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Monday, January 31st, 2005
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1:18 am
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| Tuesday, January 25th, 2005
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9:40 pm - She Is Beautiful
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What am I doing besides working on my Broadcasting Laws and Ethics homework? If it's taken you this long to figure it out, there is no longer any hope for you.
So, which to talk about first...... Lora or classes? How about the one I care about more. Things with Lora are going great. I love spending time with her. The more I do things with her, the more I want to do with her. Hell, she broke my mexican-food-cherry. I found mexican food that I like, all because of her. I'm also thinking she's the best movie partner for me. And an even bigger turn-on... she knows music. She knows and comprehends what music theory that I cannot... which is border-line sexy to me. Hell, what am I saying? It is sexy. *guy moment* And she's got one hell of a body. */end guy moment* I cannot wait until I can hold her in my arms again. */end gay moment.... just kidding.... the gayness never ends*
So, classes. Yeah... they're still there. I think that as soon as we get into the rhythm of things, Broadcasting is going to be hella-fun. Cinema is alittle rusty with me right now, but after a review of cinematic style and narration, I'll be back in my game. Laws and Ethics... I don't have to say much about. Geography... it could be worse. I do have a better teacher this semester, and I do have James in the class with me. So, the semester could be worse. It'll probably get bad soon... but, it's okay. Lora's smile seems to make everything better.
Since I seem to have not much else to say, and I no longer have any real good excuse to not be doing my work now, I think I'll get to it. See you in the future...
Brian
"The Charismatic Enigma"
current mood:  productive
current music: "All The Things She Said" - T.A.T.U.
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| Monday, January 17th, 2005
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1:10 am - El Scorcho
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Ok, I admit it. I'm enamored with Lora. I think of myself as being one of the luckiest people in the world just knowing her... my head almost asploded when we started dating. The full effect of it hit me during the break, when I first was able to comprehend that she was willing to drive up here from Sevierville to spend time with me, knowing that I was more than enthusiastic about driving down to her. That in itself is awesome, not even mentioning how smart she is, how pretty she is, how her smile is like the sun on a rainy day... (ending poetic bullshit here).
So, classes. Yeah, I've got some. EFP is going to be fun, since it's basically just making little movies. Kinda sucks that it's all group-work, since I was hoping for a more individual experience in the class, but it should still be fun. American Cinema and Society should be at least interesting and fun. Watching movies, talking about how they effect or were affected by the society they were made in.... yeah, stuff that only Cinema minors are probably interested in. Broadcasting Laws and Ethics is going to suck major ass, but I'll just bite the bullet for 3 hours one night a week and be done with it. Geography 102 should be fun, since it's not being taught by Lucifer, and James (the only guy I know to attempt to walrus a girl) is in there with me, so it should be fun. I think my favorite part of the semester, though, is all of the time I know I'm going to be able to spend with Lora.
I'm going to cut this short, since I'm having a popular day on AIM (two people... wooooo!). I'll update when I have more to say.
Brian
The Charismatic Enigma
current mood:  good
current music: Andrew W.K. - "She Is Beautiful"
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| Friday, January 7th, 2005
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1:23 am - Live For The Moment
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Ok, I hate strep throat. Hate it... and have it. This time, it decided to be sneaky... and hide as sore neck/shoulder muscles. So, after two shots in my hips, and some lovely Hyrdocodones, I'm on the road to recovery.
So, I've got a busy weekend coming up. First Raw Deal day of the year, and it sounds like it's going to be a full Saturday. Should be fun, though. Tony's Stacy Keibler has a match against my Lita. It's going to suck... but we don't know for whom yet. I don't mind losing... Lita's lost more than her fair share of matches. Anyways... moving on.
With that over at 3, I should have enough time to prepare myself to meet Lora's friends. We all know I get very uncomfortable in social situations, but I'm going to do my best to not completely freak out. I'll just have to keep telling myself that I do have some sort of self-esteem, and that these people should have no reason to not like me. Also, I need to force myself into conversations that I have something to say in. Can't spend the entire dinner shriveled up in a corner... or continuous eyeing of the exit. I should be fine, though. Just gotta do my trick to combat social anxiety.
Sunday. Not as busy as Saturday, but still eventful. Christmas part II at my cousin's. Will only be a late lunch, since Mom and my aunt have to go to work. Then at 7, I'm hosting the New Year's Revolution PPV here. I know that Tony and Josh will be here, and I'm thinking that James will make it. I need to call him tomorrow.
