

15*Eye color: hazel

16*Hair Color: dyed black, naturally blonde

17*Hair Length: shoulderish

18*WEight: about 135

19*Height: 5'3"

20*Skin(pale white,tan,dark,black): medium white, cause im not tan but im not pale
21*what are you wearing as of now: pj's ( old navy red bottoms with dogs on them, orange shirt that says camden in blue)

22*Are you wearing make-up? nope but i will b in about 3 hours

23*Did you take a shower today? bout an hour ago

24*Pets(names,kind): dog duke, 4 cats nybble, dc, lady may, skater
25*What are you drinking right now? nada

26*Do you smoke? nope :)
27*If so, what do you smoke? nothing

28*Do you have a car, or is it your parents? i think legally it is my parents but they call it mine, i call it mine, so it is mine

29*Are you listening to music? nope, amazingly enough

30*If so, what song, and who is it by? ..

31*What are your screen names? brknbraclets, stars r hope, startwhenurready

32*Crush: joseph

33*Person you want to go out with: no one currently, but i think once i get 2 know joseph better maybe him

34*Dating anyone? nope

35*If so, who?

36*How long?

37*who asked who out?

38*Are you in love? nope

39*Are you a virgin? nope

40*How far have you been with a guy/girl? look at the above quesiton

41*How far would you go just to be with the person you crushed? i wouldnt do anything just 2 b with him. but once we were going out i would have no problem making out with him

42*Are you a little devil, or a sweet little innocent ANGEL? depends on when u catch me

43*WHo's your best friend? mirror, jeremy, jackie

44*Why is she/he your best friend? cause i love them 2 death

45*What's your perfect dream date like? amusement park, then like...i dunno, falling asleeep together. and if got sunburned,he should put aloe vera on it for me :) haha im lame!!!

46*Who would it be with? joseph but if u want someone famous, shane west *drools for an hour*

47*where would you go? omg this questions are soo repetitive

48*What kind of music do you listen to? lots

*************YES OR............NO*****************

49*Shy: yes around ppl i dont know

50*Outgoing: rarely

51*Ugly: thats a matter of opinion and currently i am at a middle in my opinion

52*Pretty:nope

53*Beautiful: definatly not

54*Loveable: yes!!! i like 2 think i am very lovable

55*Sensative: sometimes

56*Nerdy: u know it!!~

57*Geek: yuppers!

58*Playa: i couldnt even b if i wanted 2

59*Playa hata: hahahahaahahhaah that makes me laugh for some reason

60*Tall: nopers

61*Short: yuppers

62*Only Child: no, tahnk god. all only children that i have come in contact with are selfish. they think everything revovles around tehm *coughcoughBILL*coughcough*. im not syaing tehy all are but the one i know definatly is

63*Cheated on a test: yes, but who can honestly say they havent...

64*Did someone else's homework: sadly enough yes

65*let somone act like you on the phone: nope

66*asked out your crush: i almost asked joseph if he wanted 2 hang out yesturday...almost

67*Split up a relationship: no, what kind of bitch would that make me

68*Drove a car: yee

69*Road a roller coaster: i <3 rollercoasters



70*Chickened out on a roller Coaster: haha i am sitll 2 chkecn to go in teh front of the millenium force

71*Went to a concert: millions

72*Went to the beach: yuppers

73*Been to an Ocean: yes, that has 2 b one of gteh most amazing things ever

74*Called your boyfriend a jerk: yes but not jerk. more like asshole, dick, etc...

75*Made fun of your best friend: probably, and most likely in a loving way

76*said you loved someone when you really didn't: i think that the last few times i said it 2 bill b4 we broke up i might not have meant it with my whole heart

77*Said you loved someone and you meant it: definatly, a few people

78*Kissed someone: yup

79*WEnt out on a date, just you and him/her: yup

*********FAVORITES************

80*Color: orange!!!
81*Flower: lilies
82*Car: *sigh* mustang cobra, black, black convertible top, black leather interior....
83*Drink: dr. pepper, sprite, water
84*Day: defintly....friday
85*Song: nope, not even answerin that
86*CD:^^^^^^^^^^^^^
87*person: no one
88*Star: i dunno
89*Actor: shane west...*drools*
90*Actress: jennifer anisten
91*Movie: i have a lotm but i suppose my most favorite favorite is empire records (suprise suprise..but not really)
92*Singer(s): meaning best vocals? either matt(A3) or jessie (BN)
93*Rapper(s): Eminem
94*Boyfriend/Girlfriend: my favorite? ive only had 2....so i think my fave of teh 2 would have 2 bill
95*Music Video: i really like the video for at ur funeral, by STD. i dunno why but i do...and now i am gonna go watch it
96*Radio Station(s): 88.7, 96.3, and whatever
97*TV Show: Friends, Simpsons
98*friend at school: mirror, jeremy
99*Animal(s): DUCKS!!!! and MONKEYS!!!!1
100*School(elementry,Jr High,High school): they all sucked haha
101*Boy Name(s): I really dont know, i always have trouble here
102*Girl Name(s): savannah
103*pet Name(s): Donald and Mojo ( a duck and a monkey)
**************Friends*********************
104*COOLEST CAR: if bill hasnt crashed his friggin probe i would say him, cause that car was...amazing. and soooooo fun 2 drive
105*BEST HOUSE: i love jacks house
106*SHORTEST TEMPER: bill, esp when he is sober, its like woah, jump back!
107*MOST TALENT: omg jackie and his amazing lyrics
108*FUNNYEST TRACK RECORD: ???
109*WEIRDEST TASTE IN THE OPPOSITE SEX: definatly mirror
110*ODDEST SENSE OF HUMOR: i dunno
111*DIRTYEST MIND: i hang out with guys, they all have dity minds
112*MOST UNUSUAL IDEAS: mirror, but thats why i love him
113*CRUSH/BOYFRIEND/GIRLFRIEND: joseph!!!!! gebus!!!
114*IS THERE A SONG THAT REMINDS YOU OF THEM: of joseph? anything by finch, cause we both love them...
115*DO YOU GET ALONG WITH YOUR EX BF/GF: depends on the day. at the moment, we are hating each other
116*BEST GIRL FRIENDS: anna and pammy
117*BEST GUY FRIENDS: jack, jeremy, mirror
118*WHY ARE YOU SUCH GOOD FRIENDS, AND HOW DID YOU GET TO BE SUCH GOOD FRIENDS: well jack and me met thru bill and i dunno, we just are. me and jeremy got really close over the summer, and mirror and me are like...the same but he is a guy haha. get me? we think the same,we like the same stuff, i love mirror!!!!
120*COULD YOU TELL THEM ANYTHING: jeremy and mirror, yup. and i do
121*WHY/NOT: jackie cause there is shit i dont want bill 2 kno and jackie might let it slip. and mirror and jeremy jsut cause they never gave me reason 2 believe i couldnt
122*DO YOU TRUST THEM: i dont fully trust anyone anymore. but i do trust them 2 a certain extent


adn tehre was a lot more but i am done, its time 2 start gettin ready!!!