Ida na Wy   
12:23pm 23/10/2003
mood: ditzy
music: temnozer!!!!
So i keep having these dreams that im going to die. Befoe it was just me getting chased by cops or being locked got to the point where i was afraid of going to sleep even. But now....dying? Jesus fucking christ these dreams couldnt seem more real either!

But last night....i had a dream about some really beautiful girl who wanted me to come over to her house, so i stole a motorcycle and started driving really fast and crazylike, grand theft auto style and well....i dont know if i dieded or not, but fucking shit i remember waking up and wonderign where my dream went....likei realised it stopped but i wasnt awake really, whatever.

Holy mother fucker......i got up on friendster finally. I finally caved in after 2489034 people telling me to get up on it. The only thing is, i have crappy pics on it. But you know whats great? Im going out with two different girls today! Thank you friendster, youve saved my life and my days off from beeing painfully boring. HEIL!

I really cant sleep lately. I have so much stuff on my mind. Like i keep calling my probation officer and even going in and leaving her hand written messages and emails too, but she never calls me back or anything. In the middle of writing this i just remembered that i turned my ringer off the other morning because i wanted to sleep in. Maybe ill go to jail now because of my need to sleep in longer. Fuck. Ive also been worrying about meeting new girls, and jenn knowing them. Sure, she loves me and misses me or whatever she says, but she tries to sabatage anything i have with anyone she knows. Bitch.

Sometimes i wonder if all of my money that ive sent to random distros, was either stolen or if they just laughed and kept my cash. God dammit why is my shit taking forever!

This is a depressing entry because im depressed. Kinda....well im kinda excited about meeting up with this girl today:) Shes fucking hot.

(6 kisses | Kiss the goat!!)

Its the "d" in setroit tha scares me to no end   
01:29pm 15/10/2003
music: vinterriket
Ok, i hate ti when i have no fucking clue as to what artsy bands lyrics are supposed to "represent", or the imagery that im spupposed to interpret.

Well, my internet connection was,...well, not there for a couple of days, and after almost chcking my monitor out the window, i just decided to call my provider. Now i dont have cable, but i have internet access! Woohoo! Im going o explode. No, really, m actually fucking ecstatic.

This weekend was craaaazzzzy! Ill write about ti in my livejournal because i dont feel like writing it twice.

Man its fucking cold. Its making my arms bright red and my skin all tight and goosebumpy. Good thing i have a heater, maybe i should use it before i get pneumonia.

Ugh, still no mail.

Shit....jenn called me the other day, we hungo out for a couple of hours, she cried, i got a little sad and maybe a little teary-eyed. It was sad but awesome and we laughed alot and peed on the side of someones house together, which means i got to see her ass which was pretty awesome, even thugh ive seen it 902784273 times. So anyways, she called me yesterday too and asked if i wanted to go to coffe or dinner or something. I wonder whats going on here? Im worried that my weakness may prevailand ill say yes and ill succomb(?) to her wishes and ugh...

Anyways, ive started a saving to go to san diego to visit, if now move there temporarily. I think shes the only thing i really want to move away from up here, but its enough to drive me miles and miles away. I miss jacob. I put a picture of him next to my bed:) I just reall miss that feeling. Theres certain feelings that dictate who i am and what i do and eat and everything, and i can say that im genuinely happy when im in san diego. But then again i think its gross there. The weathers gross, the girls are hoes, and its just fucking ghetto. I hate ghetto.

(1 kiss | Kiss the goat!!)

Krieg und sieg   
07:49pm 11/10/2003
mood: awake
music: branikald
So maybe i am paranoid of what? Basically, i have mixed feeling about it. Im not entirely sure where i stand, mostly because i (believe it or not)am one of the most caring persons one could ever meet. Im saying all of this because, well, its sorta embarrassing, but there was a little unexpected thunder and i woke up thinking it wa a bomb. I jumped out of bed clad only in boxers and tattooes, and ran straight to the television to see if the world was being destroyed, or at least seattle. I dont want my life to end so soon, theres so much stuff i havent recieved in the mail. Also, i cant wait to be crazy in love again.

Man, i was just making a peanut butter and jelly sandwich,...and i got all fuzzy and warm and good feeling from remembering how good being in love was. I seriously cant wait. Although, i havent exactly been seeming that way. I have a pretty annoying problem: Im very attractive,...some might say. But for some reason, the only girls, at least here in seattle, that ive met have been complete fucking dumbasses. Hot maybe, but fucking stupid. Maybe im asking for too much? maybe i should just make a list of requirements, and a list of things that cant put up with. Maybe i should make this list hee on my journal? That would be funny shit. I would have to make a rough draft first, because seriously, theres sooo much i cant stand about people, and most of what i cant stand are things most girls do.

HOLY SHIT THERES AN EXODUS video on mtv2! its old, but tis fucking hilarious. Man, the video is awesome, its soooo buttrock. Makes me want some stonewashed jeans. Theres so much moshing going on in this video.

I hate mosh.

Agh, my apartment is so lonely. Some girl says shes gunna come over and watch american beauty with me after some some hardcore show. I hate hardcore, but man, shes fucking hot. She heiled(NS saluted) me outside of safeway the other day, so we made plans and yeah, but now im kinda freaking out because i dont know if she just wants to watch a movie, or if she wants to "watch a movie". Meh.


(3 kisses | Kiss the goat!!)

03:07pm 11/10/2003
mood: geeky
music: temnozer

This is my new shit. Maybe ill be done with my lj, or maybe ill use it as my fake ass joke-journal, and use this one to pour out my real feelings.....or maybe ill use it to gain access to julez blurty.

Im hungover and my first post makes me want to vomit.

(Kiss the goat!!)