I cannot wait until school starts back. I'm tired of this break. I cannot wait to take the classes I'm signed up for (except for the Geography). Also looking forward to spending a bit more time with Lora. I know she's tired of this break, and I hate knowing that anyone isn't enjoying life to the fullest. Therefore, I'm reinstating the Live For The Moment policy. Anyone that's in my presense will be having as much fun as they can, or just enjoying the moment they're having. So yes, Lora, your last semester as an undergrad at UT will be the best months of your life, if I have any say in it!
So, before I get mesmerized by music again, I'm going to quit rambling. Have fun everybody. "See you in the pit..."
Brian
The Charismatic Enigma
current mood:  relaxed
current music: "Team Extreme" - Peroxwhy?gen
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| Monday, December 27th, 2004
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1:41 am - This isn't where I parked my car...
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Almost completely forgot that I had this thing, until it came up in a random conversation. But, randomness is my life at this point. *looking at book about sock monkies that Lora gave me for Christmas* Yes, good ol' fashioned randomness.
Don't really have too much to say. Most everyone out there knows what all's been happening with me. Decemberween was kinda slow... only Lora, Josh, Tony, and Ren made it. Tony went to bed at the 1:30am gift exchange, and Ren left at 3. Lora, Josh, and I only really talked (around a few episodes of ATHF) until about 7:30, where we caught little bits of sleep. It was different than the usual Frag-fest we usually have, but it was still all sorts of fun.
Speaking of fun, I've found my calling in life. Thanks to Broadcasting 335, I know I want to make TV shows/movies. It may just be one of my pipe dreams, but I really enjoyed the work in the class (using the word "work" very loosely). I love the mindset it requires... I love calling the shots for a live show... I love planning field productions... I love editing. I figure that my worst-case scenario after I graduate is attempting an independent production company. It's what I'd love to do, and if I'm independent, I can move to wherever I need to go without needing to uproot from a job or anything. But, as I said, that's worst case scenario. I'm writing a screenplay right now, and plan to film it at some point in my life. I'd really like to see it succeed... if anything, so I can go up to people and say in true Chapelle style "I'm rich, bitch!"
Ahh, Winter break... no classes... no job... no sanity. I'm tired of waking up every weekday to a crying Michael. I could wake up in the morning, and be awake for his crying, but why? There's not much to do here... hell, there's not much to do in Knoxville. I can only work on writings for so long. So, if anyone has suggestions for stuff to occupy my time until school starts back up, I'm all ears.
But, my expressive side is dry. There's not much more to go into... mainly because I don't feel like talking about personal issues right now. Maybe in a future post... maybe not. I guess we'll see in the future. Untill next time....
Brian
"The Charismatic Enigma"
current mood: good
current music: "Quicksand" - Finger Eleven, from Tip
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| Tuesday, September 7th, 2004
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11:33 pm - Awww... skeet skeet skeet skeet....
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What do politics and Peter Griffen's ass have in common?
They're both full of shit.
There's my political rant for the update. I'm tired of it all. If I vote, it's because someone got me drinking a day early.... and finally gave me something potent.
I've gotten alot of creative urges lately. I'm playing more guitar and bass, and messing around with the fruity loopz program. Problem is, I don't know what I want to play, therefore, don't know what to write. I might just write one song in a bunch of genres, and see what people respond to more. This would require more people hear me play than Amanda and the occasional house-guest... but I think I'm finally over sucking in front of others.
I also want to make a movie. Like, a really crappy low budget film. I know, that is how people get into the porn industry. Then again, I wouldn't mind working in porn. Prefer to make the movies instead of star in them, or do the pictorals instead of posing. So, anyone want to be a star? :-D
Speaking of everyone, don't be shy to contact me, everyone. Unless I really offended you all Thursday night. ;-) Screen name is RagingMessiah, can look in my profile for e-mail. I like talking to people... especially all the lovely ladies (Amanda, Trina, Tish, Meg... I'm looking at you all...). All right... *Quagmire head bob*
Time to head out, all. Time to talk more to that great gal of mine. Don't feel like I'm paying enough attention to her when I'm updating and talking to her at the same time. Later.
current mood:  horny
current music: Portishead
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| Monday, August 16th, 2004
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10:20 pm - My body's a Disneyland....
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So, a virus has decided to make my body it's own personal Disneyland. All it's really doing is giving me one hell of a fever, and one hell of an aching body. Amanda can tell you, I never get cold... but this fever has had me the past two night snuggled up under layers and a comforter in a desperate attempt to feel warm. The doctor said today that it won't get worse, only better. That's about as optomistic as a truckload of dead puppies.
I don't really have much to update with. I've been sick most of my year of being 21, so I haven't tried that many drinks. I will say that Smirnoff's Green Apple twist drink thingie is pretty good. As I have stated before, I don't have a desire to get drunk. I did enjoy that slight tipsy feeling.
But, with not much more to say, I'm going to finish watching RAW. I'll update sometime when I have more to say.
current mood:  cold
current music: Chris Jericho's Enterence Music
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| Friday, August 6th, 2004
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11:02 am - Someone burn down this building!
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Last day.... last day.... about time that Friday has arrived. I'll finally get some sleep tonight. Finally start meeting some cool people attending the conference... all on the last day. One guy said he'll remember my name, because I'm going into radio/tv broadcasting, and he works on broadcasting antennas. He's in Denver, CO, but it's always good to have some sort of connection. I think his words were "You helped me during this conference, I'll help you out in the future"... or something like that. That reminds me, I need to e-mail Lauren.
I cannot wait for tomorrow. I'm still going to Raw Deal, which may be a mistake. I should probably sleep for as long as I can, but I want to get up and play in the league. Next summer, when it's convention time for Raw Deal, I plan on attending. By that time, I may actually be competitive. Tomorrow, I am finally able to hang out with everyone again! Yay! Saw Tony last night, but that was for only 20 minutes. I'll get together with Josh for a few minutes tonight, mainly because I haven't seen him in forever. Sure, we'll be hanging out again Saturday more than likely, but we all need our weekly amounts of Leprechaun!
We're going to get served crap food again today at the conference. Fuck that. I'm going to Rocky Top or something. No more bad meat and crappy potatoes. I was just asked where the Philosophy department is. Fuck if I know.
Ooops, time to go. Time to start getting ready for lunch and stuff. See you all later.
current mood:  drained
current music: "All The Things She Said" T.A.T.U. (Damn you, WWE!!!)
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| Saturday, July 31st, 2004
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10:17 pm - Relized that I'm getting screwed by work
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First of all, time for some humor. Amanda just did a sacra-lib (ad-lib, but more holy), and here's what she comes up with?
The Miracles of Jesus
"Jesus performed many purple miracles in his smelly life. For instance, he healed a/an coconut and drank many other squirrels who were sick. He cast out demons and sent them into a/an flamingo . In a demonstration of faith to his pocketbooks, he even walked on ketchup!
Jesus' most shiny miracles:
He turned water into cum at a party.
He fed 8 people with only 5 loaves of pet and 2 gimps.
He cured a man of dominatrix by cumming in his stomach.
When he got angry that a table tree didn't bear fruit, he cursed it and it withered and died on the spot.
He raised Inglebert Humperdink from the dead.
By far, Jesus' most important miracle was this: He was resurrected after being silvery for 3 days. He said, " Ebola!," and ascended into 1313 Mockingbird Lane."
First, I have to say, I don't think that she'll ever suffer from dominatrix. ;-) She's smacking me right now.
But, for the real update. I'm getting screwed by my ex-work. Part of the terms of my "requested resignation" is for me to work the NJATC conference. This, in addition to my new work at Melaleuca. Friday, my alarm went off at 6am, and I got home at 11pm. Only real break I got was from the drive from campus to Melaleuca. Today, alarm went off at 7, got home at 6. Tomorrow, I don't have to go in until 10, and we got off about the same time as today. Here's where the anal-bleeding starts, my work schedule:
M: 7am-4pm/5pm-10pm. T: 7am-? W: 7am-4pm/5pm-10pm R: 7am-? F: 7am-4pm/5pm-10pm
Now, I have to set my alarm for two hours before I have to be there, and MWF: I won't be home until 11. So, if I'm talking to any of you all during this week and I seem short tempered and pissed-off, it's because I am! I'm not getting paid enough for working with people that "fired" me... especially since the only people I can really stand are the girls. 6.50 an hour..... what the hell was I thinking? I could be getting better pay just working extra hours at Melaleuca..... if I work it next year, I'm demanding a raise. That sounds funny.... I'm not on payroll, and I need a raise. God, I need sleep.
I'm going to randomly pick who I vote for. I am just so sick of the political system that I'm going to treat it like the joke it is. I'm closing my eyes, and pushing a button. If it's Bush, then my wasted vote goes to Bush. If it's Kerry, then it's a wasted vote for Kerry. If I can write in a vote, I'm seriously voting for Amanda Anthony Harrell. Or John Bender. Anyone who says "Barry Manalow wants his wardrobe back" has my vote. Don't for a second think I'm joking.
Generally, I'm just tired and pissed off. I seem to get like this every year during NJATC, but moreso this year, since I seem to be the university's personal bitch. The only think keeping my fingers moving over this keyboard is adrenaline, and I don't think I have enough to keep me going all week. But, I'll be okay. If I get too angry and pissed, I know I can vent to Amanda. I love her so much for it. She's so getting a good night out after this conference.
But, I'm off of here. Time to give Amanda a shoulder/back rub while I still have some adrenaline running. And remember people, I will give massages to just about anyone. If anything, I can get alittle money on the side from getting my "dominatrix cured" by the university.
current mood:  bitchy
current music: "To Mandate Heaven" Poison The Well
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| Friday, July 16th, 2004
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2:59 pm - A Single Second
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Yes, Smashing Pumpkins. Double or nothing for "A Single Second." lol
I think part of the reason why reminders of my father are popping up is because of Jessica. Her cousin (who went to my school.... more bad memories there) died in a car wreck a week ago, and she is trying to deal. Part of dealing is talking, and alot of it is talking to me. It's hard for me to talk about my father, unless it's funny little ancedotes that I mention every once in a while. But now, for the first time since October 1st, 2000... I can talk about it, thanks mainly to Amanda. You help me more than you can ever imagine, sweetie.
I'm anxious for Tony to start working days instead of nights. One reason, obviously, is to hang out with him more. Lately, we've only gotten to hang out on fridays and weekends, unless we disrupt my sleep and I wake up early. I think it'll be good, especially for when school starts back. Everyone has their own level of T-Dogg addiction. Also, hopefully, this will allow more Raw Deal play. I know that I'm not good enough at the game to be a legitimate threat in a big-scale tournament, but I would like to be. Just my own little nerdy dream.
I hope there's not much to do at work tonight. No one likes alot of work on a Friday. Since there is no tournament tomorrow, it'll give Tony, Josh, and me a chance for a guy's night. Amanda is part of the group, and anyone else that wants to participate in our non-eventful nights are always welcomed to join, but I know that Josh and Tony put on alittle bit better "non macho" behaviour when Amanda's around. Yes, Josh holds back a bit of things when you're around, Amanda, as hard as it is to believe. Trying to break him out of that. But, I promise you a day of fun Saturday. If needed, I'll do a series of backflips to make sure you're as happy as you can be.
La Pucelle: Tactics. Get this game if you like tactic games, or if you know someone who does. Not as deep as Disguia, but everyone and their grandmother here is playing it. I'd feel retarded playing Disguia and feeling like I made an accomplishment when hitting level 20, when everyone else is like, 2,000. But, whatever. I like anime, and I like games. Best of both worlds!
But, I'm off to get ready for work. Have a great day, everyone.
current mood: good
current music: "Angel's Punishmet"- Lacuna Coil
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| Wednesday, July 14th, 2004
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4:34 pm - The Beginning is the End is the Beginning
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So I'm sitting here with an injured knee, and what do I do? Start a blurty. I'm going off of amanda's word that this is a good stress relief, and it gives me something to do.... at least until King of the Hill is on. Until then, the Noggin channel will play, even though Michael is not here.
I've been getting alot of reminders about my father recently, and I don't know how to deal with the emotions. I have dreams. Sometimes, it's ones where he comes into the door like nothing had happened, and I feel very angry at him for putting me through hell. Sometimes, he comes through the door and I just feel an overwhelming sensation of relief and love. It's almost been four years. Why can't this stuff just leave me alone? I thought I had all of my feelings and emotions taken care of, but I guess I need more time. It's hard for me to talk about, because his death was just so sudden and abrupt. It's something I only mention in writing, because I know that if I say what I have typed out loud, I'll cry a river. Damn, I can still remember every little thing that happened that day.
Thank God for Amanda. You are the most wonderful thing to happen to me. Before I met you, I was depressed as hell, and felt like hell. But in the past year and a half, I feel like I was given a new life. I stopped needing to see my psychologist, and I don't feel like I need anti-depressants any longer.
In happier news, Michael is so funny with his drunken sailor walk! I love how he starts walking, gets so excited that he's doing it, and just falls down. I'm telling you, the minute that boy knows how to run and keep his balance, I'm going to invest in some horse tranquilizers, just so his mom and dad can get a break from him.
But, here is the end of my first journal. Brand new shiny quarter to anyone who knows who did the song "The Beginning is the End is the Beginning" without looking it up. Later, peeps.
current mood: sore
current music: "Lovefurypassionenergy" - Boy Hits Car
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